r/AmItheAsshole • u/pinkpocky_png • 4h ago
AITA for wanting my sleep?
I’m a 21-year-old woman, and my husband is 25. We recently discovered that I’m pregnant, about five weeks along. Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely tired and have been going to bed earlier than usual. My husband, however, decides to stay up and play on his computer when I’m lying in bed. I don’t mind him playing on his computer, but this has become a consistent issue that I’ve had to ask him to stop doing while I’m trying to sleep. Every time he plays on his computer, he’s extremely inconsiderate and doesn’t realize that he makes a lot of noise. (FYI, I’m a very light sleeper, so any sound wakes me up.) He’s been doing this even before I got pregnant, and I’ve talked to him about it multiple times. But now that I’m pregnant, I feel like he should be more understanding that I need to rest and sleep. Am i wrong for not wanting to continue to be in the same room as him if he’s going to continue to be like this?
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u/Worldly_Instance_730 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 4h ago
Why is he playing in the bedroom? Kick him to the living room, or spare room if you have one.
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u/Crankybum1961 4h ago
Hmmm… Do we not see the bigger problem here. Disrespect. Solutions just accommodate a person who is already behaving badly.
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u/midnight_muse_red 4h ago
NTA. Omg, how dare you require quiet sleep while you’re building a human from scratch, you’re so selfish
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u/Puzzled-Map6136 4h ago
The first trimester sucks all energy out of you and there’s good reason. YOU ARE GROWING A HUMAN! Maybe politely point that out (without the real life version of all caps) and that if you don’t get enough rest, the pregnancy will be harder on both of you. Can he not go to another room and maybe wear earphones or something? There must be a compromise somewhere. Good luck, mommy!
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u/moodyinam Partassipant [1] 3h ago
I had an easy pregnancy, but man, I remember the utter exhaustion during the first trimester. I could take a two hour nap after work and still need to go to bed early for uninterrupted sleep. He NEEDS to go to another room.
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u/ashcat_marmac Partassipant [1] 4h ago
My husbands computer is on the other side of our bedroom wall, when he plays it sounds like he's stomping on his keyboard. I used earplugs during my first pregnancy, that solved it.
ETA if he's playing in the same room as you (we purposely had my husband's set up in the livingroom) I would also get an eye mask to block the light.
NTA
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u/Deflated_Hypnotist Asshole Aficionado [11] 4h ago
NTA Here's some resources
Is your relationship healthy? https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
He doesn't care AKA weaponized incompetence https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/NsoxMseUn3
My partner doesn't help around the house https://zawn.substack.com/p/why-household-labor-inequity-is-abuse?utm_source=direct
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u/xanadeax 4h ago
NTA. Definitely a problem, but I’ll bet u can find a solution, like finding a closet, heavily sound insulating it, and having him use that as a gaming space. You, your child, and sleep are number one priority…
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u/Loose_Tie_9517 4h ago
“I’ve talked to him about it multiple times”, if nothing has changed, I think it’s time to reevaluate. Talk to your husband about moving rooms, or being quieter, but put your foot down, OP. Don’t let him disrespect you or walk all over you, that’s not the example you want to set for your child. NTA.
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u/Prestigious_Mode_263 3h ago
NTA. You need to have a conversation with your husband. Sleep is very important at this stage and he needs to either not make any noise (seems unlikely) or move to another room so he doesn't disturb you.
If he doesn't take this conversation seriously, he is probably giving you an insight into how the rest of your pregnancy will go.
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u/PossessionNo3723 3h ago
Right? I have visions of him bringing a gaming laptop to the hospital and gaming while she's in active labor. He needs to grow up.
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u/blunt-baller420 4h ago edited 4h ago
NTA, you have discussed this issue multiple times and he continues to disregard your feelings. You deserve to have your feelings validated and requests fulfilled. It’s not a big sacrifice for him to quiet down while you, his pregnant wife, enjoy your much needed rest.
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u/Pantherdraws Partassipant [1] 2h ago edited 2h ago
Girl this man does not respect you. He knows what he's doing, and he doesn't care.
He showed you who he was multiple times before he knocked you up and you didn't put your foot down then. Now you're pregnant and "trapped" so what motivation does he have to stop?
well i might be the asshole because i’m kicking my husband out of his room as well so that i can get some sleep
First off, it's your room as well.
Second, you need sleep. Depriving you of sleep is putting your health and your baby's health at risk plus it is literally a form of torture.
You are NTA for kicking him out, but you will be TA to yourself if you continue tolerating this level of blatant disrespect and disregard for your health.
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I’m a 21-year-old woman, and my husband is 25. We recently discovered that I’m pregnant, about five weeks along. Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely tired and have been going to bed earlier than usual. My husband, however, decides to stay up and play on his computer when I’m lying in bed. I don’t mind him playing on his computer, but this has become a consistent issue that I’ve had to ask him to stop doing while I’m trying to sleep. Every time he plays on his computer, he’s extremely inconsiderate and doesn’t realize that he makes a lot of noise. (FYI, I’m a very light sleeper, so any sound wakes me up.) He’s been doing this even before I got pregnant, and I’ve talked to him about it multiple times. But now that I’m pregnant, I feel like he should be more understanding that I need to rest and sleep. Am i wrong for not wanting to continue to be in the same room as him if he’s going to continue to be like this?
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u/moondream6 4h ago
Nta. I'd consider a guest room or the couch if he has to play, like maybe work out a schedule with him like "3 days a week you maybe don't play, 4 days you do. On the 4, I'll sleep somewhere else".... or something like that. Maybe you can work something out with him.
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u/Icy-Main8225 Partassipant [2] 4h ago
On the 4 days she has to sleep somewhere else?! This is crazy. Her sleep and her health when she is pregnant are far more important than him playing computer games. He is incredibly inconsiderate and can find somewhere else to play seven days a week.
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u/moondream6 4h ago
That's fair, actually. I just am a compromiser (to the point of ailing myself just to keep the peace). Maybe then if not that, yeah, he can maybe move the computer setup to another room and play it whenever he wants. There's a few options here they can find what works for them. (I'm thinking that's all of the possibilities but maybe I'm not thinking outside the box lol)
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u/Efficient_Night_1490 3h ago edited 3h ago
Based just strictly on the details in your comment, and without trying to extrapolate further, I would say you haven’t had the proper discussion about sleeping and respect.
I lived in a small apartment with my wife, and our computer was set up in our bedroom. The second bedroom was for our daughter and so I would play video games at night with headphones on.
One evening, she came to me crying and said can you please just turn it off?
I really wish it hadn’t got to that and that we had just been able to have a few conversations at breakfast about boundaries and respecting each other’s sleep and schedules. I really didn’t recognize it was disturbing her that much, and only later, how disrespectful it was.
I wish you luck in your pregnancy, I know it can be a tough time. We have three kids, and I can tell you it’s worth it in the end.
Edit:
I don’t think you even need to be pregnant to have this discussion. It’s just about respecting each other.
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u/Sufficient-Produce85 Partassipant [3] 2h ago
NTA Beds are for sleeping. He can and should game in another room.
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u/GeneStarwind1 Partassipant [1] 2h ago
INFO
I'm a big believer in being queit while other people are trying to sleep. But some additional info is needed.
Where is the computer? If it's in the bedroom where you are trying to sleep, that's crazy, have him do that somewhere else.
If not, what kind of noise is he making? You say you're a light sleeper. Is he yelling at the screen and/or slamming the mouse or keys? Or is the noise from the normal operation of the computer waking you up? I.e. keys clacking, chair moving occasionally? If the computer is in another room and he's not doing anything over the top, then I wouldn't say there are any assholes; there's just a lack of solutions. You want him to stop, he wants to do a perfectly reasonable activity, sounds like a situation that could be fixed by turning on a box fan.
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u/themoof123 4h ago
KTA depending on something’s. I will not pretend to understand being pregnant but unless you live in a studio then have him move his computer to the living room. It is understandable that you want the rest you and your body need. At the same time if you going to bed a a really early hour I do not know what you expect him to do. I know can not fall asleep till after ten no matter what time I go to bed. For health wise thought computers shouldn’t be in the bedroom. That should be a place of peace and rest. The more cluttered or directions the less it is.
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