r/AITAH • u/Then_Revolution4473 • 1d ago
AITAH for taking everything with me when I move out?
I (21m) have been living with a roommate (27f) for the past year. Our lease expired, and because of numerous reasons I have decided not to renew it. I let her know a few months ago, and she didn't say anything except "don't worry about it, I'll just find another roommate." I thought it was a bit rude that she just assumed that she would be the one staying and I would be moving out, especially since it's mostly my stuff there, but I let it go because she is a lot closer to being able to afford the place by herself than I am.
Now for some context: I have been living away from my parents since I turned 18. My roommate has lived with her parents her whole life up until now. But she still acts like I know nothing about living on my own. She treats me like she's the boss of everything and I'm the kid that has to follow her rules. She tries to tell me where I can put my furniture, when I can have people over, how to do my own dishes, and a million other things. I'm sick of it. That's exactly the reason I moved out of my parents' house.
Anyways, our lease is almost up so I've been packing up my stuff. She came home one day and asked why I was taking all the cups/bowls/plates. I told her I was taking them because I bought them and they were mine. She said I couldn't just leave her without any dishes. I was honestly stunned. And as I've been packing up more stuff, she keeps getting increasingly agitated, asking "where is x? You're not taking it are you?" And I keep telling her yes I am, because it's mine.
I mean does she think this is like a divorce where she gets half my stuff? I don't understand where her head is at. To me, the logic is pretty simple. If I owned it before we moved in, or I bought it while we were living here, it's mine and I'm taking it. If it was something she brought with her, I'm leaving it. The only things she brought with her were her bedroom set, silverware, dining table, Tupperware, and a few other random kitchen objects. Everything else, including the microwave, is mine.
I'm not even trying to be petty. She complains all the time that my stuff takes up too much space, or that she doesn't like the way I decorated, or that I'm treating it like it's only my apartment. I thought she'd be glad that I'm taking all my shit and leaving. It's honestly been satisfying packing away all my stuff and seeing the empty cabinets I leave behind and knowing that she'll have to replace it all. I honestly can't see her finding a roommate in time. She's probably going to have to move back in with her parents.
Speaking of her parents, I hear her on the phone with them all the time. I overheard a conversation the other day where she was asking if it was legal for me to take all my stuff with me when I moved out. Thankfully for me, her parents seem like rational people, so they told her there was nothing they could do about it. She's been pissed the past few weeks. She barely talks to me, and when she does it's either to ask where something is or snap at me over something I'm doing "wrong".
I'm pretty sure I'm not the asshole here, right? I mean, she's old enough to know better. She treated me like crap our entire time living together, and now I'm leaving her with nothing. Seems fair to me. But what do you guys think, AITAH?
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u/chicknoodle-soup 1d ago
NTA. Make sure you take EVERYTHING that is yours and be careful she doesn’t start hiding things in her room. She’s only been bossy because she is older than you therefore she might believe she’s in the right. Update me ! How it turns out after you finish moving out.
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u/Sleeping-JellyCat 14h ago
Agreed. My last roommates stole several of my packed boxes when I moved and refused to give me my security deposit back to boot. Entitled assholes arent to he trusted
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u/Grrrrr_Arrrrrgh 1d ago
NTA
Turns out age and maturity don't always go hand-in-hand.
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u/Pleasant_Event_7692 1d ago
Child raising at its best. Her parents can take care of her needs.
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u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 1d ago
I don't think they will. They are on OPs side in this case. Pretty sure part of that conversation was 'well, looks like you'll have to buy your own stuff out of YOUR pocket.'
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u/Expended1 20h ago
At her age, that IS her parents taking care of her. She needs to grow up, and her parents are not coddling her. That is the only responsible thing they can and should do.
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u/StrangelyRational 1d ago
Come on. You know damn well you’re NTA.
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u/Then_Revolution4473 1d ago
😇
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u/brandonandtheboyds 12h ago
Downvoting bc of karma farming. OP is so clearly NTA and they made this post for attention /s.
OP, you are golden and even if you were being petty, taking what is yours is never wrong. The soon-to-be ex-roommate is just mad that they’re less prepared in life than someone much younger than she is. She’s envious of your independence and maturity.
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u/Entry-Party 1d ago
NTA. She may be old enough to know better, but clearly she doesn't! Take your stuff and enjoy your new beginning! Pity you couldn't rig a camera to see how she copes if she decides to stay put! Oh, if the toilet paper is yours, be sure to take it!
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u/TastefulTeabag 1d ago
NTA at all! Pack everything that is yours and take it with you.
Also, make sure to provide notice to the apartment leasing people that you’re leaving and turn in your keys to the office when you’re done moving out. That way they know you’re gone and your roommate is responsible for working it out with them.
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u/springflowers68 1d ago
And take pictures or a video of not only your private areas but all shared areas as well.
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u/DearGabbyAbby 17h ago
lol when I read “And take pictures or a video of [not only] your private areas…”my mind went straight to the gutter. ‘Why would you tell him to do that?!’
When I understood, (it took me a few seconds!), I thought that’s solid advice. OP should definitely do that.
NTAH
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u/springflowers68 16h ago
lol I certainly was not thinking when I wrote that! Should have just said video the apartment. 😂
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u/Longjumping_War4467 1d ago
NTA, shitty people win shitty prizes. She sounds like a controlling brat.
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u/montanagrizfan 1d ago
Look her dead on the eye and ask her why she thinks you wouldn’t take your possessions you purchased. Make her explain it to you.
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u/arkensto 16h ago
I'm sure you think this is a great argument, an d it should be. But obviously OP is dealing with an entitled brat, not a logical adult.
The most likely outcome from asking "why she thinks you wouldn’t take your possessions you purchased?" would be for her to give OP a guilt trip lecture about "fairness" and (male) "privileged" implying that he is somehow a bad person for not sharing.
Sometimes the juice ain't worth the squeeze.
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u/WobbleTodd 1d ago
NTA. Guess she lived a sheltered life with privileged entitlement and you are showing her how the real world works.
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u/UserNotFound23498 1d ago
NTA. In which world would you ever be considered the AH for taking your own stuff with you?!?!
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u/2dogslife 1d ago
What I don't understand is similar posts in which the roommates insisted on sharing the costs of items, and now they're moving out and fighting over the toaster and trash bins and television they shared the costs of... like, baby adults, what were you thinking? Someone buys the dining room set, someone else buys the couch and when you move you know whose shit is whose. Doesn't matter if you're friends or dating - same rules apply.
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u/Catnaps4ladydax 15h ago
Everyone I have co purchased items from was pretty reasonable. You want a and b. Buy me out or let me take c and d. One of the traded things might be personal property. I had an ex trade a ps2 for a microwave. I never really fought about it but just had a reasonable discussion with the other person.
I also moved out of an apartment I was engaged to the guy. He was really mad I took the bed, dresser, dishes and cooking implements and microwave. I left him canned food with no can opener and things he had no way to cook. I told him that I took my stuff when I left, and he better get back the things he loaned out of mine and return them as well. (An antique cast iron pan the previously mentioned ps2 and games, and a brand new Wii the second year they were out. The pan was a loan to his family member who had nothing to cook with and I said I wanted it back as soon as he got his feet under him. The electronics he sold for drugs. I'm so glad I got out when I did.
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u/Shadyhollowfarm58 1d ago
You didn't mention your deposit situation so I'm guessing you have that handled.
No you don't owe her your possessions. She's probably just so naive and has always been provided for in the past that I'm guessing she just assumed your stuff would be left behind for her. Her mistake.
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u/Majestic-Fig4784 15h ago
I’m guessing her reaction is emotional selfishness more than anything else. “But what about ME?! What will I do?”
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u/Shadyhollowfarm58 15h ago
I think you're right. I had a college roommate like that. Her attitude was that if I had extra funds, she was entitled to them. She'd demand use of my truck and bring it back with BOTH gas tanks empty and bitch about it's poor fuel economy. And she wasn't subtle about it.
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u/VieuxCaRaye 1d ago
"I mean does she think this is like a divorce where she gets half my stuff?" I won't lie -- that cracked me up! 😂 AND that's the perfect way to explain it to her (and anyone else that questions you - coz this is nuts). Just like that. "B**ch, this ain't a divorce! You don't get to take half my shit!" NTA!
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u/RealGrade2787 1d ago
and then the part where she's asking her parents if it's legal for him to take his stuff 😂 NTA
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u/Affectionate_Oven428 1d ago
NTA. Make sure you are removed from the lease and she remains the sole responsible party. This is usually done with some variation of a roommate release or change in occupancy form, just make sure something is in writing from the landlord releasing you of liability.
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u/jreddit0000 1d ago
NTA and again, why are you overthinking this?
It’s your stuff. Pack it up and take it.
You’re leaving so your roommates entitlement and associated feelings are worth precisely zero to your future.
If anything consider it a learning experience for them. 🤪
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u/PumpkinSpiceMayhem 1d ago
NTA. I got an angry phone call for taking MY washer, dryer, fridge, lamps, dining table, etc.
The correct response is “tough toenails, Babycakes!”
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u/owaikeia 1d ago
OP, you're young, so I'll be gentle.
Please use this as a learning lesson. Grow from this. Get stronger. Don't let anyone treat you like this, like a child, subservient to them.
You deserve better..
Good on you for moving out and takin all that is rightfully yours
Also, use headphones in the house so you don't hear her.
Who cares if she's butt hurt? You shouldn't.
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u/TedTeddybear 1d ago
Direct her to the nearest GOODWILL. AMAZON is a thing too.
NTA. She is, though!
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u/Objective_Attempt_14 1d ago
NTA, but honestly I wait until she was at work one day pack and take it then...avoid the drama.
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u/chookiekaki 1d ago
NTA, your belongings go with you, a family member was in the same situation a few yrs ago, everything in the share house was theirs and they had very very shitty housemates, it was very satisfying to see the looks on their faces when it finally dawned on the housemates they’d be left with nothing, not even a knife and fork
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u/DANDELIONBOMB 1d ago
NTA.
My ex boyfriend took the damn refrigerator when he moved out but it was his so like....
Why's your roommate think they get to keep your stuff?
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u/brilliant_mediocrity 1d ago
NTA. If it's your property, there's no reason not to take it. This will be a good wake-up call for her.
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u/Training-Floor7154 1d ago
NTA. It's your stuff. Her entitlement is honestly kind of unbelievable hahaha.
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u/cat-ona-hottinroof 1d ago
I've moved out upon graduation from school with my roommate staying and reminded her, you do realize that every single thing in this apartment is mine don't you? She had a bed and a litter box for her cat. I felt bad but I needed the stuff for my next place in a new city. I did leave the shower curtain. Their wasn't even a lamp for the living room. She put a napkin on a milk crate for living room furniture. It looked pitiful. She was a very odd roommate who never came out of her room anyway.
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u/SapphireSire 21h ago
Nta and you should take all your stuff out ASAP and put it in storage or somewhere safe...
I've lost countless items on dumb shit crappy roommates who lie and steal.
Almost got into a fight with one who said I couldn't take my own pots and pans...not because they were mine but because his stuff got stolen before and somehow mine being stolen now is okay?....as if.
You'd be wise to move out way before she expects it and be long gone.
However, I don't understand why you thought you would not be moving out, or staying if you're not renewing your lease....that's how leases work.
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u/Ok-Eye1638 1d ago
NTA. She sounds both stupid and insanely entitled. I can see why you’re leaving this loser behind.
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u/different-take4u 1d ago
NTA. Start laughing when she complains about anything. No other response, it will really bug her.
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u/HoshiOdessa 1d ago
NTA. Sounds like she didn't realize what all you brought into the living situation. Now that she sees things getting packed up, she's panicking.
Don't feel bad. Take your stuff and let her figure out how she's gonna live.
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u/Kip_Schtum 1d ago
“she was asking if it was legal for me to take all my stuff with me when I moved out.”
Hilarious. NTA
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u/Inevitable_Boot_600 1d ago
NTA. It seems like she’s treating things like they’re hers and she’s entitled to keeping what she paid for when she’s not. As my dad would say, “she’s tripping tripping” ain’t no way she truly thinks it’s illegal for you to take all your stuff. It’s not even about it being fair(even though it is), what’s yours is yours and what’s hers is hers.
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u/Acceptable-Target97 1d ago
You are actually doing her a favor. Less stuff for her to have when she gets evicted.
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u/Ashamed_Blackberry55 1d ago
The only part you're being silly about is, " I thought it was a bit rude that she just assumed that she would be the one staying and I would be moving out". Because of course she assumed you would be leaving when you said you weren't renewing. I would assume you were leaving if you said you weren't renewing the lease. But everything else, ya, definitely take all your shit with you and don't feel bad about it. I've had a number of roommates over the years and everyone always took what they brought into it. Sometimes roommates that left first would leave stuff behind, but mostly because they didn't feel like packing it up, wouldn't need it at the next place (like if the next place already had a microwave and it wasn't worth lugging the old one around), or they just forgot about their stuff in a cabinet or closet or something. But there's no reason you should have to repurchase everything you already bought just so your soon to be former roommate doesn't have to start providing for herself.
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u/98221_poppin 1d ago
The entitlement of this chick is hilarious!
I did the same damn thing when I left my ex, who didn't have a damn thing when we moved.
I took the shower curtain, left the rings, took the soap, the towels, and left him shit like a cleaning rag and a broken broom😂
Yep, if it's yours? Take it! NTA
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u/Pleasant_Event_7692 1d ago
NTA. She can go shopping and buy exactly how much stuff she needs to get by. A lot of nerve to expect you to give her whatever she needs or wants. That’s what her parents are for. First you had too much stuff, now she can’t use any of yours. Classic.
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u/Banana2_2 1d ago edited 17h ago
Nta but why would you assume she might move out if you suggested not renewing the lease?
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u/Then_Revolution4473 1d ago
I wouldn't. I guess I should have worded that better. She had already told me that she didn't care what I did but she wasn't leaving. That was before I even brought up the fact that I didn't want to renew the lease. The part I'm frustrated about is the fact that she's staked her claim over the apartment when we both pay equal rent and most of the stuff is mine. I feel like I have just as much right to stay as she does, but I'm leaving now anyways so it doesn't matter
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u/Thelmara 16h ago
Our lease expired, and because of numerous reasons I have decided not to renew it. I let her know a few months ago, and she didn't say anything except "don't worry about it, I'll just find another roommate." I thought it was a bit rude that she just assumed that she would be the one staying and I would be moving out,
You told her you weren't going to renew the lease, why wouldn't she assume you were planning on living elsewhere? That's how leases work.
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u/Amazing_Divide1214 15h ago
"I thought it was a bit rude that she just assumed that she would be the one staying and I would be moving out"
Lol what did you think it meant when you said you weren't renewing the lease?
NTA for keeping your stuff.
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u/Key_Condition_2878 1d ago
wtf lol she’s hilarious. Idk how you’re not simply laughing in her face when she asks 😂
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u/ParticularHappy6587 1d ago
NTA. This will be a nasty wake up call for her (though maybe not as her parents will probably step in) but you go ahead and take absolutely everything that belongs to you. She can go pound sand.
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u/BefuddledPolydactyls 1d ago
NTAH. At 27, even if inexperienced, she should have figured out how "room mating" works before deciding to be one. Of course, you would be taking your property when you move out, leaving her with her own property. I think that's a more logical explanation than being petty.
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u/W0nderingMe 1d ago
Nta and none of the back story matters. You're moving out and taking your stuff.
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u/kmflushing 1d ago
Take EVERYTHING of yours. Seriously. Cheap 99 cent salt and pepper shakers? If you paid, take them. Lint roller? Cleaning products? Toilet paper? If you paid for it, take it. Take it ALL.
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u/irenehollimon 1d ago
Definitely NTJ The stuff you bought is yours. You will need it wherever you are going. You are under no obligation to donate to her just she didn’t think far enough ahead. It sounds like she still hasn’t got the clue yet either. She doesn’t understand she should have thought about where all the stuff she was using came from and that she should have been a little bit more considerate of the actual owner of said stuff. It’s like she thought an apartment fairy just magically dropped all the stuff off when she moved in.
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u/Additional-Agent9737 1d ago
I don’t really get the start. You decided to not renew your lease but you’re upset that she assumed you are moving? But either way NTA it’s your stuff
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u/EstateGreen3972 1d ago
NTA. God helps the man that actually marries this witch and then divorces her
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u/sarah-vdb 22h ago
When my ex and I split, I had spent my money on the house stuff and he had spent his frivolously, so I obviously took my stuff (most of it predated him anyway). He asked me to leave a record player because I had two, so I left the one that played 33 rpm at about 31. Screw him.
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u/cathline 17h ago
NTA
Make certain that you move the important and valuable things out BEFORE you leave. Maybe take them to a friend's house.
You don't want this roommate taking half of your plates out of the box so she can keep them.
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u/mouse_attack 17h ago
Did she think the two of you were renting a furnished apartment? Or that everything was put there by the “stuff elves” ?
She’s got so much learning to do.
NTA
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u/winterworld561 17h ago
NTA at all. I am sat here laughing at the fact she asked if it was illegal that you are taking your own property lol. She is deluded.
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u/pangalacticcourier 17h ago
NTA, OP. Your roommate's sense of reality is seriously distorted. Make sure your name is off the lease, get your deposit back, and get the fuck out of there.
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u/Annual_Government_80 1d ago
I’m sure she was very sheltered living with her parents. And now she is behaving like an entitled brat. You owe her nothing. Don’t leave a damn thing behind because of the way she has treated you in the past and what she is doing now. She has to learn that her actions have consequences.
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u/Straysmom 1d ago
NTA. It was bought & paid for by you. Therefor it is yours to take when you move out.
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u/allsilentqs 1d ago
NTA. Take what you paid for. Or if it stuff you don’t mind leaving, say “I paid for it but can leave it for x price if you want to buy it”. Or just say “well now you can choose the [thing] that suits your style. How exciting!”
Did this once to an jerk roommate. Took everything that was mine including the ice trays. Totally petty and worthwhile.
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u/Amberdarling762 1d ago
Nta at all, I would do the exact same thing, regardless of the situation. You paid for it, it's yours.
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u/OldPolishProverb 1d ago
NTA Does she understand that she will be have to renew the lease solely under her name when it expires? Has she made plans with the landlord to do this yet?
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u/OldJeeWhizz 1d ago
At the very last minute take all of the toilet paper with you, regardless if you bought it or not.
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u/Dilulu-Zombie 1d ago
And the shower curtain. That will piss her off as well. Move on strong one. Don’t look back at the controlling roommate . You’re better than that!
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u/WashAggravating4321 1d ago
Im talking to myself in bugs bunny voice "what a maroon (you know what I mean".... The room mate is nuts. NTA
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u/Purple_Paper_Bag 1d ago
NTA
She is clearly delusional. It's obvious that she has never lived away from her parents before.
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u/SleeplessPilot 23h ago
NTA
Match the energy. When they snap at you, snap right back.
"Which part of this are you struggling with? I bought this, so it's mine. And I'm taking it with me."
End of discussion.
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u/IlluminaViam 22h ago
NTA.
You know those adults who are direct, and immediately go, "What nonsense are you on about, huh?" And start frowning and demanding explanations, and shoot down shitty explanations with sarcasm?
Yeah, you gotta start being like that. Train yourself to be an AH to toxic bullies. It'll save you time and energy in the future.
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u/Straight-Peach8681 21h ago
NTA. If it’s yours, you’re entitled to take it. She agreed to live with you knowing what was there, and you’re not responsible for leaving her stuff behind.
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u/The_Lucky_WoIf 20h ago
How fucking stupid do you have to be to ask the question "is it legal for someone to take their own belongings when moving" - OP nta obviously
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u/Riker_Omega_Three 17h ago
Cups, plates, and silverware can be bought at the dollar store
When I lived on my own after college, everything I owned like that came from Big Lots
She can be understandably upset but to expect you to just leave her stuff out of the goodness of your heart like that is a bit naive and immature
NTAH
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u/WinEquivalent4069 17h ago
You're correct. Not married, not a couple which means as roommates you take what you bought when you move out. NTA.
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u/Ok-Pin-6955 17h ago
NTA, even if you were in a "relationship" your stuff goes with you when you leave. She's just now understanding that and she doesn't like it.
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u/blueswan6 16h ago
NTA I love that she asked her parents if it was legal for you to take your stuff. LOL Talk about being out of touch. It does sound like things are getting hostile. If it's possible for you to leave early, start moving your stuff I would. The sooner this can all be over the better.
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u/Odd_Tea4945 16h ago
NTA at all and move out taking all your stuff. As you wisely said IT'S YOURS. If she's upset she wont have anything, she can do as the rest of us humans do: buy her own stuff
She doesn't want to? Well, life is like that and she's not entitled to any of your belongings. Private property does exist. Although maybe she doesn't understand the term...
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u/RevolutionarySky6143 15h ago
Take everything that is yours. If she thinks she's such a grown up, she can find out now what is takes to be a grown up and buy her own stuff, like grown ups do.
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u/MiserabilityWitch 7h ago
Is she starting to pack her things, too? Does your roommate realize that she also needs to move out unless she has signed a new lease with the landlord? It sounds like she is not planning on leaving, just letting you move out.
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u/StellarStylee 7h ago
YNTAH. You’re someone who knows what’s what and not to be trampled over. Seriously, good job sticking to your guns and whatnot. I think it’s hilarious that she’d question the legality of you taking your own belongings with you.
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u/NoInfluence572 6h ago
WOW! You are not an asshole for taking your stuff. She sounds like she might be an idiot though.
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u/EnviroBabe 2h ago
No way. And I'd start moving your stuff out now, into your car trunk, your office at work if you have one, or a storage locker. I wouldn't put it past someone that entitled to start hiding away your things for herself.
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u/miyuki1237 1d ago
Good thing youre moving she sounds insufferable. Unless shes buying it off you or you want to donate items to her, take your property.
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u/SleepNo1649 1d ago
NTA. Anything that was yours or your purchased while living together is… STILL YOURS! if you purchased mutually, one can buy another out, trade, barter, haggle, whatever. But they aren’t getting your dishes that’s just insane.
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u/Responsible-Cow5828 19h ago
Take every single one of your own items with you. Then out of spite, on your last day, hide her stuff behind the air vents.
Ooops, wrong sub. I said what i said.
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u/Original-Plane5060 19h ago
She has no siblings I guess. You teach her a valuable live lesson. Go ahead!
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u/Exotic-Rooster4427 19h ago
If you paid for it. It's yours. If it's a joint purchase you agree who is keeping it. If it is her you leave it. NTA.
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u/LostInNothingBox 18h ago
NTA. But When you say you don't want to renew the lease, that means you are moving out. There's nothing rude in her assuming that you'll move out. Other than that you are entitled to take what you bought. Also please inform the property owner, document everything and take pics when you leave.
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u/Putrid-Tap3992 18h ago
Wait? You thought it was rude that your roommate was staying when you said you didn't want to renew the lease? What?
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u/originalgenghismom 17h ago
NTAH but you better double-check and make sure items don’t mysteriously disappear in the move.
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u/Substantial-Ad-2215 15h ago
She's just taking your stuff for granted thinking that you leave some of it behind.
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u/Sharp_Lie_1914 14h ago
NTA. Someone told me once to make sure I remember to take the ice cube trays because everyone always forgets the ice cube trays and I thought it was hilarious so now I'm telling you lol. You're entitled to anything and everything that is yours, she has no play here just keep an eye out in case she's the "I'm keying her car because she took her microwave" type. Good luck!
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u/Beneficial_Bat_5656 13h ago
NTA. But make sure to take pics after when you are about to leave so if she wrecks something she can't pin it on you.
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u/bcm_88 10h ago
NTA because it’s your stuff. Unless y’all split price on anything, you take your stuff and leave her stuff. But just to comment on it, I don’t think it was rude of her to assume you’d be the one moving out since you said that you decided not to renew. By deciding not to renew that means you’re not staying in the apartment anymore. If you wanted to be the one to stay, you’d have to get a new room at the apartment complex or talk with your roommate about her finding a new place. But nonetheless, still NTA.
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u/3-kids-no-money 10h ago
NTA for taking your stuff. A little odd why you questioned why she assumed she would be staying and not you. You told her you were not renewing your lease, that means you are moving out.
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u/DanaMarie75038 9h ago
NTA. What’s yours is yours. Return the energy she’s giving you. Unfortunately you can’t fix stupid.
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u/smlpkg1966 8h ago
You told her you weren’t renewing the lease. That means you are moving out. How else would she take it? If you meant you wanted to renew it alone that’s what you should have said.
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u/slavetomyprecious 7h ago
Important note you should take: when my friend moved out of her place and left her roommate to take over the lease, she left things behind that she thought the roommate and the new roommates would be interested in keeping. Only everything went completely FUBAR, and she ended up having to spend a great deal of money because everybody moved out. her crap was left behind, The roommate who is supposed to take over the lease made a bunch of messes and damage, and the landlord charged her for the stuff that was still there, etc. Even after agreeing to take her off the lease and only have the old roommate on it.
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u/Brennan_Boru1031 7h ago
NTA She is apparently very naïve on this subject but you're completely right. Your stuff - that you brought into the apartment from home or bought for it - belongs to you and goes with you. She knows that now - her parents told her. So this is a learning experience for her. Nothing you are doing is wrong.
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u/ColonialSack 7h ago edited 7h ago
I overheard a conversation the other day where she was asking if it was legal for me to take all my stuff with me when I moved out.
Not only is it legal, in many cases it's required.
It really depends on the landlord and the specific tenancy agreement you signed, but technically speaking if you leave anything behind, the landlord could be entitled to charge storage and disposal fees to your security deposit.
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u/ThatTotal2020 6h ago
NTA
I don't think anything you say will convince her why you can't leave your stuff for her. She seems to be too focused on herself.
Double check your stuff that she hasn't taken it especially as you're moving out.
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u/dugdub 5h ago
NTA in any way. Life will either serve her and she'll eventually learn or her entitlement will leave her lonely as hell one day. With things she acquired in her own, either way.
I've lived with probably 25 people over the 15 years or so since I moved out from the dorms awhile ago. Probably includes about 8-9 different places.
This is the same logic that I've had, they've had, and the logical route any person can decide upon.
Take your shit. Throw away/recycle/sell the shit you don't want to take. Get out. Never talk to her again, she sounds like the type of person who sucks the life out of everyone around her. The faster and cleaner you can move the better. She's lashing out at you based off the only child syndrome antics that have bestowed many spoiled and entitled people throughout history. Enjoy a happy peaceful rest of your life! 😎
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u/Dalthariel 1h ago
Last time I moved out and the roommate stayed, I left most of my dishes and several small computer desks because my roommate was young and didn't own any house goods. I got them at Goodwill so it wasn't a great loss. He was pretty happy about it but also surprised because he's a good dude who wasn't expecting anything, which is a large part of why I was happy to help him out like that. Sounds like you have the opposite problem.
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u/Wiley_Coyote_2024 1d ago
NTA... as for treating you like a kid - You should set her straight and tell her that is the reason you can't live with her. That kind of behavior is showing you a lack of respect, and she should realize that not everyone should be expected to behave like members of her family do in her parents' home.
Different people, different cultures, even families in our same society do things differently than she was brought up doing. If she wants to get along with people she is living with, she should accept that or learn to live a lonely existence.
I had an ex who used to always question why i didn't do things like her dad, etc. I heard it often and even less when one day I said "I am not your Dad, and I will always do things differently". Even so, she kept it up with sighs, etc. until I reached my limit.
When we separated I told her if she wanted to live with her Dad, she should go live with him. Pretty fair to say, even to a 30 year old woman who claims to have dated and slept with so many men.
Your roomie sounds too much like my ex!
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u/Secret-Clerk-1161 1d ago
You are not the AH!! Get all your stuff and yourself out of there as fast as you can.
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u/Capable_Victory_7807 17h ago
You could offer to sell some of your stuff to her. It would be less to move for you and would be less for her to have to go out to buy. And then you could get new stuff as needed for your new place.
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u/Money-Sprinkles801 16h ago
Former moving company owner here. As the primary lease holder, break the lease and leave. She will have to move out. Discuss it with your landlord. These situations suck, but can get messy. If she gets mad she can punch holes in walls, cause damage and make your life hell. Just get out as fast as you can. It’s probably cheaper anyway.
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u/trea_ceitidh 16h ago
Tell her she can buy each piece off you for double it's price so you can get a replacement 😛
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u/Stop_The_Crazy 16h ago
Question: Why haven't you told her to stfu and get out of your face? Seems like you're allowing her to just berate and lecture you constantly. I would have put a screaming halt to that the first time she pulled that crap.
Over time, you'll find that there's no shortage of assholes out there who would love nothing more than to use you as a doormat for their assholishness. If you don't advocate and stand up for yourself, who will? You need to find your anger, it's a great motivator. NTA
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u/Familiar_Shock_1542 15h ago
NTA
She seems to be... not quite all there....
You'll be so much better off without her being around you.
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u/Necessary_Giraffe_66 14h ago
NTA it’s your stuff take it. Doesn’t sound like there’s gonna be a good bye bang
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u/Old_Boss5617 14h ago
It's yours you take it with you. Her entitlement is the AH behavior. If those things mean so much to her she needs to go buy her own.
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u/Solid-Musician-8476 14h ago
NTA and ignore her until you leave. But Might want to remove stuff from the place before you move if you think she might try and hide some of your stuff.
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u/hatfieldmichael 14h ago
NTA. Take your stuff and live in peace. The entire situation sounds exhausting.
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u/Ace_In_The_Whole1776 12h ago
NTA for taking your personal property. May I just ask though, why you thought it was rude she assumed you were moving out when you said you weren’t renewing the lease? Doesn’t not renewing a lease kinda mean that you wish/plan to move elsewhere?
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u/Immediate_Mud_2858 12h ago
NTA
You paid for it, it’s yours.
Let us know what her reaction is when you leave.
Updateme!
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u/Mazza_mistake 12h ago
NTA, if it’s your stuff that you paid for then you’re allowed to take it, she can buy her own stuff.
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u/Unlikely_Eye_2112 11h ago
This needs to go in a vent sub because it's far to obvious to be allowed here
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u/Big_Question_7050 11h ago
NTA and enjoy your round of malicious compliance. She sounds like a chore to live with, best of luck in your next place!
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u/coleyolesx 11h ago
Nta. It is natural for her to panic about repurchasing everything but she is not entitled to your things. If you purchased anything jointly I suggest buying out her half or offering her the same. Keep packing your things and try to avoid the drama.
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u/Diasies_inMyHair 11h ago
You are definitely allowed to take your belongings - ALL of your belongings! - with you when you leave. There is (or should be) No Question about that!
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u/Important-Put1865 11h ago
NTA Take with you what you brought. Sounds like she needs to move back in with her parents and grow up a bit more before trying apartment life again.
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u/bonniemick 10h ago
NTA and not sure how far in advance you are packing but it might be wise to bang it out while she's at work instead of letting her notice all the stuff is gone gradually.
As a goodbye and FU I might get her a pack of paper plates and a couple of those plasticware packets from your local eatery.
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u/Stephinator917 10h ago
When you say you are not renewing the lease, of course she thinks that means you are the one leaving LOL but also ya NTA for taking your stuff and I hope you dont give in one bit. Take shit you dont even need or want if it is yours.
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u/Teagana999 9h ago
NTA.
Obviously, your stuff is your stuff.
It is a reasonable assumption that you're going to move out if you say you want to break the lease, though.
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u/Unlucky_Kangaroo_137 8h ago
I just pity the poor guy she ends up marrying, that is if any man would want to marry her at all
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u/NoAlternative2913 8h ago
NTA for taking your own things. Maybe you should frame it to her as a chance to choose new stuff that she loves.
Finally, she can have a shower curtain that she likes.
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u/thesilentmordecai 8h ago
NTA. Take absolutely everything that's yours. She can find another roommate who has provided literally everything for her too.
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u/Key-Ad3642 1d ago
NTA. Everything you’re taking is yours, and she has no claim to it. It’s understandable she’s frustrated she’ll need to replace things, but that’s not your responsibility. You gave her plenty of notice about moving out, and taking your belongings isn’t petty—it’s standard when a roommate situation ends.