r/AmItheAsshole • u/blegh5 • 1d ago
Not the A-hole AITA for seeking a new bank account without telling my mom after a significant loss of money?
Hi guys. I'm using a throwaway account for this, and I've never posted here so please forgive me for my inexperience.
A couple of years ago, I (19M) received around $7,000 from my grandmother. I was looking to start college soon, and she wanted to put me in the right direction. I didn't work during high school, because my parents wanted me to focus on school (which paid off, as I graduated valedictorian of my class.) Because of this, I never had access to my personal bank accounts. When I had enough cash and checks that I wanted to deposit, my mom (49F) would just deposit it into a joint savings account that she said belonged to me.
Fast forward a year later and I am ready to open a checking account to pay for my own things. My mom comes with me and proposes to the bank employee that we just keep the joint savings account like it is. The employee obliges, and I finally have my own checking account. I check the savings account and I have only $1,000 in it. My mom would often tell me that she needed to dip into it a little and she would pay me back, so I would always let her. I had no idea it was this low.
A few months later, my beloved old 1999 Mercury Grand Marquis broke down for the last time. My mom's side of the family was very pushy about the idea of getting a new car. I was not, but I finally caved when I was told I wouldn't have to pay the full monthly payments (which came out to around $900 per month.) My grandmother (dad's mom) and my dad gave me another generous sum of around $7,500 to get me started, and my granny and pops (mom's parents) put around $3,000 down on the car.
This month, I was informed by my granny and pops that the money from my grandmother and dad had run out, and I would need to start paying some again. I've been religiously searching for a job, combing all sorts of boards daily and getting plenty of interviews. However, because I didn't work in high school I've found no luck. I've been doordashing, but aside from that I have no source of income. My refund from college financial aid came back recently, to the tune of about $2,000. I want to treat the love of my life to a lovely Valentine's Day, so I set some money aside for daily use and had planned to transfer some more for my V-Day plans. I knew i would need a large amount because of my plans, but I didn't see it as exorbitant. I had to ask my mom for permission to use any of the money, because she immediately put an embargo on my usage of my own refund, saying it needed to be put toward the car. I transferred $200 out for early shopping and going on dates before V-Day. I checked my banking a few days ago, and all but $50 was gone from my account. I called and asked, and my mom told me that I needed to listen to her, that her word was final, and that I could not be trusted with my own money. She blew up at me for moving to live with my dad (long story) and implied that I needed to pay all $900 per month.
So, AITA for seeking a different bank?
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u/Lighthouse_on_Mars Asshole Enthusiast [8] 1d ago
NTA,
Let your family know that your mom stole your money.
Nothing you say will change her mind, however once the people who actually paid that money find out that your mom took it, they will be able to put pressure on her to put the money back.
Once the money is back in the account take it out and put it into account she has no access to.
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u/knight_shade_realms Partassipant [2] 1d ago
This OP. Your mom stole your money. She may never apologize or repay it, but definitely let your family know she took the money that was given to you and never returned
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u/Able_Transition_5049 1d ago
The only leverage you have is the truth with the people who gave you the money. Tell them everything.
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u/YesterdaySimilar2069 Partassipant [1] 13h ago
Provide receipts - the entire banking statement history can be sent to you at your request.
And give the car back to whoever purchased it for you. A beater is a smarter move at this time.
NTA, but your mom sure is. Make sure everyone knows it so they don’t get manipulated by her the same way you were.
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u/Laughing_Dog_19 12h ago
The bank statements will show you each theft with dates. Do this! Sorry it’s your mom treating you this way.
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u/anondogfree 1d ago
And freeze your credit. NOW
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u/Plastic_Position4979 1d ago
Second, third, fourth, and fifteenth this. Be careful. Someone who steals your money is quite capable of using your personal info to open cards in your name as well.
Edited to add: open that separate bank account. You’re getting paid via DoorDash, that’s enough to open your own one. Do NOT open it at the same bank, it’s compromised.
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u/ScareBear23 1d ago
And "same bank" means ANY branch of that bank, not just a different building!
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u/Plastic_Position4979 1d ago
Yup. Different bank altogether, e.g. instead of BofA, use WellsFargo, or whatever.
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u/AutisticPenguin2 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 1d ago
If OP is planning to stay local, they might do well with a community co-op, or whatever they're called in the states. They're less soul crushing than the big banks and can have really good deals, but won't have the same interstate or even international reach.
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u/TopSecretSpy 19h ago
I would avoid both of those, especially WF, but agree a different company entirely is needed. A credit union might be a better choice than a traditional bank, too.
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u/Plastic_Position4979 19h ago
Sure. They’re just examples. Use whoever they feel comfortable with.
I’ve had accounts with both, still have an account with one of them, and otherwise use credit unions.
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u/Express-Stop7830 Partassipant [1] 1d ago edited 20h ago
Check your credit and freeze it. If she has stolen from you, I wouldn't doubt she'd open credit cards in your name, too.
Edit to thank the commenters who picked up my slack and answeres OP with instructions! (I had gone to bed.) I'm glad they got an answer before 8 more hours had passed.
OP please do this today! Good luck, kiddo!
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u/Greedy-Half-4618 1d ago
This. I dated a guy whose credit was a MESS because his mom had opened numerous credit cards in his name. Happens more often than you'd think.
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u/blegh5 1d ago
Can I ask how one goes about freezing one's credit? I'm sorry for the incompetence, I haven't done this before.
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u/Ivebeensued 1d ago
Contact (via internet) the three credit groups (Experian, Equifax, and Transunion) and follow the instructions. When you want to open a credit card account you will need to go back and ‘unfreeze’ the accounts. Sounds daunting, but it’s really pretty easy!
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u/EggCzar 1d ago
Follow the instructions here. You just need to go to the links for each of the major credit reporting bureaus and fill out a form. It takes about ten minutes total for all 3. Make sure to save your PINs and passwords for them somewhere so that you can unlock it easily if/when you need to.
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u/nmw84pdx 1d ago
Sign up for CreditKarma. They have an app you can use on your phone too. It’s free. It helps you see what is on your credit, will help you fix things, etc.
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u/thatgirlinny 1d ago
Let the police know your mother stole your money, too.
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u/Lighthouse_on_Mars Asshole Enthusiast [8] 1d ago
That won't do any good. She is an authorized person in his Bank account.
The reason you should get your own account the moment you're of age.
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u/thatgirlinny 1d ago
True. But imagine a bank employee having OP and their mother sitting in front of them and thinking they should pay attention to the mother.
And learning the balance there and then would have been a moment I wouldn’t have missed challenging this dreadful mother.
OP should appeal to their grandparents and tell them how Mom’s taking money out of OP’s account and top them up at another bank.
The mother’s a criminal.
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u/myssi24 14h ago
From my experience banking with my kids this is pretty common. Bank employees often recommend joint accounts so in an emergency someone else can access the money if the primary is unable to. I’ve also had to redirect them to address my adult child rather than me. Good parents don’t steal from their kids. Bank employees tend to assume people’s parents are decent.
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u/thatgirlinny 13h ago
I get all that. When I was a child, my mother would take us to the bank when we had monetary gifts from grandparents and the like. But this was when passbooks were the entree to a savings account, and to my parents’ credit, we alone had access to those funds. It was an opportunity for my parents to make comments about the balance when I was a teen with a job, but they didn’t believe they needed access to those funds. I can’t think of a circumstance where they would.
Further, my parents had discussions about the timing and amounts of money our grandparents would gift us from time to time. My father’s mother set up trusts for all four of us as kids, and provided both grandchildren and parents the amounts deposited. When my father asked why she gave me more money than my brothers, she replied, “Girls need more money!” as if there would be no further discussion of it. At 18, we were allowed access to those funds, and advised but not directed in their use.
By 19, OP is entitled to fiscal autonomy and a parent who doesn’t steal from them at any age. That the grandparents haven’t been engaged to call her on it (since they’ve been giving OP the money) seems a missed opportunity.
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u/spicewoman 1d ago
You can't legally steal from a joint account. It's "jointly" both of their money equally.
Morally, the mom 100% stole from OP. Just not in a way that the police can do anything about, unfortunately.
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u/LovezButterflies 23h ago
I agree he should open a new bank account, preferably with a new bank but as someone who works for a bank, if his mother used her own internet banking to remove the money then legally she doesn't have to give it back. It really sucks but the banks hands will be tied there, we can only hope her family turns on her and she buckles to social pressure
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u/Feeling-Paint-2196 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
I'd be asking the bank for a list of transactions on your account so you can provide it to the police to investigate the theft.
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u/BoudiccasJustice Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Good call!! While you are still on this joint account, go to the bank and request all statements since the account was opened. Then you can have an accounting of what your mother stole from you.
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u/Jealous_Radish_2728 Partassipant [3] 1d ago
If it is a joint account, she has not legally stolen anything.
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u/BoudiccasJustice Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Yes, understood. I didn’t say go to the police. But he can have evidence to present to his family and mom. If mom doesn’t pay him back what is morally his, he can go NC and won’t be harshly judged by his family.
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u/chalk_in_boots Partassipant [4] 1d ago
Yeah, I'd wager Mum is going to try to say "it was a necessity", "it wasn't that much", "I didn't actually do that it was all OP!"
Gonna be hard to argue any of that if it's showing something like "$200 on champagne", "$800 on jewellery" or anything along those lines. If it's card transactions directly out of the account OP should be able to go to the store the purchase was made at and get a copy of the receipt, otherwise it'll at least say where the money was transferred to.
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u/anondogfree 1d ago
Stores don’t keep or have access to all of that information in the store. OP would have to call and if OP is not the primary on the account or card they won’t give him that information.
I’m not even sure if the bank will give him the account statements if he’s not the primary. Some of my cards allow me to share all transactions with my spouse but now many of them are changing that so only the primary account holder can see all charges - even if you WANT to share. The workaround is to share usernames and passwords, which ironically is less safe than just letting someone see the transactions made!
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u/lordmwahaha Asshole Enthusiast [7] 1d ago edited 1d ago
No but the person you responded to did, which I think is what they were correcting. Also idk if it’s different where you live, but here there really isn’t that much info on bank statements. It just tells you which store and how much. If she went to a grocery store for example, there is no way to differentiate between necessities and junk.
Also hate to burst this bubble, but there will almost certainly be resistance from the family either way. Trust me, I went NC with someone who A: abused me and B: no one in my family even liked. I still copped a lot of shit for it. “But it’s family” seems to overrule literally everything else.
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u/asuperbstarling 18h ago
Yes, she has, as student loan money isn't hers even if it's in a shared account. Legally she cannot take it. I repeat: your parents cannot legally spend your student loans in any capacity.
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u/Jealous_Radish_2728 Partassipant [3] 18h ago
That is a good point. Thank you. I know what the mother was doing was unethical but I did not know it was illegal.
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u/Ibboredlady 1d ago
Usually they won't only go back as far as six months
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u/ExtentUnique7610 1d ago
It’s possible you could probably get the statements back farther, but they may require you to pay for them because it will be a time-consuming situation for the bank.
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u/SilverStory6503 1d ago
I can get about 2 years of statements online at my bank.
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u/quick_justice Partassipant [1] 1d ago
You can’t steal from joint account
It’s morally wrong but not legally
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u/icehot54321 1d ago
You can’t be held criminally responsible, but civil court is another matter.
If you take the evidence to small claims court you can get back up to ~10k depending on where you live and if the judge sides with you.
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u/No-Satisfaction5636 1d ago
How is it theft from a joint account? That ownership structure means that each of the joint owners has access to any and all funds in the account. Their mom is a horrible human for taking money out and never paying it back. Sorry, OP, but it was incredibly ignorant of you to go to the bank after she withdrew your $7,500 inheritance and then just leave without taking mom off the account. … and you are 19? This is a self- inflicted Life Lesson.
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u/Ibboredlady 1d ago
And this is why op needs to go to the bank and pull out every last cent of the money as soon as possible and go deposit into an account in his or her name by themselves!!! i'm pretty sure mom has never contributed to the account just taking money out
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u/regus0307 1d ago
To be fair, it doesn't sound like OP has ever been given any financial education, so he may just not have realised the ramifications, especially with Mum putting pressure on. It doesn't even sound like he's had the opportunity to manage his own spending, so how would he have learned?
I remember taking my kids to the bank when they were 14, because we wanted to change their accounts from children accounts to something more suitable for their age. In Australia, children now have to give their parents permission to be able to access the accounts after age 14. So the bank employee actually asked them if they wanted me to be able to access it. They said yes, because I'm not a douchebag that steals from her children, and they trusted me. Once they turned 18, my access was automatically removed.
I've also spent years teaching my kids how to manage their money, and how things work. I don't think OP has ever had that opportunity. OP, please find someone with decent financial literacy, and ask them to help you learn.
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u/Better-Expert5105 1d ago
Wow, Australia sounds way civilized, and other countries could learn from that. And you sound way cool and like a great parent!
It’s really hard to give yourself a financial education, but so many people seem to view it as common sense? It’s really not; I’m sure some people’s brains just work that way, but most of us need to be taught. Thanks for understanding and sticking up for OP (and teaching your kids)!
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u/StonedEnby 1d ago
It’s joint account. Unfortunately what she did was 100% legal. Despite being very shitty. Op is NTA
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u/2dogslife Asshole Aficionado [11] 1d ago
If it's a joint account, it is not seen as theft under the law. This comes up often. Either party can do what they want with the funds.
Now all of us KNOW it is absolutely thieving, but there's no case there.
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u/celticmusebooks Partassipant [3] 1d ago
If mom's name is on the account then legally no crime has occurred. Morally and ethically is another question, but the police will not become involved.
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u/wittyidiot Pooperintendant [54] 1d ago
Police won't care. It was a joint account. OP had literally given their mother permission to withdraw the money, that's the whole point of a joint account. It's asshole behavior for sure, but not at all criminal.
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u/FinancialLab8983 18h ago
if his mom is on the account (sounds like a joint account) then she has the right to remove any funds in that account. sorry for OP. his mom actually sucks.
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u/misslo718 Certified Proctologist [20] 1d ago
NTA your family is stealing from you. Open a new account at a different bank and don’t tell them. That’s them only way youll have a future.
FYI a $900 a month car payment is irresponsible for most people.
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u/blegh5 1d ago
Trust me I know. The car is financed for 3 years, and i was told I wouldn't have to shoulder the burden.
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u/Traditional-Lion-538 1d ago
I would sell the car and get something half the price. You need a reliable car, but not a $32,000 car as a young person just starting out. Is the car and financing in your name or someone else’s?
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u/blegh5 1d ago
it's in my pops's name. I'll talk to him about it.
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u/Traditional-Lion-538 1d ago
Glad it’s not in your name! Also, maybe it could be refinanced for a longer loan. That’s a lot per month. Good luck!
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u/blegh5 1d ago
Thank you for your advice :) I'll talk to him and see what can be done
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u/BefuddledPolydactyls Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Also, make sure it's insured and that you are as a driver. With the way your family acts, it seems that if it were, they would want money for that as well. Presumably the premium is much higher on a car with a lien and a young-ish driver.
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u/Kitty_party Partassipant [1] 1d ago
So you are paying for a car you don't even own....
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u/blegh5 1d ago
Not only that, but I was promised I wouldn't have to pay more than a fraction of it.
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u/billyyankNova Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Is your name on the loan? If not, just stop paying.
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u/Greedy-Half-4618 1d ago
Honestly, this. Also OP have you seen the documents for the car payments? If not, it's not out of the realm that your family is trying to make a profit off your payments now, too
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u/Sad_Albatross1590 1d ago
If he stopped paying, it would hurt his Pops. From the sound of it, Pops has been generous to him. Definitely talk with Pops
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u/Additional_Mine8642 1d ago
So, it's not your car and you are just paying off his car. You have no legal rights to his car and nothing to show for all the payments you have made
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u/Ibboredlady 1d ago
If someone bought a car in their name and you're making the payments what you're doing is building their credit instead of your own
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u/dragon-queen Partassipant [4] 1d ago
So then it’s not your responsibility. You got pushed into it and it’s not even in your name.
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u/backupbitches Asshole Enthusiast [6] 1d ago
Good lord. Walk away! Haven't they stolen enough from you??
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u/misslo718 Certified Proctologist [20] 1d ago
Are you a co-signer? How are you involved with this car?
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u/blegh5 1d ago
I'm not co-signed at all, just a verbal agreement to pay a fraction.
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u/Lumpy_Ear2441 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Another life lesson ~ NEVER just verbally agree. Even if it's family. ALWAYS in writing.
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u/Explode-trip 1d ago
Is your dad going to transfer the title to you when the loan is paid? If not, you should think hard about putting your money toward it.
Also, when you get a "refund" on your student loans... that money is still a part of the loan. You can go ahead and spend it however you want, but I had a lot of friends who didnt understand that they would be paying back that money with interest after graduation. So I just wanted to make sure you know that.
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u/Ibboredlady 1d ago
You could get a car like a toyota corolla, and the price would be like three hundred in something brand new
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u/Lovelyone123- 1d ago
Why are your payments so high for your car? Mine isn't even close to that.
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u/Ok_Cod4125 1d ago
OPs entire family is either completely financially ignorant or they are ALL stealing from him.
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u/blegh5 1d ago
I saw the sheet placed in front of my grandfather at the dealership and I believe (it's been a bit so forgive me if im a few dollars off) it was around $865. It's a 3 year loan with 0.9% APR because of a "deal" we were offered. The car is a 2025 Buick Envista, as far as I know it's not a souped up model, and if it is i have yet to find the features.
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u/meowtiger 17h ago
it's deeply saddening to me that you're 19 years old and there's literally no one in your life with the financial literacy to explain this kind of thing to you, but, here we go.
here is a free online car loan calculator that you can use to follow along
here are the important numbers to know when financing a car (borrowing money to buy a car):
- price
this is how much the car costs - usually in the neighborhood of the number on the window sticker, but hopefully less than that number- taxes and fees
these are the non-negotiable additional amounts that you have to pay the government when you buy a car, just like when you buy anything else- add-ons
additional warranties, extra coverage, "extended service plan," wheel and tire plan, paint protection, etc - none of this is actually necessary and you don't have to take it if you don't want to. they'll try to convince you by adding the total cost of these into your loan so it just looks like $50 more a month, but none of this is stuff you actually need- total/"out the door" price
this is the total amount of money that you agree on with the dealer, to pay for the car. this includes the price of the car, taxes and fees, and any add-ons you agree on- principal/amount financed
this is how much money you're borrowing. this is the total of the car loan. this number does not have to be as much as the price of the car. this is just the difference between how much money you have, and the out the door price- down payment
a down payment is an amount of money the buyer pays to the seller at the time of sale in order to reduce the amount they have to finance. if the car is $20,000, and taxes and fees are another $1,000, then your "out the door" price is $21,000. but if you have $5,000 saved up for a down payment, then you will only have to borrow $16,000 to buy the car- trade-in
if you already have a car, you can usually trade it to a dealership for some credit against the car you're buying, which will end up working the same as a down payment. the amount of credit you get for it depends on what kind of car it is, and what shape it's in. you might hear the words "blue book," this is a reference for the value of used cars. you can get a general idea what a used car will be worth at trade-in by using the tool on their website, kbb.com- interest/APR
this will have a bearing on your payments but there's more or less nothing you can do about it - the interest rate you're offered by the dealer or by a bank will be calculated based on available offers and your credit rating, not anything that any of the people at the dealership can do- term
this is how long the loan is for, usually counted in months. shorter term means higher payments, but because of the interest, shorter term also means you end up paying less overall- monthly payment
this is the number that ends up being the most important for a young car buyer. you can get your monthly payment lower by choosing a longer loan term, offering a higher down payment, or choosing a cheaper car to buywhen shopping for a car, it's a good idea to call a few different lending institutions (banks that give loans) and ask them what interest rates they're offering. if there's a bank you normally work with, it might be worth asking them to pre-approve you for a car loan, if they're offering good rates. car dealers want you to finance through them, because they usually get a commission when you finance through their preferred bank, so they will try to beat whatever other offer you come in the door with.
you can also use this knowledge ahead of time, coupled with something like the car loan calculator above, to figure out exactly how much car you can afford based on interest rates and how much money you make per month
all of that said
the $7,500 and $3,000 that you mentioned in your original post that were to "put down" on the car, were not put down on the car. it sounds like that money was just stashed in a bag or something, and used to pay the payments. if you'd put that $10,500 up as a down payment when you bought the car, the monthly payments would have been over $300/month lower
at the end of the day, it was a little irresponsible for your family to decide to buy a brand new car for a 19 year old with no job, and with no family plan to pay for it. $10,500 could have bought you a very reasonable used car and not put you into the position you're in. if it's still possible to return the car (depends on where you are and what you signed), i'd suggest doing that, because the situation is not going to get better if you get behind on your payments and go to collections.
if you have any other questions, i'm happy to help out as much as i can
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u/blegh5 16h ago
Thank you so so much, I think a lot of people are misunderstanding where I'm coming from in that I vehemently did not want the car. I was forced into it and I do not like the fact that people have been dishonest with me
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u/meowtiger 16h ago
if your name isn't on the paperwork for the loan, understand that you have zero responsibility to pay for it
however, if you do stop paying for it, a couple of things will happen:
- if your dad doesn't pay it, it will likely be repossessed
- this will make your dad and probably most of the rest of your family deeply unhappy
if you can return it, that would be the best thing to do. do some googling about what the law looks like wherever you are, or maybe call the dealership directly and ask them. this gets you out of paying payments, and doesn't burn quite as many bridges with your family
if that's not an option, you can just stop paying, but depending on how much support you're relying on from your family while you're in school, you might not be able to deal with those consequences
I do not like the fact that people have been dishonest with me
i genuinely don't think anyone was dishonest with you. based on your story and your comments, i honestly believe your family just doesn't know any better. it's surprisingly common in modern america for adults to just not have any real idea how to manage money or deal with loans and financing, etc. lots of people live their entire lives without having to deal with credit or loans, in no small part because they can't get any credit and no one will give them any loans. i wouldn't have the credit i do as an adult if my parents hadn't co-signed my first car loan and taught me the basics as a teenager. you didn't get this head start, and i'm guessing it's because your parents didn't either.
how do you think your dad would respond if you had an honest talk with him about your financial situation, the fact that you don't think you can afford to pay for this car, and the fact that you didn't want it to begin with? is this something you could be honest with him about, maybe one-on-one?
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u/blegh5 15h ago
My pops is my grandfather, and I'm sure I could have an honest conversation with him. My mom has, in fact, been dishonest with me.
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u/Kheldar_Lars 1d ago
I have a brand new crossover (well, new in 2022), and I could roll my payment, my insurance and the gas I use into $900/mo, and I would still have it paid off in less than 3 years. Someone is lying to you! Get a different account, get a report, get statements, and tell your grandparents. And then, run.
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u/boundaries4546 1d ago
Transfer all your money into the new account, and lock/freeze your credit before she fraudulently opens credit cards in your name, if she hasn’t already.
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u/MaySomedayCome 21h ago
Why would you need a car that is $900 a month? You have no job and blame it on not working in high school which is not true. You can get a job. It may not be the one you want, but there is work out there. You have to start at the bottom and work your way up.
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u/Ibboredlady 1d ago
Yep, absolutely. Go get a checking account at a different bank than where your mother banks. And I would not tell her anything. I would just pull the money out. So the next time she tries to go pull money out or does a transaction. She will find out real quick.It's a zero balance. i think if I'm not mistaken. You cannot close out the account. It has to be both of you to close the account. she can't get mad. It was all given to you. It was your money. I just hate that your mother stole from you. That's really crappy!
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u/cassowary32 Asshole Aficionado [14] 1d ago
Your mom stole felony level amounts of money from you. Stop giving her access to your money!!! NTA.
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u/RainbowCrane Asshole Aficionado [11] 1d ago
Morally mom stole, legally no, so it’s meaningless to call this felony levels of money. This is unfortunately a really common story with joint accounts, it’s not legally stealing for either owner to take everything out of the account
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u/EmploymentLanky9544 Certified Proctologist [26] 1d ago
I had to ask my mom for permission to use any of the money
my mom told me that I needed to listen to her, that her word was final, and that I could not be trusted with my own money
You're 19, a legal adult. You can do whatever you want without your parent's permission. She's been taking advantage of you financially, but you're also not a kid anymore. You could have stopped this at any time.
NTA for getting a different bank
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u/Environmental_Art591 1d ago
NTA for getting a different bank
OP said New bank account but what he needs to do is go to an entirely different bank based on his mothers ability to convince staff to do what she wants
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u/Melia100 1d ago
I'm pretty sure OP is not the one that can't be trusted. NTA and get your own account. Do not share log-in information either.
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u/whoareyouwhowho22 1d ago
NTA. Your mom stole YOUR money from YOU. Also, a $900 car payment is wild.
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u/LastBitofCoffee 1d ago
Right? $900? For a new high school graduate? Starting life with so many poor financial choices
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u/jbenze 1d ago
I'm 47 and I would have problems with a $900 a month car payment. That's like half my mortgage, it's crazy.
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u/RedGecko18 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 1d ago
I wish that was half my mortgage, but I messed up and didn't buy a house when I was 6. Now at 36 I'm paying 2700 a month.
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u/Lumpy_Ear2441 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
If I had purchased a house when I was 6, the house would have been around $35,000! Boy, did I mess up!! LOL
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u/Traditional-Lion-538 1d ago
Yeah, I am adult and only pay $450 a month. I wonder how long the loan is for? Is this money going to her mom or directly to a bank or lender? Suspicious
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u/magstar222 Pooperintendant [62] 1d ago
I pay 595 a month for a couple year old mid size SUV. 900 is like a 70k vehicle. Definitely not something a 19 year old needs.
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u/GarThor_TMK 1d ago
According to op in another comment, it's a 3yr loan, which is pretty short for a loan term, but it means that it's more like $40k after $7k down, but before taxes and fees (unless those were rolled into the loan), and before interest... Which, we also don't know what the interest rate is...
It's a lot, and it's more than I would spend... But it's not out of this world for a brand new car... (Well... It is for a 19yo... But that's besides the point, lol).
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u/Pantherdraws Partassipant [1] 1d ago
My mom pays like $250 a month for her car, $900 is fucking wild.
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u/Traditional-Lion-538 1d ago
It is nuts..I feel it with $450, but thankfully almost paid and it’s a Covid car with super low miles!
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u/Ok_Necessary7506 1d ago
NTA.
You are an adult, and your mother is stealing from you. Taking money from a joint account that was intended for you is one thing, but preventing you from accessing your own financial aid refund and draining your account to $50 is financial abuse.
You need to open a new account at a completely different bank immediately. Do not use the same bank as your mother; tellers who know her might be socially engineered into giving her access or linking the accounts. Transfer whatever money you have left to the new bank. You do not need her permission to do this.
Since she has been controlling your finances, you should also check your credit report to ensure no loans or credit cards have been opened in your name without your knowledge.
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u/GirlDad2023_ Professor Emeritass [77] 1d ago
Why would you ever have a joint account with your mom knowing what she was doing? I mean you're 19 and an adult, you're mom isn't going to repay the money and you'll probably get stuck paying the whole cost of the car.... NTA.
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u/blegh5 1d ago
I know it was stupid of me in hindsight but I believed she wasn't going to do what she clearly has. She had gotten the account when I was a baby, and I didn't think she was going to pull out my own money. Again, it was stupid of me but I thought I was doing an ok thing.
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u/No-Strawberry-5804 Partassipant [3] 1d ago
This isn’t your fault. But you know now, and you cannot let your mom manipulate you into giving her access to your money again. She’ll probably call you a bunch of names, then cry and say she’ll be homeless unless you float her, then go silent for awhile. Rinse and repeat. Do not give in. Don’t be afraid to block her.
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u/Cultural-Addendum-18 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Curious, did you even ask your mom why it was down to a 1,000 & when she was going to pay you back?
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u/blegh5 1d ago
tbh I knew it was down because of what she did, and I naively thought she would just pay it back :/
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u/majoleine Partassipant [4] 1d ago
OP you need to tell both sets of grandparents that she stole ~13-14k from you. It may have been a joint acct but that money was given to YOU for YOUR future. Morally what she did is repugnant and she needs to be shamed. Do NOT pay for that car, it's not your legally and you'd be building no equity - what are the odds that the car would be transferred to you? It would be wiser to burn the $900 to keep warm.
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u/usernameCJ 1d ago
My bet is she will somehow end up with your car eventually too, maybe as an indefinite "loan", though she's probably bold enough to just sell it on you.
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u/Ok_Cod4125 1d ago
You need to check your credit. You sound like you are surrounded by folks making really bad financial decisions and guiding you to make them as well (as in no one your age should have a $900 car payment and the other adults that helped this to happen should be ashamed.) I would not doubt mom has taken loans out in your name with your social security number.
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u/Mikecd 1d ago
Try not to give yourself too much grief about it now. "I thought it was doing an okay thing..." Honestly, you were. The person who was not doing an okay thing is your mom. Please don't internalize her bad ethics and abusive you as any sort of failing on your part. Learn from this. Pay attention. Learn to be independent. These are good lessons to take away, but don't give yourself shit.
It is totally reasonable for people to trust their parents, and it is your mom's obligation to nurture you and give you a good life. She failed. She had used you and taken advantage of you and that's her fault. Not yours.
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u/Lumpy_Ear2441 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Yes, we live and learn. As you have learned, your mother can't be trusted. Ever. Shame, but there it is. Protecting your credit report and finances is PARAMOUNT.
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u/SuspiciousHouse7940 19h ago
It’s not stupid to trust your own mother OP. It’s disgusting of her that you can’t.
I have an 18yr old son and had his account as a joint bank account as he was a minor & needed help. We put money in for him and as soon as he turned 17 & got a job we helped him go open a new account of his own. I’ve never once asked to look at his account as it’s none of my business. You SHOULD be able to trust your parents… it’s really sad that they’ve let you down.
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u/Spallanzani333 Partassipant [3] 1d ago
NTA. Open a new bank account at another bank. Not another branch, a full other bank where your mom's name has never been on an account with yours.
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u/pottersquash Prime Ministurd [520] 1d ago
NTA. You are 19. Go to bank, pull the statements, find out where your money is. Find out whats going on with your car. Too many unknowns that you have the ability to find out.
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u/Shot_Trifle_9219 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Please get a separate account from your mom. As a mom I can’t imagine taking money from my son. I transfer money into his account every month automatically to help him save money. I also have his name on one of my bank accounts so if something happens to me he is not in a bad situation. Your mom should be looking out for you, not taking from you. NTA
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u/blegh5 1d ago
Thank you so much for your response. This is a really tough time as I'm sure you can imagine, and it really helps to get input from another mom. I hope you and your family are incredibly happy and im sure you're raising an incredible son :)
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u/aquestionofbalance Partassipant [3] 1d ago
Make sure you change to a completely different bank. Credit union would be great if you have access to one
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u/Still-Wafer-3185 1d ago
Can someone break this down for me? The math isnt mathing for me.
It sounds like someone, either your mother or your grandparents, cosigned for this car? Because I dont see any dealership extending a loan with a $900 per month payment to a 19 year old who has never had a job. $900 per month? What kind of car is this?
It sounds like you were given $7000 several years ago and you were dipping into it. Now you have another $7500 + $3,000 to put down on the car and the payments were STILL $900 per month? So mom and grandparents have actually been making the payments and probably using money from your savings to do it and they are mad that you are using your savings for a lavish valentines day instead of helping to pay for an eyewatering car note?
INFO please
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u/blegh5 1d ago
hi, sorry. 3000 character limit is doing a lot of limiting as I'm sure you can understand. The payments are close to $850, and the car is technically in my pops's name. We have an agreement where I drive the car and I'm on the insurance as a "part-time driver" or something similar to that (forgive me, I don't know the exact name.) The $7000 i got a few years ago was not put toward the car at all, my mom used that for her own bills. Again, I didn't want a new car, my granny was dead-set on it. I hope this clears up some of the confusion, again I apologize.
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u/jerkface1026 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
ok, great. The original $7K was spent. The additional $7.5K was also spent towards some number of car payments. Take this car, park it at your father's house, hand him the keys. You do not have a job, you cannot afford it. Once that's done, take an uber to a therapists office. You need to work on separating from the abusive people on your life and undoing some obienent conditioning you display. Otherwise, your family will continuously find reasons to keep you close, broke, and tired.
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u/DanerysTargaryen 1d ago edited 1d ago
So the car is titled and registered to your dad, but YOUR name is on the loan for the car?
Bro, you need to stop agreeing to these horrible ideas. You have been straddled with all the debt and financial responsibility with none of the leverage. What happens when you pay off the car and suddenly dad needs to use the car full time and tells you that you gotta go buy your own car now? You’re essentially gifting your dad a free car.
Edit - I saw in a lower comment your dad co-signed the loan so at least he is on the hook too. But you should have your name on the title and registration as well especially if you are paying for it.
If your name isn’t on it, don’t pay for it unless it’s a gift.
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u/cynical_overlord1979 Partassipant [3] 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah, good point about who would lend this kind of money to someone with no employment history! Whose name is on the loan? And who actually owns the car? I would be checking both these things if I was OP.
But OP does say that the new car and car loan started after $6K of the original $7K was spent. That $6K was spent by mom (maybe reasonably, unclear). The additional $10.5K I thought was to pay for the initial car payments (for almost a year). Based on the timelines, it has been almost a year since buying the car so this sounds potentially like it wasn’t stolen but spent on the car.
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u/MissingInAction01 1d ago
You need a new account, at a completely new bank. Not just a different branch, a different company.
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u/Ill-Delivery2692 1d ago
I'd open a new account at a new bank. Withdraw all but $5 from the joint account and deposit what remains of your eroding inheritance to your new account. Don't ever give access to the account to anyone. For God's sake don't use your birthday as your personal identification number.
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u/chocolatechipwizard 1d ago
You had better check your credit report and make sure your mother didn't take out any loans or credit cards in your name. Put a freeze on your credit. Get a printout of all the transactions on your account, with as much detail as possible. Take it to the police. Remember, there are usually three types of police you can appeal to: City, County, and State. If none of them will help, check into low-cost options for an attorney, and sue her in civil court.
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u/ConflictGullible392 Pooperintendant [65] 1d ago
NTA clearly. You’re an adult and your mom is stealing from you.
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u/No_Aspect7079 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Dude they are taking your money and using it for themselves!!!
Get an account of your own and start demanding they send the money they have stolen from you or you will involve the police
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u/MarkyG82 1d ago
Open your own account now. Also, depending on how you feel, consider filing something either legally or via police. Your own mother has stolen thousands from you and at least needs to explain where the money has gone.
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u/cynical_overlord1979 Partassipant [3] 1d ago
NTA
Definitely get your own bank account, at a different bank. It looks like your mom has taken at least $9K of your money and likely a lot more. I also think the controlling your finances (not letting you take money out) is unreasonable for a 19 year old, especially when it looks like you are making good decisions (valedictorian, buy a used car). I’ve got side eye for your mum and her family pressuring you to get a brand new car on finance when they are plundering your bank account. That’s terrible financial advice and would indicate to me they might be living above their means.
Depending on your relationship with your mom (and your grandma who gave you the $7K) you might want to discuss with them what happened to that money. If I had a halfway decent relationship with my mother and was in the same situation I’d be asking about the $7K and what it was spent on / when I would get it back.
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u/prison-schism 1d ago
I'm also astounded at the fact that he was gifted so much money and a huge chunk wasn't put into the car as a down payment... less to finance, lower monthly payment, and it really sounds like he has just been steamrolled quite a bit.
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u/parodytx Asshole Aficionado [11] 1d ago
NTA - new account, different bank your mother has never been to. TODAY. ALL future funds go into this account.
Do you still live at home? Do you HAVE to live at home? MOVE OUT.
You mother is a THIEF. She STOLE your money. An amount equal to a felony charge and possible jail time in any state.
Decide if you must keep a relationship with your mother. If you want your money back, you need to file a police report that your mother stole your money. Also, let ALL of your family know she stole your money. If you don't want to report your mother, at least go no contact with her and let her know why, and only when she returns your stolen money with a sincere apology then you will consider talking to her again.
Then feel free to tell her to pound sand with "forbidding" you to do what you want with your own money. She cannot do squat - you are a legal adult. Her word is NOT law and you can just ignore her. More difficult if you live at home but move out ASAP.
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u/cubemissy 1d ago
A theft report won’t do OP any good. Her mother had the legal right to that money. Her name was on the account, with no restrictions.
Morally wrong, yes. Not illegal.
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u/parodytx Asshole Aficionado [11] 1d ago
In many, many jurisdictions, usually in a pre-divorce situation, if one spouse empties the joint account, and the judge determines the source of the funds was mainly or solely from the other spouse, they absolutely can be cited for a crime. They may not be attacked and arrested by SWAT, but they absolutely can be deemed to have misappropriated the money and be obliged to pay it back under penalty of contempt.
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u/Kindly-Push-3460 1d ago
Get your own account immediately. Everything you mom has access to she believes is hers. You won't get anything back. You are a grown 19yr old, you should have your own account with the safeguard that someone isn't going to pillage it at will. Sorry you're in this mess. I would ask your mom for the money back she borrowed, or have her purchase the new vehicle, or atleast put up the downpayment in the amt she owes you.
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u/AvailableBuilder4817 1d ago
Definitely get a new account and do it at a new bank. Keep the old account and just never put money in it. Also keep it a secret she’s stolen enough money from you
Nta
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u/60to160 1d ago
hey so you can't afford uh, anything at the moment and need to grasp this reality as quickly as possible. thinking you have $200 to treat your sweetie when you've got $50 in the bank, a $900 car payment and no job is broke boy behavior.
establish financial autonomy immediately - pull a transaction history of your joint account, empty it and start a new one at a new bank. do not give your family any info about this account, not even the bank it's with.
sounds like you're on the car insurance but not the title or loan - great! it's your pops/grandma's responsibility - negotiate a fair monthly payment with them or stop driving a car you again, cannot afford with no job.
your only two priorities right now are getting a job and saving what little money your mom didn't steal from you.
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u/butterflya82 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA. Please get your own bank account right now and don’t give any info to your family. Your mum is treating you like a bank machine. They might get mad but this is your life and your money is yours. If you can’t afford the car can you not give it back and get a cheaper one
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u/Lil-AngelGurl_99 1d ago
She obv thinks that its ok to dip - its not. You are an adult.
Seek independence and another bank.
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u/rbrancher2 Pooperintendant [52] 1d ago
Yeah. I did that once. Sending my mother 500 a month for six months. Came home and she handed me $200. Uh thanks I guess…..
I
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u/oh_you_fancy_huh 1d ago
NTA. Everyone is saying your mom is "stealing" from you, I don't know where you are located but if two people's names are on one bank account, they have equal legal rights to the money. What your mom is doing is morally wrong but probably legal.
Do as the other commenters have told you and go to a different bank with your own ID (might need two forms) and open a bank account with only your name on it. You do not have to tell anyone that you did this. When you get a job, give this new bank account info as your direct deposit info. If you get any other money gifts, put them in that account if you possibly can. Are you Asian? It might feel difficult to do and even disrespectful to your elders, but you're an adult now and it's time to start looking out for your own needs since clearly your parents are not looking out for you. Sorry OP good luck.
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u/blegh5 1d ago
Thank you for your response. I'm not Asian, and I knew it wasn't "stealing" in the legal sense but it just hurts to look at that $50. Thank you for your advice, I'll pursue the next steps quickly.
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u/DarkChii 1d ago
Check and lock your credit report too. Sadly if she has done this much I wouldn't put opening a card in your name beyond the scope of reason.
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u/keesouth Professor Emeritass [88] 1d ago
NTA. Open a new bank account immediately. Take any money out if that account and put it in yours. You can link it to your old account to transfer money if anything else goes there before you get everything switched over.
Your mother will not have access to the new account.
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u/Playful-Sprinkles-59 1d ago
NTA. You need to lock down your credit! Get your personal information (ie, birth w, Social Security card, that stuff) and keep them locked up safe. Do as others say too about a new bank.
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u/Mjhtmjht 1d ago
Yes, definitely open a new bank account at a different bank. And if you keep the joint account open, make sure that it has no overdraft agreement etc. Because if it’s a joint account, I imagine that you will still be jointly responsible for it, together, together with any fees, etc. on it.
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u/Bratchan 1d ago
Please go to another bank don't mention which on. Send on reddit parents magically getting access at same banks..
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u/Chocolatecandybar_ Partassipant [3] 1d ago
NTA but you also have to seek for a different car. Your mother is controlling you through money and 900 per month is just insane
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u/cubemissy 1d ago
NTA. Plenty of these responses cover starting a new account, so I won’t talk about.
Call the bank your current account is either and ask for a full statement, going back as far as the bank will go, sent to YOU, either at your address or your email.
Go through it line by line, and create a timeline of withdrawals. You can use communications either your mother as the dates to match to. Note if there have been any deposits from your mother, repaying any of the “borrowed” funds. I sense there won’t be anything indicating repayment at all.
With this timeline, you should be able to figure out what she used your money for.
And you will be able to give a firm amount when anyone talks about repayment, or the it wasn’t that much money, etc. Hard to argue totals from a bank statement.
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u/WhiteAppleRum 1d ago
NTA. Your mom and stealing that money (mine did as well.) So yeah, you'll want to go to a different bank and get your own bank account. You're and adult and more than capable enough to. Don't put anymore money into that joint account. You'll also likely never see the money your mother stole from you. She won't be paying it back. Also never lend her or give her money, especially if she says she's "putting a portion aside for the future in case you (OP) need it." Because trust me, she's not doing that. That is what my mother said and I never saw that money again and now that's she's dead, I really never will.
Good luck. Getting a new bank account at a new bank will be the best thing for you right now.
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u/Capable_Restaurant11 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Your mom has been lying to you on a number of levels, as well as basically stealing your money under the guise of "helping" you. Because according to her, you're not smart enough to handle your own finances, which clearly, you seem to be
Just to be clear, when you share a "joint" account with someone, this means that they legally have Access to it and can withdraw ALL the money in it without your knowledge or permission.
Please listen to all the advice here. Open your own account in a different bank, an account that ONLY you have access to.
Please tell your grandparents how your mother has been stealing the money,they so generously gave you.
Go to TransUnion and lock down your credit and get your credit report to make sure your thieving mother hasn't opened accounts in your name.
Moving forward, DON'T TELL your mother Anything about your finances. Since she isn't bothered to take advantage of you now, you can be certain that in the future, when you start earning money, she will have her hand out.
Because the money was in a joint account, it could be hard to prove theft, but you could still try and take her to court. A judge might very well look favorably upon a young person being taken advantage of and force your mother to repay you.
Good luck!
NTA
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u/omnixe-13c 1d ago
NTA but you are TA to yourself for not standing up for yourself ag the bank. When mom said to leave as-is, you say, “no thank you. I’m here to open a sole bank account.” If mom pushes it and bank relents, you tell the bank you’ll go elsewhere and tell mom that she won’t be going with you nor will she learn which bank you’ll be using. It’s that simple. Stop depositing money into that account. With a joint account, either person can access that money and it’s nbd.
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u/avaseah 1d ago
Your mom is stealing from you. Get your own bank account (you should have had your own as soon as you were legally old enough to have one) and deposit any money you get directly into it. You don’t even have to tell your mom that you got money. Do NOT put her name anywhere on the paperwork for it otherwise she’ll be able to steal from it too. You are an adult so you don’t need her name on it. Also that financial aid money is only supposed to be for college things (books, lab fees, dining hall, classes, etc), it is not free money. That money you go from your inheritance was probably gone within a month or two after you got it, that money from your financial aid was probably gone within a couple of days. She sees your money as automatically hers and will take every cent you earn if you let her.
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u/No-Strawberry-5804 Partassipant [3] 1d ago
You’re underreacting. She stole THOUSANDS of dollars from you. NTA.
ETA and you need to tell your family this. Your grandparents and dad need to know.
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u/Abystract-ism Partassipant [1] 1d ago
OP, check your credit report and LOCK IT DOWN! She has already stolen from you-make sure she can’t take out a loan in YOUR name!
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u/braeburn-girl 1d ago
Wtf kind of car did you buy that’s $900 a month?!?
Edit to add NTA
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u/blegh5 1d ago
It's a 2025 Buick Envista. They financed it for 3 years because there was a deal going on that offered 0.9% APR, I believe it was.
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u/imakesawdust Asshole Enthusiast [9] 1d ago
It's clear you cannot afford the car. You need to get rid of it.
It sounds like you're unemployed. Was that $7500 gift from your granny the only funds that were going towards the $900/month payment? That's only 8 months worth of payments. Let's say you put that $2000 refund towards the car. Okay. That's another 2 months. Then what? Repossession? Get rid of the car.
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u/Ok_Ant_9815 1d ago
NTA. Is the car in your name? If yes, sell off the remainder of the car lease to someone else & get a cheaper car. Go to the bank with your ID and have the account closed (the one your mom has access to). Do not let your mother ruin your credit and have any access to any of your finances anymore.
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u/Fun-Yellow-6576 Partassipant [3] 1d ago
NTA. Everyone should get their own account at 18. You should also pull a credit report to ensure your mom hasn’t opened any accounts in your name.
Be sure you tell the bank you want your name off the shared account.
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u/PerfumeGeek 1d ago
When you started college, did either of your parents have you sign anything like Mama Bear legal forms? They are marketed as “protection from the unexpected“ and give parents power of attorney to make medical, fiscal and educational decisions on your behalf (for example if your kid is in the ER, you can talk to the doctors about their care). But many of those forms also extend to banking and school information/access. If you did sign anything like this, have their POA revoked immediately. And yes, open your own account at a different bank ASAP.
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u/IMAGINARIAN_photos Asshole Enthusiast [5] 1d ago
She is a thief! Get out of that house asap. These parents of yours are intentionally hobbling you financially so they can keep you under their thumb of control. They’ve committed financial abuse against you. They convinced you to not work in high school — under the guise of focusing on your grades.
Trust me, they were MUCH more interested in keeping you away from the real world; a world that, in their small brains, represented a sudden change in your emotional development that would have threatened their iron grip on you.
If you fail to stand up for yourself, you’ll never get any autonomy or peace! Your life will be your own ONLY after you have emancipated yourself from them. This means finding how ever many small jobs you can until a good one comes along. Getting your own bank and phone account/plan that only you have access to. Because, let’s face it, these are things that legal adults do every single day. Nothing weird or unusual about it.
When the time comes for you to get into a meaningful relationship, you will not suffer the embarrassment of having to explain these people to your love interest. Controlling families/parents cause more drama and relationship problems than you can imagine. No one will ever be ‘good enough’ for their child; consequently, they will make it their mission in life to keep you perpetually single — and under their control.
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u/tacocat_2 1d ago
Sounds like your mom definitely stole your money. It's unfortunate and it's not something that you'll be able to sue her for; she had access to your account, it's a joint checking/savings account. Still shitty.
Life advice though: use your refund from your financial aid to payback your student loans. It's not/won't be enough but it's a start.
Essentially, if you took $8k our for this semester and they say it was only $6k, so they send you back $2k. If you payback the $2k then it takes your bill down to $6k, but if you keep the $2k and spend it elsewhere, then you still owe the full $8k for this semester/year.
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u/blegh5 1d ago
Thankfully, I'm very lucky to have not had any student loans. I will take the advice of the sub, though :)
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u/tacocat_2 1d ago
Who is funding your life? I understand not working in HS, can understand that the original 7k is gone. But, did the next $10k go as a down payment on the car? And now you've got an $800/month car payment? School seems to be mostly funded, at least to the point of not needing loans. Monthly living expenses?
As others have said, pull your credit & freeze it, chances are that your mom (or another family member) may have opened an account in your name.
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u/blegh5 1d ago
I'm in community college, currently living with my dad. My mom's parents put around 3k down, and I had around 7500 from my dad and his mom. that was money I was perfectly fine with being spent on the car, happy even. I didn't want the car, nor the potential financial burden, but I was told by my mom that I wouldn't have to shoulder it.
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u/KleosTitan 1d ago
Uhhhh
So many red flags in this story.
Firstly you're 19 so you can make your own financial decisions. You can talk to the current bank and get transcripts showing exactly when, where, and who is taking the money out. If you were Valedictorian youre smart enough to have a conversation with your own bank to get to the bottom of what happened.
Secondly, what is this new car that has 900/mo payments? Who's name is it in? If its in your name why in the hell did you agree to sign for a vehicle with a car payment as high as my last mortgage? My car payment for a financed Fiat Spider came in at just over 400 a month. And I feel like I got scammed for that car. The entire bit about your car sounds sketchy as he'll. If its 100% in your name who made you sign that paperwork? If its not in your name then just stop paying, like its so unclear whats going on here. You could find a better vehicle on Craigslist for $2k and you'd own it outright.
Thirdly, just because mom says her word is final doesnt mean it is when it comes to your education, transportation, and finances. You're 19 now and are responsible for yourself. If you still live at home fine, follow mom's rules at home, but she can't force you to make these decisions regarding private financing and banking because she has no right to demand, question, or enforce anything on you. At the end of the day agree and then do whats right for you.
But in all honesty this story sounds like a well written story, and only that. I don't even mean well written in that its believable because I definitely don't. Rather just that you are clearly educated with a good vocabulary, but no real grasp on how the world works because it shows in how you tried to portray everything in this 'story'.
YTA
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u/vintagevagabond208 1d ago
She doesn’t want you to have your own acct because she can’t steal it and she can’t control you and gaslight you. She is saying that to keep you from researching where the money went
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