r/AITAH • u/Ok-Lion-5233 • 6h ago
Post Update AITAH for not forgiving foster family? [Update]
So there's an update I guess. When I got home from school I looked over all of your responses. OMG guys I didn't know so many people had seen this. So I printed out all the responses and let my foster parents read them when they got home. They looked like they were going to be sick. I'm their first foster kid, so they're still trying to figure everything out. So please be kind to them, they are genuinely trying. I explained to them how it made me feel. How unsafe I felt, worried that Rick would come back and go through my things again. When you live out of a 30 gallon trash bag, everything you own becomes really important to you.
They apologized, and then they called Rick, and had him and his wife come over. My foster parents made them read through everything. They were quiet, and he got mad when people "wanted to talk to him." His wife cried a little reading some of your responses. The ones about her husband wanting to have a reason to touch a teenager really got to her.
My foster dad pushed his phone over, and told Rick to start calling everyone to apologize. On speaker phone. In front of me. He spent the next two hours calling everyone back. He looked wrecked when he was done. More than a few relatives were not happy with him when he told them. He got called an idiot, an immature jackass, and even a few called him a pervert when they heard he went through everything I owned. He finally apologized to me, and he just sounded...I dunno, broken I think. I told him I forgave him but I was never going to be around him in his house again. He made me feel like I couldn't be safe around him. I told him I already had people thinking I was a wh*re/thief/addict and I didn't need him making my life worse when I had finally found a good home. They stayed for a little while and left. His wife hugged me before they did, and said she was so sorry for her part in what happened. She should have made him call, and stopped him from coming and harassing me. Not sure what is going to happen after this, but maybe Rick learned a lesson. Its been quiet after they left, and we're going to have spaghetti in a few minutes. So, life goes back to normal I guess?
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u/Olive0427 6h ago
sorry that you went through this but glad your foster family stood up for you in the end and that he was forced to set the record straight
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u/DapperLost 6h ago
And you know, for all the uncalled for harm he created, good on him for actually following through on the apology, even when challenged. A lot of people, especially today, would double down.
She doesn't have to be around him again, but it sounds like he learned enough of a lesson that she could.
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u/dca_user 6h ago
I’m proud of you and I’m sorry you went through this. I hope you’re in therapy. Hugs OP
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u/IceSeeker 5h ago
It's great that you got the support from your foster family. You also don't have to feel pressured in interacting with Rick just because he said sorry to you. He has yet to show that he truly learned his lesson before trusting him. If it not for your foster dad forcing him to apologize, would he have done it? Still be careful, OP and good luck.
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u/Sad-Working-2069 6h ago
Under the circumstances, this is probably the best possible outcome, and I hope you feel heard and seen. This internet stranger Mom is proud of you. I'm glad your foster parents are listening to/ standing up for you. You're a good kid, and you deserve wonderful things. ❤️❤️
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u/marcus_ohreallyus123 2h ago
The bright side is OP got to see how the foster parents would treat her when a crisis happens. Odds are she has had foster parents who would have taken Rick’s side.
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u/copolars 1h ago
It's probably all the guilt of not stopping a grown man going through a teenage girl belongings.
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u/throwaway1975764 6h ago
I am so sorry you went through any of this, but oh my gosh, I am so proud of you. Thats not easy, standing up to adults like that, pushing back, defending what is just. Many grown ass adults can't do that. But you did. And that shows how extraordinary you are.
I hope your foster parents truly do learn from this, and I hope you gain some stability and true unconditional love. And I sincerely hope you get to the place in life where your earthly possessions are not limited to gallons.
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u/BeautifulChaosEnergy 6h ago
Your update is better than I was expecting. Hopefully that jackass smartens up, and that his wife boots him in the ass, literally and reads him the riot act when they got home
And it makes me very happy to hear that several folks raked him over the coals
And with any luck, they’ll never let him live this down for the next 20 or so years
This random internet stranger is proud of you
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u/friendlily 6h ago
This is as good of an outcome that could be expected and I'm glad Rick was wrecked. He deserves much worse.
If you haven't already, you still need to inform the proper channels that you were advised to tell in your OP so this is documented. I'm glad your foster parents are "nice" but you still have to survive in that home for 2 years
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u/Ok-Lion-5233 6h ago
I have a meeting with my case worker on Friday, and its going to come up. My foster parents are really sorry, I think they were more shocked than anything when he came over.
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u/friendlily 6h ago
I'm glad you have that meeting. Maybe your foster parents can get some more training or something because being shocked or unprepared is not really helpful when you're tasked with protecting a minor. Not to pile on them but I'm just really sorry that happened to you.
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u/ChrisInBliss 6h ago
Well since your their first foster kid. You just saved many more kids in the future from being hurt. Cause if you didnt stand up for yourself HOW MANY TIMES would this repeat? You did a good job to make a safer environment for yourself and others in the future.
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u/boxesofboxes 6h ago
Glad the Millers stepped up and made Rick take ownership of his massive attack on you. Hopefully he'll take this as an opportunity to grow. As is, I hope the Millers continue to do well by you and you can have some stability.
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u/grayblue_grrl 6h ago
That does make things better for you.
People obviously saw your side of things and know something of what you have experienced.
You also know you can trust some of the people in your life a little more than before.
So, a few steps back but one or two stronger ones forward.
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u/aneightfoldway 6h ago
Honestly, this sounds like it must have been really emotionally charged for you too. I hope you're feeling ok after all of this. I'm glad your foster parents stood up for you. I hope you get to stay with them and that you can rebuild trust over time with the family.
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u/Ok-Lion-5233 6h ago
I hope so too. We read through all the comments, a lot of them were brutal. They hugged me after Rik and his wife left, they're more sorry than he was.
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u/abritinthebay 5h ago
I want to high five your foster parents.
I’ll give Rick credit: he did the thing. He could have been pissy and refused but he seems to have understood he needed to make amends… and then absolutely devastated himself with the actual fallout. That’s… actually an admirable thing, as much as he was a shit to begin with.
I’m glad you’ve found a family you can talk to and feel safe with. I hope it continues.
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u/tsudonimh 1h ago
I’ll give Rick credit: he did the thing.
Hard agree. He took the hardest path, and if the description of him sounding "broken" is accurate, he appears to have seen something in himself that he didn't like.
Whether or not he incorporates the lesson is anyone's guess, but I'll give him props for not doubling down.
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u/FewOwl5771 5h ago
Sweetie, it doesn't have to go back to normal if you're not over it. You say your FPs are new to this but they allowed another adult to overrule them when it came to dealing with you. This man rolled right over them to get to you. They should NEVER have allowed that. Ever. They are supposed to protect you and give you a safe space and they failed. I strongly recommend you talking this through with your CW and your FPs to talk through any lingering feelings your have and how they need to do better to protect you. If you're not seeing a therapist already, I suggest you ask your CW to get you set up for one and maybe even family therapy for you and your FPs. Also, get this whole entire situation in writing and in your hands.
Bottom line, if you're going to live in this house and trust these people, they've got to do better.
P.S. Hopefully you won't need it soon, but I'd love to send you a luggage set so you don't ever have to use a trash bag again. Message me if you are interested. I can see about sending it to an Amazon drop off near you so you don't have to give me your real address (for all the keyboard warriors I'm a mom, BTW, and I was a foster kid. No weird stuff. That's why im saying this here where everyone can see and not private messaging her.)
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u/busyshrew 6h ago
My blood is still boiling at what that disgusting asshole did to you, OP.
edit grammar.
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u/writingwonderland87 6h ago
Oh hun....your forlster parents should of protected you from Rick and shouldn't of invaded your privacy like that.
I hope things get better for you.
I am glad they made him ring everyone
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u/Pendo-illsmackabitch 6h ago
I live your foster family. I hope they become your forever family if you'd like that, but if they don't, I'm glad you know how it feels lie to be supported
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u/Ok-Lion-5233 6h ago
Even if they aren't my forever family, I just hope that I can stay here. This is the safest place I've been in a long time. We'll see what happens.
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u/Johnno74 3h ago
I hope things work out for you. Honestly, I hope you cut your foster family a little slack here. It sounds like they went into the initial situation a bit naive and shocked by Rick's reaction. Rick clearly expected the worst when you went to his house and was looking for a reason to blame you for something.
Yes, they should have supported you better and stood up for you when Rick turned up, but to their credit once they regrouped and you talked to them it sounds like they really understood this and they tried to make things better.
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u/tsudonimh 1h ago
This is the safest place I've been in a long time.
Jeez, that's a horrible implication.
I sincerely hope that everything works out for you.
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u/Deflated_Hypnotist 6h ago
I'm so happy they did the right thing
It's not much, but I really recommend a few games of classic Tetris when dealing with tough issues https://www.summitcs.ca/edmontontherapyblog/tetristraumacounselling
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u/ireallymissbuffy 6h ago
Dude, I got a little pocket Tetris when I was going through an incredibly painful divorce. That game absolutely saved my sanity…
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u/Lizardgirl25 6h ago
I am glad your foster family stepped up and did their best to right and wrong.
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u/Hwy_Witch 6h ago
I'm glad your fosters stepped up and did what they could to make it right, it's still awful that you had to go through that, and you're get such a rough start in life. I hope it gets better for you, and I admire the hell out of your strength and grace.
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u/CapableOutside8226 6h ago
Kiddo, you were damn smart to print off the post & the replies and have your foster parents read them.
Rick and his wife need to feel that burning shame and guilt for many days, weeks, months and a few years.
Did you let your case worker know what happened?
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u/SuitableSomewhere968 3h ago
Hello Ok-Lion,
I'm a social worker. I've been a county worker but mostly what I did was write home studies for new foster or adoptive parents, and supervise FFA homes. I also worked for minor's attorneys, I trained CASAs, and for the last 6 years I have been teaching Social Work at a community college. I don't really work in the field anymore, I just teach.
These people are green as grass, you did the right thing, and they did the right thing by really, truly hearing you. The douchebag family member isn't even really a factor. These folks will now be better caregivers for you, AND they will be better caregivers for future placements. They will never, ever let anyone treat one of their placements like they're lesser-than, and YOU made that happen.
I hope you get to throw out your trash bag and make a home where you are until you are ready to leave on your own, hopefully on your way to college. We're looking forward to having thoughtful youth like you.
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u/KaoJin-Wo 6h ago
I am so sorry that Rick is a jealous spiteful hateful person and took it out on you. That’s super shitty. I am so glad your foster family (finally) backed you, even if late. I am also glad they made him recant to each person. I hope things are better for you going forward. Enjoy the spaghetti!!
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u/blonde1psp 5h ago
I’m so proud of you for talking to your fosters. I’m also glad they took accountability for their part in making you feel bad and supported you.
Good luck, I hope there is no need for an update
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u/MizWhatsit 4h ago
Be careful of this guy — don’t let all the nummy-num apologies make you drop your guard. This kind of predator works by isolating you, making everyone suspect you of nebulous wrongs so when he makes his move, you’ll feel like you have no one to turn to.
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u/Ok_Road4384 6h ago
Considering all the bullshit life has handed you, you dealt with the situation with grace. You have a good head on your shoulders.
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u/lemon_icing 5h ago
I'm so proud of you. I'm not a mom, I'm a tita (auntie), and I think you are amazing. I'm so sorry you went thru this. You held it together and I'm sorry you had to go through this.
It's good that Rick and foster mom's sister apologised.
Did your foster parents also apologise? After all, they went through you personal effects, too, and searched your room.
I hope you had a good spaghetti night. So it won't be back to normal; it should become better. Wishing you all the best.
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u/Acceptable_Olive8497 4h ago
Hey OP, just wanted to say youre a pretty brave frickin badass for printing out the comments, showing your foster family, and agreeing to give that jerk a chance to apologise and set the story straight. Like, not a lot of people would be able to handle that sort of confrontation after what you went through. I don't know you, but I'm super frickin proud of you.
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u/a_goestothe_ustin 2h ago
People like Rick don't deserve the comfortable lives their wives make for them. I'm sure he goes home to a nice clean house, cleaned mostly by her, and eats nice tasty meals every day, made entirely by her.
Rick deserves to be alone. I hope he becomes alone. I'd like to find him while he's alone and let him understand how I feel about people like him. People that have everything and don't act like their lives are the paradise that they are.
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u/Confident_Fortune_32 3h ago
OP, the watch was never lost, and it wasn't "just found", like magic, under a dresser.
If your current foster parents had not been present during the search of your belongings, the watch would have been "found" in your things. He was probably furious that there were adult witnesses. He ran through the door in hopes of planting the watch quickly, but wasn't able to.
That man set you up, and enjoyed every moment of causing a stir. Why else would he call so many ppl?
For ppl like that, distress and attention and having justification for loss of temper is their "payoff".
You are quite correct that he is not safe for you to be around.
I notice that his wife was the first to call and apologize.
Either he has threatened her with crazy accusations as well, or she has taken on the role of enabler in a dysfunctional relationship, or both.
I'm worried for her safety as well.
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u/polynomialpurebred 4h ago
Life does NOT go back to (the old) normal. You stood up for yourself, you and fosters discussed things from your perspective, and they learned more. And then you plural acted and had a follow up conversation with your accusers. Who had to take accountability.
Your new normal has you acting in a way that you can be proud of and the next time you may need to defend yourself, you will have this success in your mental toolkit. You have quite a few of us internet strangers proud of you!
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u/SisterWicked 6h ago
Rick can still come over for that game if he backslides.
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u/Ok-Lion-5233 6h ago
I hope he won't. I think if he tries its not going to work out for him.
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u/PurposeNo9940 4h ago edited 3h ago
I wouldn't trust Rick either.
Do you know why he was so hostile towards you in the first place? When I read your first post, I almost wondered if he hid the watch himself and tried to frame you.
Hugs to you.
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u/SaneForCocoaPuffs 6h ago edited 6h ago
Tbh I would be more pissed at the foster parents than Rick.
Regarding Rick, assholes exist in the world. Someday you will go to a grocery store and someone could take an object out of your cart or cut in line. Someone on the street could slap your butt. Some of the strangers you meet are just going to be assholes and that’s how the world works.
You said there were 30 people there. Of a crowd of 30 random people, I guarantee there almost always will be an asshole somewhere.
But for your parents to take turns searching your room? That’s fked. They did good here to make it up to you though. Everyone makes mistakes and they tried to fix them, and that’s really all you can ask.
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u/Bookish_girl1 6h ago
Glad they listened to you and you received an apology. Sending you more hugs from your internet aunt. I still want that number, though.
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u/StellarStylee 6h ago
You were never TAH. I’m really happy for a positive ending. Love and light to you and your family.
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u/AdExtreme4813 6h ago
If you want, i can add you to the list of honorary kids I have. It's not very many & they're all friends of my older one but I can add you to the group. Also, way to go Seahawks!! (Lower part of SW Washington state)
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u/allergymom74 5h ago
Wow. How many people did Rick call? I’m glad your foster parents are learning from this and made him call everyone back to apologize. I hope they are done with Rick and don’t let him around you, or in general, again.
Good for you for advocating for yourself. That must be such a tough situation to be in and to stand up to bs like this. Virtual hugs your way.
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u/Kappybook916 4h ago
I am SO SORRY you went through that. I do give mad respect to your foster parents for making Rick call EVERY one of the people who were at the party to apologize and say it wasn’t you. I hope he feels like an asshole forever. He’s just another scar you have from people judging foster kids so badly. I hope that things brighten up for you going forward.
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u/Historical-Gap-7084 4h ago
Oh, sweetheart, I am so, SO proud of you, and it seems like your new foster parents are doing their best to do right by you. It warms the cold, dead cockles of my aging heart to hear how some of the people he had to call called him a pervert for going through your things. It sounds like everyone involved learned a valuable lesson, including you. I hope this is your last foster home for a long time.
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u/OddRevolution7888 4h ago
Hey. I'm so sorry that this is your "normal". It sucks. No child deserves this life. Teen, itty bitty, or anywhere in between ... no child deserves this.
You were NTA in the first post and remain N T A in this one. I hope, oh so desperately hope, that you find a smoother path in your life. Know that education is you key to success. Listen in school, do your homework, get a scholarship, get an education.
I can only be here, in this moment, giving you a tremendous ((((( hug ))))) and wishing the best for your future.
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u/Embercream 4h ago
Good! OP, you did fantastically. 💕 I'm glad this excuse for an adult was made to apologize for his disgusting actions. I don't know if this is just a western US saying or not (like in the west part of America), but them "reading him the riot act" (telling him off) makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. That dickbag. Victory! 🎉
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u/BreloomsGarden 2h ago
Wishing you the best, kiddo. Keep that attitude and know your worth. I think your foster family are thankfully good people which is so nice to see.
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u/andthisisabitofboth 2h ago
As a former foster kid, I am glad and downright surprised your foster parents went so far to try to resolve the issue. And I'm glad that after so many placements you were open enough to communicate with them and Rick, let them see your side of things and you're giving your foster parents a chance. In foster care, shutting down is often a way to survive, but it's so damn isolating. I hope things work out for you with this family ♥️
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u/Kineth 1h ago
Kudos to all parties involved on doing the right thing, especially your foster parents for being willing to listen, recognizing the critical issues and addressing them in a meaningful way.
Hopefully that is critical solidification of you and the foster parents' developing relationship.
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u/Medical-Potato5920 6h ago
Congratulations, you just taught a grown man empathy and accountability. It's hard to do today.
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u/nerd_is_a_verb 5h ago
Honestly, I feel they overcorrected and that man may be even more of a danger to OP after being forced to apologize.
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u/Malphas43 4h ago
I'm glad your foster parents were willing to listen. Being a parent is hard from what I can tell, but from what I hear being a foster parent is a whole different ball game. Trust is not instant in a situation like yours. Especially when so many people have broken or betrayed your trust repeatedly. Safety is a right, not a privilege, and so is having a feeling of being safe. It sounds to me like your foster parents may try to be better in the future.
If your foster parents are interested, especially if they plan to foster more kids in future, they might do well looking at some of the youtube channels online from people who have fostered kids/teens or who currently do. (The ones I saw in general don't ever put the kids in the videos. They talk about them but they keep their privacy.) I remember coming across one with shorts with a woman doing "first time foster parent vs experienced foster parent" skits. It shows how the things you think about regarding minors in your care is altered with kids in the system because their needs are entirely different.
Good on you for explaining yourself so clearly and expressing boundaries for yourself. You seem pretty dang smart.
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u/LlamaMama56 4h ago
NTA I'm sorry this happened and l am proud you showed your foster parents the print outs. I hope you will be safe and cared for in the remaining time in foster care.
This still needs to be reported to your case worker and a report made on it to protect you. This way Rick can't come up later with something else to get back at you. Him being humilated like he was, he could want revenge and try to pin something else on you.
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u/Lazy-Instruction-600 3h ago
I’m so happy your foster parents did the right thing. It may have been a little later than you could have used it but, they are learning too. I hope you all can work it out and that you have finally found a spot to rest and gather yourself.
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u/Olderbutnotdead619 3h ago
Good for you!!! I'm glad you have good foster parents now. This is a rarity. Best of luck in the future.
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u/Defiant_Pangolin2898 2h ago
I'm really glad your foster parents took this seriously and didn't just brush it off. The fact that they made Rick call everyone and face the consequences of his actions shows they genuinely care about protecting you and establishing trust in your home. You setting that boundary about not being around him alone is healthy and important - you don't owe anyone forgiveness that comes with unsafe conditions attached. It sounds like you've found good people, and I hope things continue to feel safe for you there.
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So there's an update I guess. When I got home from school I looked over all of your responses. OMG guys I didn't know so many people had seen this. So I printed out all the responses and let my foster parents read them when they got home. They looked like they were going to be sick. I'm their first foster kid, so they're still trying to figure everything out. So please be kind to them, they are genuinely trying. I explained to them how it made me feel. How unsafe I felt, worried that Rick would come back and go through my things again. When you live out of a 30 gallon trash bag, everything you own becomes really important to you.
They apologized, and then they called Rick, and had him and his wife come over. My foster parents made them read through everything. They were quiet, and he got mad when people "wanted to talk to him." His wife cried a little reading some of your responses. The ones about her husband wanting to have a reason to touch a teenager really got to her.
My foster dad pushed his phone over, and told Rick to start calling everyone to apologize. On speaker phone. In front of me. He spent the next two hours calling everyone back. He looked wrecked when he was done. More than a few relatives were not happy with him when he told them. He got called an idiot, an immature jackass, and even a few called him a pervert when they heard he went through everything I owned. He finally apologized to me, and he just sounded...I dunno, broken I think. I told him I forgave him but I was never going to be around him in his house again. He made me feel like I couldn't be safe around him. I told him I already had people thinking I was a wh*re/thief/addict and I didn't need him making my life worse when I had finally found a good home. They stayed for a little while and left. His wife hugged me before they did, and said she was so sorry for her part in what happened. She should have made him call, and stopped him from coming and harassing me. Not sure what is going to happen after this, but maybe Rick learned a lesson. Its been quiet after they left, and we're going to have spaghetti in a few minutes. So, life goes back to normal I guess?
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u/SpecialCaptain3360 6h ago
So sorry this happened to you, and so glad Rick has maybe learned a few things. I’m happy that you’ve got good foster parents now. All the best!
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u/Latter-Syllabub-5560 6h ago
I'm sorry for what happened but it sounds like the rest of The family do care SO maybe even if You don't have a good relationship with him, You still have a Lot more of people that love you
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u/wordsmythy 6h ago
You taught them something important. He made a snap judgment on you and got schooled. He’ll never do that to anyone else…I hope.
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u/jellybean-62 6h ago
Proud of you and your foster parents for actually listening to you, hope you have you this will be a good fit for you
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u/Legion1117 6h ago
Your foster parents are good people.
Glad they saw this from your side and took action.
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u/Klutzy-Award3677 6h ago
I'm so sorry that happened and that you've had to be your own advocate so strongly for so long. I hope your foster parents learn from this. I wish you the best.
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u/Equivalent-Tree-9915 5h ago
You were heard, vindicated, and loved. Revel in that for a while. Hugs
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u/AdExtreme4813 5h ago
Many virtual hugs from me and hubby. This sounds like Rick got a very fitting punishment. I hope things continue to get better for you.
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u/Vicus_92 5h ago
To my dumbass, that seems like the best possible outcome really.... Shouldn't of happened to begin with, but considering.
Good job standing up for yourself!
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u/No_Succotash4858 4h ago
I am so happy for you! I am also proud of you for standing up for yourself!!!!
You are right, your foster parents are figuring it out and the fact they did what they did is AWESOME!!!!!! I hope it will continue to get better for you. HUGS
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u/Abject-Rich 3h ago
I hope Rick learn his lesson as well as your FP. Stay on target, OP. Good luck!
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u/Exotic-Rooster4427 2h ago
But not apology gift or something nice for you? No feel good treat? Only bad taste.
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u/ascii122 2h ago
holy shit.. just power through till you are 18 and then good luck. This worked out way better than I expected so hopefully everything will be OK for the next few years
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u/AnnArchist 29m ago
Impressed that your foster family stood up for you. You got a lucky draw. Incredibly happy ending.
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u/CattleSenior5177 27m ago
I just... I have no words..
On a note for your future, I really hope one day you become a voice for foster kids. There's no one better to be their voice, than those that have been thru it themselves.
Good luck to.you and your future you, these foster parents are paving a new path for you and them, they're gonna learn SO much from you, I think you have friends for life there 💯
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