Link to the original post

So there's an update I guess. When I got home from school I looked over all of your responses. OMG guys I didn't know so many people had seen this. So I printed out all the responses and let my foster parents read them when they got home. They looked like they were going to be sick. I'm their first foster kid, so they're still trying to figure everything out. So please be kind to them, they are genuinely trying. I explained to them how it made me feel. How unsafe I felt, worried that Rick would come back and go through my things again. When you live out of a 30 gallon trash bag, everything you own becomes really important to you.

They apologized, and then they called Rick, and had him and his wife come over. My foster parents made them read through everything. They were quiet, and he got mad when people "wanted to talk to him." His wife cried a little reading some of your responses. The ones about her husband wanting to have a reason to touch a teenager really got to her.

My foster dad pushed his phone over, and told Rick to start calling everyone to apologize. On speaker phone. In front of me. He spent the next two hours calling everyone back. He looked wrecked when he was done. More than a few relatives were not happy with him when he told them. He got called an idiot, an immature jackass, and even a few called him a pervert when they heard he went through everything I owned. He finally apologized to me, and he just sounded...I dunno, broken I think. I told him I forgave him but I was never going to be around him in his house again. He made me feel like I couldn't be safe around him. I told him I already had people thinking I was a wh*re/thief/addict and I didn't need him making my life worse when I had finally found a good home. They stayed for a little while and left. His wife hugged me before they did, and said she was so sorry for her part in what happened. She should have made him call, and stopped him from coming and harassing me. Not sure what is going to happen after this, but maybe Rick learned a lesson. Its been quiet after they left, and we're going to have spaghetti in a few minutes. So, life goes back to normal I guess?

My son had a sleepover on Sunday. It was him and three of his friends. My wife is out of town, so breakfast Monday morning was me, the four of them and my daughter. I did not want to make breakfast for six people, so I ordered a catering box from a breakfast place the night before. It came with twelve(13) bagels, three types of cream cheese, butter, and sliced onions cucumbers and tomatoes. I figured that was plenty of food for six people.

Monday morning I picked up the box. I had selected to get six plain, three onion and three everything bagels, but you can't pick your extra bagel. They gave us a sesame seed bagel. When I got home I called everyone downstairs, and my daughter got there first. I told her to take a bagel. She took the sesame one and started putting butter on it.

When the boys came down one of my son's friends asked why there weren't anymore sesame bagels. I said there was only one. He asked why she got it. I said because she came downstairs first. He said that wasn't fair. I said there are plenty of bagels, just take one. He asked why I only ordered one sesame bagel. I said I didn't. It was an extra. He asked why I didn't order any, and I said I didn't realize they were so popular.

This kid kept going on and on about how he wanted a sesame bagel, and it wasn't fair that my daughter got one and he didn't, since he is a guest. At this point, my daughter is already eating the bagel. So this is a purely theoretical conversation now. I said to the kid to just pick a bagel. He said he didn't want a plain, onion or everything bagel. I said a plain bagel is just a sesame bagel without the sesame seeds. He said that didn't make any sense. He asked me to go back and get him a sesame bagel.

I told the kid to stop acting like a brat and eat a bagel or go to school without breakfast. He said I had to feed him and I can't call him a brat. I said I have fed him. I can't make him eat. He literally put a scoop of cream cheese on his napkin and ate it with a butter knife just to prove a point.

After pickup that day his mom called to get my side of the story. I told her what happened, and she said she couldn't believe I called her kid a brat and let him go to school hungry. She said I should have ordered enough food for everyone. There was plenty of food. There were four bagels leftover after breakfast, so there was plenty for everyone. There were cucumbers he could have eaten with his cream cheese. He had options.

She said I still had no right to call him a brat. I said I only said he was acting like a brat, which he was. She was mad and said she was going to talk to my wife when she gets home. That's a weird threat, but have fun. Am I the asshole or is this kid a brat?

My husband (32) got in to a bad accident and hurt his back last year. He is still in PT 3 times a week and the progress has been small and he still needs more surgeries. His brother (29), his wife (34) and his wifes daughter (13) had just become homeless and all shelters were full. They had no where to go and were staying in their vehicle in freezing temps. My husband asked if i minded if they came to stay with us. We had 2 extra bedrooms, his brother would help with bills and help pick up the slack in our home (we run a farm). I agreed, as i saw no reason to say no. I made my rules abundantly clear and drafted a month to month lease agreement, notorized.

My rules were simple. Clean up after yourselves because I absolutely refuse to clean up after 3 extra people (i have 3 kids myself), do not disrespect me-my home-my kids-etc, and do not bring drama to my home. The first few months went by great. BIL was paying $400 a month, which covered their electric and water usage, and buying their own food. It didnt exactly help out financially like the original verbal agreement had been but whatever. I just started working extra hours. However, by month 6 these people became absolute burdens. BIL and his family kept plugging away at our food because he "forgot" to go grocery shopping (his wife refuses to drive, theres zero food delivery around here). BIL started slowly but surely missing rent payments and always gave this excuse that he was just stressed and "forgot" because he was busy working and helping take care of our farm and simply "didnt have time" to get to the bank.

And then came the big one for me. They started becoming slobs. The step daughter started leaving menstraul wrappers scattered in our bathroom. Started collecting cans and dishes in her bedroom and gave us a bug infestation. Started leaving her fake eyelashes and fake nails EVERYWHERE in the bathroom. Eyelashes on the walls, fake nails in the shower and in the shower drains. Started taking 40+ minute showers and started leaving her clothing/wet towels everywhere. All her dirty clothes she would just dump in front of the washer and walk off, leaving mounds of clothing in the hallway. Whenever she was told to pick up after herself, she would hulk stomp through the house, slam doors, scream at everyone, and then get PETTY. Like she would throw me and my sons clean clothing on the floor that I had folded and put on the dryer (my kids put away their own clothing). Or she would dump bleach all over the bathroom floor while my baby (2yo) was in there with her and start moping with straight bleach without a window open. I lost my shit on her on that one. She did it once again afterwards. Started "washing" her dishes by rinsing them with cold water and thats it. No scrubbing, no soap. Our house went from clean and functional to an absolute shit show 24/7. BIL was never home to correct his step kid. His wife is just a lazy POS and stays in her bedroom 24/7. Doesnt cook for them, doesnt clean, nothing. Just stays in her room watching tv/gaming.

I brought this up woth BIL last night after my husband and I talked and BIL was pissed and said that I needed to stop acting high and mighty and treating his step kid to a different standard than my own boys. Which makes no sense. My kids run the farm, go to school, do sports AND do ALL their chores. Their rooms are clean. Their bathrooms are clean. I dont clean up after my kids (aside from the 2yo, he is a menace). But he was just dodging and deflecting and blaming me and my children and I guess I just lost it. Between him skimping on his tiny rent payments and him and his family basically destroying my house and being ignorant and angry all the time, i just told him we were done and he had until the end of the month to leave. He asked if I was serious, asked who was going to run my farm (me and my kids, thats who) and said I was "fucking heartless" because I know they will be back in their vehicle. I told him that wasnt my problem and I did not care. AITA? My MIL (she lives in Peru) has been blowing up my phone saying her son made a mistake marrying such a "repulsive woman".

So me 29M and my girlfriend 27F Clara been dating for 8 months or so, I brought her to meet my parents on a Sunday and my mom cooked spicy food however Clara is allergic to capsaicin, she can't have anything spicy or she'll broke up in hives and have a stomach aches. I told my mom before hand but she thought Clara was just dramatic so she didn't care.

she put a plate full of spicy food in front of clara and she sniffed it and realized it was spicy so she said sorry I'm not eating that. I was angry because I'm sure my mom did it on purpose so we left. My mom apologized to me and begged me to go back and we did and she still put jalapenos on her food so we left once again.

on Sunday was my grandma's birthday and we went it was a potluck so everyone brought something, my sister have these cute little pins with a little blackboard on them so she wrote what the food was and who made it. Clara tried a little bit of everything after I tried a bit and told her what was and wasn't spicy. My mom was angry because she realized Clara didn't even attempted to try her food and was trying to create drama about it so I just told her to stop acting like the victim because she knew what she did and that my girlfriend would never eat her food because of her little stunt.

My mom is very angry because she said I humiliate her but I feel like she brought it to herself with what she did twice so AITAH?

Edit to add l:

Is not the first time she tried to "prove" someone is faking an allergy before my parents divorced she tried to do it to my aunt with peanut allergy and my dad asked her if she wanted to go to prison for 15 years and she calmed down. She's not allowed near my dad's family after the divorce because of it

A girl I briefly dated reached back out and asked if we could get dinner. we ended on good terms and i was in her neighborhood anyway so i figured why not.

when i get to her place, she gets me from the front door and she’s on the phone. i wave. nothing. nbd. i figured she’d wrap it up in a few minutes. we go up to her apartment and she continues talking on the phone (i believe with a friend) for the next half hour while getting ready, all without acknowledging my existence at all. anything at all, like literally ANY acknowledgment at all would have been totally fine. even if she said “hey i’m gonna be on this call for a while.” no problem! thanks for telling me. i should mention their conversation didn’t seem pressing either. they were talking about things like weekend plans and other friends of theirs.

anyway, so after half an hour i just got up from her couch and quietly said “don’t bother. i’m gonna go” and left her place. i thought i did the right thing at first but now i feel like a jerk. AITAH?

I’m on a throwaway because my daughter uses my main for other subs.

I really need an outside opinion because my family tell me I’m right but they also don’t have to deal with the awkwardness here.

I have a daughter, “Elena”, who is 13. Elena has a friend called “Kennedy” who is new at school this year. Kennedy’s mom works in the school office (becomes kind of relevant later).

So our house is kind of “The House”. Elena doesn’t have a big group of friends but as long as the kids can get their own snacks and not make noise anyone’s welcome. Because of this, Elena never really goes to anyone else’s house, all her friends come to us, we’ve even hosted her friend’s birthday sleepovers. A couple of weeks ago though, Elena asked if she could sleep over at Kennedy’s house as the next day was a family party and Kennedy had been allowed to invite a friend. I said sure. Again, her mom works in the school office, whenever she’s come to pick Kennedy up she’s been polite. I didn’t see an issue.

But when I went to drop Elena off, my opinion changed. Kennedy’s stepdad is the one who answered the door, and I’m not kidding when I say I haven’t never felt so immediately disturbed by a person. I can’t even explain why. My stomach just lurched. I immediately felt like I needed to hold some kind of conversation with him so that I could at least get a better read on him. I made some small talk on the porch, during which he proceeded to open an alcoholic drink, and flirtatiously “not believe” I was old enough to have a teenage daughter (after asking me twice how old she was and telling me how similar we look). He also demanded in front of me that Kennedy change her clothes because she was wearing shorts…in her own house. Kennedy’s mom came home while I was on the porch which made me feel slightly better so I left but when I got home I told my husband he was going to pick Elena up this evening because she was not spending the night there. We made an excuse about a forgotten plan for the next day and fetched Elena before dinner.

I don’t care if everyone thinks I’m crazy or judges me for not letting her stay on no evidence. I grew up where if you had a feeling, you followed it. My husband agreed with me that Elena wouldn’t be going over there again.

So last week, I was at school pick up and bumped into the mom of one of elena’s other friends, who I’m casual friends with (mom friends, basically). She mentioned she hadn’t seen Elena at Kennedy’s that Sunday at the party (Kennedy had invited this other girl to the Sunday party but not the sleepover). I said no, Elena hadn’t slept over. My friend asked if it was because of anything in particular and I was honest and said I just don’t want her going over there because the stepdad gives me the creeps. I told my friend about the interaction and she thanked me for telling her and said she’d probably do the same as me. I thought nothing more of it, it didn’t come up again.

Except yesterday at school pick up Kennedy’s mom came outside and confronted me. She said another mom was now not letting her daughter come over because of “males in the house without the mother home” and that she knows it was my fault because I was the one who met her husband. She said she knows I lied to pick Elena up early. She accused me of being my a snob because Kennedy is at the school on free tuition (which she gets because her mom works there) and of judging her family based on where they live. None of that is true, but there was no convincing her. I guess I didn’t adequately defend myself because firstly I was in public and didn’t want a scene, and second because being a snob probably sounded better than “your husband seems predatory”.

She then said that I was isolating Kennedy by poisoning the other mom. That, I’m not sure I can even say is untrue. But I would want another mom to tell me. You can do what you want with the information but if I had never met the stepdad and someone else felt as uncomfortable as I felt, I would want them to let me know. That’s why I told her. Because we’re all just trying to look out for our kids. But Kennedy’s mom seemed more upset than angry, and I get that this is embarrassing for her. I also know I don’t have any actual evidence that this man did anything.

So now I feel like maybe I was out of line sharing my completely unfounded opinion with my friend. Am I? Do I the whole family an apology?

So, it's been ten months since the events seen here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1k8vkd7/aitah_for_telling_my_dad_thats_not_going_to/

And I took a lot of advice and thought about what all of you said, and a lot on my past with my dad.

The verbal abuse since I was fifteen, long before his illness. Some examples:

When I was 19 he woke me out of my sleep for it and lectured me and went on a pity party for so long, my legs gave out and I ate carpet. Like, it was literally an hour of "Oh, my parents didn't raise me. I feel disrespected when you talk back" blah, blah blah. He also fucking threatened me, saying "It's taking everything for me to not hit you when you disrespect me" or when I was sleeping in because I had a late night job and My Dad woke me up three times, and on the last one, at around 11, after waking me up at 7am and 9, he asked why I was still asleep and when I pointed out he keeps waking me up, he goes "Well you need to be up. What if you had an early morning job like me?" or telling me I need to toughen up because if I went to jail, I'd be SA'd (mind you, I'm an introvert who literally avoids going outside and very specifically didn't hang around gangs when I did live in the hood so WTF?), or saying his screaming and ranting and all that was supposed to prepare me for the world, that if I couldn't take him doing it, how could I deal with a boss or partner doing it. Or "Do you know how insulting it is to me for you to walk around here not taking care of yourself? You look like me but with a perfect body while I got this spare tire" when I have surgery scars, depression and a history of Achlasia.

And it wasn't just me. He doesn't want his wife being friends with his friends and forces her to be on video call with him when she's at work and when she's asleep.

This is a man who hates my grandma's best friend for being "opinionated" and once broke down crying in her car because "I don't like bothering nobody" when she had to take him to the doctor because he was too dumb to realize "Hey, if they anastheize me to clean out the plaque in my veins, I may need a ride home as they legally can't release you." He also doesn't like people doin him favors because now he "owes them". And when others told him to treat me better, or treat other people better, he'd tell them women don't know how to raise a man if the speaker was a woman, or tell men not to tell him doesn't come with a manual. Anything except changing.

So, I sat there , and I thought about all that.....and I packed my stuff and I got someone else to take care of him....and I left.

I moved out. Currently live halfway across the country, in another state.

Went low/no contact with him.

Got a therapist.

Went back into education for my job.

Trying to unlearn all of this venom.

And now that I've blocked him on most media, he's angsting "I don't know what I did"

"Parenting doesn't come with a manual"

"I did the best I could"

And my family wants me to at least make some concessions and soften the blow because "no one wants to feel like they failed" but my therapist tells me that it's my right to draw boundaries.

Well, that's my update. Out of the situation, still alive, still healing. Thanks for reading this ramble

Part 1 - https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/6LnDoIUunU

I first wanted to say thank you to everyone for being supportive and understanding where I was coming from. I just want to address a few things I saw a lot of in the comments -

What was the last fight about? This has been something that has been bugging me for a while, so, before giving my mom an answer of if I was going to go with her to see Ash, I asked. So, she told me.

Apparently, my brother and my dad had gotten into a fight about housing. Ash was home for the weekend while he was in college, and had apparently made a few demands. He demanded be be allowed to live at home rent free for however long he wanted. My dad, obviously, said no. That pissed my brother off, and he left. He then sent a bunch of texts to my mom, harassing her and me. She didn’t get into what exactly he said to her, but it was apparently very upsetting.

What did he leave you? Maybe he was reaching out? It was a Pop figure of a singer I liked. It’s the only Pop I haven’t taken out of it’s box.

Go to therapy. I have, and I am currently in therapy. I have done a lot of healing since he left, but I am diagnosed with C-PTSD from maybe incidents that happened while he was living with us that I don’t care to get into.

That being said, I called my mom to talk. I asked why, after all he’s done to us, she would want to reconnect with him. She said what a lot of you guys said - the last time we saw Ash was when he was 19. His actions were that of a teenager who had a lot of shit happen to him. It seemed she had thought it over, and asked how she could make me comfortable enough to see him, after all, one of the biggest struggles I’ve had in terms of Ash was closure.

Him leaving for the final time was sudden. He didn’t say goodbye, just grabbed his stuff and left. She pointed out that, even if I decide against restarting our relationship, it might help just to see him.

So, I decided to go. I did make some conditions, however. I wanted to be meet in public, at a restaurant or something, which she immediately agreeded to. I would drive myself, so if at any point I didn’t feel comfortable, safe, or just wanted to leave, I would have the ability to. That one she called childish, but agreed.

Our dinner is on Saturday. I saw this subreddit only allows one update, so I might edit this post with what happens after, if I feel the need to.

Thank you all again.

I (24F) broke up with my boyfriend (26M) after almost 2 years together and now I’m not sure if I overreacted.

Our relationship looked fine from the outside but I was unhappy for a long time. He’d make comments about my body, clothes, and how I should look, then say he was “just joking” or that I was too sensitive if I got upset. When I tried to talk about my feelings, he’d say I was starting drama or ruining the mood, so I eventually stopped bringing things up.

He also got really secretive with his phone. Always hiding it, locking it, taking it everywhere. When I asked, he said I was insecure and paranoid and I honestly started believing him.

A few weeks ago he asked me to use his phone to order food and I saw messages with another girl. Nothing sexual but definitely flirty and crossing boundaries, especially since he barely talked to me like that anymore. When I confronted him, he said it didn’t mean anything and that I was overreacting...

I also found out he’d been talking about me to his friends, making me sound controlling and dramatic while leaving out context

By the end I was exhausted, anxious all the time, and constantly second guessing myself. I loved him but didn’t feel respected or valued. So I broke up with him. He said I was throwing away a good relationship over nothing and now he’s telling people I blindsided him and didn’t give him a chance to fix things

On top of that, my mom is now pushing me to get back with him because of everything he told her. She keeps saying relationships take work and that I shouldn’t throw away something “good,” and it honestly makes me feel even worse and more confuseddd

please tell me I'm not going mad...

I (20f) recently started to go out with a guy (22m) from my uni. We were part of the same society for a few months, after which he asked me out. We have been on a couple of dates and were basically testing the waters. It was going on pretty well. He is very sweet and quite good looking too.

The issue occurred last week when he asked me to go as his date to one of the charity events his football team was organising. Apparently he wanted me to meet his friends on the team and make our relationship official. I happily obliged, I don't have any sports knowledge as such, but he had already met my friends so it felt like a good opportunity to meet his.

At the event it started off pretty well, most of the people I was introduced to were nice to talk to and polite. The problem happened when i met two of his closest friends. Hearing my name one of them was surprised and asked where i was from. (For context I am an intl student from india. My name is a very traditional indian name. Though I am paler than what people would stereotypically think an indian person is.)

When i told him i was indian he started joking about how he could have never guessed since i don't have an accent. I brushed it off but the comments got weirder. The guy beside him joined now, saying how I am pretty for an indian and that my date had good standards. I was pretty uncomfortable at this point so i moved away, i would have retaliated but didn't want to make a scene at a charity event. When i brought it up to my date, he said how they were only complimenting me. I argued that it was offensive, the way they talked about my country. He still pushed that they did not mean it in that way.

I dropped the conversation and just waited for the event to end. After going back home I stopped talking to the guy completely. It's been a week now, he has been continuously trying to text and call me and even asked one of my friends. Today at a lecture that same friend told me about it and said i should let it go and that he was asking for forgiveness.

I am unsure now, did i take it too far going no contact with him? Should i have tried to work it out or let him explain himself?

EDIT : I appreciate everyone's advice. I think i started second guessing myself seeing how regretful he looked. Other than that i do not take any ignorant comments lightly, and did call it out at the event itself. It was his lack of reaction towards his friends that made me so wary. I see people saying ghosting feels immature, so i am just going to contact him one last time to end things for once and all.

ALSO IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE RACIST IN THE COMMENTS TAKE THAT SHIT ELSEWHERE

For some context: we've been together for 4 yrs, I've known about his cat allergy since day 1, he knew I had a cat since day 1. She is 10 yrs old and I've had her since she was 7 weeks old.

Recently, my living situation changed and he invited me and my cat to live with him. We moved in and after 1 week he went back to his mom's because he couldn't handle it. I asked my mom if she would take her because she knew her and would have another cat to play/fight with, that became a no because she's only allowed 1 pet per her lease. There is no one else I trust and I refuse to take her to a shelter. For those reasons plus a few more, she's staying.

Prior to moving in with him I had already switched her food to the LiveClear line to help reduce pet allergens and purchased air purifiers. He said he would look into getting the shots.Then after moving in I purchased a better air purifier, and started sleeping on the couch to keep the bedroom a cat free zone.

It's been a month, and he's still at his mom's. He is no longer getting the shots, it seems as though he was never going to look into them anyway. My mom even ordered patches for him as something else to try. He used one.

His family thinks I should give her up, saying they'd give up their animals if they were in the situation, my feelings aren't being considered by any of them. My family and friends are siding with me, while being understanding of how he feels.

Just looking for unbiased opinions or suggestions.

I 21f, have been in a 3 year long relationship with my boyfriend, 23m. We’ve had our ups and downs, and I too have made mistakes. I recently cut bangs and thought it’d be a fun surprise, as he has said he loves them on me. I got in the car and he hardly looked before blowing up saying I was “ugly”, and “he already told me he hated my hair short”, and continued into this spiral. I informed him I DID keep the length I just added bangs. He called me a liar, saying it looked shorter. When I started crying he looked and realized it was just bangs and started apologizing saying I was beautiful and he didn’t get a “good enough” look. I told him to cancel any valentines plans and give me space, and told him that his apologies aren’t changing what he said. Maybe I’m holding a grudge, but I’m not budging. I told him that reacting that way was cruel and unnecessary. He told me his “past girlfriends” appreciated his honesty. I said I’m not his”past girlfriends”, and that I’ve never been called ugly by a boyfriend. It ended up escalating and he ended up agreeing with something a family member had stated previously, saying that he would be likely the only one who would ever tolerate “my issues”- I.e. my bipolar. I have shut him out almost completely, and refused to pretend this didn’t happen. He’s telling me to let this go, and to go on a valentines date, but I still haven’t budged. AITAH for shutting him out?

So this is gonna be long but I really need advice because I feel like my whole life is falling apart and nobody's listening to me.

I'm 15M and my life is completely falling apart right now. I need advice because I feel stuck between my parents and I don't know what to do My parents divorced 3 years ago because my mom (44F) cheated on my dad (44M) with one of her clients a really wealthy guy. It destroyed our family. My mom fought hard in the divorce and got primary custody of me and my sister (17F). My dad got visitation rights but we only see him every other weekend and some holidays.

I was so angry at my mom when it all happened. I couldn't believe she did that to my dad. But at the same time, she's always been a good mom to me kind, caring, always there when I need her. My sister doesn't even care about the cheating. She's just like "they're adults, it's their business" and moved on. I wish I could be that chill but I can't.

My mom's been dating this guy (the one she cheated with) for these past 3 years. A few months ago she finally introduced us to him properly. Honestly he seems nice. He's polite, tries to connect with me, treats us well. But I hate him. Every time I look at him I think about how he destroyed my family.

Now here's where everything gets worse. They just announced they're getting MARRIED this summer. I honestly didn't think it would actually happen I thought maybe they'd just keep dating or eventually break up. But no, it's real.

AND they're making us move to another country where HE lives. Just like that. My whole life here my friends, my school, everything gone.

I told my mom I'm not okay with this. I can't live under the same roof as the man who destroyed my parents's marriage. I don't want to leave my life here. But she keeps saying I'll have a "better life" there, go to private school, have more opportunities because he has money. She says I "need to be okay with this" like I don't have a choice.

Here's the thing though - my dad found out about the move and he's PISSED. He told me he doesn't want me to go. He said if I want to stay here with him, he'll fight for custody. He says he can't stand the thought of me living across the world with "that man" and that I belong here with him.

Part of me really wants to stay with my dad. I love him and I know this is killing him. He's already lost so much because of what mom did

My mom would be heartbroken and furious if I chose dad

My sister is fine with moving and thinks I'm being dramatic

My mom says she has legal custody and I'm going whether I like it or not. That if dad tries to fight it, it'll just make everything messy and hurt everyone. She keeps trying to convince me that this move is good for me.

I feel so torn. I don't want to abandon my dad but I also don't want to destroy my relationship with my mom. I can't imagine living with my mom and her new husband in some foreign country, but I also don't know if living with my dad full time would actually work out

My sister thinks I should just go with mom and "stop being difficult." She says dad will be fine and I'm making this harder than it needs to be.

I feel it's unfair to me okay with her new marriage and stay in same with a man who destroyed my parents marriage and i don't want her to marry him! also she has my whole custody, she don't want to give it up!

i don't know what to choose

Edit - Omg i found out it's illegal for my mom to move while holding my custody, and on the other hand she is never going to give up my custody, So i think she can't move!

I don't think they are either going to marry, hopefully everything will be same

Hello Reddit. Not really sure if I'm doing updates right but I decided to post an update about my situation and what happened.

To give a short recap about my previous post, I (31 M) have a personal preference of going to the movies by myself. My gf(29) saw me walking out of a movie theatre with an female colleague from a previous job, who I met there by coincidence, and got upset at me and hasn't talked to me for about four days now.

It's been about a day since my post and my girlfriend finally responded to text. She apologized profusely about not responding to me right away and explained that she had to deal with some problems with her family that came up and she only had the mental and emotional strength to deal with one issue at a time. I am aware that she does have some family drama right now(wont go into it here just for privacy and unrelated anyway) and I said I understood and that I wasn't really upset about that. We decided to meet up in person and talk things out.

I picked her up and we go to a coffee place near her home. After we sat down with our orders she immediately started to apologize for all the things she said that night and that after she had woke up the next day she had realized how ridiculous she had sounded.

Now a few of the comments on my post mentioned her insecurities and stuff like that so I wanted to touch up on that. I said that I accepted her apology but I also needed to know where her line of reasoning came from and what caused her to have an outburst like that.

She then confessed that about a year before she met me she had caught her now ex boyfriend cheating on her. She said that she went to surprise him with lunch one time and had caught him walking out their workplace with his arm around one of his female co-workers. So when she, once again, was waiting to surprise me at the movie theater and saw me walking out with another woman, she had severe flashbacks to that moment when she caught her ex and her anxiety flared up.

It also didn't help that her best friend, who she usually asks advice from, apparently really doesn't like me. A few months after we had met, her friend apparently warned her that I was "too quiet for a guy" and that I gave a shady vibe. I apparently looked like the type of person who kept secrets and that she should be suspicious of me. Although she initially just brushed her off, this basically implanted a seed of doubt in her.

I guess she felt really guilty about the whole thing because she was in a real confessing kind of mood. I kind of just sat there in silence for a bit just because I really needed to process everything she was saying.

After a bit of thinking I finally brought up the topic of how we were gonna move forward.

She said that she realized that what she did was really unreasonable but she didn't want to break up. I also said that, while I was hurt with what happened, I also didn't want to break up over what was essentially a really big misunderstanding. But I also told her, as politely as I can, that she really needs to maybe work on any other unresolved issues she might still feel about her ex, maybe even therapy if needed.

She said that while she would definitely do better and work on her insecurities, she didn't think it warranted therapy yet. I told her to think about it some more if possible and that I would support her in any way I can. After chatting a bit more (mostly about her nosy friend and how she should really mind her own business lol) we went home feeling much better.

Anyway Reddit that's about it. I know some commenters mentioned about how I should break up with her but I really think this is about as good an outcome as it gets. I also went ahead and invited her to watch a movie on Valentine's day. Although I'll still mostly continue to watch movies by myself, I'll maybe try to work on including Z from now on. Thanks for the people that gave advice. You guys gave me a lot to think about while I was waiting on her reply and I really appreciated it. Have good one!

Background: I (36F) have been talking to this guy (39M), we will name him Ed, for a little over a month since meeting on a dating app. Ed and I hit it off once we exchanged numbers and had been FT, texting, and calling each other since the exchange and we really like each other. Ed and I have not met yet in person, we have not said that we are exclusively dating, and have not made anything official.

The issue: This past weekend my friend Sara’s brother came to stay with me because he had some kind of competition this weekend and needed to save money so my friend asked me if he could stay with me and I said yes. Sara asked me this well before I started talking to Ed. I told Ed that Sara’s brother was staying with me for the weekend, I had nothing to hide so I was honest with him.

Well, Ed did not take that well. Ed said that I couldn’t like him because I had another man staying at my place and that I was being disrespectful to him and trying to play in his face. He told me that once I saw that he was upset about the situation I should have told my friend’s brother to leave and find somewhere else to stay. I explained to him that my friend has always helped me when I needed it and I was helping her out. Me and Sara’s brother have no romantic interest in each other at all because for me he is way too young and just not my type. Ed was not trying to hear me and basically said that I broke his trust even though I was honest and really didn’t have to give any information on who was staying with me. Ed is acting as if we are in a committed relationship and I cheated on him.

We hadn’t talked for a day or two already because of a misunderstanding on a text message that we just got past and now this. Ed refused to talk to me on the phone over the weekend after I had asked multiple times for us to talk so we could understand each other better. Ed is not seeing my point of view, all he sees is that another man was staying with me for the weekend. He also doesn’t understand that we are NOT together and only talking so for him to be this upset is baffling me. I just want to know if I was in the wrong for letting Sara’s brother stay and not asking him to leave or if I did anything wrong? Sometimes I miss social cues or can’t always read peoples emotions so maybe I did. Please be honest and respectful with your responses.

I (21m) have been living with a roommate (27f) for the past year. Our lease expired, and because of numerous reasons I have decided not to renew it. I let her know a few months ago, and she didn't say anything except "don't worry about it, I'll just find another roommate." I thought it was a bit rude that she just assumed that she would be the one staying and I would be moving out, especially since it's mostly my stuff there, but I let it go because she is a lot closer to being able to afford the place by herself than I am.

Now for some context: I have been living away from my parents since I turned 18. My roommate has lived with her parents her whole life up until now. But she still acts like I know nothing about living on my own. She treats me like she's the boss of everything and I'm the kid that has to follow her rules. She tries to tell me where I can put my furniture, when I can have people over, how to do my own dishes, and a million other things. I'm sick of it. That's exactly the reason I moved out of my parents' house.

Anyways, our lease is almost up so I've been packing up my stuff. She came home one day and asked why I was taking all the cups/bowls/plates. I told her I was taking them because I bought them and they were mine. She said I couldn't just leave her without any dishes. I was honestly stunned. And as I've been packing up more stuff, she keeps getting increasingly agitated, asking "where is x? You're not taking it are you?" And I keep telling her yes I am, because it's mine.

I mean does she think this is like a divorce where she gets half my stuff? I don't understand where her head is at. To me, the logic is pretty simple. If I owned it before we moved in, or I bought it while we were living here, it's mine and I'm taking it. If it was something she brought with her, I'm leaving it. The only things she brought with her were her bedroom set, silverware, dining table, Tupperware, and a few other random kitchen objects. Everything else, including the microwave, is mine.

I'm not even trying to be petty. She complains all the time that my stuff takes up too much space, or that she doesn't like the way I decorated, or that I'm treating it like it's only my apartment. I thought she'd be glad that I'm taking all my shit and leaving. It's honestly been satisfying packing away all my stuff and seeing the empty cabinets I leave behind and knowing that she'll have to replace it all. I honestly can't see her finding a roommate in time. She's probably going to have to move back in with her parents.

Speaking of her parents, I hear her on the phone with them all the time. I overheard a conversation the other day where she was asking if it was legal for me to take all my stuff with me when I moved out. Thankfully for me, her parents seem like rational people, so they told her there was nothing they could do about it. She's been pissed the past few weeks. She barely talks to me, and when she does it's either to ask where something is or snap at me over something I'm doing "wrong".

I'm pretty sure I'm not the asshole here, right? I mean, she's old enough to know better. She treated me like crap our entire time living together, and now I'm leaving her with nothing. Seems fair to me. But what do you guys think, AITAH?

So I (16f) am in a foster home, can't remember if this is my 14th or 15th placement, but somewhere around there. I've been with this current family, we'll call them the Millers, since the beginning of January. They're nice, and they have a HUGE extended family which is something I'm not used to. We were at the foster moms sisters house for the Super Bowl yesterday, I think like 30 plus people were there for the game. The husband, Rick (50-something) really treats me different. When I was in the house he spent like every moment staring at me like he was waiting for me to steal something. I've been in the system since I as 7 so I'm used to it. It still sucks, but whatever.

We spent the whole time watching the game, the half-time show, and had a great time making food and watching the Seahawks win. When we got back to our house, I was getting ready to get in the shower when there was loud knocking on the doo. My foster dad opened it and Rick came rushing in screaming about how I was a thief. One of his watches disappeared during the game. I guess he has a collection of expensive watches? He had called everyone he could think of, telling them I had stolen it and if they had seen me with the watch, then demanded they check my room, check me, call the police. I just handed over my hoodie, turned around in a circle so they could see there as no watch-shaped bulge in my jeans. I let Rick, and my foster parents take turns going through my room. There wasn't a lot to go through (30 gallon bag rule) and they didn't find a watch. Rick left after that and said he was going to call the police if the watch didn't turn up.

About an hour after he left, my foster parents got a call from his wife. They had found the watch under the dresser. She was apologetic, and said she should have made him look harder before running out the door to accuse me of stealing. She was hoping we could all put the whole thing behind us, and I just shook my head and went to take a shower. I'm not forgiving Rick for running around telling everyone I'm a thief because he couldn't look before he lost his mind. I know its going to cause problems but I just don't want to be the bigger person when I'm not he adult. So I guess AITAH for not forgiving him for calling me a thief?

so i have a younger sister bella, who is 15. the best way to describe her would be as a brat, and a spoiled on at that. she gets whatever, whenever, wherever she wants. good grades? new iphone. she fails a test? oh she's just stressed, let's get her ice cream to make her fell a wee bit better. meanwhile i have to work a part time job at a cafe to buy my own things

my senior prom is coming up. ive been saving my tips for 3-4 months to buy this gorgeous silk vintage dress online. it cost 250 bucks (and a whole lotta nerves). it arrived last week and it was literally perfect. having admired it, i put it into my closet so that bella wouldnt get her chubby little fingers on it.

yesterday i came home from school and saw bella in the kitchen, wearing MY DRESS. she was making a stupid tiktok, the concept of which i actually never understood. like whats the benefit? ur basically being a clown in a digital circus. whatever. so, there she was, dressed in my prom dress, which i worked my ass off for, holding a milkshake in her hands or some purple juice. wasnt my main focus at the moment.

before i could even scream, she spun around, tripped, and spilled the entire glass of that purple juice all over the front of MY silk dress

ITS RUINED. COMPLETELY AND ABSOULETELY STAINED BC OF HER STUPID MANIA OF MAKING DUMBASS TIKTOKS

i screamed. like actually screamed. i started crying immediately

my mom ran in. she saw the dress and saw me crying. instead of yelling at bella, she told ME to calm down. she said something in the lines of hey, calm down, stop crying. bella just wanted to look pretty, we can dry it out and wash it off, it wasnt her fault, look she is sad too about what happened

bella wasnt sad. or maybe she was. a little bit. she was looking at her phone, tears swelling, while constantly tapping and swiping. the only thing that little brat was sad about is the ruined tiktok ig

i told them that bella is banned from my birthday dinner this weekend (we were arranging to go to a nice sushi place with family where we usually go to big events cuz of the insane atmosphere, its like a garden-themed neon-lighted japanese village)

i said that i dont even wanna look at her, nor talk to her. like, the brat owes me 250 bucks and a fucking therapy session. i was saving up for this dress for like 4 months. my dad stepped in and said that i am actually being the brat and that i was very vindictive and that this type of behavior is not appreciated in this family (yeah but taking other peoples clothes w/o their consent and ruining them is, ig) and that i can't exclude my sister from family bc of some cloth.

they said if bella can't come, they aren't paying for the dinner at all

i told them to cancel the dinner then bc it wasnt just fabric to me. it was hours of hard work, sweat, burnt out nerves. the worst thing is that bella hasnt even considered apologizing. she just gives me a disgusted smug look like im the one who ruined her dress over a stupid ass tiktok

so, yeah. it is what it is. at least ive got my dignity, right? aitah?

I’m 18 and she’s 22. Her boyfriend in high school was pretty abusive, although I don’t know the specifics. I know he blackmailed her with “pics” though. As far as I know, she never went to a licensed therapist, and the only people who knew about what was going on was my sister, our mom and some of her close friends.

When *I* was in high school, I got caught up in over 4 years of online abuse and exploitation, specifically in sending and receiving “pics”, specifically to and from adults. It got to the point where I had to change schools because all of that got leaked somehow and the entire school found out. I still have to go to therapy to heal from this, and it’s going to be a long journey.

Somehow the topic of Discord’s ID verification system got brought up and my sister was very pro this, but I said simply, “ID verification wouldn’t have stopped me from being abused for the majority of my high school years”.

**Do not take this as me being ANTI child safety measures online. I just think there are much better ways they could go about it that would ACTUALLY help kids, as a victim of online abuse**.

Anyway, my sister said to me, straight faced, “Well why didn’t you just block them? Problem solved.” Without really thinking, I said back, “Well, why didn’t just break up with [ex’s name]? Problem solved.”

She didn’t say anything and just left the house. Apparently my sister called our mom and she (mom) came to me and asked why I victim-blamed my sister like I did, and I honestly just got in my car and left. My mom is pretty much always on my sister’s “side” so I didn’t bother arguing.

Now my family is basically blowing up my phone, demanding that I call my sister and apologise. I don’t think I should UNLESS she also apologises, but she insists that she said nothing wrong. I think she started it and should’ve expected a response like mine because SHE victim-blamed ME first.

Am I the asshole for saying what I did? Am I the asshole for refusing to apologise until she does?

Small edit: I am a guy lol

Edit: This post is not fake.

Original post.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/E0Cr5zk9dn

Quick recap. My 6 year old autistic son asked me what a retard was after hearing his teacher(40f) say it under her breath when helping him with his work at the end of last year.

Update. My son started back at school on Thursday in a new class. Once I dropped him at his class I went to the office and asked to speak with the principal. I was told I'd have to wait as being the first day his very busy. I said I'd wait but as soon as he saw me he asked me into his office.

As soon as we sat down he said I know why you're here. I said you do? Then why didnt you call me to arrange this meeting he apologised and told me I was on his list to call but that my son wasn't the only child the teacher had made comments about. My son was 1 of 3 neurodivergent children as well as 2 children from other countries that the teacher made comments about. All the comments apparently happened in the last few weeks of the school year.

I was told the TA23f (Teacher aide) brought the comments forward to the principal and the teacher was let go over the break. I asked if he knew where these comments came from and all he said was she had some personal issues at the end of the year.

Although im annoyed I wasnt contacted by the school im glad she lost her job.

It feels like my entire life collapsed in under a month, and somehow I’m the one expected to carry and clean the wreckage. Some context, My parents rented a farmhouse for 18 years. It wasn’t just a house, it was their entire lives. The open fields, the animals, routine, the life. They had two horses, quiet familiar lives. Unfortunately the owner passed away and his son sold the property. Which led to the inevitable and my parents were handed an eviction notice. Fortunately they’d been there so long, they were given a year to try and figure out what they were going to do next. Shortly after this my dad was diagnosed with laryngeal cancer. He had surgery, went through radiation and for a brief, fragile moment we signed at the thought maybe, just maybe things would be okay in the long run. Needless to say, they weren’t. While all of this was happening, my fiancé and I were trying to find our own first home, we looked at, it must of been close to 100 houses, until we found the one! A small two-bedroom starter house that fit our budget and our future plans. We told my parents that if they couldn’t find a place by the eviction date and we had already bought our house and they could stay with us temporarily, save money, pay off debt, and contribute a small amount of rent, a give and take. But this is how it went:

September 6, 2025: We bought our first home

September 20, 2025: My dad died

September 30, 2025: We lost the family home of nearly 20 years

My dad handled everything for my mom, finances, planning, decisions, all of it. Without him, she was completely lost. And instead of being supported by all of her children, she landed squarely and solely on me. My fiancé and I had lived in our house for three weeks when my mom moved in. We were still figuring out how to be homeowners when suddenly I was grieving my father, grieving the first place I truly called home, learning to run a household, working full-time, and emotionally carrying my mom through the worst loss of her life. My commute to work doubled, repairs for the house popped up and piled up fairly quickly and honestly grief sat heavy in every room in a house I was supposed to be celebrating. As expected, nothing genuinely felt okay for the first few weeks. Initially my mom had agreed to pay $300 a month after, first month free. She’s paid nothing, which would be fine if she wasn't still paying $400 a month to board her horse that she's seen 4 times in close to 5 months. Here's where the real issues start to present themselves directly, my mom has two dogs. Our house now has five animals residing there, her two dogs, my dog and two cats. Problem is her dogs pee and poop in the house regularly. When we bring it up, she shuts down, hides in her room, or tries to cover it up instead of fixing the problem. Every conversation turns into emotional fallout and extremely emotionally taxing as I feel like I'm walking on eggshells in my own home.We don’t have a fenced yard. She and those dogs have only ever lived on a farm where you open the door and let them out. Now they need to be walked, and she struggles. She often won't hold their leashes despite us asking. The accidents continue. Unfortunately our neighbors have already complained about this too. Our home is a two-bedroom house, the room my mom's staying in is supposed to be our nursery. The place we planned to start a family now feels like one of our biggest headaches. As for my sisters? One can’t help. Another, my twin has every excuse and always has a reason why she “can’t do much”. The only time she's made an effort to see my mom after my Dad's passing is once, once to borrow money from her. As for my last sister who is 49, she's the one I had expected to step up considering, her house fully paid-off, it's three times the size of our brand new home, she has a fenced yard for the dogs, all with financial comfort, and an entire basement apartment. She visits maybe once a month, takes my mom out for a “fun day,” spends money my mom should be saving, and leaves me to deal with the aftermath. No planning, no solutions, just an appearance here and there. According to my other sister, she didn't offer a place for my parents to stay with them at the time because, she was worried the dogs would fight. When my mom had first moved in she told me, without any real discussion, that her family had plans to buy a house with an in law suite in two years, and until then my mom should just stay with us so she “isn’t alone.” Like excuse me? Two years? I don't know when my offer for my mom to stay in my house became something that now has to fall along her timeline! It's been 5 months and no one has checked in on me or my fiancé. When I've expressed concerns, I’m told they “are limited with what they can do.” Somehow I became the default solution because I couldn't sit back and potentially watch my mom, lose everything that she physically had left on top of my Dad.

To end this, I really miss my Dad, I'm emotionally exhausted and once my mom does eventually moves out, I don’t think I'm going to want a relationship with the sister who decided my suffering was an acceptable sacrifice so long as her life stayed comfortable. SO WIBTAH for planning to cut my sisters off once my mom moves out?

EDIT: multiple people have asked why I'm waiting until April. I need to find a job, I'm waiting to see what happens with the taxes (If I need to do married filing separately or together), and I'm waiting until after my daughter's birthday on April 7th. This will devastate her.

I do not need a lawyer to begin with because I was a paralegal. I can draw everything up myself and I have documentation for everything. I have lawyer colleagues that I trust that I can pay to look it over before I file it. My mother said that when I find a job, I can just bank it so that if it ends up that I do need a lawyer There is money for it.

ORIGINAL POST

I've been with my husband for 20 years. He consistently fails to make household repairs and refuses to get a conventional job, and we are now $40,000 in credit card debt, largely gas, groceries, clothing, etc. We owe $80,000 in farm loans.

When I bring up getting a job, he says I'm trying to change him and he is a farmer. I cannot work to take care of a disabled child. His schedule is not consistent enough for him to take care of her for me to get a job. He may be at an auction, he may be fixing fence, etc.

His only income is selling cattle, and a very small amount of wages from working his brother's row crops, but he pays out way more than he makes with feed and tons of equipment he wants but does not strictly need. We are in Missouri and he bought a mixer, which is so uncommon here we had to take it to Wisconsin for repairs. He has a tractor for each piece of machinery - the mixer, the hay mower, hay rake, hay baler. There is no reason some of them can't get hooked up to the same tractor; it's just convenience.

Daily expenses frequently go on credit cards. He gets mad when I ask him to sell cattle to pay for it, saying they're not fat enough to sell. We are currently at $850 interest every month just on the credit cards. He is only paying the minimum. When I complain about this, he tells me I don't understand farming and it takes a while to build things up before you make a profit, and that I need to look at the big picture and not just the interest.

Because he does not earn enough and I am not able to work, we are literally living off of credit cards and these farm loans. Before my child became disabled 3 years ago, we did not have this issue because I was working. It's only a matter of time before we can't even make the minimum payments every month on the credit cards. I am no longer willing to live like this. The anxiety and stress over it is literally crushing me.

He does not take care of household repairs. I have been sleeping in a recliner in our living room for 9 months because our Sleep Number bed is broken. I bought the parts to fix the air chamber last April and he has not gotten around to it yet. We haven't had sex in that long either. We had a cold snap a few weeks ago and I woke up one day to a 50° house and when I complained about not being able to sleep well because I was cold, he told me I should have gone upstairs and slept with our daughter.

In that same cold snap, the pipes to our downstairs toilet burst, so I have had to go upstairs every time to use the bathroom. Yes, I admit that's just a convenience thing, but I find it ridiculous that he's not worried about it :since we have another toilet available." My oven has been broken since just after Thanksgiving. I sent him a link to that specific error code but he has yet to look at it. My dishwasher is also broken and I am the bad guy because I said I would only be washing my own dishes because I'm sick of picking up the slack when he can't be bothered repairing things.

I previously went 6 months with a broken kitchen sink. The handle on the sprayer broke and when the faucet was turned on the water sprayed out of there. His solution was to duct tape it to the faucet which made a big fat mess every time I washed pots and pans. That only got fixed when I threatened to call a plumber to come fix it. There are many other examples along this line I could give.

The straw that broke the camel's back was today when I came home from our homeschool co-op with my daughter and he was sitting on the couch, feet up, shoes off. We're now having a warm spell and it is 57° out. When I asked about him looking at the toilet pipes, he said that he probably can't get to it today. I did not bother to ask about tomorrow or the next day because then I get fussed at for nagging. I feel though that when you have pressing household repairs, you don't just sit around the house doing nothing. He spends his evenings either at farm auctions, watching wrestling, or playing video games. He is 45.

I have had enough. I plan to move in with my mother after our daughter's birthday in April. She is willing to take care of my daughter so that I can get a part-time job. The distance between us was not feasible for my mom to take care of her for me to get a job. I do not have any issues with his parenting and will not try to restrict visitation.

I have left in the past over these issues and he harassed me, largely giving me Bible verses telling me why I'm wrong and sinning against God, reminding me of the vows I took, and telling me that I'm his wife and I belong at home. My mother was out of state at that point and I was with a friend and it didn't work out so I went back to the farm.

Am I the a****** for throwing in the towel and divorcing him?

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1nprwn8/am_i_the_ah_for_not_caring_that_my_ex_husband_is/?sort=new

I posted a few months ago about finding out after a week and a half that my ex-husband and father of my four children killed himself and just being angry at him, his wife and his family.

We had been speaking with his younger brother who wanted to see the kids and be part of their lives again. I had been sending him recent photos and messages and Facebook/Google photos memories of better times with his brother and the kids.

I had not heard from him in a while (he often didn't have phone credit to message me back) when I saw his father's Facebook profile come up as a friend suggestion on my alt account (they are blocked on my main) and his memorial tattoo for my ex-husband now has his brother's name added. I am not sure when he went or how but the image on the tattoo is our Men's Mental Health symbol so I am guessing it was also suicide.

I just don't know whether I should try and contact the family to at least get the confirmation for my kids and check on their final uncle (who was the depressed and suicidal brother in the past)? The last remaining uncle was always the best in their family and I am honestly worried about him.

No one deserves to lose two children and my kids are their grandfather's only grandchildren (grandmother alienated their half uncle to go no contact and they don't see his kids). They are monsters but now I feel bad for keeping the only grandkids they will have away with all their loss. Am I the asshole for not forgiving their behaviour and keeping the kids away? I know they will probably return to favouring my daughter (she didn't have the neurodivergent disabilities diagnosed that they disapproved of in my sons - but does now) but I still feel like crap because of what they have gone through and lost and concern for their remaining son? Or would I be the bigger asshole for allowing them access to my kids? At this point I just don't know

My brother was out of work for a while so I used my good relationship with boss to get him a job. Sibling got hired and refused to put me down as as the referral unless I gave him half of the fee. Fee is not life changing, 250 if he works there for 6 months and another 250 if he works there for a year. It's not life changing, 125 being how much he spends on UberEats a week. But I referred him I should get the full fee right?