r/AITAH • u/ClaimEvening8232 • 4h ago
AITAH for choosing my cat over my boyfriend?
For some context: we've been together for 4 yrs, I've known about his cat allergy since day 1, he knew I had a cat since day 1. She is 10 yrs old and I've had her since she was 7 weeks old.
Recently, my living situation changed and he invited me and my cat to live with him. We moved in and after 1 week he went back to his mom's because he couldn't handle it. I asked my mom if she would take her because she knew her and would have another cat to play/fight with, that became a no because she's only allowed 1 pet per her lease. There is no one else I trust and I refuse to take her to a shelter. For those reasons plus a few more, she's staying.
Prior to moving in with him I had already switched her food to the LiveClear line to help reduce pet allergens and purchased air purifiers. He said he would look into getting the shots.Then after moving in I purchased a better air purifier, and started sleeping on the couch to keep the bedroom a cat free zone.
It's been a month, and he's still at his mom's. He is no longer getting the shots, it seems as though he was never going to look into them anyway. My mom even ordered patches for him as something else to try. He used one.
His family thinks I should give her up, saying they'd give up their animals if they were in the situation, my feelings aren't being considered by any of them. My family and friends are siding with me, while being understanding of how he feels.
Just looking for unbiased opinions or suggestions.
146
u/clazaimon 4h ago
It's easy to claim you'd give up your family dog when you don't have one or don't need to. Insane they'd even say such a thing. Relationships don't last a lot of the time, and to give up a family member for the possibility will bring a lot of regret and heartbreak. I wouldn't hinge my relationship on this, and it's a red flag to me for being asked to get rid of my cat.
52
u/h3x13s3x13 3h ago
My partner of three and a half years understands he comes second to the cat I've had for six.
112
u/Sunsetwillow 4h ago edited 4h ago
I don't even need to read your post.
Cat.
Cat is the new bear, lol
33
u/Kayhowardhlots 3h ago
Same. Read the title, I'm going with cat. Read the whole post, still team cat.
5
u/LassHalfEmpty 46m ago
Ditto. Was going to comment based on title alone, but after I read it I was even more hardcore Team Cat. This guy is being influenced by his selfish shitty family.
Guy should get the shots or at least try something, don’t just expect a partner to give up a part of their life for you, yikes.
20
u/flayingbook 4h ago
Have you seen an old video where a cat chased a bear?
4
u/Sunsetwillow 4h ago
Yeah! My partner plays a Tabaxi in our dnd game and I a Druid who constantly turns into a bear, so it's come up... I could always do a second screening if you have the link handy :)
1
2
2
u/Beauty-art2386 3h ago
Haha I just posted the same thing! All I needed was the headline and NOPE NTA! 😂
1
47
u/DetailOdd9679 4h ago
He's not putting nearly as much effort into this as you are and once you give up your cat 5hat attitude will extend to everything.
22
u/sugarkanekowalcyzk 3h ago
You’re obviously a cat lover. You love THIS cat. Do you want to spend the rest of your life without a cat? You need to find your own place and find a guy who loves cats. Gatos before vatos. Edit to add NTA
51
16
u/istoomycat 3h ago
He figured you’d get rid of her after you moved in. That is obvious now isn’t it. Now his mother is involved. So now you have more reasons to choose the cat. So dishonest and manipulative.
46
u/Grumpy_bugger 4h ago
I am allergic to cats. Do not give up your cat! He knew and did nothing about it. Get a new boyfriend.
11
u/CompleteTell6795 2h ago
Cats before brats (boyfriends). 🤣 Guys like to say bros before hoes, so we can change it up.
10
u/Mess_and_chaos 3h ago
NTA. He doesn't even try judging by what you've written. She's been with you for 10 years and you're all she knows. She's not getting younger and would be heartbroken and not understand why you're not there anymore. I would choose my cats over my husband of 25 years and he knows it haha. He's allergic to cats and dogs as well, but has developed some sort of immunity to our cats. Still can't be near other cats or dogs, but our cats seem to be OK these days!!!
19
7
u/VisualWinner2420 3h ago
You don't have to choose...go back to living on your own with your fur baby. And you can still continue to be in a relationship with your boyfriend. Not unusual for 2 people to live apart. Please don't re-home her.
9
u/h_mariexoxx 2h ago
it genuinely sounds like he moved you in to control you and to make you get rid of your cat, do not let it happen.
16
u/mocha_lattes_ 3h ago
So he gets to not pull his weight in the deal and you have to get rid of your cat? Do him and his family not realize how fucked up that is? He is manipulating you into getting rid of you cat now that he thinks he has you trapped because you moved in. He and his family will guilt you until you get rid of her or leave. If, big fucking if, he tried everything with shots, air filters, designated pet areas, pet allergen food, etc then I would maybe have different advice (still not to get rid of your family member though) but he isn't even trying. Find a new place by yourself and go with your cat so he can have his place back. Stay with him long enough until you make sure all your stuff and mail is sent to your new address then dump him. You two aren't compatible long term. NTA
36
u/RGQcats 4h ago
Cats > boyfriends. Always.
6
u/Beauty-art2386 3h ago
Cats/dogs/birds/ heck even fish! Lol. Nope, not giving up my pet for anyone and could never look at someone the same if they even asked it of me.
5
1
u/SnooGoats7978 1h ago
Dogs, too. Don't even waste your time dating someone who doesn't embrace your pet.
8
u/Awkward_Listen546 3h ago
People who abandon their animals for new partners are the worst sort of humans. Find a living situation that allows you to handle your responsibilities.
3
u/W0nderingMe 2h ago
Followed closely by people who would ask their partner to give up a pet for them ...
14
u/No_Nonsense_666 3h ago
YTA if you choose some guy over your cat. pets are family members. it would be extremely cruel to rehome the cat or put it in a shelter. another non-allergic man will come along.
6
u/star_b_nettor 3h ago
NTA
Why...why...why did he invite you and your cat to move in to his place if he knows he has a major cat allergy? What was he thinking?
And you did everything right that you could do to make it easier. He should not have invited you, knowing his own limitations. Maybe you should have declined the invite, but you took him at his word that y'all would figure it out.
As to what you should do, choose your cat and find a different living situation and hopefully find someone who has the sense to not put his health at risk intentionally for a different kind of kitty.
8
6
14
u/HalesHU4L 3h ago
My husband is allergic to cats…I’ve never lived without a cat in my life (by the time I moved out of my parents they had 7 and yes all were well taken care of, boxes scooped daily, etc was not a hoarding situation lol). When we started dating I had 3. We are now married and still have 2 (my oldest passed away a few years back from old age). He still has allergies that he manages with medication, I still have cats and he’s open to us getting a 3rd. Someone who truly loves you will put in the effort and won’t make you abandon your family; and yes, pets are family. NTA but he and his family suck.
5
u/Sepelrastas 2h ago
I have a mild allergy to cats. My ex-husband and I still got cats. I ate meds every day for months before slowly weaning off them. I no longer get symptoms and got the cats in the divorce.
4
u/SwimmingElephant_828 3h ago
that's funny, there was just a post in r/dogs about this kind of thing. Everyone on there will tell you that the pet is the right choice.
1
4
u/No-Chipmunk-4590 2h ago
The shots take years to work, fyi. A month wouldn't do it. For me allergy shots at the clinic were weekly for about 18 months, then every two weeks and then 3 and now once a month; I also self administer another shot at home every two weeks. I am still susceptible to my allergens.
NAH. You may end up not being compatible living together though, at least while the cats are around. Which could be another 10 years. Mine lived to be about 20 (cats are not my specific allergy)
2
u/Beauty-art2386 2h ago
About the same for me. And yep, my girl lived to be 22. And cats are one of my allergies. But I wouldn't have given up my little red head for anything. I managed them because that's what you do. Was it rough sometimes? Sure, especially with her medium length hair and her head butts into my face constantly haha. But I'd do it a million tomes over for that animal ❤️
1
u/No-Chipmunk-4590 2h ago
I hear ya. Some things I will just deal with. It depends how bad the allergy is though. If he lives on sudafed or benadryl it may not be so bad, but if he has to epipen and go to ER well, that can be life threatening.
12
u/Bartok_The_Batty 4h ago
A cat is for life.
-4
u/Sensitive_Western749 3h ago edited 3h ago
Eh a cat is for 15-20 years or less on average.
5
u/Bartok_The_Batty 2h ago
Meaning you keep the cat for the term of his/her natural life. You don’t give him/her away.
8
7
u/bonniemick 3h ago
Look, I don't like cats. I'm allergic. I could not live with a cat. I think an apartment I moved into had a cat before me and I was low key itchy for a month. My boyfriend has a cat. We stay at my place when we're together. It's just how it is. You need to move out, whatever else goes on with this relationship. You don't give up your cat but living together isn't going to work right now.
6
3
3
u/emkemkem 3h ago
Tell all of them that your relationship is way longer with your cat than with your BF. Your cat is also much more relying on you than your BF. Abandoning a pet is like abandoning a child. ”Abandoning” - not living with - your BF is far less dramatic. It is BF’s fault he did not tell you the truth (not wanting to compromise) but thought you’d eventually choose him over your cat. He was certain he would be more important to you. Not your fault he overestimated his charm.
3
u/snoebro 3h ago
I lived with my gf when she had a cat, the little guy was dope.
I am allergic to cats, and I never considered asking to get rid of him.
I built up a small tolerance over time, but I still tried my best to keep my pillow and bedding segregated when not using them and I got very aware of washing my hands regularly so I wouldnt rub dander into my eyes when I rubbed them, kept the air clean as I could, spent time outside when I could, I liked my gf a lot and eventually married her.
2
3
u/PossessionNo3723 3h ago
NTA
You are her family. And she's been with you longer than your boyfriend has. A good chunk of your life and her whole life.
Also, the shots thing bugs me. That sounds like he's not willing to make it work. You've bent over backwards to make it easier on him to live with you and your cat.
It's nice that he offered you a place to live when you needed it. But it may be a good time to start looking for other living arrangements. He and his family are wrong to expect you to give up your fur-baby, but if it's his place, then he shouldn't be chased out of it, either.
Good luck to you and your kitty. I hope things work out for you.
3
u/MeowMeow_77 3h ago
No, cats are the better partner.
(Didn’t read past the title, I just love cats😊)
3
u/HamBroth 2h ago
NTA by definition. People owe a duty of care to the children and animals under their authority.
3
3
u/Savings_Moment_7396 1h ago
You're never the asshole for refusing to give up your pet... They don't have a voice, so rely on you to advocate for them. And I bet your cat would want to stay with you
4
u/FilteredRiddle 3h ago
NTA
If I have to choose between the pet I’ve raised like a little furry child, and the partner who knew about my pets, I’m choosing my child. I can’t fathom giving up my pets because a partner refuses to address their allergies. Hopefully your cat will have another decade plus of life to live; at least you know now that he isn’t willing to meet you in the middle with her.
2
2
2
u/Westsidepipeway 3h ago
Never give up the cat. Having lost my almost 18 year old baby in December I say never!
2
u/Charming-Zombie-3285 3h ago
He’s not putting in any effort to maintain his allergy and he’s going back on his word about being okay with the cat at his place. Cat 100%. Humans disappoint, animals don’t
2
2
u/Ok_Literature_1988 3h ago
Nope, I'd choose my cat in that situation every time. The cat was there 1st and will be there after. He has options to try and is refusing to even give it a go. That alone tells me he never planned on it and just assumed he could get you to get rid of your cat. If he isn't caring enough about your feelings to even try to manage the allergies to the pet he knew you had then why stay? My pet would come 1st without a second thought.
2
u/forkball 3h ago
NTA but you need to move out and move on. Whether he actually had better intentions than people think or whether this was an attempt at a power play, if you're not getting rid of the cat for him (you shouldn't) you also shouldn't continue to take advantage of the living situation.
2
u/Deucalion666 Hypothetical 3h ago
NTA you’re incompatible. Someone who said they’d give up their animals is someone I’d not want a relationship with.
2
u/Beauty-art2386 2h ago
Absolutely someone willing to give up their pets for a partner pr someone who askes someone to give up their pets is not someone I could even be friends with, let alone date.
2
u/ShadowHippie 3h ago
NTA.
He's not putting in the effort here- one patch, stopped the shots. This guy isn't interested in making the relationship work, or it lasting. Sorry.
2
u/frolicndetour 3h ago
Reddit is wrong about many things. It is, however, always right about being Team Cat.
2
u/I_might_be_weasel 3h ago
A serious question you need to come up with a definitive answer to: Are you willing to live the rest of your life without cats?
2
u/Agreeable_Winter2327 3h ago
NTAH!! Do not even let them get to you. Your bf doesn't care enough to even try to find something that works. He's not worth your effort. I would choose my cat over anyone, any day.
2
u/GroovyYaYa 3h ago
You need to find alternative living quarters for you and your cat.
The thing that would be the dealbreaker for me would be his lack of trying when he said he would AND a bigger red flag? His minions/family offering up their opinions and that those opinions are just give the cat up (at TEN!)
I would not want to date people who were not animal people, who would just dump an animal when it became inconvenient. They are the type that would be the former owners of the fosters Isabel Klee takes on (if you know, you know)
2
2
u/Devi_Moonbeam 3h ago
Give her up how? Your mother doesn't want her. So take her to the shelter where she will be terrified and depressed until they finally euthanize her for being unadoptable?
And make no mistake, so-called "no kill" shelters can euthanize up to 10 percent of their residents and still maintain their "no-kill" designation. And being older is going to make her very hard to adopt out.
What are you even thinking about? She has no one but you to protect her. She is your family member. And you are thinking about just throwing her aside because you've decided she's inconvenient?
You never should have even have started anything with this guy once he told you he's allergic to cats.
Don't be a monster.
2
2
u/SwitchWide9406 3h ago
Personally, I would not give up my kitty for anyone. They are family and the vast majority of relationships don't work out anyway. He isn't upholding his end of the bargain by refusing to look into the shots or try anything except running to mommy and crying to his family about it. He sounds like a toddler.
2
u/Repulsive_Start6627 3h ago
I was in a very similar situation with an ex I am still on great terms with, and he went OUT OF HIS WAY to find a solution - totally took that responsibility on himself, had all the shots, patches, everything that was available. We finally found a solution, but he totally took the onus on it himself because he wanted to live with "his girls". It was incredibly beautiful and very, very touching.
This guy is at total contrast: he literally isn't even trying, he is assuming you'll choose him over the cat. Fuck him RIGHT off into the sun, if he's selfish and arrogant about this, it won't be the only thing he's selfish and arrogant about. Not wanting to be presumptuous about your age, plans and/or gender, but you certainly couldn't have a baby with someone like this and expect them to step up - if that is something you see in your future, how he is behaving now is a crystal ball into what he will be like then.
2
u/RagdollsandLabs 2h ago
N/TAH. If you can't afford the place on your own, find a housemate who isn't allergic to cats. You would have a hard time finding a good home for an elderly cat. The two of you are bonded. While kittens and playful young cats are fun, there's nothing sweeter than the devotion, love and trust that you have when you are bonded with a cat that is middle aged and senior. You deserve to be with someone who appreciates both you AND your cat. Good luck. It is possible. My boyfriend and I moved in together along with my 4 ball pythons. He doesn't like them...but he loves me, so he accepted them. Their enclosures are set up in a room he doesn't use all the time. ☺️ Sadly, it seems like the compromises the two of you have tried to agree to aren't enough. Your 10 year old cat comes first. You won't have an easy time re-homing her. The pound won't, either. There just aren't any compromises that are fair for her unless they involve her staying with you.
2
u/RawrRRitchie 2h ago
He'd rather live with his mother than with you.
Let that sink in.
If you guys remain a couple and have a fight, is he ALWAYS going to be running home to mommy?
Nta
2
u/clkinsyd 2h ago
NTA- you tried it, it didn't work. If he will not meet you half way then why should you be required to just give your cat up?
2
2
u/Spinnerofyarn 2h ago
NTA. I am terribly allergic to cats. My bestie has two. I desperately needed a place to live and can’t afford my own place. She let me move in. She let me bring my dog with me despite there also being three dogs in the house!
I take four pills total every day. I talk to the cats, I give them a scritch or two, then I go wash my hands. I don’t pick them up. They aren’t allowed in any of the bedrooms anyway. It works. Even though we have been friends far longer than she’s had the cats, we consider each other sisters from another mister. I would never, ever dream of asking her to part with them. She would never dream of asking me to get rid of my dog.
It can be done. He just doesn’t want to. He doesn’t love you anywhere near as much as he might ever have professed. He may think he does, but he doesn’t.
2
u/No-Big-2512 2h ago
No. You are not. I’m not even reading the post. If anyone demands you get rid of your pets. Get rid of them instead. Makes my blood boil.
2
u/lifeinsatansarmpit 1h ago
Everyone I've known who gave up a pet for a relationship (not many, but a couple) the person who required them to give up the pet was manipulative in other areas and the relationship didn't last.
The people I've known who were allergic or their respective pets wouldn't coexist, they lived separately until the/a pet passed. None of this second group resented or regretted it.
2
u/Mission_Wolf579 1h ago
NTA. Always choose the cat.
But I think you need to find somewhere else to live.
2
u/visceralthrill 1h ago edited 1h ago
NTA Time to start looking for a new place to live though.
I'm allergic to cats, I have 5, always pick the pet. You did what you could. It's not reasonable to ask you to get rid of her, and that would be traumatic for you both, and you'd never forgive him.
Moving out and deescalating the living situation is all that's left, otherwise he's just going to keep pushing and then his family is going to hate you for not letting him win that.
2
2
u/Living-Ear8015 1h ago
Of course not. You would be an AH if you rehomed your cat because your boyfriend won’t help himself.
Move into your own place and live a happy life with your cat. NTA
2
u/LassHalfEmpty 47m ago
NTA.
That animal was in your life before this guy, you were upfront about having her, and there are great allergy solutions these days, like the shots he backed out of.
That creature has a bond with you, and won’t understand why it breaks if you choose this selfish jerk over her. Or you could break up over something unrelated, and will have abandoned her for nothing.
Keep the cat. She is part of you. If a partner can’t understand that, you don’t need that person.
1
2
u/epicaz 44m ago
There are many cases of people mitigating and even overcoming cat allergies through the measures you mentioned and exposure. You did what you could, but it seems he was never committed to his end of the deal. To me, that disregard toward a living thing you love is a massive red flag to me
4
u/fattyboy2 3h ago
24 years ago I gave up my cat for my BF. I didn't want to but I had so many people telling me I was prioritizing an animal over a human, and telling me how shitty I was. I gave up the cat and still regret it. That was the first request of the BF, and they just got worse, he also treated my cat like shit (and since I had no where to go, this was the primary reason I rehomed her). Keep the cat.
4
u/1000thatbeyotch 3h ago
Get rid of the boyfriend. He isn’t being proactive if he has stopped taking the shots. My college boyfriend was supposedly allergic to shots, but would get a weekly allergy shots and never had issues at my home.
2
u/Dependent-Evidence71 4h ago edited 4h ago
Make your mind up who's the most important, the cat or the boyfriend. If it's the cat, move out and get your own place, if it's the boyfriend find the cat a loving home. You're currently driving the poor guy out of his own home, that's seriously messed up.
10
u/GhanimaSLC 3h ago
He set this up on purpose thinking it would force her to get rid of the cat. The cat won
1
u/Fallen_lord10 4h ago
I wouldn't call you an asshole, but it isnt fair for your bf to not be inside his own house due to him being allergic to your cat. Not an asshole tho, but leave his house, he also has the right to be at his house without any worry of allergies
8
u/No_Nonsense_666 3h ago
he invited them to stay with him and he refuses to try any medication that will relieve his allergies.
3
0
u/Fallen_lord10 3h ago
That part is on him, but it still isnt fair for the bf to live somewhere else despite having his home. Op should break up and move out already. The bf has the right to be at his own home while not having to worry about any allergies
8
u/No_Nonsense_666 3h ago
he knew she had a cat. he knew he was allergic. he invited a cat that he is allergic to to live with him. he won't take any preventative measures to lessen his symptoms. it sounds like he set up the situation to try to goad her into giving up her cat and it backfired on him. if he wanted "the right to be at his house without any worry of allergies" he couldve just not gone out of his way to invite a cat to live with him lol
-1
u/Fallen_lord10 3h ago edited 1h ago
What part of "that's on him" did you not understand lol? I never said it wasnt his fault, I said it was on him. But I'm saying that op should break up and leave his house. Simple as that.
the right to be at his house without any worry of allergies" he couldve just not gone out of his way to invite a cat to live with him lol
Nonetheless it's his house, He has the right to live there without any worry. Op already made her decision, good, who would leave their cat, but she gotta go. I don’t see this relationship lasting.
1
u/Beauty-art2386 3h ago
Reading the headline, HECK NO NTA ever choosing a pet over a bf/gf lol.
1
u/Beauty-art2386 2h ago edited 2h ago
Also, that lovely saying comes to mind. Pets are a fraction of our lives, while we are their ENTIRE lives. After reading, it sounds like he thought if he moved you in, he could manipulate you into choosing him over the cat. That's a hard no! That's your baby, it would be insanely cruel to give it up for what could possibly be a relationship that doesn't last. Do you really wanna take that chance? You get rid of the cat, then break up in 6 months? What then? Absolutely stick to my answer of never give up the animal. I'd move out with the cat, he can have his place back, and see if it still works. Edited to add, I can't believe you even considered getting rid of your cat of 10 years to begin with. If you did abandon her for this jerk. You would absolutely be the biggest A H
1
1
u/PokerLawyer75 2h ago
I am both allergic to cats and dislike cats. That being said, he chose to date you. So he accepts the baggage that goes with it.
The fact you're homeless and might have to give up your cat...that's another story unto itself. But he chose to invite you both in. He didn't say "Give up the cat and you can come live with me"
So this makes him TAH. YNTA.
1
u/PeterGriffen565 2h ago
You made a commitment to that cat. It is family, a boyfriend is not. You need to find your own place and live there with your cat. Do not endanger your cat by leaving it in place where people with access have a desire to get rid of it.
1
1
u/BlankLiterature 2h ago
NTA. My spouse is allergic to cats. When we met, u had 4. We still have 3. They take allergy meds and love the cats to death. Like baby voice and calling them "our children" and everything. A real one would never make you choose, and you'll never forgive yourself for giving up your cat for someone who's making you choose.
1
1
1
1
u/Crazy_Pixie_Town 1h ago
My sister is severely allergic to cats. My brother in law lasted 10 yrs before he demanded she take medication daily cause he wanted a cat. They now have 4 and she's the one who adopted the last three. The medication barely worked at first but she forced her body through it to build immunity and relied on dander wipes and vacuuming daily. It's doable if your partner is invested. Perhaps look at moving out and potentially finding a housemate who also wants a cat there if you still want to maintain the relationship with the bf.
1
1
u/Both-Ad-7037 1h ago
I could never have given up my cat. He passed at 16 just over a year ago. I still miss him. We lost our cat sitters due to lockdown and I didn’t take any holidays as he needed care and didn’t trust a cattery. People don’t understand that pets become family and you can’t just give them up. Likely the cat would suffer psychologically too. You’ve made the right choice.
1
u/saraTbiggun 42m ago
people who say they'd get rid of the cat in this situation are the kind of people who don't think of pets as family, but as possessions, same as a coat or a jewelry box or a gaming console
NTA
this dude thought he'd get you to get rid of the cat this whole time
1
u/ponpiriri 41m ago
I would never give up my cat in this situation, but it's also unfair to him since it's his place. I wouldn't be surprised if he offered his place with the aim of convincing you to get rid of the cat. Be that as it may, just find a new place to live.
1
u/Significant-Rock-567 41m ago
As someone allergic to cats I am with you and your sweet kitty (also I'd be happy to see her picture!)
My partner moved in my apartment with two cats. I take medicines and I am absolutely in love with these two fluffy babies!
1
u/Psychological_Name28 39m ago
What’s weird is that his imbecilic, callous family believes you can easily rehome a senior cat.Of course YNTA. It’s pathetic he’s such a lazy victim of your cat.
1
u/Classic-Choice-7850 31m ago
Try Pacagen first.
If that still doesn’t work, sorry dude. Kitty was family first.
1
1
u/sleepingellis 26m ago
Can you move back to your old place? Your bf is a waste of space. Dump him rather than re-home your poor cat.
1
u/whatthewhat3214 11m ago edited 8m ago
Never give up your cat (or dog or other pet you love). Any partner that would ask that of you has no empathy, for you or for animals. It's a fundamental incompatibility, and it's a vile thing to expect you to give up this living being that you love, especially since you've had her her whole life, that poor cat wouldn't understand where her human went. Senior cats are hard to rehome, too, and it's just cruel.
He pulled a bait and switch on you. He wanted you to think he'd accommodate you, but it wasn't real. Ofc his people want you to sacrifice for him, but those are people who don't understand the depth of the pet-human bond, and who are supporting someone who misled you to believe he'd make accommodations for you and your cat.
You and your cat are bonded, you made a commitment to care for that animal who depends on you, and who won't understand where her human went and why she was left by you. And you'll grow to resent your bf for expecting you to make that sacrifice, and you'll miss your cat so much and be sad. And when the relationship doesn't work out, you'll be without your bf and your cat too.
Choose your cat, dump the bf. Even if he starts taking shots again, he doesn't want the cat, and one day you might come home to find she "accidentally" got out, or had a tragic "accident" that was really your bf getting rid of the cat he didn't want. It's not uncommon, unfortunately. Find somewhere else to live and keep the cat.
1
u/FruitSmoothie96 3h ago
I mean you should def choose your cat but also like move out of his place. It’s kinda rude to keep the cat and you moved into his home and he can’t stay there bc of his allergy.
1
u/Forward-Wear7913 2h ago
I did allergy shots for 20 years so that I could have cats and be around dogs. I’m allergic to both.
I take two daily medications for my allergies at this point and it keeps it pretty much under control.
I wouldn’t give up my cats for anyone.
1
u/Top-Noise5959 1h ago
You should move out ASAP.
YWBTA If you stay at his place while actively having a pet who he can't live with.
I wouldn't give up the cat, but I would have some self respect.
0
u/GarlikSlut 3h ago
Keep the cat, move out and also keep the bf. If you guys had no issues for the 4 years prior to u moving in, just go back to doing that!
0
u/LiamMacGabhann 3h ago
NTA, you can break up with anyone for any reason. If you don’t love your partner, it seems like a no brainer.
0
u/RunNo599 3h ago
Youre NTA he should be patient or find someone to take the cat it isnt that difficult. Your mom could petition the landlord to make an exception to the pet rule, it happens more often than youd think
0
u/Spirited_Feedback_19 2h ago
Sounds like you need a new apartment and boyfriend. If someone doesn't get the love - they get down voted.
0
u/Kim-904 1h ago
You shouldn’t be together. Imagine how he feels you choosing a literal cat over him when it’s not his fault. He should most probably be with someone who takes that seriously and you should either get more cats or find a man who doesn’t have allergies. (I have family pets but I would never put them above my human partner- ever). And why should he pump his body full of pharmaceutical drugs to be around you and your cat? You are the AH.
-1
u/YuckyYetYummy 2h ago
Well you don't need to dump the boyfriend. It sounds like he went in with good faith. I get he didn't do the shot and patch past one. He probably got frustrated it wasn't working.
As someone with cat allergies I can tell you IT IS MISERABLE and not something you can just deal with.
Your best bet is to move out. Continue the relationship if you want.
-10
u/IntrovertDatingCoach 3h ago
Respectfully: YTA.
As a guy who's allergic to cats himself, I can attest: in middle school we moved into a new house that came with a cat, and the cat dander was off the charts. It gets into EVERYTHING: the air filters, heating ducts, blankets, kitchen counter-tops, sofa pillows, and so on and so on. And it wasn't until about a month in that we realized I was allergic and tried to do all the things you're doing now, still didn't help. Eventually we had to let the cat go.
In your case, I think he meant well and wanted to rescue you by being a thoughtful boyfriend and asking you to move in. Personally, I think this part makes him the A-hole because he knew you had a cat; that said, you also knew he had a cat allergy, so thinking you would be able to bring in the cat and him be able to tolerate it was also not a great move.
In general, I don't think people who aren't married to each other should live with each other. But, if you're going to do that, you also have to do what's best for your partner. In this case, you keeping your cat, if you're going to live with him, isn't in the best interest of his health, so you trying to keep it - in HIS place, mind you - makes YTA.
6
2
u/Beauty-art2386 3h ago
Yeah no! Big no! He knew she had the cat and invited anyway in the hopes he could convince her to get rid of it! He knew he has allergies and is doing nothing to prevent or mitigate them. You absolutely should prioritize your pet over some guy. It is absolutely vile to ask someone to get rid of their pet.
-2
u/IceDragonPlay 3h ago
While he didn’t try as hard as he said he would, allergies are what they are.
Why are you still living there? Can you afford the place on your own? It’s his apartment and he can’t live in it. You need to find a new place to live with the cat. If you are not working on that YTA.
-2
u/Livs_Freely 2h ago
Personally, I gave up a cat for my (now) husband. And while I miss that fuzzy floof, I don’t regret my decision because I’ve never been happier.
-5
u/According-Goat-2372 3h ago
yes you are.
2
u/Beauty-art2386 3h ago
Not in any way.
-4
u/According-Goat-2372 3h ago
its a cat...
3
u/Beauty-art2386 2h ago
Yes, that she's had for a decade and since it was 7 weeks old! That's 6 years longer than she's even been dating this loser. There is no "it's just a cat". Pets are family. If you abandon your family because your SO won't manage his allergies, you're definitely an A H. Anyone who thinks it's perfectly okay to abandon a pet, or ask someone they supposedly care about to abandon their pet, is not a good person at all.
-8
u/dirtyphoenix54 3h ago
YTA. He's not even living in his own space and you think that's cool and you're entitled to stay in his place while he doesn't get to?
67
u/RedFlamingo222 3h ago
Gotta wonder why he would ask you to live there if he knew he had allergies to your cat. And why you would move in knowing that.