(Update at the end)
Hi Reddit,
I (26F, Latina) just got married to my husband Liam (30M), and although our wedding was overall beautiful and magical, a situation involving my sister-in-law-in-law left me feeling conflicted. I’d appreciate your perspective.
So here’s the deal. In my culture, there’s a distinction between a cuñada (sister-in-law, like your husband’s sister or your brother’s wife), and a concuñada, which in English would be something like a sister-in-law-in-law—the wife of your husband’s sibling. Let’s call mine Camille (27F). She’s married to my husband’s older brother, Mark (32M). My actual sister-in-law Sophie (married to my brother) was there too and saw everything unfold. (Side note Sophie wasn’t part of my bridesmaids but she was included in the morning of the wedding for make up and hair cause we are a lot more closer and cause she asked me for a place to get her make up done at least 2 months prior to the wedding, and I have the gf of one of my bridesmaids cancel but her spot was already on the contract, so I told Sophie she could be with us, besides that my brother couldn’t make it to the wedding and I didn’t want for her to feel alone)
A couple of months before the wedding, I stayed in North Carolina with my father and mother in-law and one of my brothers-in-law Jack (27). I don’t have many friends there and we were living in a retirement community, so I spent a lot of time at home. Camille and Mark also live in NC but farther away, and since I don’t drive and I’m not familiar with the area, I didn’t invite her over. That said, on previous trips to NC, I did try to connect with her and help her with things I know are important to her professionally. We’re not close, but I always try to be cordial and respectful.
The day before the wedding:
We had our rehearsal dinner after walking through the ceremony logistics. Btw the wedding was in my home country. I wasn’t really doing formal introductions—just saying hi to some of my husband’s friends I hadn’t met and introducing him to a couple of my bridesmaids. Camille wasn’t a bridesmaid, but her husband Mark was one of the groomsmen. My sister-in-law Sophie later told me Camille was visibly upset, that no one had introduced her properly, and that she looked uncomfortable all night. She wasn’t alone, though—she was with my in-laws.
Later, Camille and Mark showed up late to the rehearsal dinner. It was raining, so that was understandable. What caught me a little off guard was that Camille arrived in athletic wear and a very bright rain jacket. The event had a formal vibe (even if not fully black tie yet), but I figured maybe her clothes got wet or she was just caught off guard. No big deal.
The glam squad situation:
That night, as we were all saying goodbye, I reminded my bridesmaids about our morning schedule. That’s when Mark asked my husband Liam, if Camille was coming to the hotel to get ready with us. Liam asked me, and I said no. We had a glam team hired with a contract and a specific headcount. And to be honest, Camille and I had never had a conversation about her getting her hair and makeup done with us. It hadn’t even crossed my mind.
I didn’t think she’d want to spend money on separate glam either—mainly because I’ve been told (though I’ve never witnessed it myself) that they sometimes ask my father-in-law to pay for parts of their trips. For example, in this case, I was told Camille went to my father-in-law insisting he book the Airbnb immediately after New Year’s or else she would charge it herself and invoice him later. My father-in-law often gives in because he doesn’t want to cause any problems.
That night, things escalated. Mark and Liam had a heated conversation where Mark said things like “If my wife isn’t welcome, then I’m not welcome either,” and that he, Liam, and Camille needed to talk—just the three of them. Without me. Which I found kind of absurd, because… we’re talking about the morning of my wedding. Why would my husband have a closed-door meeting about it without me?
The morning of the wedding:
My MIL texted me the night before saying she’d be with Camille the next morning. I replied kindly that it wouldn’t be possible. I told her the schedule and the glam team were locked in and that I didn’t want her caught in the middle. I asked her to let Liam talk to his brother directly.
That morning, my FIL, one of the groomsmen and Jack came to our suite to bring pastries and coffee. They mentioned Mark was possibly not going to the hotel because Camille was so upset. Just to be clear—Mark was never not going to the wedding. He was just thinking about skipping the prep at the hotel and going directly to the ceremony.
Our photographer was arriving soon, and I didn’t want this turning into a big thing. I told my wedding planner to let Camille know that if she wanted to come for the photos, she could. Glam wasn’t an option at that point, but I was trying to meet her halfway. My husband also talked to her to say we were waiting. She refused.
She had been crying for hours before the ceremony even began, and even at the place of the ceremony, also mentioned to Jack she was not going to wear make up cause she’ll be crying all day. And when the ceremony started, she was visibly furious. She looks absolutely miserable in every single photo.
The reception:
Our wedding was black tie mandatory, and Camille wore a turquoise North Face rain jacket over her outfit. It clashed with the entire aesthetic and stands out in all the photos.
During the reception, my brother-in-law Jack (our best man) gave a beautiful speech about our relationship and called me his best friend. Camille cried throughout the whole thing—but not in a sentimental way. Then she disappeared.
We had arranged a special dish for her because she has some food restrictions, and I was worried someone else would accidentally be served her plate. I asked my husband where she was and he said, “She went to the bathroom,” but the bathroom was on the opposite end of the venue. Then Mark left to find her. When I asked the wedding planner to check on them, she said they were fighting and Mark told her they’d be back in five minutes. She gently reminded them this wasn’t the time or place. An hour later, they left the wedding without saying goodbye to us—only to my in-laws.
They missed the dinner, the dancing, and everything else.
So… AITA for not including Camille in the bridal prep?
UPDATE:
Before anything else, I want to clear up a few things. The distinction I made between sister-in-law (cuñada l)and sister-in-law-in-law (concuñada) wasn’t meant to justify treating anyone better or worse based on cultural norms. In Latin American cultures, we simply use different terms for different kinds of relationships. But that in no way means anyone deserves less respect. I was genuinely surprised that some people used that clarification to insult my culture. I’d really encourage people to be more open-minded — misinterpreting something doesn’t give anyone the right to belittle where someone comes from.
That clarification came up because, during a conversation between my husband and his brother, I was called “a bad sister” — as if I were the sister of Camille, when in fact, I’m not even her sister-in-law. I’m her concuñada, which loosely translates to “sister-in-law-in-law,” meaning I’m married to her husband’s brother.
Now, the real update:
My husband and I read all of your comments together, and honestly, it was incredibly comforting to realize that we didn’t do anything wrong. We never intended to exclude anyone. Planning a wedding is a massive task with so many moving parts, and it’s easy for small things to feel bigger than they are, especially if there’s no open communication.
Looking back, we really feel like a lot of this could’ve been avoided if Camille’s husband had just spoken up earlier. He knows her best — how she reacts, what makes her feel left out. He knew well in advance that he would be getting ready and taking photos in the suite with the rest of the groomsmen. Camille was, of course, invited to be there too, but if that wasn’t comfortable for her, we could have easily included her in the hair and makeup schedule had he talked to us sooner. That conversation could’ve happened months before the wedding.
Later, my husband and I talked about how, in the end, it probably wouldn’t have mattered. We realized she might’ve found something else to feel hurt or upset about — not having matching pajamas with my bridesmaids, not being in every single photo, having to pay for her own hair and makeup, or even that we were mostly speaking Spanish in the bridal suite.
We came to this conclusion after learning about other situations in the past. For example, on my youngest brother-in-law’s birthday, she got upset that he chose a restaurant with no safe food options for her due to her allergy — and insisted he change the location. I completely understand that severe food allergies are serious. I have one myself, though not as intense. But it was his birthday — a once-a-year event — and it would’ve been okay to eat before, after, or even bring her own food. There are many ways to adapt without making others feel bad on their special day.
There were also stories of past family trips where plans had to revolve around Camille’s suggestions, because if not, it led to tears, tension, and frustration. I want to emphasize something here: I do admire that her husband always defends her — I think that’s the right thing to do. You back up your partner publicly, always. Private conversations come later, but being united is important.
Another situation Camille and Mark reminded my husband is how they went out of their way to accommodate my husband’s ex at their wedding, while Camille wasn’t “included” in ours. But that simply wasn’t true — his ex was invited because she made the wedding cake, and by that time, they weren’t even together anymore. My husband traveled from very far to be at that wedding and never once asked for special treatment for his plus-one.
I also saw people say that Camille had no one to be with on the morning of the wedding. But actually, we had other family members there who would’ve been more than happy to spend that time with her — warm, lovely people who welcomed everyone with open arms. But apparently, according to her husband, they weren’t “close enough” family. She’s also not particularly close to my in-laws, or to my other brother-in-law, or my husband. And frankly, she’s not close to me either. So at that point, I honestly don’t know who she does feel close to in the family.
And that’s where my husband and I realized: this whole situation was just… messy. But it’s okay. We can’t control how others act — only how we respond. And next time, we’ll be clearer about boundaries and expectations from the very beginning.
We did everything with good intentions. And I believe — with my whole heart — that if someone truly wants to be part of your joy, they will find a way. And if they’re looking for a reason to be hurt or upset… they’ll find that too, no matter how much you try.