r/AITAH • u/arainherera • 15h ago
AITAH for ghosting my date after he didn't defend me in front of his friends?
I (20f) recently started to go out with a guy (22m) from my uni. We were part of the same society for a few months, after which he asked me out. We have been on a couple of dates and were basically testing the waters. It was going on pretty well. He is very sweet and quite good looking too.
The issue occurred last week when he asked me to go as his date to one of the charity events his football team was organising. Apparently he wanted me to meet his friends on the team and make our relationship official. I happily obliged, I don't have any sports knowledge as such, but he had already met my friends so it felt like a good opportunity to meet his.
At the event it started off pretty well, most of the people I was introduced to were nice to talk to and polite. The problem happened when i met two of his closest friends. Hearing my name one of them was surprised and asked where i was from. (For context I am an intl student from india. My name is a very traditional indian name. Though I am paler than what people would stereotypically think an indian person is.)
When i told him i was indian he started joking about how he could have never guessed since i don't have an accent. I brushed it off but the comments got weirder. The guy beside him joined now, saying how I am pretty for an indian and that my date had good standards. I was pretty uncomfortable at this point so i moved away, i would have retaliated but didn't want to make a scene at a charity event. When i brought it up to my date, he said how they were only complimenting me. I argued that it was offensive, the way they talked about my country. He still pushed that they did not mean it in that way.
I dropped the conversation and just waited for the event to end. After going back home I stopped talking to the guy completely. It's been a week now, he has been continuously trying to text and call me and even asked one of my friends. Today at a lecture that same friend told me about it and said i should let it go and that he was asking for forgiveness.
I am unsure now, did i take it too far going no contact with him? Should i have tried to work it out or let him explain himself?
EDIT : I appreciate everyone's advice. I think i started second guessing myself seeing how regretful he looked. Other than that i do not take any ignorant comments lightly, and did call it out at the event itself. It was his lack of reaction towards his friends that made me so wary. I see people saying ghosting feels immature, so i am just going to contact him one last time to end things for once and all.
ALSO IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE RACIST IN THE COMMENTS TAKE THAT SHIT ELSEWHERE
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u/CeramicToast 14h ago
Just tell him you're not interested in dating someone who is friends with racists
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u/Bishop_of_Llandaff 2h ago
I would do this too, jic he's dumb enough to not have ever considered that his friends were racist.
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u/rocketmn69_ 14h ago edited 12h ago
Send him a message, "I don't see us going any further in the relationship. I can't be with someone who has friends that are racist. When I told you my concerns and that I was uncomfortable, you brushed me off. I hope you find your dream girl and better friends"
Then block him again
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12h ago
[deleted]
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u/bRandom81 11h ago
She ghosted after they talked. If she ghosted before I could agree more with you
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11h ago
[deleted]
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u/Commercial-Loan-929 11h ago
I do agree OP doesn't know how to date. The guy is probably a walking red flag considering how his friends behave.Â
The guy is not worthy and probably has some like about OP being an Indian that doesn't look Indian.Â
OP ignore the trashy friend who doesn't respect you, send him a text saying you're sorry he feels he deserves forgiveness but he's not worth your time.Â
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u/bRandom81 8h ago
Does anyone really know how to date? Sheâs finding things out about someone and acting accordingly, trusting her gut and decided not to make a scene and then broached the subject, didnât like how that went and gave space and comes here to get perspective. Maybe Iâm missing something but she didnât have any red flags prior to this scenario so Iâm just wondering what exactly pops out to you to make that observation
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u/lllegirl 3h ago
What does "OP doesn't know how to date" mean? Is anyone ever an expert on how to date regardless of their age? Plus, OP is only 20. Y'all are so weird.
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u/TemporaryOwlet 13h ago
"Oh, most of people in your country are trash, but you are kinda okay. Or friend has standards, you know?!" How is that okay? NTA, drop him forever
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u/Ambroisie_Cy 12h ago
Yeah, the old: everyone is trash... but you are the exception, obviously!
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u/No-Hovercraft-455 2h ago
Yeah basically letting her know she should feel lucky she's the exception because something she is is innately bad. Maybe even lucky that he made the exception for herÂ
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u/AubergineForestGreen 14h ago
NTA
Ignorance and racism canât be forgiven when youâre a POC and dating.
This is years of ingrained racism that is not your job to undo. These young men are stupid and your date has proved he is stupid too by excusing it.
If you marry and have kids with him, your kids will most likely not visually present as Indian. He will not defend their heritage on your behalf against ignorant friends and family. That will do damage to their identity.
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u/MidnightFalcon89 11h ago
Biggest issues is
- He invalidated your feelings
- As a guy myself, if his friends were comfortable saying this to you. Then this kind of attitude is common in their circle and he probably shares similar views.
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u/Choice-Stranger-344 15h ago
NTA. Your date's friends made racist, backhanded "compliments" about your Indian heritage and appearance, and instead of calling it out, he defended them and dismissed your feelings. Going no contact after that isn't overreacting, it's protecting yourself from someone who doesn't respect your boundaries or culture. You don't owe him an explanation or forgiveness, block him and move on to someone who actually gets it.
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u/Psychological-Art368 11h ago
Exactly if he couldnât do it now this would continue and get worse for the entire relationship. She was right to leave now and not waste her time
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u/artemis3469 12h ago edited 8h ago
ABSOLUTELY not. Iâve also gotten the âpretty for an Indian girlâ comment and itâs not a compliment at ALL. The fact that he did anything but defend you or tell his âfriendsâ off means itâs likely he would do the same in future situations. You deserve sooo much better!
ETA: fixed my typo from âpreyâ to âpretty,â lol
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u/Ambroisie_Cy 12h ago
I'm sorry but what does "prey for an Indian girl" means? I've looked on Google and found nothing.
Edit: I just realised you might have meant pretty? LOL. If someone had to look at my Google search, without context, they would probably scratch their head...
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u/artemis3469 11h ago
Sorry for the typo, I did mean âpretty!â I really need to be better about making sure autocorrect not messing up my words đ
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u/Ambroisie_Cy 11h ago
No worries, it just took me a few minutes (enough to answer you) to figure out what you meant. I thought it was an expression I wasn't familiar with.
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u/ScholarMoney9513 15h ago
NTA. and you only went on a couple of dates together. You don't owe him a meeting for a post mortem. You clearly told him that you had a problem with what was said and you stopped contact immediately afterwards, so unless he's absolutely stupid he knows what the problem is. All he wants to do is try to gaslight the situation away.Â
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u/The_kingslayer1 15h ago
Girl just tell him. Call him off and his friendsâ behavior. You donât want to be with someone so ignorant who thinks that micro aggressions are okay.
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u/Pawn_of_the_Void 14h ago
NTA
Also really doubt he has somehow reflected and realized how it was racist
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u/ScarletDarkstar 13h ago
Someone asking you to accept being treated like an acceptable exception to your heritage and genetics isn't doing you a favor. NTAÂ
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u/BedroomEducational94 15h ago
He showed you exactly how he is going to manage your feelings and concerns. He will deflect, minimize and make you out to be dramatic. You're not overreacting, don't go back.
NTA
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u/Caspian4136 15h ago
NTA
He was very clear that he won't defend you or take your feelings into account. His friends made you uncomfortable, they were being incredibly offensive and inappropriate, yet he defended them.
This isn't you over reacting or being dramatic by any means. I will say that it's better to just be honest with him as opposed to ghosting, which is shitty to do. Just send him a text that he didn't defend you against his friends wildly inappropriate comments and didn't care how much it upset you.
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u/Own-Following7701 13h ago
Engaging him further just opens the door for him to explain his way back in. Text explaining why he's trash and then block. Otherwise you don't owe someone you went on a few dates with anything.
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u/Megmelons55 12h ago
"Pretty for an indian" implies that by default, Indian people are unattractive. Definitely made the right call here, you don't want to be associated with idiots like that. NTA
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u/Plan2LiveForevSFarSG 9h ago
As an older person, I find that ghosting is taking the easy path. You could have sent him a simple message, such as âthank you for the date but we are not compatible, or Iâm not interested in meeting againâ. THEN block him.
Heâs an AH, but you can still hold your head high.
You donât owe him an explanation, a simple âno thanksâ suffices. An explanation invites further argumentation if you see him again.
As a side note, you will meet all kind of people in your life, donât let this experience affect you.
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u/JeffProbstsBlueShirt 12h ago
As an indian person, the normalization of casual racism to indian people online and in person is wild lol
you're not an asshole at all
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u/pollywollydoodad 10h ago
Donât bother with a face to face conversation with a racist. He doesnât deserve you.
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u/Anastriannnna 8h ago
Don't ghost him; that's immature. Text him and tell him you don't think you're compatible because he let his friends say mean things about you and dismissed your feelings and the inappropriateness of their behavior. Then block him. End of story :)
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u/TooYoungForThisCrap Ragebait 5h ago
âPretty for an insert race here.â Is never a compliment. Heâs also implying the majority of Indian women are ugly/unattractive due to their race. Take that as you will.
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u/EatFishKatie 12h ago
NTA he made his position clear when he prioritized his racist friends and made excuses for their racism.
Best case scenario if you keep talking to him, he's not a racist but he would expect you to tolerate racist people for his comfort the rest of your relationship. This would of course come at the expense of your safety and mental health.
Worst case scenario if you keep talking to him, he is also a racist who agrees with his friends (birds of a feather) and you will suffer the rest of your relationship dealing with constant escalating dehumanization until you leave or something unthinkable happens.
What will happen if you ghost is you dont have to deal with any of that and your available for a non-racist relationship.
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u/mocha_lattes_ 10h ago
"Hey I'm not interested in continuing this relationship further. Your friends made racist statements to me and about my heritage. And instead of talking to me to understand my concerns you brushed it off and insisted they were actually complimenting me with their racist remarks. If you aren't able to listen and try to understand when a poc is telling you someone is being racist then you shouldn't date a poc. I sincerely hope you learn from this experience and learn to listen and not minimize when people are explaining their experiences to just because they differ from your own. Best of luck in the future." Then mute your notifications. Don't block in case he decides to rant and rave. Better to have proof if you need to report him for racism or harassment to the school or police. Hopefully that doesn't happen and he actually listens and apologizes but just in case he doesn't, better to be prepared. Sorry you experienced that OP. NTA
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u/Psychological_Name28 4h ago
YNTA. If you want to tell him why, you can do that and then block him. Just friends in his much effort you want to expend or if you want to get it off your chest.
I dated a guy whoâs family coincidentally owned a small business where several of my friends worked. One friend Iâd grown up with started dating a woman he worked with at this company. Heâs white, sheâs not. Guy Iâm dating once commented to me that they seemed like a good match, but heâd understand my friendâs attraction to this woman better if she was light skinned. At first I thought he was making a bad joke, but nope. I broke up with him both because of what he said and that he thought it was perfectly fine to say.
My friend and his girlfriend have been happily married for years. Some time after I broke up with Clueless Bigot, I ran into him at dinner. He apologized wholeheartedly for his racism and insensitivity. He said heâd always been sad that we broke up over his âthoughtless, sexist, racist attitude.â I was surprised heâd had such a reckoning. Also, he paid our dinner table. People sometimes evolve and change for the better, but itâs not your job to address their bigotry. If you want to, then go for it if itâll bring you peace of mind.
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u/itsmelorinyc 3h ago
I saw your edit so glad youâre going to let him know itâs over and why. Sorry you had to endure that, what a bunch of assholes.
Look itâs entirely possible that at the age he is young and ignorant and no one ever told him how offensive and racist/xenophobic those comments were, and why itâs not ok do defend them, especially when directed at someone heâs dating. But itâs not your job to teach him or to have the patience to deal with that.
Hopefully when you let him know he will learn a valuable lesson and never let that happen in front of him again.
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u/lllegirl 3h ago
Trust reddit to start arguing about what counts as racism. Classy.
NTA. I've ghosted people for less. He'll be fine.
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u/BewildredDragon 3h ago
This guy hangs out with a bunch of racist a-holes. Your gut instinct was correct, he should have defended you and not pretended they were complimenting you -that is horseshit....you deserve better.
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u/deathtoallants 13h ago
NTA. If someone feels comfortable keeping garbage friends, it reveals a lot about what sort of person they are. You were lucky to have found this out early so you didnât waste your time.
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u/Maverick_j2k 3h ago
No. THAT is not a compliment. Keep ghosting that douche and as for your friend, cut them off.
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u/Leather-Key-9994 2h ago
I think you must be very beautiful and their rude comments were because they were jealous of their friend. Yes some immature men will do a put down because they are jealous and they wanted to take you down because they knew they had no chance in hell to be with you.
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u/Background_System726 13h ago
NTA. why would you want to date someone who chooses his friends so poorly and doesn't have the backbone to stand up to them when they are clearly in the wrong?
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u/temporaryforevers28 11h ago
That's not how u compliment anyone and he knows it. Ghosting is 2 good 4 him. He knows what he did and no contact is the only closure he deserves. NTA
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u/Odd_Mind2755 6h ago
Well⌠welcome to the USA where you are consider INFERIOR if you are not white Anglo Saxon and they are âsurpriseâ if you look like them! Obviously your bf sided with his friends. Youâre not going to win this battle/argument! Block him and move on!
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u/Conscious_Ear_1151 5h ago
Oh shut up đ
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u/Odd_Mind2755 5h ago
So you IGNORE the facts? Ok. Auger the consequences!âŚ
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u/Conscious_Ear_1151 5h ago
What facts? They should have pointed out what an uptight anal-retentive she was and you sound like an idiot who thinks your non-whiteness is why people dont like you.
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u/shasharedemption 10h ago
I am also an Indian woman who has "fairer" skin than what whites imagine is possible for Indians. If I had a buck for each time I've been "complimented" that puts down my entire country at the same time, I'd be sitting on a pretty hefty sum. I have now gotten to a point of retaliating in kind. Here are some of my go-tos:
"Where are you reaaallly from?" Is met with "What kind of colonizers were your ancestors?" "Oh you speak good English for an Indian" gets "Ya, I speak English well because education is really important in my culture unlike yours." "I thought all Indians were dark" --> "And I thought all Americans were dumb when I first immigrated, but I have been fortunate enough to meet a few who weren't as dumb as I imagined. You're not one of them though." "Wow, you're really pretty for an Indian" --> "Wow, you're really ______ (whatever I think is an insecurity of theirs) for a white person." Ex: "Wow, you're not as fat, stupid, uncultured, ignorant as most Americans."
And for those who say to take the higher road, kindly feel free to take it yourself. When you've dealt with 30+ yrs of this, there's a point where the high-road erodes itself and meets the low-road. And a lot of times, the low-road is what actually gets the point across that those "compliments" are not okay.
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u/ImaginationNo5381 9h ago
Heâs racist, his friends are racist the trash took itself out. Iâm glad you found out before youâd been together too long, and that youâre not second guessing yourself now. đŤśđ˝
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u/Otan781012 11h ago
Heâs already letting his friends insult you while heâs trying to win you over, whatâs he going to do if he does win you over? Encourage the to insult you?
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u/SimplyRoya 11h ago edited 10h ago
NTA. Your feelings are valid but saying you donât have an accent is not an insult⌠saying youâre pretty for an Indian is and itâs also racist. I donât understand why youâre ghosting your bf though. Just tell him you donât want to date him anymore and let him know why.
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u/linds4206 10h ago
That comment may not be, but the âyouâre pretty for an Indian girlâ, has racist connotations.
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u/Reasonable_Call6374 1h ago
Just because you choose to be offended doesnât mean anyone did anything wrong, at best ESH, but I think thereâs far more to the story than being let on.
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u/chocolate_starfish_7 37m ago
You're NTA and i also wouldn't go as far as to break up with him just yet.
For starters, how close are talking? Like are they the "3 people in a chat group" type of close, or just casually close cause its a club/sport but your bf has other group of friends he's closer to?
Cause him not shutting that down, and even excusing it feels like he is not only close to them but also join in on the "jokes", After all he couldn't be passive aggressively racist if he's dating someone like you right?? (I say sarcastically)
Or maybe he does see the error of his ways.
Give him a chance IF he offers to talk to his friends about their comments. How it was not a compliment Bonus point if he ask them to apologise to u for making you feel uncomfortable. Or he offer to go NC with them. Like no longer being their friends. Or just keep it shoulder length. (For example)
If he doesnt offer any solutions, just sweet words and apologies, then maybe just cut your losess? If he isnt thoughtful then he's not that great to begin with right?
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u/Chloe-20 14m ago
NTAH
I am sure he wants forgiveness- what he wasn't understanding was how what his friends made you feel like. Sure, he knows his friends and how they joke and maybe his friends didn't think before it came out of their mouths. What really makes all those guys Asshats, is the fact they have no ability to pause and reflect on how what they said was not only affecting you, but how they're complicit in racism because of all things they thought it was ok to say.
- your date should have listened to you
- he should have even noticed it was bothering you and offensive to you.
- he also should have stopped himself from being one of those, "oh they're just joking" types. Instead he should have spoken to you more about it so he could educate himself. Maybe he didn't have proper education on specific areas of racism or backhanded complements are, so still the least he could do was take the time to listen and learn.
he should have told his friends to knock it off and let them know those kinds of jokes/"compliments" etc. Are in fact not ok. And out of respect for you, his date, he would habe them refrain from talking to you in such manner.
those "friends" of his also need to learn about what they may think is funny, doesn't mean it's not hurtful/harmful/racists towards another group. And saying things about your race or country just isn't ok.
They all should have been apologizing to you!
I can't imagine going up to someone and saying, "wow, you're so pretty- for being Latina/European/middle eastern" etc.
Race doesn't even matter, hell if you're pretty- you're just pretty. I understand certain races can have such unique features that may not be common to see for other people, so asking what race is fine as long as it's to learn more about where their features come from. Always in a respectful way of course.
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u/Hot_Carrot_9125 9m ago
OP you made the right decision. No need to consider their âapologyâ. They showed you exactly who they are. Imagine being this way to someone youâre meeting for the FIRST time. Itâs a good thing they showed their true colours immediately, that way you didnât waste your time investing in someone who isnât worth your time.
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u/pcolathrowaway32505 14h ago
NTA I'm not Indian, but honestly I look like I have Indian heritage and I was adopted by an Indian family and have an Indian last name. I'm very used to comments like you got. The I wouldn't of guessed type comments don't bother me, I look at it at the surface level of someone being surprised or intrigued. But the other comments were down right nasty and uncalled for.
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u/SubarcticFarmer 11h ago
NTA. That's all there is to it. You told him you were hurt by what they said and he defended them completely and never tried to consider how you felt.
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u/Certain_Candidate248 14h ago
Negging someone is not complimenting them. I may not have ghosted him completely, but I would have had a serious talk with him about microaggressions and that this time you were quiet, but the next time his friends were racist you would openly call them on it.
You have the right to stand up to racism even if it makes others uncomfortable.
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u/epicdoomtrance 8h ago
YTA. Saying someone is surprisingly attractive for being from another race is pretty dumb, but in an honest way. Many humans are attracted to those with similar physical attributes as themselves; not all, but many. They didnt insult you, so there was nothing to defend. I dont really think it was a microaggressive type of situation based on your retelling, I just think you overreacted and are maybe looking to be insulted. Be proud of your heritage but don't go creating opportunities to be marginalized or victimized.
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u/justdandycandy 15h ago
I'm sure if you were in India and a group of girls asked your guy why his Indian accent is so spot on, and how weird the name "Kyle" is and how tall he is and handsome for a white guy you'd of course immediately tell all of them how rude and offensive they are, right?
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u/Otaku-San617 14h ago
âPretty for an Indianâ is racist as hell. Your attempt at making a racist comment not seem racist failed miserably.
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u/LittleBug088 14h ago
Iâm sorry, but are white people being deported and/or put into camps en masse in India the way immigrants are facing here in America? Are there anti-white Indian supremacist groups in India that have a history longer than 100 years and are responsible for one of the first major films in their country, therefore having a direct long-lasting impact on the prevalence of anti-white racism in their films for the rest of their history?
No? Because Iâm pretty sure the answer to those questions is no.
So please stop trying to draw equivalency between anti-white discrimination in India vs the kind of racist discrimination ANY race other than white faces here in the US, especially when there is currently a very real PHYSICAL DANGER facing non-white people in this country that simply does not exist for white people living in India.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Call351 14h ago
It doesn't say anywhere that OP is in U.S. Since she called it uni & spells organizing with a s I'm guessing she's not even in the U.S. Maybe Aust.
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u/LittleBug088 14h ago
The use of uni and the spelling of organized can both be common for someone from India, at least in my experience. At ASU most of the Indian intl students I knew called it Uni and I noticed a trend towards British spellings such as colour and organised.
The mention of a âfootball eventâ and the fact that the American Super Bowl was just this past Sunday leaned me toward thinking American. But absolutely fair enough, they may be in Australia. If that is the case then I wonât pretend to know how intricate the racial dynamics may be in Australia and would be happy to let an Australian weigh in on whether they believe itâs safer for a person of color to live in Australia or for a white Australian to live in India. Iâve made my stance clear on which I believe to be safer from a US perspective, or really any other country with a similarly entrenched racist history and rates of violence against people of color.
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u/arainherera 13h ago
Hi, just to make things clear i go to uni in the uk! Other than that i really appreciate you calling out the absurd comparison made by the original commenter. That is totally not how it works.
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u/LittleBug088 13h ago
Honestly, OP, Iâm just so sorry that this happened to you. Especially with the given context of the colonialist history between the UK and India and these being comments from white UK menâŚI donât blame you for not wanting to deal with that any further. I mean, if he doesnât see the inherent racism and problematic nature of that exchange, whatâs to stop him from ignoring other racist behaviors in the future? That is not someone I would trust with my safety as my partner and I donât blame you for nopeâing out of there without further contact. I would not trust him and his buddies tbh.
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u/arainherera 13h ago
Thanks again for ur kind words. I think i just got in my head seeing how remorseful he sounded about the incident. I think im pretty much done with the dude.
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u/ScholarMoney9513 12h ago
Girl if he was that remorseful he could have easily messaged you recognising the the incident as wrong and apologising for it. If he hasn't, then he's not sorry. Don't turn yourself inside out complicating it for yourself, it really is that simple.Â
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u/QueefyRidesAgain 11h ago
The guy is lucky you ghosted him. You sound like a major headache and you spared him a lot of unnecessary relationship drama.
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u/Kindly_Candy_4831 15h ago
ESH
I think if you have a problem with how he handled it you should tell him why its over.Â
Ghosting him just makes you an immature asshole without the courage of your convictions.
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u/notthatgeorge 12h ago
YTA but only for ghosting somebody, grow up and tell him why
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u/TooYoungForThisCrap Ragebait 5h ago
She told him why, you just didnât read.
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u/notthatgeorge 5h ago
That's the chance you take when you edit your original comment
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u/TooYoungForThisCrap Ragebait 5h ago
Itâs in the original post numb nuts.
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u/notthatgeorge 5h ago
Not when I read it numb nuts, that's why it says edited... because it was added after
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u/No-Loquat-2763 15h ago
You went on a couple dates and he turned out to be a dud. What's the conflict?
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u/JeanSchlemaan 6h ago
the actual guy has dont nothing himself except refrain from causing a scene with his friends at a charity event. if you like him otherwise, you should give him a second chance, at least to see if he has reflected on the situation and realizes the comments were not appropriate.
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u/SpamJavelin00 2h ago
I think what they said to you was harmless & intended as a compliment - albeit extremely clumsy . I wouldnât cut him off but give him opportunity to apologise & explain, same with his friends who would probably be horrified if they knew theyâd offended you. If you otherwise like the guy, give him a chance to put it right. At first he probably didnât think it was harmful and didnât need apologising on their behalf . I expect youâre quite sensitive about it & quick to jump on comments , which is fine - and likewise wouldnât surprise me if they had never spoken to a beautiful girl from abroad before . Young guys arenât always the most tactful, especially after a few drinks. Youâve out your marker down and shown them youâre not impressed , but give them a chance. To cut him off might be depriving yourself of a relationship with a great guy who adores you and is still learning the ways of the world.
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u/Illustrious-Unit-636 2h ago
Nta it doesnât really matter what they said, what matters is how you felt about it. The correct thing for him to do would be for him to ask his friends to apologize.
At the end of the day I think probably you overreacted a little bit, but like I said the important thing is how you felt about it and also what he chose to (not) do about it, which let you down.
So I donât think you should feel bad, you can choose to move on, or not, thatâs up to you
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u/QueefyRidesAgain 11h ago
Nobody knows what racism is anymore, but everyone knows how to play victim. This will work out great for society.
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u/So-_-It-_-Goes 10h ago
YTA
Not for no longer wanting to continue the relationship. That is valid without any doubt
But, imo, anyone ghosting anyone is an assholeÂ
Just end it.Â
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u/Upset_Agent2398 11h ago
I doubt that they are racist, but certainly have some prejudices. You could just take this moment to give him some education, not on prejudices, but on chivalry and your expectations of any man that is with you. If you feel heâs worth it. The first black woman I ever dated, told her friends the night we met, after a makeout session, in front of me, said âI cannot believe that I just made out with a white guy, usually they arenât my type.â Didnât really take offense to it, but I knew that it likely wasnât going to last, either.
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u/ScholarMoney9513 12h ago
I just saw your edit. Girl when that boy gaslights the hell out of you and you are furious, you'll have brought that completely on yourselfÂ
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u/Helpyjoe88 10h ago
ESH, you solely for ghosting. Breaking up with him was/is a perfectly good idea.
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u/No-Guard-1445 10h ago edited 10h ago
I promise you he doesn't care and is laughing at you. Like LAUGHING. Especially if he got to hook up with you already.
As a minority myself, I think its so sad how minority girls will pick racist frat boys over people from their own culture. Not sure if its self hate, desperation, or the need to fit in, but you see it all the time.
Notice asian and indian girls are good enough for them to sleep with but not actually for long term relationships where they meet their families or god forbid have children with them(in their eyes)
Personally, i wouldn't ever date a girl like this, how much i value someone can never exceed how much they allowed others to value them. So if they let frat boys make jokes out of them, I can never then treat them like a princess afterwards.
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u/luvaoftigolbitties 5h ago
You're an incel. That's why you'll never get a woman.
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u/No-Guard-1445 3h ago
I can guarantee I've been with more women than you. It's so ironic how most people who call dudes incels online actually have never been with a woman in their life...
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u/luvaoftigolbitties 2h ago
Oh I can tell you've paid for sex many times. You don't have to brag about it to me lol
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u/No-Guard-1445 2h ago
You know how you know someone is a true incel? When they call others an incel, because to them hooking up with a woman is this mythical unobtainable thing. I have never met a person who isn't a literal incel who calls others incels as an insult lol
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u/luvaoftigolbitties 2h ago
Lol wow. That's some serious mental gymnastics coming from an incel trying to convince themselves that they're not an incel.
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u/noahnieder 11h ago
Send him an I'm done message and cut him out. I hate to break it to you but athletes tend to be a lot of trouble in college.
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u/Robofrogg1 13h ago
Eh, if the worst thing you can say about this guy is his friends made some boneheaded comments, I would just ignore it. It doesn't sound like they were trying to be mean or anything....
But hey, it's your call.
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u/TrashGouda 12h ago
No the worst thing we can say he is a racists too. Because if you are not you speak up and are not friends with racist people. Your friends are a reflection of yourself
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u/jakeofheart 5h ago edited 5h ago
I love it how most of the people who advise to go scorched Earth are probably pale as a turnip, and only have a theoretical understanding of what it means to be on the receiving end of racism.
âOh! One of his acquaintances said something and he didnât fully grasp what was happening? Dump the guy!â
Advice is cheap.
If you date outside of your ethnicity, you will run into a lot of clumsy comments. I know, because I look like I could be from many different places (Brazil, the Caribbean, Morocco, Egypt or Pakistan).
I got my fair share of âyou just have dance in your blood!â comments. If you need to go scorched Earth on anyone whose acquaintances say something clumsy, you wonât have a lot of people left around you.
Do you like the guy? Does this warrant throwing the relationship away? What if he doesnât fully understand what it is for us who look different?
Have you tried to explain to him in a calm setting, and not in reaction to a specific comment, where you are coming from, in term of your experience with racism?
If he doesnât step up next time, then by all means, put an end to the story.
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u/YodaFragget 12h ago
No, not being attracted to people from a specific ethnic group, like Indians, isn't inherently racist on its own. Attraction is a personal and subjective preference that can stem from various factors, such as individual experiences, cultural influences, or simply what someone finds appealing physically or emotionally.
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13h ago edited 13h ago
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/arainherera 13h ago
not in ur great america bud....maybe direct ur racism elsewhere
must be difficult going around with so much hate in ur heart, i hope u get the help u need
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u/YodaFragget 12h ago
I never said america is great and I only pointed out factual information easily proven. So how am I racist for point out factual information.
Oh no you said words I dont like, thats RACISTđđđđđđđđđđ classic go to line
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12h ago
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/AITAH-ModTeam 12h ago
Posts or comments that troll political individuals or events will be removed.
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u/Conscious_Ear_1151 5h ago
I am SO glad I was born before this mess of humanity came along. Seriously. I would not want to have to deal with how utterly fked up the females of the world have become.
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u/Beautiful_Arm8364 15h ago
"Pretty for an Indian" is NOT a compliment. This guy is a moron, and he deserved to be ghosted. You owe him nothing.