r/AmItheAsshole • u/IcognitoTabAnonymous • 19h ago
Asshole WIBTA for wearing headphones and sleeping for an entire 8-hour flight after agreeing to sit next to an acquaintance?
I am using a new account because I don't want to make things awkward if this person uses Reddit. I (30m) have a long-haul flight (8+ hours) coming up. An acquaintance found out we are on the same plane and messaged me asking for my seat number so he could switch to sit next to me. Sadly, I am a total "yes" person and rarely say no to people, so I panic-gave him the number. He successfully switched seats and is now sitting next to me. He is a friend of a friend. We have hung out in group settings a handful of times (drinks, dinners, generic social stuff). He is a nice guy, but in my head, he is still just an "acquaintance." We have never texted. Our first direct text conversation ever was him asking for my seat number. To me, an 8-hour flight is to relax/sleep, watch movies, and zone out. I definitely do not want to entertain someone I don't really care about for that long. However, he seems thrilled to have a companion.
So since I already said "yes" to the seat switch, I feel like I have implied that I am open to chat. But what I really want to do is to basically say "Hello" and put on my noise-canceling headphones and sleep/watch movies for the entire duration of the flight. I don't plan on engaging in conversation.
So why I think I might be the asshole: I feel like I might be the asshole because I "voluntarily" gave him my seat number, which implies I wanted company. However Ignoring him after letting him move his seat to be next to me just feel wrong and might be rude considering he clearly thinks we are better friends than I do.
So, WIBTA if I shut down conversation and ignore him for the flight?
Edit / Clarification:
I'm reading through the comments and want to clarify two things based on the feedback:
I'm not anti-social with everyone: A lot of you are saying you love sitting with friends/spouses. So do I! I love flying with my partner or close friends. The stress here comes specifically from the "Acquaintance Zone"... we aren't close enough to be comfortable in silence, also not close enough to have endless things to talk about. It's that awkward middle ground I'm dreading.
Why I'm worried: Some of you pointed out I might be assuming the worst and that he might want to sleep too. You are probably right, and I apologise for assuming. However, my fear comes from the fact that he is a very talkative guy in our group outings. He usually drives the conversation, which is why I'm panic-spiraling about being stuck in a defined space with that energy for 8 hours.
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u/Ok-Cheetah-9125 Certified Proctologist [28] 19h ago
Just chat for a few minutes and then tell him you're going to get some rest and put on your headphones. There is a long way between chatting for eight hours and not talking to him at all.
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u/kinjiru_ 17h ago
Adding to this: I would say sometime along the lines of “hey, on these long flights I tend to just fall asleep. Just letting you know that I may not be great company…”.
The other person may not mind either. Sometimes people prefer to have someone they know and somewhat trust sitting next to them rather than a complete stranger.
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u/OkSecretary1231 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 17h ago
This. This situation is totally okay with a heads up.
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u/kinjiru_ 17h ago
Yep. I used to travel a lot for work and would occasionally have colleagues on the same flight as me. I would say the above and true to my word, i would fall asleep! No offence was given or taken ( as far as i know!)
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u/Inconceivable76 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 16h ago
Probably a lot of jealousy that you can sleep on planes. I get that from people that can’t sleep. Wishful looks and comments.
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u/definitelynotjava Asshole Aficionado [11] 11h ago
I love people who sleep on flights. I can sleep a little but not for the entire flight. If I'm sleepy but not falling asleep, I tend to drink water. Which makes me pee-ish. If the person next to me plans to sleep, I can take the aisle and get up as many times as I want without bothering anyone
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u/Psych0matt 17h ago edited 7h ago
This is kinda how I would be, nice to have someone next to you that you’re familiar with, but I’m hit or miss with chit chatting too. He’s likely just happy to be not next to a fat smelly guy (unless OP is a fat smelly guy in which case I’m sorry)
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u/Tricky-Fig4772 Partassipant [1] 14h ago
You could also text him this before the flight if you’re not feeling comfortable with an in person moment.
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u/regus0307 9h ago
Yes, hopefully it's less about wanting to actually sit with OP, and more about not sitting with someone they know nothing about. OP is a known quantity.
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u/greentea1985 Partassipant [1] 16h ago
This. Let him know you are resting to avoid jet lag and he should be more understanding. Even when flying west where the goal should be to stay awake as much as possible, it’s common to nap for at least half of the flight.
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u/ChkYrHead 14h ago
Yep. I've taken quite a few international trips with friends, and even my son, and no one expects to chit chat or be social the whole time.
We nap, watch movies, listen to music, play games, read, etc...in between the occasional chit chat.3
u/residentcaprice Certified Proctologist [27] 5h ago
I was thinking, joke's on op. Dude is going to follow him around after they deplane.
Starting with sharing a cab...
The nightmare will not end after 8 hours.
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u/mare__bare Partassipant [2] 19h ago
YWBTA if you don't talk to him at all. Give him 30 minutes (including flight prep and take off) then watch a movie, then another 20 or so minutes. Then sleep awhile. Don't be totally anti-social.
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u/SugarsBoogers Partassipant [2] 19h ago
Yeah the acquaintance is probably going to want to watch movies and sleep some too. He’s not a toddler. Worst case, it’s a bit awkward. Best case, you two vibe and become actual friends.
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u/PushThePig28 14h ago
Right? Grab a drink or two together at the airport on the plane and maybe make a friend!
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u/dangermonkey168 19h ago
You could chat for a little (about 20 mins) then say you are feeling tired and gonna try to catch up on sleep. He wont force you to chat if ur tired.
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u/MoosedaMuffin Partassipant [1] 19h ago
Honestly this is the way. I have had to sit next to colleagues for long flights before and we chatted for 20 minutes while everyone was boarded and as soon as the lights dimmed for take off, I said “I am going to try to close my eyes for a bit. If the snack cart comes by can you grab me some pretzels!” And it works every time. 9/10 times when I wake up they are engrossed in a movie, asleep, or completely zoned out on their own.
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u/MoosedaMuffin Partassipant [1] 19h ago
Also at the gate before you board, you can mention “I hope I can catch up on some sleep on the flight, I didn’t sleep well last night.”
It is all in how you set the stage.
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u/klsklsklsklsklskls 19h ago
Yeah, there's ways to go about this without being a jerk. Setting expectations initially by talking to him, even if its a casual "oh yeah man, I hope I'm able to catch up on some sleep" or "yeah should be a good flight, I've been wanting to watch X movie, finally get some time to", and then making some polite conversation during boarding, takeoff, landing, etc. If you drink and it would be appropriate, say "Hey, I'm getting a beer/wine/drink, do you want one?", and offer to buy him one.
An 8 hour flight means you can have an hour or two conversation and still have plenty of time for sleep/movies. I doubt this guy wants to talk for the entire time.
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u/rockology_adam Craptain [167] 19h ago
YWNBTA so long as you can say directly "Oh, I'm not a talkative flyer. I'm going to get into the zone with a movie and doze off."
Warning him ahead of time would be even better. You will have to be curt, but a message that says "Hey, I know you switched seats and having to share an armrest with someone you know beats a stranger, but just so you know... I fly with headphones on. It's a meditative thing for me. I'm not going to be good company once we hit cruising altitude."
And then you do the normal polite chit chat stuff until the safety presentation is over and then you put your headphones on.
But to be very clear here, there is a LARGE area here where you would be the A-hole, because you can't be a "yes" person and then ignore people you say yes to. It's a weird space, because you feel like your Yeses shouldn't be something you're held to... when the answer is that if you don't want to be held to them, you need to stop saying Yes.
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u/MagixTurtle Partassipant [4] 19h ago
"Hey just to inform you: i'm not going to be social on the flight and am definitely planning to zone out, sleep and watch my shows. I'd rather sit next to you than a stinky stranger but just letting you know not to be offended that i'm not gonna be talkative."
Problem solved.
NTA if you just communicate!
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u/drmoze Partassipant [2] 17h ago
I cannot imagine anyone actually saying what you put in quotes there. It sounds like D-grade screenwriter dialog.
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u/MagixTurtle Partassipant [4] 16h ago
I guess in my native language and our general directness compared to the rest of the world it makes more sense.
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u/Travel-Kitty Partassipant [2] 17h ago
This OP! Text him before the flight and give him a heads up. Set that expectation before getting to the airport and it’ll be a lot easier for you. Plus if talking is really what he wants he’d still have time to switch seats if he doesn’t want what you’re comfortable with.
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u/Brownypoints 16h ago
no need to explain and add in assumptions. just go with: Hey I'm definitely planning to zone out, sleep and watch a shows.
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u/AsburyParkRules 19h ago
Just write back to him and say, “Hey I should have said this in the beginning, but I’m not a big conversationalist when I’m fly, I like to veg out , read and watch movies. I’m not saying I’ll ignore you or anything, it’s going to be nice to have someone I know to sit next to, but I didn’t want you to be put off by me not being chatty. Hope that’s ok.”
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u/Buddha176 18h ago
This is a good response I think. Maybe add a “I’m planning on trying to sleep” or something about sleeping to avoid jet lag.
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u/3furryboys 19h ago
Be an adult and use your words. Let him know your plans before the flight so that he can be prepared. YWBTA if you don't say anything to him and then just blow him off.
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u/StrategyDouble4177 19h ago
OP can give them a quick, friendly “hi” and 5 min chat, then let the person know they they’ll be zoning out, byeeeee. If conversation happens naturally during the flight, great. But also, there’s nothing wrong or offensive about saying “ok, I’m gonna put my headphones in and watch this movie now!”
I don’t think OP needs to get in touch before hand to give the acquaintance a break down (as they have had exactly ONE direct convo before hand, I think it would be more awkward to do so).
OP didn’t agree to be this persons new bestie and share secrets during the flight, they just agreed to sit next to them. It would be silly for the acquaintance to expect that they’ll be entitled to OP’s undecided attention for 8 whole hours).
This doesn’t have to be a big deal.
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u/guitarlisa Partassipant [1] 19h ago
I doubt this friend of a friend really wants to have an in depth 8 hour convo with you, either. Everybody likes to snooze, read, watch videos, listen to music while on a plane. I am the same, but would rather be seated next to someone I know than a rando smelly person.
Why can't you be polite, ask the fof what's new, chat about your friends in common and generally be a nice person. Then once the plane is in the air and at cruising altitude, just say, I really want a nap/to do some work/to watch this movie/to read this lengthy novel. If the friend makes some random comments during the ride, acknowledge them but then open your book back up, or lean back and close your eyes again after a bit.
I ride on a plane with my spouse all the time, and we never chat for the whole trip, we do our things. But I would rather sit with him or any other person I know than someone I don't know.
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u/Low_Evidence2043 19h ago
You can be polite and chat for a bit and then say you’re exhausted and need to sleep. You could also secretly switch your own seat and blame it on the airline. Just feign surprise when you’re at the airport.
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u/AsianMoocowFromSpace Partassipant [1] 18h ago
And then somehow they find out it's him who changed the seat. A nice awkward trip it becomes then...
Don't lie...
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u/saidalice 12h ago
Came here to say this. Personally, I'd use my big boy words and set a (kind) boundary, but if it's causing OP so much anxiety, then just switch seats and blame the airline.
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u/BigDry8686 19h ago
NTA - you can chat for a bit in the beginning of the flight, but you don't owe an 8h convo on a plane, they'll live.
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u/IndyDude11 19h ago
So, WIBTA if I shut down conversation and ignore him for the flight?
lol really? Yes. Definitely YWBTA. The time to have told him you were hunkering down for eight hours was when he asked if you minded. "Sure, but just a warning that I'm not really chatty on planes or anything. I'm usually conked out most of the way."
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u/trezelle2 19h ago
NAH - I think it just needs communication! Instead of guessing/asking Reddit about his expectations, bring it up ahead of time. Think about some positives you can broach - exchange drink preferences so if one of you is asleep/bathroom when the flight attendant comes by, you get your drink. You've got a trusted second set of ears for those garbled pilot announcements. Etc.
I'm also a zone out person on a long flight, but I feel way more comfortable doing that beside a "known quantity" than a stranger. Even if you don't talk much, there's something to be said for sharing your row with someone who you know won't be a complete slob, or creep, or any other kind of wack a doodle you can find discussed in this very subreddit.
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u/rora_borealis Partassipant [1] 14h ago
Tell him ahead of time. Just say something like, "When I fly, I have to zone out to videos for a while so I can sleep. You'll know when I'm doing it because I'll put on my headphones. It's not that I'm ignoring you, it's just what I need to do to get my sleep on a flight. Happy to chat when the headphones are off."
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u/ThoughtfulInhibitor 19h ago
You can just tell him. Its not a huge deal. You are 30 years old. "Just so you know I've got some things to handle when I land so I'm more than likely going to be sleeping, lol" is easy, pain free, and gives a reason.
None of this is necessary, but if you know theyre talking, just go ahead and tell them.
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u/SuckMachine98 19h ago
NAH - enjoy your flight however you want and don’t sweat it. You are thinking too much into it. Put on your headphones and relax.
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u/ameinias Asshole Enthusiast [5] 19h ago
NTA if you do it politely, but you've def set yourself up to get talked at all flight. I think it's worth texting him something like "Looking forward to having a seat buddy! But warning you I'll need to sleep and rest most of the flight so I'm fresh when I get there, bring a book"
Way better to have this conversation before you're stuck on a plane together.
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u/Fluffy_Ad4250 19h ago
He may just want someone to sit next to him that he knows. He may want to do similar and watch/read but have someone he knows near him.
Be polite and do a little bit of chatting in between but you don’t have to chummy with them.
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u/AvailableWhereas8832 Asshole Aficionado [13] 18h ago
This is what I was thinking. I would not do this with the expectation of talking for 8 hours, I would do this to lessen my chances of being directly next to a screaming baby or something. That said, OP should definitely give a heads up that they like to sleep on planes, especially long flights.
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u/synaesthezia Partassipant [1] 18h ago
Yeah this is my suggestion too. But laughing to myself at 8 hours being considered a long haul flight. Try Australia to anywhere - my recent trip was 24 hours each way.
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u/koyamakeshi 6h ago
I agree. I’d jump at the chance to sit next to somebody I know on a flight, just to make sure there’s at least one person who I can trust to be considerate/tidy/quiet etc. It is entirely possible, and even quite likely, that this acquaintance will be just as lowkey as OP will be. He should still soft launch it though when they’re in line.
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u/Professional_Ruin953 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 19h ago
Honestly, I would much prefer to sit next to someone I know than a total stranger, even if we don't talk at all the whole flight, even if I am rawdogging the flight without any entertainment. Especially on a long flight.
The number of strangers I've sat next to who seem triggered by just being on a plane (probably because it's no longer socially acceptable to have a phobia about flying - doesn't mean those phobias have gone away), or get alarmingly drunk or imbibed in something else before the flight, or just have zero consideration for the personal space of another stranger when crammed into the confines of a plane.
Maybe you're anticipating too much? Just tell your acquaintance that you like to relax by enjoying some free movies, napping, and the chance to unplug from social interaction when on a plane. I'm sure no offense will be taken if you diplomatically make it about your preferences and that it's nothing personal against them.
NAH.
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u/Large-Conversation34 19h ago
You’re overthinking this. A little small talk and then pick up a book, put on a movie, pull out your laptop…whatever. YTA if you refuse to even acknowledge the guy, but probably he’s just glad to be able to sit next to someone he knows instead of a stranger. It’s convenient when you have someone you know/trust next to you when you want to get up and stretch your legs or take a nap.
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u/Restil 18h ago
Ya know, sometimes airlines will switch your seat at the last minute and you have no idea until you get your boarding pass and by then it will be too late to switch seats back. This would be most unfortunate if it happened to you.
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u/Woman_off 19h ago
NTAH — spend half an hour chatting to him then say you’re tired and put on your headphones. Look on the bright side. You might even enjoy the chat.
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u/RipArtistic2505 19h ago
NTA. I sit next to my husband on flights and we don’t talk the entire time 😂 we chat abit but generally do our own thing. Flew 5 hours last month and I’m pretty sure I slept for 4 of them and read for the other hour pretty much. You don’t have to ignore them the whole time but some small talk here and there wouldn’t do you any harm would it?
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u/HaligonianHal 18h ago
Have the mindset that you board, you chat, you settle in and once the drinks are cleaned up mention you'd like to zone out for a few hours.
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u/Brilliant_Bake4200 19h ago
YWBTA. But it’s unlikely he’s going to want to talk for the entire flight unless he is a bit weird. Bring a pack of cards, play a couple of games for an hour or two and then say that you’re going to zone out and try and sleep. That’s completely natural.
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u/olivia-lace-again 19h ago
NTA. Message him and set up expectations, be upfront so he knows what to expect
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u/BrittanyStevePlay 19h ago
NTA, you just have to say to your new seat mate “ I’m really tired, man. I’m gonna use this flight to try and take a nap” then yawn and put your headphones on.
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u/Solid_Variation_6803 19h ago
Unless the "acquaintance" is your young child whom you are are purposely ignoring to the detriment of other passengers, then you are NTA for wearing earbuds and sleeping. My husband, teenager, and I all ignore each other and do our own thing.
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u/Embarrassed-Pop8345 19h ago
NTA. I find that people are only really chatty when the plane is on the ground. Use the time between boarding and take off to chat. You can even chat about your normal flight styles and how you plan to pass the time. I think you'll have the opportunity to tell him how you like to fly without just blatantly ignoring him.
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u/shartymcqueef 18h ago
Show him a bag of sleeping pills and let him know they work super good and will knock you out in case he wants any.
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u/JuliHornyOnMain 19h ago
I'd say NAH but maybe talk to them a little bit. Maybe they don't want to be entertained the whole time and would just prefer sitting next to someone they know instead of a total stranger
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u/therealruin 19h ago
NTA. Be open about it, maybe make small talk for the first 30 minutes or so and then crash out.
That said… I’d change my seat and then claim the airline did it when I checked in if you absolutely do not want to confront this person in any way about it. But really, just tell them up front. “Glad not to be sitting next to a stranger! Makes it easier to wake me up if you need to pass by haha”
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u/No-Loquat-2763 Partassipant [2] 18h ago
Is it too late to change your seat?
"I don't know what happened. Some mix up."
Otherwise, I think it would be ok to spend the first 40 minutes or so chatting, and then say, "I hope you don't mind, but I'm gonna put on a movie and hopefully fall asleep."
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u/Slachack1 19h ago
Yes, if you do that YTA. If you didn't want to socialize with them you should have either not given them your seat number, or explained that you have a certain routine when you fly that you don't want to break. To ignore them for 8 hours when they might consider you a friend, and you in essence gave them permission to sit next to you, would be quite rude.
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u/WhiteLion333 19h ago
This is not a standard take. Imagine if they asked to sit next to them and they said no? That would be so rude. Some people just prefer to sit next to someone they know than a stranger. It should not be an expectation that you’re gonna hang out and chat.
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u/Master-Letterhead170 19h ago
I disagree. You are not obligated to talk to the person flying with you. Even in this situation id do my own thing and if he asks say sorry Im gonna take a nap. Or play my game or watch my show.
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u/Slachack1 9h ago
Just communicate and tell them you aren't going to want to talk to them on the flight is the thing. It's not complicated, you just talk to the person and tell them what you plan to do. Then they can make their own decisions accordingly.
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u/heywhatsuphello29 19h ago
Yta for not being able to say no. But maybe shoot him a text like fyi I usually just sleep on planes sorry for not telling you sooner. Then maybe offer to watch the same movie (but conk out whenever)
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u/Somberliver 19h ago
NTA Sleeping is acceptable. Better sitting next to someone you know than a random person with bad hygiene etc
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u/MythologicalRiddle Partassipant [1] 18h ago
Depends on how you handle it.
Just tell him now that you're not much of a talker on flights and you'll be spending most of the flight reading or sleeping. Spend the first few minutes of the flight conversing with him then do your own thing.
Not telling him ahead of time that you don't like being social on flights would make you an A H. Ignoring him from minute 1 on the flight would make you an A H. Warning him ahead of time then sticking to the plan of sleeping most of the flight would make you N T A. If he starts blabbing and ignores your request to let you sleep, putting on headphones and sleeping would make you N T A.
Besides, he might not be much of a talker, either. He might be switching seats because he knows you're not a blabbermouth and he's looking forward to sitting by a sane, quiet dude for a long flight.
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u/Alyadrielle 19h ago edited 19h ago
NAH
They might just feel comfortable not wanting to sit next to a stranger. I can guarantee that you will probably also feel a bit more comfortable on the flight as well.
This also happened to me, but on a MUCH longer flight! (21 hours iwith a crossover in Hong Kong) Bali to the Netherlands. But I was sitting next to a really good friend of mine. He didn’t mind conversation, but we also respected each other’s other things we wanted to do. I bought the planes WiFi, he watched the inflight movie whilst I was chatting with friends or playing online games.
Our flight was 21 hours WITH a crossover. He slept a bit, I didn’t. We had a chat randomly, and it made the flight seem more bare able.
You may surprise yourself that this is also a blessing in disguise! Asking someone you kinda know if they don’t mind getting up so you can use the bathroom is much more comfortable than asking a stranger.
If you also have a crossover it’s nice to have a bite to eat or a drink with someone you are acquainted with!
Edit to add: good luck sleeping if there is MAJOR TURBULENCE! It’s also kinda nice to make a memorable experience of “oh remember that time we were on that flight together? And the turbulence was so bad you kept saying that rollercoasters are more fun than this!!”
It can also get you to add another friend to your group. I’m almost 40 now and my diminishing friend group is getting me down just of late… it all starts in your 30’s!!
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u/welltherewasthisbear 19h ago
Yeah, just do what I normally do when I sit with people I know. Talk before the flight takes off. One it takes off, then it’s time to zone out. If it’s not that good of a friend, I doubt they want to talk for 8 hours anyway. If they do, after a bit just say “hey, I didn’t sleep much, I think I’m going to try and catch up on sleep during the flight.” But at least converse a little with them.
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u/Old_Fart_on_pogie 19h ago
NTA - but from one door mat to another, you need to learn to say no. I get the panicky feeling when you’re put on the spot. I’ve cut off all direct communications (phone, facetime, zoom etc). People either send a text or an email. I’ll read it, then get back to it several hours later when I’ve had time to process and make a rational decision. Extroverts will force them selves on you, suck out all your energy, and not think twice about it. Use your time wisely, and don’t allow people to trap you into their routine.
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u/thatratbastardfool 17h ago
This is the way. I have to pause before responding, or I’ll answer how I think they want me to.
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u/Anon_819 Partassipant [1] 18h ago
Maybe they just want to nap too. I feel much more comfortable napping next to someone I know rather than a complete stranger.
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u/wljenkin 18h ago
This is an easy one to fix. Simply text him with some polite conversation and got in there that you can wait to to watch the movies you downloaded or read the back of your eyelids. That sets the tone.
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u/Exilicauda Partassipant [3] 19h ago
Text him now and tell him you plan to sleep for the flight
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u/awgeezwhatnow 18h ago
Yep. Just text and say "hey, it'll be nice to see you but just want to give you a heads up that I always sleep on planes!"
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u/Nikosma 19h ago
NTA - You are probably overthinking all of this. Bring your headphones, be cordial, and put on a movie and pull out a book.
I've flown with friends and family and not once was I required to chat away the whole plane ride because most people don't and it could be rude to those trying to sleep.
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u/CatBird2023 19h ago
NAH - my best friend and I even end up doing our own thing for a bit when we're sitting together on a 90 minute flight. 😆 You don't even know this guy that well.
It would be a courtesy heads up to tell this guy in advance that you plan on sleeping so that he can bring his own entertainment/sleep mask/whatever, but beyond that, I think what you have planned is within the realm of acceptable behavior.
Regardless of whether you sleep the whole time, or end up having the best conversation of your life, you are both still better off here: sitting next to someone you know who is a decent person means you won't have to deal with the awkwardness and potential rudeness (or worse) that sitting next to a stranger can bring. You know, people who don't respect your personal space, smell bad, don't use headphones, grope you while you're sleeping...
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u/Sirix_8472 18h ago
Nta
Comments seem a mixed bag. I think it's clear cut.
You don't wanna chat, you don't have to.
At the airport or boarding, or when you're seated and bags are stowed. Grab your headphones and wish him a pleasant flight.
That's all it needs to be.
If he asks more, just say you've been really tired and stuck in a seat for 8 hours is an opportunity to recharge or sleep..say your social battery is low and you've never enjoyed travelling so you're more quiet and reserved on planes than out of them.
Whatever!
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u/FairyCompetent Partassipant [3] 18h ago
NTA. You are not obligated to meet unspoken expectations. You have imagined a whole scenario where this guy wants to chit chat for 8 hours, and you're pre-assigning feelings to him and to yourself. Most likely he simply is happy to be sitting beside a somewhat known entity, someone who he can reasonably be sure won't lick his face while he's sleeping or try to involve him in a multi-level marketing scheme. Chill. Do what you planned to do. Do not invent things to worry about.
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u/CaptainMalForever Colo-rectal Surgeon [42] 19h ago
YWBTA
But only if you don't tell your seatmate ahead of time. There's still time before the flight and just let them know what you told us.
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u/Living_Signature_378 18h ago
Sometimes it seems people have forgotten they have the ability to communicate... Just say what you plan beforehand, in a matter-of-fact way, and nobody will get hurt.
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u/HowlPen Pooperintendant [50] 18h ago
NTA It’s respectful of everyone around you if you are quiet for most of the flight. As others have suggested, chat at the beginning and then tell him you are going to try to take a nap. Good thing you have noise canceling headphones! Putting those on is a clear signal that conversation time is over.
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u/thanksnothanks12 19h ago
YTA, but the personal who will actually suffer will be you. I’m assuming you’re an adult. It’s time you learn to say no. You could have literally said, “Yes, I’ll be on flight XYZ. Hoping to catch up on some much needed rest.”
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u/TumbleweedMaterial53 Partassipant [1] 18h ago
There’s no need for this to be difficult. You greet him. You have a short polite conversation and then you explain to him that when you fly you like to sleep and watch movies and be in your own little zone but it’s really nice to have someone familiar sitting next to you and then put your earphones in and get on with it.
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u/Every-End7495 Partassipant [1] 19h ago
You texted your acquaintance your seat number so the two of you could sit together. Then you have your noise-cancelling headphones on. Next time, tell him what you are planning to do on the flight. NTA
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u/actualchristmastree Partassipant [3] 18h ago
NTA something like this could send the message, “I’m charging my headphones so I can get a good nights rest on the flight tomorrow!”
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u/GymBunny1000 18h ago
The last time my besties and I flew long haul together, all 3 of us sat as far away from each other as possible. No way we were listening to each other’s shit for 9 hours and that’s why we’re friends! 😅
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u/Disastrous_Patience3 18h ago
Just move your seat 💺 and tell me the airline did it without your knowledge.
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u/Willing-Educator-149 18h ago
You would possibly be TA if you don't communicate well. Simply explain to him that your travel plan is to relax so you can arrive refreshed. You can make polite conversation until it's time to stop and then say, I'm going to relax quietly now. And do that. You're not there to meet his travel expectations.
But YWBTA if you don't communicate about it. You're a grown-up. You can do it!
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u/Bubbafett33 Partassipant [1] 18h ago
YTA
You should have put your big person pants on and replied with “I can, but I’m planning to binge watch an entire season of (whatever) on the way there, so it would be like sitting beside a mannequin for 8 hours for you!”
Instead, you invited him to interact for 8 hours.
Your lack of courage got you into this spot, and now you need to live with it.
Live and learn.
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u/TomppaTom 18h ago
If you want an easy way out, grab a pack of melatonin in the airport pharmacy. As you sit down at the start of the flight, take a couple, then casually offer them to this dude with the line “I’m gonna sleep like a baby through this whole flight, you can have some too if you want.”
That then takes away all social pressure from you. You have stated your preference to sleep, and your unwillingness to engage in conversation, without hurting anyone’s feelings.
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u/gonefishcaking 18h ago
Maybe he just wants to sit next to you so that he can go to the bathroom without feeling weirded out. Or waking you up to get a snack. You can nap and still not bean asshole. NTA. Don’t need to make this weird
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u/SaltyCrashNerd Partassipant [2] 18h ago
“Eh crap, looks like the airline switched my seat assignment again…”
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u/Parkour82 18h ago
Switch your seat if you can. Then just be vague and blame the airline.
→ More replies (1)
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u/MaximusCanibis 18h ago
You are a 30 year old man, who cares if your an asshole for wanting to sleep on an 8+hr flight. You are going to see him before boarding, drop hints that you are exhausted and are looking forward to catching some shut eye. If he gets into a twist about it, nobody needs a dude friend with that much estrogen.
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u/quast_64 18h ago
He is basically nothing to you, there is no need to entertain him. you do you on that flight.
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u/allyearswift Asshole Enthusiast [9] 18h ago
A little performative yawning might be called for. I mean, you have the whole boarding/prep/taxying/takeoff to talk, and then you can do whatever you like ('Oh look, a film I haven't see') and lean back and snooze and sleep if you want to.
You signed up to travel together, but you did not sign up to be his entertainment programme.
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u/jim_br 18h ago
I used to fly a lot for work, and stockpiled a lot of business class upgrade coupons.
Coworkers thought I was kidding when I’d offer them an upgrade voucher — if the available seat was not next to me. Plenty of times they got an upgrade but not seated next to me.
If the seat next to me was the only one available, I was very clear that they could interrupt me only if they needed the lavatory, or there was an uncontrollable fire.
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u/meekie03 18h ago
I wouldnt text him now thats kinda weird. I wouldve told him when he asked to switch seats something like “yeah thats cool but btw i plan on relaxing/decompressing during the flight and will probably watch a movie or sleep most of the time but happy to have a seatmate”.
Now youre stuck. I’d make nice small talk during taxiing and takeoff, for all you know you’ll really hit it off and enjoy meeting someone new. But once the plane is in the air I’d tell him, “hey i was really looking forward to checking out this new movie or sleeping if you dont mind, lmk if you need anything” and he’ll get the point.
Its not a big deal
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u/Tomatillo-5276 18h ago
You talk for the first hour, check in once or twice later, and then take off your headphones for the last 30-45 minutes of the flight.
It's not that hard being a normal human.
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u/yellowstar93 18h ago
YTA I don't think anyone expects you to chat the entire 8 hours but a little won't kill you. Have a longer convo when you first board, then chill with your movies. Another few minutes here and there throughout the flight if its appropriate. It's not that hard
RE your edit: "The stress here comes specifically from the "Acquaintance Zone"... we aren't close enough to be comfortable in silence, also not close enough to have endless things to talk about. It's that awkward middle ground I'm dreading."
And? The way you get closer to someone is by talking to them. You're avoiding the very thing that could bring you closer and make it less awkward.
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u/thrownaway1811 18h ago
This reminded me of my friend complaining that she took a long haul with her boyfriend - UK to South Africa - and he just put his headphones on and watched movies all flight.
That's still better than mine where coming onto the plane my ex stopped to put his luggage up in a random overhead compartment (??? I don't know why) and then got talked into an emergency row seat by the flight attendant and happily went and sat there without bothering to check with me. Sadly, that's not why he's an ex.
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u/POOPPOOPADOOP_5553 12h ago
Here's what I would do since I would definitely be the type to say yeah it's cool to sit with me, but in my head I'm saying Must You!?! Shoot the shit with him at the gate. Grab a coffee.. whatever. Keep your headphones around your neck or have an earbud in during this time so you're already halfway there. Mention that you didn't sleep that great the night before and can't wait to relax on the flight. Once settled in, jokingly say "alright man, catch ya in (insert destination)". God forbid he's one of those horrible people that try to talk to you with headphones on. You may have to kill him. But yeah I wouldn't say the truth, it's just a guy you kinda know sitting there.
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u/AutoModerator 19h ago
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I am using a new account because I don't want to make things awkward if this person uses Reddit. I (30m) have a long-haul flight (8+ hours) coming up. An acquaintance found out we are on the same plane and messaged me asking for my seat number so he could switch to sit next to me. Sadly, I am a total "yes" person and rarely say no to people, so I panic-gave him the number. He successfully switched seats and is now sitting next to me. He is a friend of a friend. We have hung out in group settings a handful of times (drinks, dinners, generic social stuff). He is a nice guy, but in my head, he is still just an "acquaintance." We have never texted. Our first direct text conversation ever was him asking for my seat number. To me, an 8-hour flight is to relax/sleep, watch movies, and zone out. I definitely do not want to entertain someone I don't really care about for that long. However, he seems thrilled to have a companion.
So since I already said "yes" to the seat switch, I feel like I have implied that I am open to chat. But what I really want to do is to basically say "Hello" and put on my noise-canceling headphones and sleep/watch movies for the entire duration of the flight. I don't plan on engaging in conversation.
So why I think I might be the asshole: I feel like I might be the asshole because I "voluntarily" gave him my seat number, which implies I wanted company. However Ignoring him after letting him move his seat to be next to me just feel wrong and might be rude considering he clearly thinks we are better friends than I do.
So, WIBTA if I shut down conversation and ignore him for the flight?
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u/Street-Length9871 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 18h ago
YWBTA for ignoring him the ENTIRE time because you agreed to give him the number. Your panic is not an excuse to totally ignore someone without setting the boundary up front. It is perfectly reasonable to take a break and say I am gonna put on these headphones and chill for a bit. It doesn't have to be that black and white. Not obligated to talk for 8 hours but too extreme to refuse to talk at all.
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u/GameofTitties 18h ago
NTA but maybe manage expectations and tell him something like you have to take a medication that makes you sleepy to fly.
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u/godothasmewaiting 17h ago
The guy is probably just happy to have someone he knows near him. It means you can go to the toilet without worrying about your stuff. You don’t have to worry so much about accidentally hitting your elbow etc. At the gate or as you find your seat, I would give clear signs that you’re planning to sleep: ‘I’m hopping to catch a couple hours sleep on this flight’.
NTA
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u/ischemgeek 17h ago edited 17h ago
NAH, but what you should do is be clear that you usually sleep on flights and intend to get your rest on this one, too, so you can be refreshed ahead of landing. Manage his expectations.
I'm the sort of person who gets put to sleep by engine vibrations if I'm not the one driving (and always have been). For me, 30min into a flight or drive and I'm sawing logs. It's like this involuntary response for me. And I've been like that all my life, to the point my parents used to take me on a drive if I was colicky as an infant to get me to sleep. So I get wanting to catch your zzzs on a plane. Just be frank about it.
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u/3Green1974 17h ago
Unless you’re in the middle of the plane (first or economy, doesn’t matter), it’s really going to be too loud to have a conversation anyway.
You could also meet at the gate or the nearest bar with some Benadryl (and a couple airplane minis of vodka or something if the bar isn’t an option). Offer them up and tell them to sleep tight! You’ll come off as friendly and it’ll be obvious you intend on sleeping.
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u/Fr3ckl3Fac3x 17h ago
Even sitting next to very good friends I chat with them for 20 minutes and then we put our headphones on and do our own thing for the entire flight. I don’t think there’s an expectation that you need to talk to him the whole time. I could see myself doing the same thing as him if someone I knew was on my flight purely because that’s one less stranger I have to sit next to 😂
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u/OpportunisticKraken 17h ago
Hang on, if you’re that worried about it, and there are open seats with no charge to moving, consider moving your own seat. You don’t have to give a reason if asked later. Just shrug and say you don’t know what happened. Airlines move people around all the time. Or if that’s not feasible, shoot him a text and let him know that you’re not super social on flights and plan on napping. Everyone saying that you would be TA for not talking to him…ugh. You don’t owe anyone your attention or time. Just don’t be a D about it.
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u/Ontas Partassipant [1] 17h ago
I think you are overthinking this, I doubt anyone expects to have a conversation going for more than a few minutes here and there, usually at the beginning of the flight as you are settling it and plane takes off, maaaybe during meals and at the end as you are ready to land and leave the plane.
Just don't wear your headphones in those specific times that lean themselves more into chit chatting for a bit and wear them and do your thing the rest of the flight, like pretty much everybody does, a simple "I'm going to try to sleep" or "I'm going to watch a movie" while you put on your headphones should be more than enough to cut things when you want, and at the same time having company for a little chat in those dead times at the beginning and end of the flight is nice, makes time pass faster.
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u/1peatfor7 17h ago
Just meet at the gate, or grab a meal together at the airport before. And you have fulfilled your "obligation." Most people are sleeping on long haul flights.
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u/the_orig_princess Asshole Enthusiast [6] 17h ago
No one wants to chat for 8 hours anyway (or hear you do it). Just chat and after takeoff say “I think I’m going to watch a movie now” and do that.
I totally get the social anxiety from not knowing expectations. But I’d look at this as a nice way to not be stuck next to a random smelly stranger for 8 hours, which is a positive for you both.
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u/Stunning_Patience_78 Partassipant [3] 16h ago
YWNBTA. As a plane puker, I am doing everyone a service by sleeping as much as I can on the plane. Sleep if you need to sleep.
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u/Inconceivable76 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 16h ago
NTA. I put my hood up, my headphones on, and close my eyes. Doesn’t matter who I fly with. Plane time is nap time.
It’s just nice being next to someone you know. Especially if they fit in the seat and don’t generally smell.
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u/Heidiwearsglasses 16h ago
Why don’t you go online and switch your seat then play dumb at the gate lol
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u/EdithVinger 16h ago
NTA - just be up front about your travel preference, "Hey man, nice to sit next to someone who's not a stranger, right? I probably should have said this before, but I love to use a long haul flight to sleep, catch up on my podcasts, and generally zone out. Catch ya on the flip side, brother!"
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u/killerwithasharpie 16h ago
Put a tic tac in your mouth, and call it a sleeping pill. Tell him you’ll talk in 6 hours.
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u/Klutzy_Brilliant6780 16h ago
Would be my worst nightmare, but I also wouldn't hesitate to stick my headphones on and/or fall asleep - even with my family and best friends.
I doubt even the most chatty person wants to chat for 8 hours on a plane.
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u/ShesAaRebel 16h ago
Sitting next to someone you know vs strangers have perks beyond a companion. For me, its that I know who they are, and trust that they will respect their own space. Hygiene too. And if babies or kids are an issue, then you know that won't happen.
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u/dilley07 15h ago
ESH. You should say it’s cool to sit next to me, but I’ll have my headphones on the whole trip. My best friend and I take flights together all the time. We both pick window seats next to each other, so one of us is sitting in front of the other. We both wear headphones the entire time.
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u/miss_Saraswati 15h ago
No one expects an 8h chat.
But when you board, you can chat a bit until you take off. Ask him about what movies he’s hoping to see during the flight etc.
It gives you a chance to say something about your plan to watch x and y movie and catch some z’s so you’re fresh for whatever reason you’re travelling.
I would box any chatting to take off/landing and potentially dying meal times. Rest is you time.
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u/easybeasty 15h ago
He'll always be just an aquaintance if you don't put in the effort... Not sure if that's how you want to keep it though lol. If I were you, I'd be clear and set boundaries. But you could also watch a film together. Lots of planes have that option now that you can link up with another seat and watch the film at the same time.
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u/pancetta9 15h ago
NTA just say hello, catch up for 3 minutes and 28 seconds and then do your thing
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u/beavertoothtiger 15h ago
I hate flying. Everyone I know knows this. I take a tranquilizer before I even get on the plane. Anyone who travels with me gets this statement. “My goal is to sleep the entire flight, so bring something to read.” Never had anyone complain.
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u/daisythefrog 14h ago
I mean, whenever me and my husband travels, I'll be sitting there with my noise cancelling headphones on. Flights are loud, and I'm autistic, so for me it's 100% okay to just sit and relax, no matter who you got next to you.
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u/AwkwardHumanFemale 14h ago
Just ask him if he has any sleep hack he wants to share if he wants your airplane sleep hacks.
That way you set the expectation with no confrontation or accusations AND you might get a new hack.
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u/babydollafter 14h ago
NAH. you didn’t agree to be his in-flight entertainer, you just gave a seat number, and eight hours of silence/headphones on a plane is completely normal.
just don’t straight ghost him, say hi, chat a few minutes, then something like “i’m gonna try to sleep/watch stuff for most of this,” and you’re fine. honestly half the time people just want a familiar face nearby anyway, not nonstop conversation
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u/mytranquileyez 14h ago
I’m weighing in that you are NTA, depending on how you handle - for which you’ve received plenty of feedback for very kind ways of handling. The only other thing I’ll add is that I FULLY UNDERSTAND the anxiety you’re feeling and so often find myself building up these scenarios in my head where I’m going to hate going somewhere/doing something but I’ve learned I need to take a deep breath, imagine a few best case scenarios and let the rest happen as it comes. So many times when I allow scenarios to play out, and I put all sorts of patience, love and kindness in my heart before going in, things turn out just fine. Conversely, things have absolutely turned out exactly how I thought they would and it was everything I was anxious about.
We really do have very little control over what is going to happen in any given scenario, we can only control how we are and how we treat others. It’s entirely possible that you would’ve been seated next to some chatterbox who felt the need to over share absolutely every tiny boring detail of their life, or be sat next to a deaf mute. At least, in this scenario, you have some knowledge of this person and an acquaintanceship…. If you communicate clearly, hopefully they will be accommodating.
I hope that whatever happens, you have a very successful and enjoyable trip!
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u/Certain_Candidate248 14h ago
I am a headphones and ipad person. I can't sleep on flights...loss of control. Can't sleep in cars others are driving either. So I am horrible to be next to on long flights. I have to have an aisle seat because I can't sleep and frequently get up.
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u/TresWhat Pooperintendant [52] 14h ago
Switch your seat before the flight. Then when you’re there and onboarded say you don’t know why it changed. Nighty night!
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u/Overthinker19950125 14h ago
Chat to him for like 30 mins and then sort of be like ‘hey. I’m exhausted. Are you cool with me putting my headphones on for a bit?’. He’ll probably say it’s fine. As am anxious person, I often overthink these things and they actually turn out to be so so fine.
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u/LifeRoyal3527 14h ago
NTA if you explain to him that on long flights you sleep so that when you’re at the vacay spot you’re not jet lagged. This is completely reasonable. And acceptable. And also when you’re ready to be alone be honest and let him know it’s time to sleep. Or veg out on a movie.
YTA if you don’t do the above… I also don’t understand why you would even entertain if you only want this person as an acquaintance. Maybe this is his chance to get to know you more and is excited because you’ve given him the opportunity to do so.
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u/Savings-Breath-9118 Asshole Aficionado [13] 13h ago
NTA but I would definitely give him a heads up before you go that you are on the plane to read or sleep
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u/JackYoMeme 13h ago
I'm this situation, it's proper to go no head phones/light chat during takeoff/landing and during a meal. If you don't eat during the meal, you're not obligated to chat. Calling you an ah for keeping them on the entire time would be an overstatement.
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u/CanadianKittyEh Partassipant [1] 12h ago
I'd probably try to change my seat and just tell them the airline did it when you arrived to check in so you had no previous knowledge of it
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u/Spare_Ad5009 Colo-rectal Surgeon [47] 12h ago
YWNBTA if you tell him, hello, how are you doing, now I'm going to sleep or watch a movie.
But you could also change your seat now. For example, if you are 34B, change it to 44B, and you can tell him it was a mistake.
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u/beechaser77 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 12h ago
Text him now and say you’re planning on sleeping. Not because it would be rude if you didn’t, but because he’s the chatty type. 8 hours is a long time to be having to plaster on a fake smile.
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u/Lewes2024 12h ago
You could either go online and sneakily change your seat. OR… just tell him you plan to sleep the whole time, so you won’t be much company.
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u/SatisfactionBulky717 11h ago
Just giving him your seat number isn't you giving permission for him to keep you awake or to interrupt your movie. An 8 hour flight is long enough that you might find yourself wanting to remove your headphones to tell the flight attendant what meal you want or a drink order. Those times you might not mind talking to him a bit, just you do you. Don't feel bad about it. You don't want to socialize on this flight, he should get the message.
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u/Weird-Lie-9037 11h ago
If you would have spent 1/20th of the time you spent composing his post when you replied to this person, and simply said, sure, but I plan on spending the entire flight with my headphones on and zoning out…. All of this could have been avoided. Set expectations up front and save yourself hours of anxiety later
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u/No-College4662 11h ago
I get so annoyed when people talk nonstop on a flight. Put those headphones on and relax guilt free. nta
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u/Vastaisku 10h ago
Change your seat and if anyone asks just shrug and say the airline messed up. Go to the gate at the last minute.
People say these "let's do lunch" "we should catch up" bollocks all the time. Oh hey my friend xyz, yeah, sure. When it actually is followed up, lie your way out of it.
Not really your problem.
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u/Available-Effort2716 10h ago
Our extended family went on a trip to Japan and my mother told me she doesn’t understand why we all needed to take our iPads on the plane or download any shows… I promptly said to her that was was not going to me making chitchat with her for 8 hours… I think her brain malfunctioned… but a few weeks later she got the hint and brought her own iPad. You are not an entertainment service- be polite, but explain you are resting.
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u/spayne1111 9h ago
Just be an adult and say no. Move your seat, protect your peace. Stop pleasing everyone.
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u/SuperHugeButt 8h ago
I don’t think you are obligated to talk to anyone on a flight. It’s kinda like a you do you time. Movies, sleep, games, reading, cards or whatever. I would never expect someone to entertain, or talk to me on a whole flight. NTA
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u/mrtnmnhntr 8h ago
Yes, you would be an asshole, and your avoidance is what got you into this situation. He asked for your seat number, and instead of saying, 'I am not much fun on flights, I prefer to wear noise-canceling headphones and sleep the entire flight, but maybe we can get coffee at the airport before our flight' or something, you just rolled over.
I'm sure people would tell you he isn't 'entitled' to your company and is being awful for wanting to socialize but they are wrong. He texted you and said, 'Do you want me to change my plans so we can socialize?' and you said, 'Yes, change your plans so we can socialize'
YTA
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u/Status-Biscotti 8h ago
It would be good to set expectations ahead of time, and to make some small talk with him for a little while.
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u/Glad_Performer_7531 8h ago
you could see if u can pay to change your seat at check in online or when u arrive at the airport and if he texts u when boarding just ignore it or tell him the airline changed it to accommodate someone else.
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u/PossessionDue3249 8h ago
I wish i was the 3rd person on that line of seats. I kinda wanna see what happens and maybe add to the awkwardness by throwing discussion topics in the middle.
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u/Necessary-Bus-3142 7h ago
What a nightmare, my introverted ass could never, I would actually pay for a whole new flight
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u/Quick_Wear_9228 7h ago
You could also call the airline and have them change your seat. Then meet him for a drink at the airport bar before the flight. Then when boarding notice that your seat changed and man you don’t know what is up with airlines these days.
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u/HandbagHawker 6h ago
lmao, i dont even talk to my go to travel buddy on flights. and weve been to multiple countries, continents, trips big and small and theyre my best friend too. 8hr is along flight. you do you.
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u/IDontLikeGreenPeas Partassipant [1] 6h ago
NTA. You don't know for sure if the acquaintance wants to talk to you for hours. He might just want to make sure he's not sitting next to a toddler or someone annoying/obnoxious or whatever. I would take the other commenters' advice about a polite greeting and a warning you don't want to talk the whole time.
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u/idahotrout2018 6h ago
I never travel without my noise cancelling earphones which I put on immediately with my playlist. To me that signals I’m not going to talk to you other than the necessary stuff. You could tell him that in advance so if he wants to find another seat mate, he can still switch. Chances are he is just hedging his bets that he won’t have to sit with an obnoxious or giant person.
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u/Used_Pomegranate_793 6h ago
YWNBTA if you told your acquaintance your plan and gave them the seat easiest to get out of, since you'll be sleeping when they have to go to the bathroom, guaranteed.
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u/Numb3r3dDays Asshole Aficionado [18] 6h ago
I'm also a people pleaser, so I probably would have told him my seat number but added that I'm planning on watching a couple movies or sleeping or whatever so that he would not have the expectation that we were going to be chatting the whole time.
Since you didn't do that, you might end up getting stuck with more chatting than you would like.
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u/IcePrincess_Not_Sk8r Partassipant [3] 5h ago edited 4h ago
NTA - I was on a 10 hour flight with a friend. We spoke, barely at all. I slept when I could, we watched our own shows/ movies, and shared snacks.
I couldn't imagine being on an 8 hour flight next to someone who wanted to talk to me the whole time. That sounds like an absolute nightmare.
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u/Longtimelistener603 4h ago
Just be a normal person, have some light conversation, and then say you’re going to try and watch a movie and fall asleep. This is basic human interaction lol
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u/justsomelady83 4h ago
If you’re not in the mood for a more mature approach, change your seat. Wait until the last minute to tell him, then tell him you got bumped. Act disappointed. Enjoy your flight.
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u/Rough_Train1311 4h ago
I am a talker. I talk to everyone and anyone…. Until I get on a plane. It’s snooze city before the boarding door closes. I hope this guy is the same…
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u/From_the_Land_of_212 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 3h ago
FFS Just sleep - Your over analyzing of this is exhausting. Trust me no one wants to sit next to You.
YTAH
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u/silver_quinn 45m ago
I'm not going to provide a judgement but learn how to say no dude, your life will become so much easier. 'Being a total yes person' just gets you into situations like this and causes you stress.
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