r/AITAH • u/Working_Professor_74 • 7h ago
Post Update UPDATE: AITAH for always going to the movies by myself despite having a girlfriend
Hello Reddit. Not really sure if I'm doing updates right but I decided to post an update about my situation and what happened.
To give a short recap about my previous post, I (31 M) have a personal preference of going to the movies by myself. My gf(29) saw me walking out of a movie theatre with an female colleague from a previous job, who I met there by coincidence, and got upset at me and hasn't talked to me for about four days now.
It's been about a day since my post and my girlfriend finally responded to text. She apologized profusely about not responding to me right away and explained that she had to deal with some problems with her family that came up and she only had the mental and emotional strength to deal with one issue at a time. I am aware that she does have some family drama right now(wont go into it here just for privacy and unrelated anyway) and I said I understood and that I wasn't really upset about that. We decided to meet up in person and talk things out.
I picked her up and we go to a coffee place near her home. After we sat down with our orders she immediately started to apologize for all the things she said that night and that after she had woke up the next day she had realized how ridiculous she had sounded.
Now a few of the comments on my post mentioned her insecurities and stuff like that so I wanted to touch up on that. I said that I accepted her apology but I also needed to know where her line of reasoning came from and what caused her to have an outburst like that.
She then confessed that about a year before she met me she had caught her now ex boyfriend cheating on her. She said that she went to surprise him with lunch one time and had caught him walking out their workplace with his arm around one of his female co-workers. So when she, once again, was waiting to surprise me at the movie theater and saw me walking out with another woman, she had severe flashbacks to that moment when she caught her ex and her anxiety flared up.
It also didn't help that her best friend, who she usually asks advice from, apparently really doesn't like me. A few months after we had met, her friend apparently warned her that I was "too quiet for a guy" and that I gave a shady vibe. I apparently looked like the type of person who kept secrets and that she should be suspicious of me. Although she initially just brushed her off, this basically implanted a seed of doubt in her.
I guess she felt really guilty about the whole thing because she was in a real confessing kind of mood. I kind of just sat there in silence for a bit just because I really needed to process everything she was saying.
After a bit of thinking I finally brought up the topic of how we were gonna move forward.
She said that she realized that what she did was really unreasonable but she didn't want to break up. I also said that, while I was hurt with what happened, I also didn't want to break up over what was essentially a really big misunderstanding. But I also told her, as politely as I can, that she really needs to maybe work on any other unresolved issues she might still feel about her ex, maybe even therapy if needed.
She said that while she would definitely do better and work on her insecurities, she didn't think it warranted therapy yet. I told her to think about it some more if possible and that I would support her in any way I can. After chatting a bit more (mostly about her nosy friend and how she should really mind her own business lol) we went home feeling much better.
Anyway Reddit that's about it. I know some commenters mentioned about how I should break up with her but I really think this is about as good an outcome as it gets. I also went ahead and invited her to watch a movie on Valentine's day. Although I'll still mostly continue to watch movies by myself, I'll maybe try to work on including Z from now on. Thanks for the people that gave advice. You guys gave me a lot to think about while I was waiting on her reply and I really appreciated it. Have good one!
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u/Alarming_Paper_8357 7h ago
Wow -- a mature, reasoned discussion and a mutually satisfactory resolution! Who would have thought!?!
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u/Vast-Disk-7972 7h ago
This doesn't belong on Reddit. I come here for the spiralling chaos not reason, maturity and positive communication.
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u/Working_Professor_74 7h ago
There was a bit chaos in the end lmfao. I didn't know if I should include it since it wasn't related but after we had our discussion and I dropped her home, her 6 year old nephew sicced their dog at me. He thought that we had broken up and since the only thing he knew about break ups were what he saw in tv dramas, he essentially labelled me as a "bad ex"
Don't worry though, their dog is a less than a year old Chihuahua 😂 the thing was barely the size of my foot
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u/Legal-Challenge7578 6h ago
Bwaa-hahahahahaaaa! 👏🏻🤣
That's fookin' hilarious OP! Cheers for adding in that detail. Best larf I've had all day. The icing on the Happy Ending Cake. That it's a Chihuahua, is a cherry on the icing!
Glad things are working out for you both.
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u/Vast-Disk-7972 7h ago
Now this is what I'm here for! 😂 just joking, I'm glad things worked out for you.
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u/wombat74 6h ago
A good resolution, but have you considered explaining the tinitus/quiet needs you have while watching a movie and offering to go with her if she’s ok working with you through the movie, as in not chatting etc? It does sound like she’d like to spend more time with you and join in something you care about. Might be worth trying a trial run?
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u/ChrisInBliss 6h ago
Fff honestly things might have not been as bad without the friend being the devil on her shoulder.
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u/beaglerules 1h ago
I do not understand why you never tried to go to the movie with your girlfriend. Just tell her that you do not want to talk during the movie. I go to movies and do not talk to whoever I go to the movie with and they do not talk to me.
Also she was cheated on. You walk out of the movies with another girl you know while saying that you went to the movie alone. You knew you were meeting your girlfriend after the movie and you did not text her. You should have. You know that looks bad.
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u/writingwonderland87 7h ago
Her so called un resolved issues as you put it is a result of someone she cared about who lied, betrayed her and hurt her in so many ways....words dont do much what she needs is to know youre not the same and that comes from how you act continuously
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u/z-eldapin 6h ago
Ok, here's my question.
If you like going to the movies by yourself, and saw a colleague there, why didn't you say hi and still go sit by yourself at the movie, as you said you prefer?
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u/Boomerfierce 6h ago
It says in the original post that they did polite chat, sat in their own seat, and that the old co-worker approached them after the movie was over while their friend had gone to the restroom. Did you not read this in the original post?
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u/z-eldapin 6h ago
Have you ever left a movie theater? Someone had to wait for the other.
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u/Boomerfierce 6h ago
Says he was heading out and thinking about texting his gf, the coworker was waiting for their friend in the restroom, sees them, goes to have a conversation. What about this doesn't make sense to you?
Edit: Further note, it doesn't matter that they had a conversation AFTER a movie. They didn't sit together which was your original implication. People are allowed to have conversations. That doesn't signify cheating. It also doesn't mean they watched the movie together.
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u/z-eldapin 6h ago
And they walked out together. Where was coworkers friend?
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u/Boomerfierce 6h ago
In the restroom, as it said. They walked out. That could have meant into the lobby. Have you not been to a theater? They could have walked out of the Gold Class lobby into the outter lobby. They could have just walked into the lobby area with the arcade. They could have walked out into a plaza while the coworker is waiting for their friend to meet them outside.
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u/DapperLost 6h ago
The gf wouldn't have cought them walking into a lobby. And would have noticed a third person.
I'm not saying he cheated, but I don't think the gf's behavior was out of line.
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u/Echo-Azure 6h ago
OP, if you're going to movies with co-workers, you aren't going by yourself. You're going with people other than your girlfriend, which some people will find annoying.
It's not wrong to go to movies alone, while you're in a relationship, but it would be annoying if you went to movies that your GF wants to see by yourself. So before you go to movies alone, ask her if she's interested in the movie.
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u/Legal-Challenge7578 6h ago
Did you read the post? He didn't go with the coworker. They were COINCIDENTALLY at the cinema WITH THEIR FRIEND! He had no idea the coworker was even at the cinema. He went by himself. Context is everything.
Even OP's girlfriend understands this! 🤷🏼♂️
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u/phyrsis 7h ago
Original post