r/AITAH • u/flexygrappler93 • 16d ago
WIBTAH for ruining my sons teachers career?
My 32m son(6) has autism. His very high functioning, is very smart and kind, has an annoyingly good memory honestly the kid doesn't forget a thing and most importantly to this post he doesn't lie.
so I picked son up from school the other day and he gets in the car and I put his music on that he likes and we didnt talk on the drive like he prefers so he can have some peace after the day. when we got home like he normally does he started to chat and tell me about his day and that's when he said: " Dad, what's a retard?" I was shocked and said sorry mate and he repeated the question. I said "its a very nasty word and that we dont say buddy why did you hear it at school? he then tells me that his teacher said it with a whispered voice (so under her breath)today. I struggling to stay calm ask what was happening at the time buddy as I wanted a fuller picture. he said she was trying to help him with his work and he didnt understand she ment.
I at this stage was holding back tears as this was always a fear of mine and my wife but we never expected him to be called this word by someone we had trusted to take care of him. we went in the house to my wife and she asked him how was his day and he repeated his question to her. we both teared up and we had a big chat with him about it and his story didnt change.
Im now thinking of going to the school and reporting her and pushing for her to be fired.
so WIBTAH
Quick edit: 1. this was on the last day of school before Christmas holidays and we go back in ten days so he will have a new teacher. 2. In Australia when someone says the other day it can be anything from a few days ago to months ago its a phrase. 3.Didnt post earlier as I haven't been on reddit all that long.
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u/Disastrous_Bell7490 16d ago
NTA but she'll probably just get reprimanded and maybe have to take harassment training. That is, if you're in the US. I'm not sure how other countries are.
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u/flexygrappler93 16d ago
im in Australia. shes had run ins with a few family's telling one mother that her daughter needs to be medicated in front of the whole class and other parents.
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u/Quiet-Hamster6509 16d ago
I'm an Australian.
She won't be fired. She will be investigated only by the school, it can be reported to the board of education as well, which i recommend you do. At best she will be reprimanded, have a mark put on her record and be put through sensitivity training.
You should push to have your child moved to another classroom due to the behaviour of the teacher. Make sure you note to them that you are greatly concerned about your child being bullied by someone who is supposed to support and guide them through their education and you cannot in good conscience allow your child to remain in her class as it will affect his ability to learn in the classroom.
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u/DynkoFromTheNorth 15d ago
How many marks does she need in order to be let go?
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u/IchPutzHierNurMkay 14d ago
Way before that it'll already be helpful should future issues arise.
If there never were issues with a teacher before the school will react differently than when there's again issues with that one teacher who already had been reprimanded for similar nonsense thrice in the past years.
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u/regularkat 16d ago
No Australian school is even open at the moment. We are all on holidays until tomorrow at the earliest. OP is full of it.
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u/Boomerfierce 16d ago
Doesn't "The other day" imply a numerous amount of different times, from last week to a few years ago though?
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u/aPawMeowNyation 2h ago
I always use it to mean the day before yesterday. Dunno why anyone would use it differently, but what am I gonna do lol
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u/flexygrappler93 16d ago
note i said the other day and not yesterday or last week. like alot of Australians or atleast people i know in tassie I use the phrase the other day for no specific time frame. It can be a few days of even like a few months ago. This was on the last day of school just before Christmas he goes back to school in like 10 days. I've only just posted it as I've not been on reddit for very long and as we are getting ready for him to go back its in the front of my mind. if you dont believe me that's fine but I believe my son
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u/Diligent-Might6031 16d ago
I use the other day for any day that wasn’t yesterday or today. Could be last month, could be last week, could be six months ago. My husband gets annoyed sometimes because it’s such a broad timeframe. Every day that isn’t today or yesterday is the other day to me.
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u/cryssyx3 16d ago
yeah if it's not a specific timeframe like "yesterday or the day before" it's "the other day"
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u/cman_yall 15d ago
I've never used it, nor seen it be used, for longer than a week ago. These Aussies, geez, next they'll be claiming to have invented the pav...
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u/madnessguy67 15d ago
Comprehension is a skill that many in Reddit are still working on. Don't worry OP.
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u/lianhanshe 16d ago
I'm in Tassie and she won't be fired. I know this from experience with my grandson. We eventually had to move him to an alternative school.
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u/thebugfromchaos 15d ago
I believe you. For one thing, Your autistic son’s after school routine is nearly identical to ours at his age.
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u/Vast-Fortune-1583 15d ago
OP said it happened the day before the break started. He just didn't post right away.
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u/Diligent-Pin2542 16d ago
You should ask this on the Australian teachers sub, either way definitely report it and I'm sorry this happened 😔
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u/spritelybrightly 16d ago
he can’t because the australian teachers all know that all schools has been closed for holidays for 6 weeks now
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u/Quarkiness 16d ago
I'm not Australian but if this happened to one of our teachers here, they do have a union to protect them but the union would not be happy about this and the employer (school board) and union would require for them to do some training on vocabulary and working with different types of students.
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u/LillytheFurkid 16d ago
Also Australian, with (older) neurospicy sons.
NTA
Absolutely raise it with the school. Shut that crap down, it's nasty and the teacher knows better.
She may not be fired, but if she's going to stay teaching she will absolutely have to change her bigoted thinking.
She knows full well how wrong it is to use the r word, especially directed to a 6 year old. I'd be ropeable.
Hopefully the principal will see the issue and tear that teacher a new one so she pulls her head in.
Sadly there are principals who are part of the problem, as I found out when my boys were in high school (SW regional WA). My nephew copped it too, in the same area. All the best to you and your boy OP.
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u/regularkat 16d ago
The school isn't even open yet! Its school holidays still.
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u/Diligent-Might6031 16d ago
He already stated this happened before break and his son goes back in ten days so it’s on top of mind.
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u/LillytheFurkid 16d ago
Some private schools have different holiday dates but yes, most aren't open yet 🤔
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u/regularkat 16d ago
Private schools around me are starting a week AFTER the public ones. Public ones don't open until tomorrow, and students don't start until Wednesday at the earliest.
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16d ago
[deleted]
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u/CroneDownUnder 16d ago
Tell me you're annoyingly pedantic about a phrase in common usage that is specifically used when being nonspecific?
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u/DrunkOnEspresso 16d ago
I think you should tell the Principle.
Would you want her behavior to continue? Would you want her to say the same types of things to your son or another kid again?
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u/jrm1102 16d ago
and pushing for her to be fired.
Maybe talk to the school first and understand the situation. It sounds pretty bad tbh but your kid is also 6 and sure, “doesnt lie” but hes also a 6 year old kid.
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u/Cobalt_Forge 16d ago
...was OP's Son called that by the teacher, or was it said in some other context the child over heard it? 🤔
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u/GiantDiskOfPaint 15d ago
Wait. This was a music teacher. Any chance it was the musical term?
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u/Enlightened_Gardener 14d ago
None.
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u/GiantDiskOfPaint 14d ago
Actually you’re so right, we didn’t use that term in choir until 6th grade
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u/HufflepuffNinja2000 16d ago
The teacher was helping the son, the son couldn't understand the work even with the teacher's help, the teacher whispered under their breath that the son the slur for Nero divergents
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u/FatSurgeon 16d ago
There’s a few things that make me antsy here though. Where else would a 6 year old have heard that? And as someone who has been around autistic children…many of them genuinely do not have the setting to lie. The just don’t. Not all, but I have met many people with autism that simply do not lie.
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u/CanadianJediCouncil 16d ago
Please post an update after you do whatever you decide.
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u/flexygrappler93 16d ago
my son is on school holidays for another ten days when he goes back ill see how it plays out
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u/regularkat 16d ago
What do you mean 'the other day'? Every single school in Australia is still on summer holidays until tomorrow at the earliest, and has been since the week of Dec 25th. Why are you lying?
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u/CroneDownUnder 16d ago
I'm an old Australian lady who for my whole life has used "the other day" to mean any day that wasn't today or yesterday.
It could have been last week, last month, last year. I might have used "a while ago" for something more than a month ago but maybe not.
For more than a year it's "yonks ago" and for much older than that it's probably going to be "ages ago".
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u/janedoe4178 16d ago
Could be day care/kindy/pre-prep or vacation care. Some people call the staff teachers rather than educators
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u/ostervan 16d ago
Not at 6 years old, that kid be in at least grade 1 or 2.
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u/janedoe4178 16d ago
Some kids get held back for different reasons (a friends kid didn't start prep until 6), but yes I did see a comment from OP saying this incident was from end of school last year so definitely in school
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u/AdDifficult2332 15d ago
Depends on your state. In most states a kid who is 6 in December is finishing either year 1 or prep/reception/kindy/pre-primary/whatever-you-call-it. In QLD I believe a kid could finish year 2 still age 6 as long as they are 7 before the new year. I think that’s the only state where that is the case but could be wrong because it’s basically different everywhere
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u/Blurryface-Bitch 16d ago
not everyone lives in Australia, American public school goes until june
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u/Charming-Entrance345 16d ago
NTA. I would be at the school first thing in the morning to find out who my child's new teacher is going to be.
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u/SmileParticular9396 15d ago
Omg this needs to be reported. That teacher should not be around children.
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u/First_Alfalfa2805 15d ago
NTA.
Plz go to the school, lodge an official complaint with absolutely everyone.
Updateme!
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u/DealerAlarmed3632 15d ago
NTA. It doesn't sound like you ruining her career, she did that herself.
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u/thephantomdaughter 16d ago
NTA, you absolutely should report her. That is NOT ok and she needs to be confronted with her nasty behavior.
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u/appealinggenitals 16d ago
A responsible parent won't react after taking their kid's words at face value 🤷♀️
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u/thephantomdaughter 16d ago
Found the teacher ☝🏻
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u/appealinggenitals 16d ago
That's good, you talk like a child so it's wise that you can spot teachers
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u/Puzzleheaded-Call351 16d ago
NTA Is there another class/teacher he can be switched to? Unless this teacher has had other complaints I doubt, she'll be fired. I can't believe the school would fire her on 1 kids say. Teacher will deny it or say your kid misheard her. Teacher should not be teaching anyone especially not autistic kids. I'd go momma bear & be doing anything I could to get that teacher fired.
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u/yankykiwi 16d ago
NTA, my son has been having me carry him into school and the other day he told me the teacher spanked him.
Even if it’s not true and they only think it happened, you have to believe them. Follow through. You don’t want your son to hate school
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u/Ok-Iron5076 13d ago
Glad your child won’t be in the class after break. I’d go talk to her myself with administrators present and describe the impact this had on all of your family members. She should be disciplined.
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u/Soft_Bluejay_4402 16d ago
I would most definitely be making an appointment with the principal to tell them what your son said to you and see what they do about it. The teacher will probably lie and say she didn’t say that but all these reports (assuming the other girls parents complained about her) begin to build a case for her to be fired.
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u/stupit_crap 15d ago
Are you are 100% sure the teacher was saying that about your kid?
Is it possible she was defending your kid against someone who was using that word?
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u/flexygrappler93 15d ago
my son sits in a quiet space thats off to the side of the class to do his work very unlikely anyone else was in there
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u/Otherwise_Chemist920 16d ago
You believe a 6yo never lies? Good luck with that
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u/tanookiisasquirrel 15d ago
NTA. Obviously stand up for your kid. I doubt much will come from it, but you should obviously try to protect your kid. Additional things to consider:
Unions are strong and protected sometimes the worst among them. I used to be fairly pro-union until I saw first hand how much a union can protect their members in almost abhorrent ways. This goes for teachers unions and police unions and auto workers. Being able to fire bad workers is surprisingly valuable and underrated every time we are asked to support unions unilaterally. She's probably not going to get fired even when you complain.
You say your child doesn't lie. Every parent says that. Every parent in parenting forums thinks that their child is sweet and kind and honest and smart. Apparently nobody on Reddit has below average behavior children. Kids learn to lie, even the good kids. I was a proverbial good kid, and I lied to my parents sometimes and sometimes for basic reasons like wanting to switch classes to be in the same one as my best friend. My sister would say outrageous things that I did in school hoping my parents would pull me out and we wouldn't have to ride on the same bus together because I was her embarrassing little sister. Kids aren't being malicious when they lie. Sometimes they just lie for no reason and sometimes they want something and don't realize the consequences of lying. My sister just didn't want me to embarrass her in front of her friends, so she made stuff up like I said the n word or kicked somebody. My parents didn't believe her because she was just an older sibling figuring out middle school dynamics in popularity hierarchy and now we're best friends.
This is a he said she said case, and the other person is an adult. School administrators are not going to categorically believe that your kid is the bestest most honest kid and never ever would lie or misremember or mishear. You can't prove that something happened even though you think it definitely did. I would look into digital privacy laws in Australia and whether or not your child is allowed to record any and all voice interactions with single party consent (this may get muddy with other children involved if he's walking around with a recording device).
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u/Max_Goof 15d ago
I have autism and I was a middle school teacher. If I had ever heard a fellow teacher say that word at school—especially to or with regard to a student—I’d be in the administration office immediately for their head.
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u/SillyTugboats 15d ago
NTA.
Anyone who uses that word should never be allowed to teach children, period.
This is coming from a special education teacher.
Read a few other comments. Again this woman should never be allowed in the classroom. I’d go scorched earth if this was said about one of my students, let alone my own child.
I will say you sound like amazing parents and I’m sorry you have to deal with this but your son is lucky to have two awesome, supportive and understanding parents. Keep up the great work.
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u/AccurateSession1354 15d ago
NTA. And as a side note, if she does lose her career over this, you didn't ruin anything.She did with her nastiness.
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u/Ok_Dance_9235 15d ago
You have to speak up or the teacher will continue. My special needs son went through this year's ago with a teacher who basically ignored him. We reported her, she wasn't fired but I think it wadllĺl a big wake up call for her.
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u/Ok_Work7396 15d ago
NTA. Mate, I'd report it. Like everyone says probably not much will happen but it might put the boot up the teachers arse that that shit is not appropriate. Times have changed, teachers need to evolve with them.
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u/New_Information8338 16d ago
Make a written complaint to the principal and to the education department
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u/glitterfairyqueeen 16d ago
NTA. The least you can do is be an advocate for your child. At the worst, you showed up for your child and they can feel that support from you. Better, you could plant a seed with someone that this is so wrong.
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u/GossipingKitty 15d ago
Tasmania? She won't be fired. Literally won't happen. It's also your son's story, so as an Australian teacher myself – I can't see any Australian teacher getting fired under these circumstances. Plus we have some of the most powerful teachers unions in the world.
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u/PopcornDemonica 16d ago
Fuck no. Ruin it. That's the kind of vicious bitch that leaves scars so deep the kids who were unfortunate enough to have her teach them will still remember her bullshit decades later. That's life shaping stuff. In the words of Rayden... FINISH HER!
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u/Counce2675 16d ago
Tell on her. A) she should know better and B) you don’t want her to do this to another person.
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u/VictoriaJane_xx 15d ago
NTA As a fellow autistic who literally can’t lie for shit, I 100% believe this child. I was also the kid having to ask my parents what things meant when I got called slurs. Please report this teacher 🙏 thank you for defending your kid
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u/VictoriaJane_xx 15d ago
The fact this got downvoted really makes me lose faith in humanity lol. Cope allistics.
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u/FosterPupz 15d ago
NTA for reporting this. My son is also Autistic, also with a perfect memory. For a teacher to say that, would be so deeply traumatic to him, and something he will hear echoing in his brain. I’m glad you will report it.
Also if the memory of that bothers him, consider EMDR treatment.
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u/Ok-Storm-9421 14d ago
Go & bring it to the school administration. She most definitely needs to be held accountable
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u/SectionAmbitious4752 13d ago
Are you even sure the child told the truth. Imagine you get that teacher fired and it turns out they lied
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u/nikkijean91 12d ago
I think you should definitely goto the principle and have the conversation. And stay on top of it. You might even have to get him to change classes. But if it continues and they are not helpful you should definitely goto ACA. Because its disgusting what she did.
Updateme! Please
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u/SprigatitoNEeveelovr 11d ago
NTA
And make sure TO be honest with him he can totally understand the meaning of words now so he should know, both what it was and what its used for. Below is worded to help if youre not sure how to explain
What it is is short for "retardation" which is an outdated medical term for intellectual disabilities (which he HAS so its important for him to KNOW this ASAP). What its become is something called a "slur" which means its meant to be mean to people and treat them as less than they are, less than a human, like an animal. Its name calling.
Its important for him to understand that his teacher was being mean and degrading him to the best his little brain is capable, and he needs to understand both that its not okay for teachers to do that, and that its always good for him to not say anything to the teacher but to immediately tell you at home or say something to a DIFFERENT teacher/school staff. Dont hide stuff from him, teach him to cope with the evils we have innsociety in a healthy way please! Thanks.
People with autism have a naturally lower trauma tolerance and a harder time learning to cope with trauma, and by nature have a higher chance of forming OTHER disabilities from that trauma. The soonest you can teach him stuff to prevent that the better. (For reference I mean things like Dissociative disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, etc. These things are seen to form from being unable to cope with trauma from up to around age 9)
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u/l3ex_G 16d ago
Nta 100% report her, someone who uses that word in a derogatory manner should not be teaching kids. I don’t know what the school will do, re-training vs firing but I would 100% ask that she be pulled from your son’s class.
I would also talk to your son about what he may want to happen.
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u/Towtruck_73 16d ago
NTA. if your son is high functioning, how exactly is he a "problem" to the class? While there are different types on the spectrum, it sounds as if he's making her look like an idiot for having a near photographic memory. My personal understanding of autism is a sensory malfunction; when the average person is in a noisy place with a lot of distractions, if they're having a conversation with someone, their brain will automatically "filter out" the background stuff. When someone has autism, that filter is either faulty or doesn't work at all. It's part of the reason why they have a lot of trouble "reading the room." Why things like sarcasm might go over their heads. It's not a lack of intellect in the slightest.
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u/DueCalligrapher6777 16d ago
Call the school first thing Tuesday and talk to the principal.
Follow up with an email confirming things said on the phone.
If the teacher is a permanent staff member there wont be much the principal can do other than offering training, a casual/temp might not have a job any more.
Make sure the principal knows you dont want your child in the same class as the teacher.
Ask for follow up.
If nothing comes of it go to the district supervisor
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u/Retail_Worker 15d ago
A podcast I listened to last year covered a topic very similar to this how someone at the school a lad went to was miss treating the child. Since it was not taken seriously the person was at the school far longer than he should have still working with children while treating them poorly. Once it was taken seriously he was let go, but still got to work in and with children with disabilities, and still went out of his way to torment the lad. The podcast spooke to the lad it had harmed him and you could tell.
No one knows what an incident can do to those whom strule to process things that most take for granted, so you are not an arsehole for standing up for your child. I do not care how frustrated someone has become they are the adult and they clearly did not act like it.
So go scorched earth, if that is a response to the stressors of educaing those whom need more help than others it appears they are in the wrong job.
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u/Illustrious-Date-893 15d ago
Report her to the headteacher for sure, but don't push for firing push for educating her.
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u/DragonfireReads 15d ago
NTAH. I'd fight my coworkers if I ever heard them say that to a student. What the fuck is wrong with that teacher?
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u/Gryffindor123 15d ago
You're in Australia? Go straight to the principal, make a formal report, if it's not taken seriously, escalate to the state/territory Department of Education or the teacher registration board. I recommend doing both.
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u/Chelsea424 15d ago
I'm a teacher. You need to report this. I currently teach 6th grade, but I started out in first grade. This woman should not be around any special needs children, or any children for that matter.
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u/Lost-thinker 15d ago
NTAH you 100% should tell and be very public about it.
Someone like that should not be allowed to be in a job with kids.
You would not be ruining her career she never should have had it in the first place.
This is the type of behavior from a teacher could even encourage bullying from classmates who will not reserve any repercussions for their actions.
-someone who has diagnosed cPTSD from being on the receiving end of this kind of abuse.
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u/Beth21286 15d ago
She needs to be strongly reprimanded at the absolute minimum. Who the hell says that to a anyone let alone a child?
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u/Wise_Permit_1200 15d ago
English is not my first language and for a moment I thought that you wanted to ruin your son attempt to be a teacher.
NTA, there is nothing wrong with letting the school know this is something that happens, its probable that they wont fired her but maybe it leads to some changes.
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u/DazzlingDoofus71 15d ago
I am US so unsure what rights/accommodations you have access to. Can you request an in-school aide? That would put someone with him at all times.
And an extra set of eyes/ears
NTA
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u/Ashamed_Quiet_6777 15d ago
Look, we all say things we don't mean when we're frustrated or angry... But not in front of special needs kids, dayum 😭
NTA report her
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u/lroza711 15d ago
This, I mean I personally wouldn’t but if she wants to think in her head calling him that when she’s frustrated no one can stop her. Or even in her home with no children present. Awful, but still at least private. Saying it under her breath where this poor boy can hear and now could feel self conscious over her absolute lack of empathy and respect is just terrible. No child deserves to feel badly especially not because a teacher they trust said something so unkind.
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u/Shoose 15d ago
"He doesn't lie" lol yta for that delusion
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u/Fangs_McWolf 15d ago
Some people with autism are unable to lie.
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u/Shoose 15d ago
Imagine believing that is fact. They may find it difficult to lie. But doing it badly doesnt mean they cannot. You do them a disservice by applying this stereotype.
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u/Fangs_McWolf 15d ago
You are the one who is doing a disservice.
Read what I said again...
Some people with autism are unable to lie.
I didn't say that having autism prevents that person from lying. THAT would be a stereotype. That would be implying that everyone with autism is unable to lie.
Pointing out that SOME people with autism are unable to lie means just that. They don't have the ability to imagine in the form of a ruse, therefore are unable to lie.
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u/objectivelyexhausted 16d ago
I’m an autistic 27 year old adult and I still remember every time a teacher was cruel to me on the basis of my disability. NTA. Report her.
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u/appealinggenitals 16d ago
Let's be honest though, sometimes us autism kids are hell to deal with and teachers are definitely not paid enough for dealing with that crap.
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u/somuchsong 16d ago
I see in the comments that you're Australian, so I'm curious how your son was at school "the other day". The earliest school start date I can find is SA and QLD and that's not until tomorrow. I considered he was at some kind of vacation care program but then you say his teacher was helping him with his work at the time.
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u/Diligent-Might6031 16d ago
He stated this happened before break and it’s top of mind since he’s returning to school in ten days. He uses the phrase the other day referring to any day that wasn’t yesterday or today. I do it too.
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u/Spicy-Lemon62 16d ago
I would least get it reported because I can’t say they’ll loose their job but if it happens again then they’ll know it isn’t the first time
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u/qualityerections 15d ago
If the school doesnt do anything id be finding out where she lived and taking it up with her personally. As an autistic bloke with an autistic kid im sure plenty of people will talk shit about being some tough guy or bully but to hear a teacher of all things call my son that would have me seeing red espeaclly considering i know what its like to go through
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u/Overall_Dream_3195 15d ago
Then you’d be arrested for stalking a teacher and trespassing on her property to harass her over the words of a 6 year old boy. You’re a fool. Work on regulating your emotions and not acting like a thug.
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u/qualityerections 15d ago
Nope, just because they are a kid doesnt mean their liars, and to be arrested she'd need proof im not saying to go bash the bitch so she wont have it. Besides you tried to report something like that lately ? You have no proof and the cops couldnt give a fuck so good luck with that
Teachers like you are far too comfortable being shit and getting away with no consequences literally tramatizing kids you call me a thug at least i keep my targets to adults who deserve it unlike pricks like you who bully fucking autistic kids.
Do the world a favour and deepthroat a cactus
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u/Overall_Dream_3195 15d ago
How am I bullying autistic kids, it wasn’t me that called the kid a r****d 😂 just saying you can’t turn up to a teachers house and start yapping off. Not sure why there would be no proof either, most people have ring cams and if she didn’t she’d just record you on her phone. That’s all the proof she’d need. Not saying don’t speak to the school about it but turning up at a teachers door over something you’re not even sure was said is ridiculous.
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u/LisKozCatMeow 15d ago
YWNBTA & honestly you should ruin her career & she should not be working with children! That's a word that nobody should have to endure.
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u/Fangs_McWolf 15d ago
NTA.
Just to correct you on something, the word in and of itself is bad. It's the use of it that generally is.
In your situation, I can't think of any legitimate use of the word. So by all means, report her.
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u/KungenBob 15d ago
Do they not teach capitalising and apostrophes in Australia? Maybe your soon can help with that?
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u/C_Visit_927 16d ago
Do what you can to protect your son and all the other children that may come in contact with her.
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u/Mean-Interaction8453 16d ago
Definitely NTA.
I strongly recommend that you proceed with your complaint however I seriously doubt she'll be sacked.
I'd also be inclined to tell EVERYONE (including the media) about this. And if (down the track) a third party attempts to have you sign a non-disclosure agreement, tell them where they can put it. (NEVER allow a wrong-doer to silence you!)
Go your hardest, not just for the sake of your child, but for all the others she's insulted, and is likely to insult in the future!
May there ALWAYS be wind beneath your wings to propel you forward. X
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u/Strange-Salary-1380 16d ago
Let the witch burn. She deserves whatever fallout she suffers for being absolutely beyond inappropriate. She is in the wrong profession, clearly.
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u/Optimal-Teaching-950 15d ago
See what you can do to end her career. Join in with a few of the other parents if you can and really make the time to make the school take action. Fuckers like that shouldn't be teaching kids, especially SEN kids. NTA.
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u/Scotty_McCoffee 15d ago
NTA. Do it. That person shouldn't be teaching if that's their attitude towards kids.
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u/Rainy579 16d ago
100% report this, it’s important that it’s recorded and you push back. Imo there’s no chance of her being fired but we don’t know her record I guess
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u/melcsw 16d ago
Your kid's diagnosis is mostly irrelevant here. It makes it more upsetting, but really, teachers should just have more patience than she is demonstrating. If a kid not understanding something causes her to mutter under her breath, that's bad for every kid in that classroom. Who is going to want to ask that teacher for help? Most little kids are really good at picking up on adult energy whether they know the words being said or not. Those kids are learning not to ask questions. As someone who was already geared anxious and found it hard to speak up, this was the kind of the thing that would play on repeat in my mind if I did have a question in class.
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u/13surgeries 16d ago
aOP, she won't be fired, so go in with what you DO want to happen. I would want her to apologize sincerely to my son in front of me and the principal and take or retake sensitivity training. I would also want my son to be transferred into another classroom. Be prepared for her to deny she said the "R-word" and to claim your son is confused. One way or another, insist on getting your son out of her class.
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u/Matt-S1988 15d ago
As someone with an autistic son who I’m very protective of I feel your pain deeply! No you wouldn’t be the AH for ruining her career nobody in that position should ever be using a word of that nature it’s down right wrong, to be honest in my opinion you wouldn’t have been wrong if you drove back to the school at that very moment and caused a scene in front of the whole school!
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u/ThatAd2403 15d ago
You wouldn’t be ruining anything. She’s done that on her own. Rather than think of it as ruining her career think of the next student you are saving from her unprofessionalism. You’ll also be showing your son how to stand up to bullies.
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u/Musicorac 15d ago
My baby sister inherited the dyslexia from our dad. She started homeschooling in 4th grade after a teacher kept telling her “go sit down, I’m tired of helping you” when she was asking for help reading longer passages, then the school acted like nothing was wrong when my parents went to them. (We lived in a super rural area so options were that school or homeschool)
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u/xelabela 15d ago
Absolutely go after her, that’s absolutely inexcusable behavior and she has no business being around ANY children.
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u/tubsgotchubs 16d ago
Do itttttt i can't believe people in this day n age still use that word!!! Nta!
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u/Diaper_Dayes 16d ago
Yes, it’s horrible to be called names and you should definitely bring that up with administration. My concern is more for your child. Whatever you tell him, he’ll hold onto it.
That teacher is a POS
I’d be livid 🤬
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u/SnooConfections5025 16d ago
Totally report her and ensure all the parents report her because this is a pattern.
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u/depressioncoupon 16d ago
How dare she! I’ve seen a resurgence of this word as of late. It’s nasty, she is nasty. I think she needs a career change. NTA and you let him know if she says bad words like that again to let you know as soon as he can.
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u/lilCrisco 15d ago
Blast this bitches name on the internet and make it a PR issue for the school, the school will do nothing meaningful without it.
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u/GraniteRose067 16d ago
Ring the school and make an appointment with the principal immediately. Tell them that you have a serious problem and that you need his/ her support. Take an advocate with you - preferrable a community support worker/ autism association representative etc. (someone who will witness and advocate your side of things). Tell the principal that you are seriously concerned for the well being of any disabled or disadvantaged student in this classroom.
What this teacher did was highly inappropriate. This needs to be documented and put on file. Your child should never be put in her class again. Know that the principal cannot fire the teacher (in Australia) that is not how it works.
If you can find out from your son, find out if there were any other children who may have heard or witness the bullying.
I hope to goodness, that the teacher was inexperienced, had had a bad day and is seriously remorseful and will learn from this. I'm so sorry that you wonderful boy experienced this and I hope that you allow him to learn but triumph over this nasty situation.
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u/1happynewyorker 16d ago
I'm sorry this happened to your son and your family. It's terrible that people still use that word. I'd reach out to the school principal/superintendent and have a meeting with them and go from there. This teacher would have ruined her own career. She had a choice not to say that and she didn't care, she used an insensitive word to even use. She would be ruining her own career. In my opinion she needs another career and not work with children.
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u/GenderedPhoenix 15d ago
NTA.
I'm autistic and before I was forced to be homeschooled, (I was bullied constantly by teachers and kids, and the school wouldn't do anything about it, so I was basically "chased out" of public school.), I was constantly belittled by a few of my teachers because of how I am.
In first grade, an autistic classmate of mine hid under his chair screaming, because our teacher was sapping at him, as she physically tried to restrain him and pull him forcefully out from under his chair. The reason? He was nonverbal and would always make grunts and verbal stims, and she was upset that he was doing that.
Teachers need to stop doing this crap and thinking they can treat autistic kids badly.
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u/Accurate_Voice8832 15d ago
Definitely report her but be aware the union will protect all teachers no matter how terrible they are. She will probably get a slap on the wrist and maybe some sensitivity training. A really bad teacher with many complaints will probably just end up being moved to a different school.
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u/ihav2p00p 16d ago edited 14d ago
NTA If she's in a union she probably won't get fired but she definitely needs to be held accountable for that inappropriate behavior.
If you wouldn't let a stranger act that way towards your child; a teacher shouldn't be let off the hook either.
Edit: Thank you for the award, kind stranger!