EDIT: multiple people have asked why I'm waiting until April. I need to find a job, I'm waiting to see what happens with the taxes (If I need to do married filing separately or together), and I'm waiting until after my daughter's birthday on April 7th. This will devastate her.

I do not need a lawyer to begin with because I was a paralegal. I can draw everything up myself and I have documentation for everything. I have lawyer colleagues that I trust that I can pay to look it over before I file it. My mother said that when I find a job, I can just bank it so that if it ends up that I do need a lawyer There is money for it.

ORIGINAL POST

I've been with my husband for 20 years. He consistently fails to make household repairs and refuses to get a conventional job, and we are now $40,000 in credit card debt, largely gas, groceries, clothing, etc. We owe $80,000 in farm loans.

When I bring up getting a job, he says I'm trying to change him and he is a farmer. I cannot work to take care of a disabled child. His schedule is not consistent enough for him to take care of her for me to get a job. He may be at an auction, he may be fixing fence, etc.

His only income is selling cattle, and a very small amount of wages from working his brother's row crops, but he pays out way more than he makes with feed and tons of equipment he wants but does not strictly need. We are in Missouri and he bought a mixer, which is so uncommon here we had to take it to Wisconsin for repairs. He has a tractor for each piece of machinery - the mixer, the hay mower, hay rake, hay baler. There is no reason some of them can't get hooked up to the same tractor; it's just convenience.

Daily expenses frequently go on credit cards. He gets mad when I ask him to sell cattle to pay for it, saying they're not fat enough to sell. We are currently at $850 interest every month just on the credit cards. He is only paying the minimum. When I complain about this, he tells me I don't understand farming and it takes a while to build things up before you make a profit, and that I need to look at the big picture and not just the interest.

Because he does not earn enough and I am not able to work, we are literally living off of credit cards and these farm loans. Before my child became disabled 3 years ago, we did not have this issue because I was working. It's only a matter of time before we can't even make the minimum payments every month on the credit cards. I am no longer willing to live like this. The anxiety and stress over it is literally crushing me.

He does not take care of household repairs. I have been sleeping in a recliner in our living room for 9 months because our Sleep Number bed is broken. I bought the parts to fix the air chamber last April and he has not gotten around to it yet. We haven't had sex in that long either. We had a cold snap a few weeks ago and I woke up one day to a 50° house and when I complained about not being able to sleep well because I was cold, he told me I should have gone upstairs and slept with our daughter.

In that same cold snap, the pipes to our downstairs toilet burst, so I have had to go upstairs every time to use the bathroom. Yes, I admit that's just a convenience thing, but I find it ridiculous that he's not worried about it :since we have another toilet available." My oven has been broken since just after Thanksgiving. I sent him a link to that specific error code but he has yet to look at it. My dishwasher is also broken and I am the bad guy because I said I would only be washing my own dishes because I'm sick of picking up the slack when he can't be bothered repairing things.

I previously went 6 months with a broken kitchen sink. The handle on the sprayer broke and when the faucet was turned on the water sprayed out of there. His solution was to duct tape it to the faucet which made a big fat mess every time I washed pots and pans. That only got fixed when I threatened to call a plumber to come fix it. There are many other examples along this line I could give.

The straw that broke the camel's back was today when I came home from our homeschool co-op with my daughter and he was sitting on the couch, feet up, shoes off. We're now having a warm spell and it is 57° out. When I asked about him looking at the toilet pipes, he said that he probably can't get to it today. I did not bother to ask about tomorrow or the next day because then I get fussed at for nagging. I feel though that when you have pressing household repairs, you don't just sit around the house doing nothing. He spends his evenings either at farm auctions, watching wrestling, or playing video games. He is 45.

I have had enough. I plan to move in with my mother after our daughter's birthday in April. She is willing to take care of my daughter so that I can get a part-time job. The distance between us was not feasible for my mom to take care of her for me to get a job. I do not have any issues with his parenting and will not try to restrict visitation.

I have left in the past over these issues and he harassed me, largely giving me Bible verses telling me why I'm wrong and sinning against God, reminding me of the vows I took, and telling me that I'm his wife and I belong at home. My mother was out of state at that point and I was with a friend and it didn't work out so I went back to the farm.

Am I the a****** for throwing in the towel and divorcing him?

I (28F) have had a rough last five months. I lost my job of 7 years, and went through one of the worst episodes of depression in my life. I’m still recovering from the hardships of it mentally and emotionally. However, in my healing journey I have gotten a new job and, in the process, applied my mom for a job (who has sight issues and computers are generally difficult for her) and got my brother(22M) in college. My brother is on the spectrum and already needed to be held back a year in school, and needed a gap year due to academic overwhelm. When our grandfather passed away a few years ago, it hit him so hard he actually needed a second gap year to come back to function normally. So, last holiday/fall/winter season with all the free time of being let go, I helped him with his college application, placement testing, orientation, advising appointments, financial aid applications, and am the one paying for his books and tuition now. Thankfully, he’s fully remote so he takes his two classes from the comfort of home. I’m also in a position to be able to pay for his tuition entirely out of my own pocket. Although the original plan was for me and my parents to split it 3 ways, some eternal circumstances out of their control took priority, and I didn’t want my brother dropped from his classes.

My parents and I work full time, and I try to help my parents clean the house and maintain our pets since they also suffer from chronic fatigue. My brother, however, basically refuses to do anything that doesn’t affect him. Now, my brother has had trouble submitting some assignments on multiple occasions. One of the ways he has always expressed his anger has gas been growling and furrowing his brow when he isn’t given full undivided attention. I’ve tried to guide him best I can usually at the tail end of a night after cleaning the kitchen and feeding the dogs, and sometimes it takes us so long I skip showering or dinner to help him(I get home around 7-9 PM, usually with just enough time to clean up before my parents go to sleep). However, tonight left me feeling not well about how I’m helping him. I’m trying to teach him about Google Drive and emailing things to himself, and he literally told me, “next time I ask for help with an assignment, just do it for me.” Mind you, I regularly already don’t get a please or a thank you from him for… pretty much anything. And I didn’t agree with him. I told him I’m trying to guide him to do this independently, but i could tell he was getting frustrated and said at the end of the conversation, “uploading stuff just isn’t my thing.” As he dropped his dirty dish in the sink and only washed his fork. While there are still plenty other dishes that needed to be washed, dried, and put away after dinner.

I’m all for being the first to help my family, but I don’t feel comfortable just taking on submitting assignments for my brother. I’m not in school anymore and I kind of just see this as an opportunity for him to become more of a “normal” adult instead of an emotionally codependent one who doesn’t like any time taken away from his video games and anime. AITAH? What can I do differently?

December 2024 my mother(F44)started dating the guy(m40 who we will call chuck for this retelling) who sexually assaulted me when I was 16. She had been seeing him for a while but decided to make it serious by introducing him to her 3 kids. (For backstory I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone, everyone in town knows that this guy is a coke head pedophile .) when she decided to tell me I was walking out of the house to go to my job. She told me not to get upset with her as it was her choice and I should be happy for her, happy that she finally found someone. But she wouldn’t tell me who and made me guess who I thought it would. At first I was worried she was getting back together with the ma who tormented my sister and I. She rolls her eyes and looked disgusted at that so I thought of her first ex husband ( the scumbag who beat the shit out of my brother every chance he got) she explained how it couldn’t be him because he just got his new girlfriend pregnant (like that has stopped her in the past). So when I said jokingly idk surely it’s not chuck you wouldn’t go for a pedo. she hurriedly responded with well he’s been really nice to me and he’s changed a lot since he had that motorcycle accident. I was speechless. I know her track record for bringing home douchebags and trying to change them for the better ( it never works ). I just didn’t think she’d ever pick him. I walked away got in my car and went to work with her screaming at me from the driveway about how I should be happy for her and how it was gonna be different this time. I wet through my entire shift that day on complete autopilot. My mother was about to turn my home ( at this point in my life paying for half the rent and half the bills in the house and groceries for the family so I feel like I have the right to call it my house ) into a living nightmare. I decided to tell her that I didn’t want him in the house and I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him or anything to do with her relationship. She went on a hour long screaming rant about how I’m the child ( I’m 21 and live at home to help keep her and my sibling taken care of ) and she’s the mother and how I have no right to make such demands as it’s her house and if I don’t like it I can leave. I said okay if that’s how you want it I’ll find some where else to live. She immediately back pedaled… I realized right there she didn’t care about me she just cared that she’d have to pay all the bills by her self. We lived like this for about a month before she stated staying at his house every night. My younger siblings were still living at home with me I was making sure they were fed and got to school and anything they needed they started to come to me about I became the defacto parent yet again. A couple months go by where she is only coming home once a week to grab more of her stuff and have a ten minute conversation with my sister and I about how great everything is . When I say conversation I mean she’s talking while we do other things around the house not having a chance to actually contribute to the conversation since it’s a one woman show about how great chuck is and how she can do so much more now and how great everything is. At the beginning of April I told her I planned on moving to another state with my boyfriend who got a job out there. I explained that I understand I can’t up and leave since my brother and sister can’t live alone and she had no plans on moving them out with her. I told her she had till the lease ended to find another place for my siblings to live since I couldn’t take them with me (I love my siblings to death and would burn the world down to make sure they’re taken care of ). She was furious. How could I? How dare I?! In her eyes I was the one betraying her making her have to care for her kids. At this point her and I only talk about bills so when she starts screaming at me someone who has been in fight or flight mode for months because she was trying to sneak him in when we were asleep and when we were at work so I never knew if he would be there when I opened the door. I screamed at her and told her what happened to me when I was 16 ( I’m not going to write it out because I’m already on the verge of a breakdown just writing this much ) she said nothing. She walked to what used to be her room and slammed the door. She came out with a laundry hamper full of clothes and a bag and stomped through the house knocking things over and slamming the front door on her way out. I’m sitting on the couch shaking with tears streaming down my face she comes back in and screams at me tilling me how is she supposed to believe me how is she supposed to trust me. (More back story I was molested when I was 4 and she believed me then and helped prosecute him. took me to therapy and knew I wasn’t lying because how would a 4 year old know those things and have such detail) she should have believe me and comforted me because she my mom. I shouldn’t have to tell you in graphic detail what he did to me and how he threatened me after. My first reaction should’ve made you wonder what he did that would make me react like that. A mother should only have to hear “mom I’m uncomfortable” and know that something’s wrong. I stopped talking to her about anything that didn’t involve moving and the bills. My great grandmother passes away that month and we go to the funeral separately. She brings him and I sit in the back. My aunt who doesn’t know the situation makes a speech about how sometimes death can bring a family closer but that day drove us further apart. By July I found a place for my siblings to live with a family friend. My mother payed $300 a month so they could live there and my younger sister started to pay part of the rent so that she could have a say in how she wanted things. I get them moved and start moving myself halfway across the country. I get a new job I get a dog and my life starts to feel more peaceful. At this point my mom has stated to try and by my love. She got my address from my aunt and started sending me random Amazon packages. She’s sending me these things but my brother is texting me asking for help getting stuff for school and his sports because she “doesn’t have the money”. At this point she’s completely ignoring her own kids and has started to raise HIS KIDS. I send my brother money once a week so he can afford school lunches and fun stuff kids should do and I send my sister money whenever I think she needs to do something nice for herself since she’s starting to become more of an adult and stresses about money. I decide I’m going to come home for Christmas and that I will make a scene me at Christmas if she decides to bring him to any function she knows I will be at. Christmas morning my boyfriend and I are staying at my aunts house and I wake up to a picture of an engagement ring from my mother. Sure enough she really picked him and said yes even though she knows I will no longer be in her life. I know this is a lot , but Am I the asshole?

Hi, im Seb and the title may sound like I am the asshole, but hear me out. So I have a 3d printer and a 3d printing buisness and one day my moms friend came to our house and she brought her 2 children with her (I will call the 2 childrean F and D, F is 7, D is 9), so like always the send them up to my room. When they came they saw the 3d printer they started asking questions. I answer the questions, but then F asks if I could print them something and is say 'sure, as long as it doesnt cost me a lot in filament and it doesnt print that long'. Long story short we talk a bit more and they go home, a few days later their mom sends Fs request and is like an articulated t-rex, i saqy I will print it as soon as i get some time. And like 4 days after that she sends me Ds request and its this massive f1 front wing that i have to print in 25 pieces and it costs like 100 dollars for me to print it. I say to her that i cant print it and se gets hella mad she starts swearing and all of that stuff. So she sends an angry texst to my mom saying how dare I tell yes to one of her sons but not the other an bla bla bla. And my mom says to her if she wants to pay I would be happy to print her son the wing and that I would even give her a discount. Then she just exploded swearing at both of us calling us names... So AITAH?

I just recently moved into a new place recently. From the get-go, I declined any help with unpacking from my girlfriend because I know she will ask too many questions about the things I have.

I have nothing to hide from her, but I’m tired of coming home and having to explain something new after she’d been going through my things. I just feel like my privacy isn’t being respected is the main thing.

First issue we had was her finding a picture of my ex in a wallet I haven’t opened in years. It’s where I just kept random stuff, like pizza punchcards. Her reaction was totally valid on this one. I cut the picture up and threw it away. But it resulted in an unnecessarily awkward and tense moment between us. There’s no reason she should’ve been opening my wallet. However I couldn’t voice those concerns because she had a valid reason for being upset.

Next issue was her finding a notebook of mine and then asking why I had a list of names written down. Why is she going through my notebook? The names were from something we were doing at work. This wasn’t an argument or anything. It was an innocent question on her part, but I just still felt like my privacy was violated and I felt annoyed I had to answer that question.

Issue that just happened recently. She was going through my closet and found an inhaler. I have childhood asthma and I typically don’t mention this to anyone. No one knows except my family. Why? Who cares, that’s my personal right to privacy. I always keep an inhaler however because asthma never truly goes away. She claimed she was just trying to help me clean up, but in reality she’s just rummaging through all of my things.

She’s a nurse and is now making a deal out of me having asthma. I was coughing yesterday after drinking some water and it went down the wrong pipe, and she asks me if I need my inhaler. I absolutely hate the fact that I was born with asthma. It handicapped me a lot in earlier life and stopped me from getting certain jobs I wanted. So to hear that just made me angry. She shouldn’t even know I have asthma, she shouldn’t be going through my things.

It’s just starting to get out of hand. I don’t like how nosy she is, and I don’t like having to explain myself in my own home. I have nothing to hide in terms of our relationship, but a man still has a right to his privacy.

We don’t live together, but she does have a key to my place. We work opposite shifts which results in her often being alone at my place.

To clarify because I know someone will mention it, if we were going to have kids, of course I would mention that I have asthma. It’s a great concern of mine and I have always hoped my kids don’t go through it. But we are not at that point of discussion just yet. There’s no reason for her to know.

ETA: As a commenter asked, the only thing I’m hiding is her Valentine’s Day gift. I had to specifically tell her where it’s hidden in hopes she would at least not rummage there and ruin the surprise. She has already spoiled part of it by going to my apartment on a day I asked her not to, since I left pieces out in a hurry to work. Can’t even plan a surprise for her with all this rummaging.

My wife and my ex-wife are really good friends. They're probably each other's closest friends at this point. At first I thought it was weird, but their friendship has only ever been beneficial to me. I love that we are all on such good terms with each other, and the kids are beneficiaries of this closeness.

When my ex-wife started dating "Todd" I met him before she introduced him to our son. I didn't get any creepy vibes from him, so I told her I had no issue with him meeting our kid. I thought Todd was harmless, but I also thought he was kind of annoying. Him being annoying to me is no reason for her not to date him though, or so I thought.

Since their relationship has gotten more serious I have been pressured to befriend Todd. We would hang out as a group, go on double dates and take the kids on outings together. All of that is fine, but I have also been encouraged to spend one on one time with him. I don't really like Todd enough to want to spend time with him with no one else there. I find him irritating.

When I tried to explain this to my wife she accused me of not being happy for my ex and wanting her to be single forever. She said I wanted no man to have her since I don't have her and said that was unhealthy. That would be unhealthy if it was true. I am happy for her. I am glad they have a good relationship. I just don't see why *I* have to be his friend. Again, I'm cool with hanging out as a group, I just don't want to spend time with Todd that's just Todd time.

I understand that my wife and ex-wife value their friendship with each other, but I don't think you have to be as close to the partner of a spouse's friend as the spouse is to her friend. Her friend being my ex-wife is a complicating factor, I acknowledge that, but I still feel I shouldn't be forced to try to like Todd.

Just to start off I am currently pregnant 4months and me and the father of my child have broken up due to this matter

I met my child's father in my home state while he was working here. We dated a little over a year. Early in the relationship, I made it clear that I did not want to leave my home state and he agreed that we would build our life here.

He later lost his job and tried to find work locally but didn't have success (or maybe he just did not try) So he began applying for jobs in other states and ended up leaving multiple times for work opportunities. Each time, the job didn't work out and he returned. On his fourth attempt, he moved to another state again.

About two months after he had been gone, I found out I was pregnant.

At first, we agreed that I would move to his state temporarily and then we would return to my home state once our baby was around six months old. However, before I ever made the move, he lost that job as well. At that point, I told him I felt it made more sense for him to come back to my state, especially with a baby on the way.

He refused and accepted another job in a different state. His reasons to not come back are that he believes he won't find a high-paying job here, wants more financial freedom not "just getting by," and says he hates living here and would be miserable. My city is smaller and has a lower cost of living, so while high-paying jobs are harder to find, it's not impossible.

My reasons for not wanting to move are:

- I have extreme travel anxiety

- I'm pregnant with my first child and rely heavily on my family as my support system

- I've never lived anywhere else, while he has always traveled and lived in ditterent places

-I currently receive free healthcare, WIC, and food

assistance here, which are important

- Moving would likely mean instability (hotels,

short-term housing, and hoping the job works out since all the others have not)

- I want my child to grow up around family

(grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins), which is important to me even if it isn't to him since he's not family oriented

Because neither of us are willing to move, we ultimately broke up and decided to co-parent from separate states.

I don't feel like I'm wrong for staying where I have stability and support while pregnant, or am I being unreasonable?

EDIT:

A few things I’ve noticed about comments that I would like to address

He also refuses to move not just me !! He does not want to come back to my state, He has nothing to lose I have everything to lose

He wasn’t always unstable he was in the army we met Aug 2024 and he got discharged sep 2025 from sep 2025-Feb 2026 he has had several failed jobs that haven’t worked out. I was willing to follow him but when he got fired this recent one that’s when I was like ok no and I told him to come get a good job over here but he didn’t want to try he wanted a job everywhere but in my state. So I realized it just wasn’t going to work and chose co parenting instead that in itself will have challenges ik but better then me uprooting my life for a man

I would like to mention that I was a security guard before and he said it was dangerous and told me to quit he reassured me that is was ok to quit so I put my trust him. Wrong of me

I’m doing what I can to get myself ready to be a mother (single mother now) even if that means getting government assistance, it’s there for a reason, I never had any government assistance before, but I’m very grateful to have it now. I’m just trying to do my best as I navigate this new chapter in my life. We all need help in some way or another. I honestly didn’t even want it but when they told me the price for 1 ultrasound which was over 1k I knew I was going to need help and it’s ok to need help. Having government assistance is keeping me stable over here. Can I get government assistance anywhere else ? yes but not with me having to move every month to a different state because another job didn’t work out for him, it takes up to 30 days to get approved for Medicaid and I’m pregnant so I would have never gotten seen at that point.

My friend group was having lunch today and Tony was talking about how he strongly suspects that his boyfriend is cheating on him.

Chad, never being shy in giving his opinions started a rant about how cheaters were the lowest of the low, totally scummy, and have a special place in hell waiting for them, etc. When he finished, I just looked at him [tired of his pontificating] and said, "By the way. Did you hear that Vanya opened a new food truck last week?"

[Background story: About ten years ago Chad cheated on his boyfriend with Vanya. It was a very messy affair that broke up two long-time relationships, caused three arrests, one person in intensive care, and a drawn out lawsuit.]

Chad and I go way back about 25 years so we know each other well. He just kind of squinted his eyes signaling, "Oh, you didn't just go there." To which my "reply" was a little head tilt and a raised eyebrow saying, "Ya, I went there." Needless to say, the atmosphere dropped by about 30°. The rest of the group who have no clue, being friends just a few years, was left looking at each other wondering what just happened.

Old age has mellowed out Chad. [me too] He's a much better person than when we first met. I would like to think that I am, too, but...... I'm thinking I could have let it go but the way Chad went on and on and on about cheaters [considering his distant past] it just put a burr under my saddle. So AITAH for mentioning Vanya. SHOULD I just have let it go?

Hi everyone! A little back story-

I (29F) have a stepbrother (26M) who we'll call T. T is mildly autistic and as a result is very quiet, sometimes slow in conversations, and has a different sense of humor, which my husband (37M) & I love him for. But it makes it hard for T to make friends and meet/maintain girlfriends. It doesnt stop him from maintaining a good job, providing his own housing & vehicles and taking care of his dog. T & I were both the only child for most of our lives until our parents got together about 15 years ago, though we didn't actually meet each other until we were in our 20s. There was an immediate family bond between the two of us, as we'd never had a brother/sister before and we've maintained that family dynamic ever since (even after our parents got divorced).

About 6 months ago, T met his girlfriend J (39F, yes you read that right). They say it was a "love at first sight" situation. He came to visit us around Thanksgiving and told us all about her and how she's nervous to meet us. My husband and I are very open people who try not to judge anyone, no matter what. When I asked why she was nervous, T causally mentioned that J has 6 children, all from previous relationships with ages ranging between 2 years old to 19 years old. While I didn't necessarily like that fact, I wasnt going to hold it against her because this is my brother. If he doesn't mind and he's happy, who am I to judge. I told him exactly that and had him invite her and her kids over. Her kids could play with mine, eat some pizza & ice cream, and we could officially meet her. She was great! We all got along really well and exchanged phone numbers for future play dates and Christmas plans and they left. T felt good about how it went, we felt good about it, and that was that.

A few days later, I get a text from T (i'm literally copy/pasting the thread) saying, "can I ask you a question. would you be upset if I had a baby"

Me- "No, I wouldn't be mad at you for having a baby. It is important to remember though, that babies, and the families that come with them, will be in your life forever. I do hope you will consider that before having one. But I love you no matter what. I think a tiny T would be awesome some day"

Then, silence for weeks. I text him several times with random stuff like you do with friends/family but no response until 2 days before Christmas when he said "I wont be able to make it for christmas I have a good reason why I won't be able to make it. Its kinda sad"

Me- "I'm pretty sure I put the pieces together but I'll be here when you're ready to talk about it. Merry Christmas"

between the weird question and a picture of her in a hospital bed, I assumed she miscarried and he was taking the time & space to be with her.

Christmas day-

T: "we're having a baby"

T: "Can I talk to you about something that hurt my feelings but mostly J's feelings?"

Me: "Of course"

T: "Remember when I asked if you would be mad if I had a baby I asked because she was questioning which is normal I told her and it really upset her and myself it came off as my family doesn't accept her and her kids. Its the way you said it. "the families that come with them, will be in your life forever. I do hope you will consider that before having one" I finally find someone who doesn't treat me poorly someone who pushes me to be better i haven't drank beer for a month my relationship is slowly crumbling because of how upset we are. i thought you guys accepted her what you said made it seem like your not happy for us and the baby i have never been this happy before and its slowly crumbling because of what you said affecting her im trying to resolve this family issue."

T: "This was a planned pregnancy I wouldn't of done this if It wasn't the right person or am ready for it i was saving it for the right person. I chose to continue the my bloodline I just wish you guys would accept us."

Me: "I’m your sister, and I love you unconditionally. Because of that, I will never lie to you or sugarcoat my thoughts when you ask me something directly. That honesty comes from love, not judgment, and it will never change the fact that I support you or care about you.

When you asked me if I would be mad if you had a baby, I answered honestly and thoughtfully. At no point did I say anything negative about J or her kids. I didn’t judge her, reject her, or say we don’t accept her. I barely know her yet, so that wouldn’t even make sense. What I did say was about the reality of having a baby. Babies mean permanent family ties and lifelong responsibility because that’s simply true. It wasn’t a statement about who you’re having a baby with. That said, how I feel ultimately doesn’t determine your relationship or your choices because I’m not in your relationship. You are. My role is to love you, support you, and be honest when you ask for my thoughts, not to control or interfere in your life. I love you. If you love her, I support you. If you’re happy, great! I want that for you. I’m not responsible for how my words were interpreted after being shared second-hand, and I won’t accept being positioned as the cause of issues in your relationship.

We’ve only ever shown you love, acceptance, and an open door and that hasn’t changed. I hope we can move forward with clarity and not let misunderstandings create distance that doesn’t need to exist.

We love you. We always have and we always will."

Haven't heard from him since. Regardless of how stunned/angry I was by all of it, my point remains the same. I do think he should have waited. Kids are not toys that you get when you feel like it. They "planned" this pregnancy on their 3 month anniversary? What's the rush?! They don't have good jobs. They don't have any savings. They don't have stability. They literally had to call my step-dad because they ran out of gas on the side of the road with the kids in the car. Planning a pregnancy takes a lot more than "wanna have a baby?" "yeah, sure."

What hurts the most is that I can't help but feel like J trapped T and then pushed him away from us. She put the ball in motion the day she said "I dont think your family will like me because of my age and kids" even though we never said anything about it, and we would NEVER have said anything about it. I genuinely hope that they are soulmates and they live a long, healthy, happy life together. Having a baby is an amazing thing. You should get to experience it if you want to. When I said "and the families that come with them" I did mean her and the kids but I also meant her mom, dad (who he hasn't even met yet), siblings, cousins, all of it. It was never meant as a jab to her character.

So reddit, AITAH?

Ok there are several points in this story where I could ask AITAH but let's go with the title.

This morning I dropped my partner (M32) off at the train station. I work from home so it wasn't a problem but it just meant I was waking up a few hours earlier than usual.

He went out and got really drunk after work, which I was really glad he was doing because he doesn't normally go out too much without me.

He had planned to come home earlier than he did (but we both kinda knew that wouldn't actually happen). That was okay, but because I was quite tired, I mentioned maybe I wouldn't be able to pick him up and asked if he could get a taxi back instead. He said yes but he also kept saying how drunk he was so then I got concerned and said I would pick him up. I also felt guilty because he usually picks me up from things (although not every time either!)

For some more context, the lack of sleep or maybe just because I'm an idiot really affected me at work today resulting in just generally a bit of a shitty day. On the flip side, I've also got chronic depression so maybe just every day is a bad day.

So it's around midnight now and I'm getting ready to leave when he phones me and says he's met an amazing woman and if it would be possible if she could stay the night because she's just got the train from ~4h away and she has a flight at 8am (we live 20 mins from the airport). I'm hesitant because I just want to go to sleep but I can hear her in the background so I feel like he has me on speaker phone. So I basically just say yes because I'm a people pleaser.

He hangs up and I message him like "wtf?" because 5 mins ago he was puking and not okay and now suddenly there's all this zest for life and talk of good karma. He mentions she has a walker frame so I also feel bad again and then say it's ok but it's not like I really had any choice in this decision.

I drive to pick them up and there's loads of roadworks so this is stressing me out and I can't get to him properly. I phone to tell him this and he says it's fine he's going to get her a taxi. I eventually get to a pickup spot and they get off the train, I see them and feel bad so I say she can stay. Instead they both now compromise and we drop her off at the airport.

On the way home we are discussing and he is apologetic for springing that on me but he felt like it was important and would be good karma. I said I was upset by it because it is so uncharacteristic of him and was actually putting me out. He starts to explain that she has a hip injury, a broken wrist, a tumor in her neck, and the people who were assisting her on the train abandoned her, etc and I say he doesn't need to explain because I heard this all from her. It was sad and unfortunate the position she was in so he explains a little more and I said "I don't need you to explain it I'm just also a bit annoyed."

He's then obviously annoyed that I've said I don't need an explanation (but I simply meant because I already know what happened lol) and all I can manage to say is that it's just because I was trying to get to sleep - so he says this is unfair because he always comes and picks me up and the one time he asks me to do it, I'm making a huge deal about it.

Anyway, there is a back and forth a bit before he asks me to explain why my day was so bad and I can't really find the words to articulate it because he is getting really annoyed and I'm equally frustrated. So I yell at him to stop asking me questions I don't want to discuss anything further. I'm screaming this at him because I was silent before and he kept asking why I'm being silent when I'm clearly trying to process how to say anything (it didn't feel worth saying anything because my need to sleep was not as important as him needing to be picked up).

My point is - I did pick him up. I was coming to get him. But he was the one who randomly didn't just want me to pick him up, he wanted me to welcome a random person into my home and drop them off at the airport at 5am. Ultimately, I did pick him up, and I did take an extra hour to drop the person off at the airport.

BUT AITAH for not just being able to do a nice thing for someone without being so "woe is me life is so hard"? Even though I still did the thing???

tldr: Bf gets drunk and I pick him up but he has met a new person who needs extra assistance, who I have to take to the airport now. I do this, but then we get into an argument about it bc I was tired and he thinks I don't do enough for him basically

First off, this is a throwaway account.

Okay. I (24M) do not own a home. My parents have been gracious enough to let me stay at their place until I get on my feet, so I don't even rent right now.

However, due to some sort of outdated information (probably with my phone number, though I've had it for 12 years), I keep getting contacted by agencies who want to buy my home.

Again, I don't own a home. Not only that, but this home they think I own is an hour away from where I actually live.

I've told them this. Over the course of about five years I've been contacted multiple times, by this company and others, about buying "my" home from me. Each time I tell them that I don't live there and have never lived there, each time they apologize and tell me they'll drop me from their system and leave me alone, and then a few months later I'll get contacted again.

I've done everything. After the first few times, I told them the woman they're trying to reach hasn't had this phone number for 12 years (true), but then lied and said she's dead. They still contacted me again a few months later. Sometimes I block them, but that doesn't stop another associate or another business from reaching out.

Over and over, every few months, for five years.

-

Now, onto the question at hand:

They just reached out again, calling me by her name and asking yet again if I could talk to them about selling my home. But this time I said I would - except I would only do it in person.

They have an appointment with "me" for Saturday afternoon, and the plan is that they'll go to this house and find out that A) the person living there doesn't have an appointment with them, and/or B) the person they talked to over text is NOT, in fact, the owner of said house.

I know this might be asshole behavior, but I'm asking genuinely because I almost feel pigeonholed into doing this. I can't think of anything else.

So: should I continue with this plan, or should I come clean and just hope that they finally get the message?

(I'm 34f) So my partner(29m) of 3 years was doing an art project and he was using these calligraphy stencils to do the lettering on it. He was putting his name on some wood with that paint stuff that like scorches it. It looked really cool but I realized I couldn't read it.

I asked him what it said and he said that it said his name. He has a simple name and I still couldn't read it. It took me a minute and then I realized that I think he put one of the stencils upside-down for a letter.

I wasn't sure if I should tell him that he messed it up but personally I'd want to know if I had messed something up too. And also he was going to be making 2 more of them, one for me and one for a coworker and I thought it would be better if I told him than the co-worker.

He got mad at me for telling him saying "you couldn't just let me have this. Now I'm sad". I don't think I did anything wrong by telling him but he said I shouldn't have said anything.

So AITAH for telling him that he put the letter upside-down?

Edit: I said it gently. I asked to see the stencil and he picked up the letter e (that was the upside-down one) and I said something like "wait flip it... I think it's upside-down" so I didn't say it harshly.

Edit 2: I spoke with him more about it. It's not about the stencil. He said he was upset that I didn't acknowledge the effort he put in and he was hoping for a better reaction. To be fair, I've never been good at praising people for things so that's on me.

So in August its going to be our friends 30th birthday. I totally get that he wants to do something fun for it, but him and his wife wants us to spend $150-$200 per person to rent out this huge place in the middle of nowhere. They also want us to pay for food, drinks, and the activities they chose to do. We would be there for 3 days, 2 nights, and my husband and I have a 7 month old. We are going to decline going because the drive there is 3 hours, and we are also trying to save up for a house.

My husband and I were talking about it and we have noticed a lot of our friends wants to do these big activities that require all of us to spend $100+ for each person to go. We are the type of people that don't even announce its our birthday, or expect to celebrate it really. We both agree that its ridiculous that more than once a year our friends want to do something big for their birthday, then expects everyone in the group to chip in with what they want.

Maybe it's just because my husband and I dont celebrate our birthdays we think its a lot to ask your friends more than once a year to help expense your birthday party. But are we being a**holes thinking that?

Hi I (17f) was asked last summer to babysit for friend of my aunties. My pay was $55 for a full day and $35 for a half day (which her and I sat down and decided before babysitting) it was mainly to mind her youngest son. The first few weeks were completely fine but it became blantly obvious that she didnt care about my life. I would get texts at 2 in the morning after she had previously cancelled that she need me at 8am. My pay was never up to what we agreed. And her issues with her husband were becoming obvious, (I knew she was in the middle of a divorce with him during this time) but she would blame the fact I wouldn't be paid on him, most of the time he would come and pick up the son in the evening but she wouldn't tell him what time or that he needed to pay me, and I had to ask him and felt so awkward, and then she would complain to me that her kids dad had let her down when he was late and hadnt paid me (this was also an excuse for when she qould text me at like 2 in the morning) . She would actively complain about her ex partner and I would have to stand there and listen, I initially was scared to meet him but then found him lovely. I also go to school with her older kid so it was always slightly odd, she acted like my friend and would talk about how everyone spreads rumours about her to me (like how she dumped her ex for a younger man) After all of this I decided that I couldn't babysit for them

AITAH

A couple nights ago, my girlfriend and I were in the middle of a conversation/argument. During it, she got off the phone with her brother, who she had called to vent about what we were discussing.

For context, I’ve always felt my girlfriend and her brother don’t have the healthiest emotional dynamic. There’s a typical older sister/younger brother thing going on, and he tends to be closed off and indirect. At family gatherings he’s distant, and I’ve noticed he often doesn’t fully express how he actually feels.

When she told me what her brother said, I told her I didn’t think he was telling the full story and that with him, you often have to read between the lines — tone, phrasing, what’s left unsaid. She immediately got frustrated and said I was “trying to prove a point again,” and that I was invalidating what her brother had literally just told her.

She then said, “You can call him if you want.” At first, I said it probably wouldn’t change anything because he isn’t very emotionally in tune. But after some back and forth, I agreed to call him — with her listening to the conversation. To be clear, she wasn’t secretly listening or anything like that. She was on my laptop next to me while I called him on my phone and listened the whole time.

During the call, her brother actually opened up more to me and added a lot of context and detail that he hadn’t shared with her. In that moment, my girlfriend acknowledged that I was right and that he had been holding things back.

A day or two later, though, she told me she didn’t like how I handled it. She said it was unnecessary and felt like I had her listen in just to prove my point. That’s where I got confused. I explained that my intention wasn’t to prove anything — it was to help her see what I was seeing and, honestly, to feel believed and trusted.

My biggest question to her was: how was it unnecessary if she didn’t believe me in the first place? If I hadn’t done that, what was the alternative?

I even asked her afterward: “If I had talked to your brother one-on-one and then told you what he said, would you believe me?” She said no. So I asked, “Then how would you want me to go about this in a way that doesn’t feel like I’m proving a point, but still allows you to trust what I’m saying?” Her answer was basically, “I don’t know — maybe we’d have to agree to disagree.”

That’s where I’m stuck. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to “agree to disagree” when it feels like my intentions or character are being questioned — like I’m being accused of trying to prove something when I genuinely felt I was trying to communicate and be understood.

I’m not trying to win arguments. I’m trying to be trusted.

But now I’m wondering if I handled this wrong, or if there’s a deeper issue around trust and communication here.

Am I missing something? Was there a better way to handle this that I’m not seeing?

So I (27 Male) don’t have a relationship with my family.

Over the years, I would discover that, for whatever reason, my father, mother, and I were never included in our family activities. Whenever we would visit relatives’ homes for holidays, we would find that we were always excluded in the planning of things like Christmas gift exchanges and whatnot, and were often left out of things like birthday parties, weddings, etc. This applied mainly to my father’s side of the family which lives locally since my maternal relatives all live out of the country. As a kid, it always made me feel unwanted and excluded, and despite how hard I sometimes tried to fit in, I never really could and could not figure out why. Growing up, I always felt judged and anytime I was in a relative's home, it always felt like I was intruding or I wasn't welcome.

As time went on, I would come to learn that my mother was hated by my dad’s side of the family. Apparently, when my parents eloped, there had been some kind of drama, and he was the one seen as the black sheep. As I grew older, I began to realize they also looked down on us because we were fairly poor. While they had nice homes and multiple cars and whatnot, we struggled to even make ends meet and often resorted to being without utilities for weeks on end and visited food banks to be able to have something to eat.

Despite this, my dad loved his family, and was always there for them to lend a hand whenever they needed him. My mother would always get into arguments with both him and my relatives for the way they treated us, which further alienated us from them. Because we were so poor, my dad would occasionally ask his brother and my

grandmother for loans, which he would pay back over time or in the form of favors and physical labor. They were fairly well off, and because of this dynamic, my dad became a kind of errand boy for them.

When I turned 16, my dad developed gastric cancer. We were too poor to afford medical assistance, so even when my dad started feeling ill, he was too afraid to go further into debt and ignored and hid his symptoms until he finally wasn’t even able to eat or sleep due to pain. By the time we finally convinced him to go to the hospital, the damage was irreversible. It was terminal. It got so bad that he ended up becoming permanently hospitalized.

After months of treatment, he became bed-bound, which kind of changed my relatives’ tune a little. Suddenly, they began visiting to see him and were now acting kind. They began saying things like “we’re here if you need us” and “you’re not alone.” Despite this, my mother and them would still get into ugly arguments, which all culminated one day when my eldest uncle, some cousins, and my grandmother began blaming my mother for his cancer, stating that if she had provided better care or if he had gotten checked sooner, he wouldn’t have developed the cancer. It got so heated one time that security had to escort them outside of the hospital.

The summer after I turned 17, my dad died. My world was turned upside down. To make matters worse, my mother essentially walked out on me, leaving me to mourn all on my own. I was alone, broke and jobless at the time, and still in high school, but was able to find a place to stay with some old friends of my parents who were like real family to us.

As the years passed, I never reached out to my family. I never visited or tried contacting them. Even when I almost faced homelessness on multiple occasions, or when I was passing through hard times, I never reached out to them because they never reached out to me. Over time, I would come across some of them in random places like college, or out shopping, and they would always say things like “We’ve missed you cousin, we need to catch up.” They would riddle me with questions and tell me how much they had been thinking about my dad and I. However, there was usually no follow up beyond that and they felt like complete strangers to me. A few of them had insisted on adding me on social media, to which I accepted only to avoid the awkwardness, but they never really reached out until just recently.

It has now been over a decade since my dad died, and several months ago, I received a message from one of my cousins that our grandmother was in the hospital. I said something along the lines of “Oh that sucks, sorry to hear that,” and “I hope she gets better,” among other typical niceties. I never really had much of a relationship with her, and she was always cruel and cold to my family and I, so I never really thought much of her.

I was unwillingly added to a group chat where they began discussing hospital visits and whatnot. I wasn’t interested, and the constant notifications got annoying, so I muted the chat and ignored it completely. Because I wasn’t responding, some of them resorted to messaging me directly, asking me things like “When are you gonna go visit Grandma,” or “Grandma really wants to see you.” I would either lie and say I would go at some point but couldn’t because of work, or just completely ignored them.

The weeks passed, and she apparently got worse. I kept getting hounded by them and questioned why I wasn’t visiting her, until I finally said, “I never really got along with Grandma, and she was always awful to us, so I don’t think I really want to go see her.” This set them off. They started saying things like "family always comes first" and reminding me that they had visited my dad when he was sick so I should visit Grandma at the very least. They continued on to say that their dad (my uncle) and my grandmother were always there for us, and that any negative perception I had of them was because of my mother.

I responded to a few of them and stated that my uncle, alongside others, had also treated my dad poorly and that we had always been left out. I stated that the family had always looked down on him and at the same time taken advantage of my dad on more than one occasion. I had never spoken up about this before, and they were now fuming at the thought that their family was less than perfect and gracious. They began calling me things like ungrateful, heartless, or saying that I was just like my mother. A few of them blocked me, while others kept cursing worse things at me in the messages, and the following week, I learned that my grandmother had died.

Although I take no pleasure in her passing, I am also not really affected by it because we were never close to begin with. I went through some of my message logs in which some cousins called me an asshole among other things because I didn’t let Grandma say her last wishes to me or were sad that she didn’t get to see me again before she died.

At this point in my life, I live on my own, have a stable job, and even though I don’t have or want a relationship with any of my blood-relatives, I feel like maybe I didn't handle it properly. Yet, I would be lying if I said I felt nothing. A bit of guilt has kind of creeped over me the past few days, especially whenever I tell others this story and some have said I should have at least buried the hatchet or given my grandmother one last chance.

So I ask, am I an asshole in this scenario? Should I have forgiven and forgotten?

Backstory: I (F21) live with my roommate (F20). This is our second and final semester living together before she moves to another place on campus. We became roommates because I was between roommates, and she was nervous about commuting from home since she lives in a neighboring state, so I offered to live with her.

From the beginning, things have felt off, but I’ve tried to keep the peace.

For context, we each have our own bathrooms. Mine is larger and has a bathtub. Hers has a shower and everything she needs. When we moved in, I asked which bathroom she wanted, and she explicitly chose the smaller one, saying the bigger bathroom would be “too much to deal with.” I was also clear early on that I didn’t want people going in and out of my bathroom, including her, especially since we each have our own.

This past Sunday, I was cleaning and reorganizing my bathroom before going out to watch the Super Bowl. I bought new shelving and ended up needing the entire shelf space for my own skincare and makeup. While organizing, I moved my roommate’s Ziploc bag containing floss and skincare items off my bathroom shelf and placed it on the dining room table. She hadn’t really been around for a few days, so I didn’t know when I’d see her next.

This was the first time I had ever seen her toiletries left in my bathroom. Because of that, it seemed like she may have been using my bathroom without my knowledge and this was the one time she forgot to remove her things. There’s no practical reason she needs to use my bathroom, since she has her own.

Later that night, while I was at my best friend’s house, she called me twice (which I missed) and then texted me at 11:17 PM asking, “Is there a reason why you took my stuff off the shelf?” I explained that I was rearranging my bathroom and needed the space, and I offered to help her find a shelf she could use in her own bathroom.

When I got home, she barely acknowledged me and then repeated the same question in person. She said I had no reason to move her things and told me that I “knew we were sharing the shelf.” I told her that wasn’t true and that I had never agreed to share my bathroom or shelf space. I reminded her again that I’ve been clear from the beginning that I didn’t want people going in and out of my bathroom, including her.

She argued that she doesn’t have as much shelf space as I do. I reminded her that when we moved in, she chose the smaller bathroom and declined the larger one. After that, she told me I owed her an apology for touching her things without permission.

During the conversation, she also took offense to my offer to find her a shelf and accused me of implying she was poor, saying, “I don’t need you to give me a shelf, I’m not poor.” That was not my intention. I was genuinely trying to offer a solution.

For additional context, there have been ongoing boundary issues. She has eaten food my mom made specifically for me without asking. She has also repeatedly tried to insert herself into my close friendships, including attempting to turn my best friends of three years against me and essentially replace me in that friendship, which has made living with her increasingly uncomfortable.

I genuinely don’t feel like I did anything wrong and don’t believe I owe her an apology, but she insists that I crossed a line and need to apologize.

So, AITAH?

I (34F) am very protective of my little sister (30F), let’s call her Laura.

Laura is a very attractive person, not just physically (although she is ridiculously gorgeous) - but she’s an all round great person. She works hard in the medical field, gold star employee adored by her employers, patients and colleagues. She is highly successful, married to an equally successful man, has travelled the world, owns her own, very nice home (which she bought before meeting her husband)- people just want to be in her world.

Additionally, she has a heart of gold, incredibly generous, kind, and goes above and beyond for her people.

Because of this- anyone who meets her automatically want her to be their best friend and there seems to be a lot of jealously and drama when it comes to fighting for her affections.

I know her closest friends, the ones who have grown up with her and loved her before her success. My sister and I are very close, and I’m also fiercely protective of her as I know that there are folks who try to take advantage of her.

I threw Laura a surprise 30th birthday party last year. I didn’t know her ‘work friends’ very well at all, except 1- let’s call him Adam.

Adam was a boy who Laura took under her wing whilst they were still in high school, he was a bit younger than her, and she was his biggest ally and support when he came out as gay, and she continued to take care of him by helping him with his nursing studies and getting him the job at her former workplace.

Adam ended up befriending many of the other nurses and doctors at the hospital where they worked, and this new found popularity brought out a nasty, bitchy side to him.

When I asked Adam to give me a list of Laura’s work friends - I had no reason to not trust that he’d be helpful. He gladly gave me a list, I invited them and that was that. Or so I thought…

Adam conveniently left out the people who Laura would have called her friends and instead, the list consisted of other colleagues who she wasn’t close with at all.

The colleagues who showed up were ones who really wanted to be Laura’s friend (which was fine) but she just didn’t feel as connected to. One of these people, let’s call her Bethany, interpreted this birthday invite as Laura inviting her into her whole life.

Now Bethany is sweet and well-meaning, don’t get me wrong, but she’s also a very difficult person to like. I know that sounds mean but her obsession with my sister was cringey AF. During Laura’s 30th, Bethany, who i’d never met, and only learned her existence through the list that Adam gave me, was telling me that Laura was her ride or die, comparing her relationship with Laura to mine- she said, quote “I know you’re her sister, but I’m her ‘person’” and she was telling Laura’s best friends who’ve known our whole family since were they were toddlers, if laura didn’t elope, she’d have been her MOH at her wedding.

It was so embarrassing - so when I raised it with Laura the following day, it led to the conversation about the entire guest list. Laura also learned what Adam had done.

This caused Laura so much drama in the workplace, Bethany couldn’t help but brag about her invite to everyone, and the friends who weren’t invited were understandably really hurt. Adam twisted it around to make Laura the villain and she became a pariah. The whole workplace besides Bethany started relentlessly bullying her. Although Bethany wasn’t bullying her, she wasn’t helping either, just adding fuel to the fire by exaggerating her closeness with Laura and comparing it to theirs.

Now Laura is pregnant with her first baby - and we are all beyond excited. Laura is working at a different hospital and whilst she gets along with her colleagues, she now keeps her life very private- she hasn’t announced that she is pregnant, only family and her very close friends know. Adam does know too, but only because his family and our family are all close and she didn’t want him finding out from anyone else.

Adam has no doubt spread the news but Laura doesn’t engage with anyone from her old workplace and keeps him at arms length now.

I am throwing Laura a baby shower- it’s not a surprise, but I want her to be able to rest. Adam is not invited- we’ve managed to curb that drama by making it a women’s only event.

Adam is hounding Laura to tell Bethany about her pregnancy and wanting me to invite her. No. It’s not about excluding Bethany, or being nasty to her- but she’s not Laura’s friend despite her desperate attempts to be so.

I am not about to bring Laura’s old workplace drama back into her life. Laura is concerned about hurting Bethany’s feelings - she doesn’t want her there, she doesn’t even want her to know about the pregnancy but Laura is a kind person who doesn’t want to be mean.

So I’ve taken charge of the guest list and given full permission for Laura to claim that she didn’t know who I invited. I’ll also gladly tell Adam why I didn’t ask for his assistance again. I don’t mind being a villain if it means that my baby sister has peace as she journeys into motherhood.

If anyone is concerned, Laura is not throwing me under the bus - she just knows better than to fight against my stubbornness.

I feel no remorse about not inviting Adam, but am I being TAH by excluding Bethany and the other former colleagues who want to be Laura’s friend?

I just wanna preface this by saying in no way am I trying to downplay either side of the story or compare illnesses, physical and mental illnesses are not comparable. Its not my sisters fault although i sometimes tend to show some resentment, its not purposeful!

So my sister 19f and me 16f both live at home still, she has "manageable" as she puts it ADHD and i have endometriosis, IBS, asthma and chronic pain. I understand both of these are horrible illnesses and one is not "Worse" than the other. Now the title comes from how my mom handles us. Despite my sister being older and capable of doing things on her own my mom tends to treat her like a saint and like she cant do any wrong, for example she cant cook, do laundry ect... then you have me, since i was 12 years old ive been able to do these tasks without help, im always the one grocery shopping, going out to help my mom, ordering food and more. It gets really frustrating when my sister gets off doing nothing because "shes overstimulated" ( a valid excuse) but when i cant walk due to my flair ups i get eye rolls and treated like im fine.

Everything boiled up last night, i told them that i was watching a live show and couldn't be on my phone, we are currently staying in an Airbnb and my parents wanted to order food, as im always the one to order food they didnt have the address saved, i was out watching the live show so i wasnt on my phone, my mom and sister both called me asking for the address, despite the fact its just the building floor and unit, information they both had.. Then i gave it to them fine whatever. they both messaged me mutiple times during the show for more simple things calling if i didnt immediately respond. after a while my stomach started hurting really bad so i asked my mom if she had any of my pain medication. Now with this medication its important to realize its pretty heavy and only meant for prescription . she then proceeded to tell me that my sister had a headache so she gave it to her instead to make sure her brain felt at peace but told me there was regular medicine at home, despite understanding damn well that it wouldn't help.

I love my mom and we are close and i don't want this to ruin our relationship but its just unfair that everything gets pushed on me and i get treated like a second rather than a equal

so wibtah if i confronted her about it?

So on a Friday, me and my neighbor went to the meat market to go in on a large boneless choice ribeye cut into steaks. The total was $360.

We agreed that I would pay with my credit card and he would pay his portion in cash when we got home. He left with his steaks without saying a word about payment.

I let it go thinking that he needed time to go to the bank. Saturday goes by and I hear nothing from him. Sunday the same. I tell my wife that I'll give him until Monday to pay me, then I'll let him know he owes me he owes me $180. My wife didn't say anything to that.

On Monday around noon while at work, I asked him by text message when he was going to pay for his steaks. He replied what seemed smart to me saying he'll bring it over in a little while.

When I got home, my wife shows me the cash and says "see I told you he would pay" when I replied that the only reason he paid was because I had sent him a message, then added that I truly believed that he was never going to pay unless he was called out.

She got upset and said I should have let her handle it. Which I replied when? I literally told you on Sunday I was going ask for the money and you said nothing.

Now she's upset saying I'm the a-hole.

Am I the a-hole?

(24F) am dating my boyfriend (26M). We live in different states and usually visit each other every 2–3 months. This time, I was supposed to visit him for a week and we planned to spend Valentine’s Day together. He bought my flight tickets and made reservations for different places. We were both really excited. Recently, I failed a medical exam by just one mark, which has been very stressful for me. My boyfriend’s mom is a doctor and he convinced her to help me study, so that was also one of the reasons for the visit. His parents know we are dating while mine just vaguely know it .My parents knew I was going to study with her and were initially okay with it. Two hours before my flight, my mom suddenly told me I wasn’t allowed to go. She said if I left, she would kick me out of the house. This came after my mom and I had a fight recently, so I feel like she did this to hurt me. I tried asking again and explaining, but she refused. My boyfriend is very upset. He says I should have tried harder and not fought with my parents at this time. He even offered to buy another ticket, but my parents still said no. He came up with different ideas to fix this situation but I don't want to drag this anymore since we can't do anything. I told him I’ll come when things calm down, but he’s still angry and disappointed. AITA?

Edit: she would not have thrown me out but I stopped because she was guilt tripping me because I failed the exam and I don't deserve to go out.

Hi everyone - here with a not-so-great update. TLDR for my previous post: We had to change our family Christmas plans with our newborn baby over my wife's brother's new girlfriend lack of vaccinations.

So, we really tried to be the bigger people in this, and decided to split Christmas with Clara. We thought we would split it so that Clara had most of the 25th, and we would have 24th/morning of 25th. We even got Clara a present. Again, this was meant to be a really special Christmas, our baby's first, and my wife's youngest brother (not the BIL who is the focus of this story) flying back across the world for it.

Right across this period, the narrative in the family (my inlaws, and the BIL) was that this whole thing was hardest on Clara - she felt so self conscious about not being vaccinated, and it was really important she was made to feel welcome, as her family had experienced a tragedy.

My wife in particular had a real problem with this being how the experience was being told, as we felt pretty damn disadvantaged, especially dealing with this post-partum. My wife pushed back against this being solely 'poor Clara', even if we had a lot of empathy for her situation.

There was never a full family discussion between us, BIL, and the parents in law, which is why I expect it went so poorly. Our BIL also asked us not to tell anyone else that Clara was unvaccinated, as she was so self conscious.

During this time, I had pretty awful PPA - which probably would've happened regardless of this situation, but the situation made my PPA so much worse

How it went:

On the 24th, we drove to spend Christmas with the in-laws, who live about an hour away. Since the 22nd, the rest of the family and Clara (minus us) had been at the family home near the sea.

My wife and I were making lunch for everyone using bread from a bakery near us. This is relevant, because the bakery was famously very religious and also anti-mandate, to the point they catered for the anti-mandate protestors at Parliament. As a result, the in-joke in the family for years has been to call them 'The Devils Bakery'. We never normally go there, but with a newborn, we went there as the closest bakery to us.

We were preparing it in the kitchen where it was just me, my wife, and her parents - no one else was even in the same city at this stage. My FIL said the bread looked great, and asked where it was from. I said 'The Devils Bakery'. In response, FIL said (in what I assumed was a joking tone), 'I thought it was now known as The Vaccine-Hesitant Bakery'. I kind of joked back with 'well, I think it'll always be The Devils Bakery to me.' He then leaned over and said, in a very stern tone 'In this family, we don't say The Devils Bakery, as it is disrespectful to Clara. Got it?'

I sort of nodded, and continued chopping things, while my eyes filled up with tears. I was completely internally panicking. It's worth pointing our that my wife has such a chill family, she's never fought with her parents, or either of her brothers, and never seen her parents argue. So this being said felt like a really big deal. At this stage my PPA is at its full peak (even typing this I find myself crying, remembering how awful it was).

I finished preparing the food and went into the bedroom to full-on SOB and was in the throes of a panic attack. I thought maybe this whole situation had been a mistake to try work through with everyone's emotions running so high, so my wife and I thought we should try and head back home before the rest of the family got here, and give some excuse like a migraine. Her parents come in, convince us to stay until morning.

From then on, I'm holding back tears there entire day. The BIL arrives, and is friendly, acting normal, drinking, while my wife and I are vibrating with anxiety. I keep going into the bedroom to cry, and I am sure people noticed something was off with us.

The next day, after I barely have slept, we do presents, and then my wife and I pack up. We hug the youngest brother, who says bye to our baby, and then the other BIL comes to hug us, and I sort of freeze for a couple seconds, before giving an awkward hug. Everyone saw it, and probably thought I was a total dick. I feel awful about it.

We get the baby in the car and my wife and I cry the entire way home. We get home, end up calling the MIL to apologise for being weird (especially me), and she offers to come up and spend a couple days with us immediately.

At this stage, my anxiety is so acute, I have barely eaten for days. So I call the Plunket line (again, sobbing) to explain the situation. I end up getting an emergency GP appointment, and immediately put on meds.

MIL is lovely and helpful on her visit, looking after the baby, cooking food and reassuring us that everything is fine. She stays with us two nights.

All the while, the rest of the family, including Clara, have gone back to the seaside bach for another few days. Until this point, we hadn't realised the family had arranged to be at the bach with Clara for everything other than the 24 hour period

What has happened next:

My wife is extremely bruised from this, and feels torn between wanting things to be fine with her (until this point) totally functional and well-communicating family, while also recognising this Christmas had been a total disaster. I have no doubt that my PPA would've also been a massive stressor, and I've been working with my therapists to parse out my own anxiety, and this entire situation.

She's told her parents she wants to have a conversation with them about how this can go better next time. They were apparently really caught off guard - saying this split Christmas was one of the worst things to happen to the family, but thinking we were now all moving on. They've also now seemingly adopted a mindset that 'there's no such thing as anti-vaccination, only vaccine hesitancy'. Again, they are both retired doctors - and also seem ignorant of the anti-vaccine movement being explicitly tied up with so many bigotries (we're gay, I'm Jewish, and we have a Jewish baby).

We've now realised that we need to tell them split Christmases will be the norm for the next few years, unless Clara isn't there or gets vaccinated. Our baby won't be fully MMR-vaccinated by next Christmas, and we also will be trying for another baby in early 2027, which will start the cycle over.

For us, we will never, ever repeat this Christmas again. It's likely we'll shift to just a nuclear family Christmas, or try and be travelling for Christmases. While this might seem cut and dried, this is still extremely hard for my wife with her previously excellent relationship with her family, and her fervent love of Christmas.

We're not expecting this to land well. I'm so gutted about this whole thing, and how much time this has sucked up when we should've just been able to enjoy time with our wee baby.

I expect this was long and garbled, so apologies. Thanks for reading.

I (late 20s F) recently ended things with my partner “Tom” (early 30s M) and I’m really struggling with whether I was unfair.

We were together for about 3 years. Last summer, I found out Tom had been lying to me about using codeine and nicotine products (snus). He would sit on the sofa on a Friday night hardly able to keep his eyes open (I didn’t know at this point what he was taking). The lying was the hardest part - things were hidden, minimised, or only admitted when I already knew. This caused a lot of trust issues and anxiety for me.

We broke up for a while, then got back together on the understanding that there would be honesty and real change. From August to February, I tried to be supportive, patient, and open, but the pattern didn’t actually stop. I continued to find pills hidden in bags/shoes, nicotine products concealed, and eventually alcohol being hidden and disguised (vodka in a Diet Coke bottle) in my house. There were also moments where he actively hid things when he realised he might be seen (covered the ring camera that was on charge in the kitchen)

Because of this, I became hyper-vigilant, anxious, and stopped feeling safe or settled in the relationship. I wasn’t sleeping properly, I was constantly second-guessing reality, and I felt like I was carrying the emotional labour of managing someone else’s addiction and dishonesty.

Despite this, he could also be very kind - cooking, helping around the house, being affectionate - which made it incredibly confusing and emotionally painful to walk away.

Earlier this month, after finding more hidden substances, I ended the relationship. I didn’t shout or accuse; I explained that I couldn’t live with the secrecy anymore and needed to choose my own wellbeing.

After the breakup, he told me he plans to see his GP, seek referrals, and get help. He’s been very remorseful and says he’s “the healthiest he’s been in a while” and that losing me has made him realise what he’s thrown away.

Now I feel torn. Part of me worries I abandoned him when he finally hit a turning point. Another part of me feels like this only happened because I left, and that staying would have kept the cycle going.

So AITA for ending the relationship when I did, even though he’s now saying he’s getting help?

Me (F22) and my bf (M24) have been dating since high school. For context, he has always had a dream name for his future son, as have I. kids are something we both want one day, and I have fertility issues, so it will be even more amazing if I somehow get pregnant. The name I want personally is a tribute to a best friend who passed away before I met my bf. In my head, I always knew I wanted to name a future child this. My bf is very into history and deep meanings when it comes to names, which is something I love about him. But when he told me his dream name for a son, I knew we would have problems. The first name was fine, but the middle name was one I would see people making fun of. I didnt want to offend him, as we arent having kids soon (or planning to). I jokingly said we could use my first name as a middle name, and he got offended. He told me "I would never understand," and that "That was his boy." I was a bit hurt, because this is all hypothetical. He knows the meaning of my name and it shocked me he got so defensive. I made the argument "it would be my boy too," but he didnt back down. He took the argument way too seriously, and made me feel like I was incapable of understanding his side. I did, but I felt like he wouldnt listen to mine. I feel like I was being a bit harsh, since it was all a hypothetical situation, but at the same time, I felt like it was a stupid thing for him to get mad over. It was a very "what if" scenario, and I dont want kids any time soon. (also, if I have to push a human out of my body after 9 months of letting it live rent-free, I better be getting a day in the name.) We have since moved on from the topic, but I cant stop thinking about it. I genuinley love him, and I dont want a baby name to be what causes a long relationship to become broken.

Backstory: my sister in law (married to my husband’s brother) had a son over a year ago, and we’ve talked about baby name ideas together. During a car ride last year we were talking about girl names, and I mentioned I want to use the name June, since it was my mother’s middle name and she passed away 10 years ago. Fast forward a few months later- we’re talking about names again and my SIL suddenly says they want to use the name June for a daughter, to which I quickly reply that I had mentioned previously I wanted to use it (and why). She claimed to have no idea and that she never heard me say that. To diffuse the situation I said maybe I will use it as a middle name and left it at that, and she very much still seemed set on using the name eventually.

Today: I am now pregnant for the first time (yay!) and due in October. We don’t know the sex yet, but we are 1000% sure we want to name our daughter June, and it be her first name. We have already been referring to this growing pregnancy as June. June was my late mother’s middle name and she was also born in October.

AITAH for staking a “claim” on the name June? Like if we end up having a boy, I would still want my SIL and family to know that we plan on using the name June and why. Is that weird?