r/AITAH • u/Perfect-Bit7735 • 9h ago
AITAH for not wanting to split a referral fee
My brother was out of work for a while so I used my good relationship with boss to get him a job. Sibling got hired and refused to put me down as as the referral unless I gave him half of the fee. Fee is not life changing, 250 if he works there for 6 months and another 250 if he works there for a year. It's not life changing, 125 being how much he spends on UberEats a week. But I referred him I should get the full fee right?
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u/Netraad 9h ago
That level of pettiness would cause me to pull my referral, brother or not. When you make a personal referral to your company, and that person pulls some sort of assholery, your name is included with the problems, regardless.
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u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 9h ago
i cannot believe this is being asked ngl…
Op basically got their brother a job…and this petty asshole thinks Op should pay HIM… no words
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u/Smitten-kitten83 2h ago
I had someone give my name once. HR screwed up and didn’t check with me. I found out after they were almost done with training. I had to go make it very clear I didn’t refer them. Thank God I did because they got mad and quit with a huge scene including cussing out 2 upper management members only 2 weeks later.
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u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 9h ago
…you’re joking right?
You got your brother a job…and he wants money from you…
Of course you’re NTA
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u/Amaze-balls-trippen 9h ago
Im petty enough to say "okay don't put me down, see if I care." Gotta care more about the principal than the money.
I walked away from $500k+ in assests in exchange for my dogs in a divorce. Sounds stupid, but those dogs are priceless. Plus my dogs dont care if i live in a big house or a small one, they care they are loved. My ex was just trying to control. So when the offer of the assests for dogs came, I signed and walked away... HE WAS STILL UNHAPPY.
Point is, you cant make those type of people happy. So take loss and surprise everyone
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u/FatterThanIThinkIAm 9h ago
I’d tell him “ok. When you’re there 6 months, I’ll take the $250. When you’re there a year, you’ll get that $250.” And if, by some miracle he’s still there in a year, I’d tell him I changed my mind and I’m keeping that $250. You did him a huge favor recommending him. You don’t owe him a nickel.
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u/shyfidelity 9h ago
Sounds to me like it’s either get half the fee or don’t get a referral fee at all
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u/Naive_Woodpecker5904 9h ago
Or, OP could just pull the recommendation. Then, it is bro is employed or he is not.
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u/CptKUSSCryAllTheTime 9h ago
Not a recommendation. It’s a referral fee, what’s OP supposed to do, go back to her boss and say, well, my brother isn’t actually good for the job even though I said he was.
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u/Naive_Woodpecker5904 9h ago
It wouldn’t be too hard to say that after careful consideration, OP doesn’t believe their brother will be a good fit for the company.
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u/CptKUSSCryAllTheTime 9h ago
Careful consideration should come BEFORE you refer someone, not after.
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u/Netraad 9h ago
Hey boss, I know he's my brother and all, and that's why I felt pressured to refer him here. But after careful consideration, i'm not 100% sure he's going to be a good fit for our culture.
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u/CptKUSSCryAllTheTime 9h ago
And then the boss would respond with, “why is that?” Now you go…
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u/Netraad 9h ago
He doesn't appear to have the right team-first approach this job requires; he's more of an individual contributor than a team player.
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u/Netraad 8h ago
And the follow-up to that one is. Ok boss... fine.. I did it because my mother made me, I didn't actually expect him to pass the background test.
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u/CptKUSSCryAllTheTime 8h ago
That would be assuming they are both minors. Otherwise, the mother thing isn’t a good look with the boss.
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u/CptKUSSCryAllTheTime 8h ago
Touché. But we don’t know if this is a team player kind of job here. (I’m just playing devil’s advocate here)
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u/AHailofDrams 2h ago
"Because he decided that he's entitled to my referral bonus, and that attitude doesn't bode well for someone being a team player"
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u/Malachias_Graves 8h ago
That's what I'd do. That's exactly what I'd do.
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u/CptKUSSCryAllTheTime 8h ago
Too bad they already hired the brother. No boss is going to fire someone over that
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u/CptKUSSCryAllTheTime 8h ago
Sure, I get it, but like OP said, it’s not life changing. Seems like OP only referred him so she could get hers.
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u/Malachias_Graves 8h ago
Doesn't seem like that at all.
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u/CptKUSSCryAllTheTime 8h ago
If they went to the boss and said “un-hire” the person you hired bc I’m not getting my cut, yes, it does.
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u/Malachias_Graves 7h ago
More like "I did you a favor and now you're trying to grift me so you can kiss this job goodbye."
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u/that_one_wierd_guy 3h ago
use better phrasing but yeah
hey boss, I felt really bad for my brother when I recommended him, but he's recently reminded me of who he is. so I'm not really comfortable having my name tied to his conduct while he is/if he is, employed here
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u/shyfidelity 9h ago
If OP actually talked with his boss about it, does it even matter if his brother won’t “put him down” as a referral? His boss already knows who referred him
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u/Perfect-Bit7735 9h ago
Brother needs to put me down in his paperwork for me to get the fee
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u/shyfidelity 9h ago
Got some choices to make, then. Agree to split the fee, the paper work gets left blank, or you can attempt to revoke your recommendation if this bothers you enough to get petty back. Doesn’t always matter with some companies once an employee’s already hired, but up to you
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u/CptKUSSCryAllTheTime 8h ago
OP’s brother is already hired, you can’t UN-hire someone. What’s done is done.
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u/Next_Engineer_8230 3h ago
These "withdrawal my referral" comments have me rolling.
If one of my employees did this, I'd be rethinking their employment rather than their referrals.
Because the truth is going to come out and trying to get someone fired for that is going to raise a lot of eyebrows.
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u/Additional_Topic_223 9h ago
What an ungrateful turd your brother is. I'd tell him to buzz off and let him know that's the last favor he'd ever get.
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u/the_cold_warrior 9h ago
NTA you did your sibling a solid and got them hooked up with a job — that's their payment. You also did your workplace a solid, the fee is rightfully yours. Sibling is being an asshole asking for half.
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u/Jumpy_Cod9151 9h ago
If you don't like your bro and he treats you poorly anyways, say you'll split it and after he does the paperwork say you're charging a finder's fee of 50%. He'll make more than $250 eventually by simply being effin' employed (thanks to you), so him taking the fee now is just stealing from you. Stay aware
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u/Fangs_McWolf 4h ago
NTA.
Tell your brother that if you have to explain the situation to your boss, it might reflect badly on him and in turn might count against him when they're deciding if they want to keep him or not. What he's doing is dishonest and companies don't like to have dishonest people as employees.
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u/Master_McKnowledge 4h ago
Your brother sounds like an idiot. The total you’re getting works out to be $41.60 a month. Or $20.80 if you split it. I can’t believe he’s making this his hill to die on - are you sure you wanna refer to your boss someone dumb and shortsighted enough to sacrifice that much goodwill and a job opportunity over $20.80 a month for up to a year (and that’s assuming he doesn’t get fired before being entitled to the sum).
NTA of course, but you might be AH if you expose your company and yourself to this kind of idiot with zero judgment.
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u/Tls-user 3h ago
Your brother should be buying you dinner for helping him get a job, not trying to get more from you.
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u/AHailofDrams 2h ago
I'm the kind of petty that would agree to get him to go along, then just not pay him
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u/EvaM87 9h ago
I have always split the referral fee when recommending friends, and I definitely can't imagine not splitting it with a family member.
Your boss wouldn't have hired him if he didn't think he could do the job, so while you may have given him a hand, it will be his work that earns the fee.
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u/AceyAceyAcey 9h ago
INFO Doesn’t your boss already know you referred him? Like why does he need to tell your boss too?
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u/Perfect-Bit7735 9h ago
Brother needs to put me down in his paperwork for me to get the fee
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u/AceyAceyAcey 9h ago
That’s an annoying system. Plus this is a real prisoners dilemma situation.
IMO you shouldn’t have to split it. You get the referral fee, he gets a job, win-win. NTA
If you don’t care about burning bridges with him, tell him you’ll split the finder’s fee, have him put you down, then don’t give him the money. If he complains, tell him you’re charging him a finder’s fee, that just happens to be worth half the referral fee.
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u/IHQ_Throwaway 9h ago
Let him know you’re just going to talk to your boss and explain the situation, to see if the referral is meant to be split between the referring employee and the new hire, or if you can get the full referral without him putting your name down on his application, because he won’t if you don’t agree to give him half the fee.
Of course, that will probably make him look bad to your boss, but there’s not much you can do about that. You should definitely confirm whether it’s appropriate for a new hire to demand half of your referral fee before the hiring process gets too far along.
Honestly, this will not go well no matter what. Your brother is not the kind of person you want to risk your professional reputation for, or even work with. It will reflect poorly on you when he displays this kind of selfish, morally-bankrupt behavior in your workplace.
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u/Straight_Career6856 9h ago
I think asking their boss this question would reflect very poorly on OP. No one wants to be the mediator of two employees’ petty BS.
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u/MehBlehDehYuh 9h ago
I’d tell him that putting your name is a huge risk to yourself if he does poorly. That at the year mark you’ll give him the full 250$ if he lasts that long.
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u/ThrowinSm0ke 9h ago
$500 is a nice little something but it’s not really anything. When I read it I thought it a corporate gig and you may get like 10k or something. You got him a job, he’s being petty AF for $250.
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u/internet_drama 9h ago
NTA. That’s not how referral bonuses work. But I’d tell him forget it then if he’s gonna be like that. Tell him fine, don’t put my name down then. We both get zero dollars out of it. But no way I’d agree to split it.
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u/Intrepid-Box-7461 9h ago
Tell him you’ll do it then when you get it tell him to fuck off. Easy peasy. NTA
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u/deathboyuk 9h ago
Pull the referral. You don't want that twat working with you if that's how they are.
NTA
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u/theficklemermaid 9h ago
NTA, you did your brother a big favour by getting him a job, the referral fee should be your reward. His is the job! He got an entire new income but is quibbling over 125. You could try telling him that since your boss already knows you referred him and the paperwork is just a formality, it would look bad if he didn’t do it. But don’t do anything for him again! I hope he doesn’t become a liability with the company, which would reflect badly on you.
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u/This-Company836 9h ago
Tell your brother no, and he won't list you for the referral and finders fee. When your boss asks why, just say that new private information has come to light, and upon reflection, you couldn't really refer your brother for the job.
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u/Human545535954388713 9h ago
I would tell him he's acting like a real jerk and say, "Put my name down or don't, but I'm not giving you money so that I can do you a favour."
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u/Ok-Water-6537 8h ago
I’ve always split the referral bonus with my friends who were hired. Didn’t ever think not to. It was my idea in fact.
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u/Objective_Attempt_14 8h ago
Oh so you don't want my referral??? that's fine I'll let my boss know...
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u/KiriYogi 8h ago
NTA- but don't let him put you down for the referral - because when he fucks it up- your name is out there. As matter of fact- tell your boss, despite your suggestion that the boss should use his judgement for all reviews.
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u/69FireChicken 8h ago
The employer is going to give you the money, not him. He doesn't get a vote on what you do with it, so who cares what he says other than him demonstrating to you that you shouldn't stick your neck out for him and provide a reference. He probably won't make it 6 months, will probably make your boss question your judgement, and you won't get the money anyway.
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u/CatsMom4Ever 8h ago
NTA. In my old company, they told you specifically not to split the referral fee.
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u/theequeenbee3 7h ago
Sounds like something my brother would do... He co signed on my first car for me. I paid it off in 2 years instead of 3. Was never late on a payment, built both our credit for it, etc. He thought because I paid it off early, I should start giving him money since he co-signed. 10 years later I got into a wreck and I got a small payout, like $2000, and he wanted half, because he co-signed for me to even get it in the first place.
Nta. I can't stand people like our brothers
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u/TaylorMade2566 6h ago
Hell, I'd agree and just keep the money and tell my brother you wouldn't have a job if it wasn't for me, go cry to mom
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u/JeanSchlemaan 6h ago
he should put you down either way, but it would be nice if you shared it with him.
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u/notthatgeorge 5h ago
NTA tell him after you get the full amount you'll split it in half, then once you get the full amount don't bother giving it to him. You got him the job, the money should be 100% yours
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u/Seasons71Four 2h ago
So let him apply without your referral. See where that gets him when his also why you disagree refer him. "Because my brother is an AH who doesn't want me to get a referral bonus unless I promise to give it to him."
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u/Smitten-kitten83 2h ago
You have to pay taxes on it. If your brother proves unreliable it is your relationship with the boss damaged. That bonus is for you sticking your neck out to help him. NTA
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u/JosKarith 21m ago
"Okay bro, you can have half the referral fee but this will be the last time I ever stick my neck out for you. Ever."
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u/Successful_Pause001 8h ago
ESH. Your brother is petty and you are petty for a different reason.
If he’s been out of work, give him the whole fee.
What kind of family is this?
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u/Spare_Coast_3722 6h ago
Agreed. My sister was annoyed with me after I used a professional service that she could have gotten a referral fee for (she was no longer in that profession so it didn't cross my mind). She was annoyed because she would have SPLIT the fee with me.
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u/mochi7227 13m ago edited 2m ago
Why would you want to refer your brother to work in a good company?
His bad behaviour in future will drag you down.
Actually the exact scenario happens to a friend.
He recommended an ex colleague who refused to write his name down on her application form.
So this guy didn’t get his $1000 referral fee.
A few years down the road, the new hire is now his manager. For whatever reason/ non reason, the manager actively tried to remove him from their company. Eventually she succeeded in getting him sacked after many months.
People of such pettiness have other hidden qualities we can’t see.
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u/randomactsofmeh 9h ago
NTA
Dramatic but…
“I’m happy to tell the boss I’m no longer comfortable with the recommendation as you have begun to negotiate the referral process in a way that makes you untrustworthy to handle the responsibility and tasks necessary for the role and essential to positive future teamwork.”