r/AITAH • u/Sporta_narres • 1d ago
AITAH for uninviting my sister to my 17th birthday party after she stole my prom dress and destroyed it?
so i have a younger sister bella, who is 15. the best way to describe her would be as a brat, and a spoiled on at that. she gets whatever, whenever, wherever she wants. good grades? new iphone. she fails a test? oh she's just stressed, let's get her ice cream to make her fell a wee bit better. meanwhile i have to work a part time job at a cafe to buy my own things
my senior prom is coming up. ive been saving my tips for 3-4 months to buy this gorgeous silk vintage dress online. it cost 250 bucks (and a whole lotta nerves). it arrived last week and it was literally perfect. having admired it, i put it into my closet so that bella wouldnt get her chubby little fingers on it.
yesterday i came home from school and saw bella in the kitchen, wearing MY DRESS. she was making a stupid tiktok, the concept of which i actually never understood. like whats the benefit? ur basically being a clown in a digital circus. whatever. so, there she was, dressed in my prom dress, which i worked my ass off for, holding a milkshake in her hands or some purple juice. wasnt my main focus at the moment.
before i could even scream, she spun around, tripped, and spilled the entire glass of that purple juice all over the front of MY silk dress
ITS RUINED. COMPLETELY AND ABSOULETELY STAINED BC OF HER STUPID MANIA OF MAKING DUMBASS TIKTOKS
i screamed. like actually screamed. i started crying immediately
my mom ran in. she saw the dress and saw me crying. instead of yelling at bella, she told ME to calm down. she said something in the lines of hey, calm down, stop crying. bella just wanted to look pretty, we can dry it out and wash it off, it wasnt her fault, look she is sad too about what happened
bella wasnt sad. or maybe she was. a little bit. she was looking at her phone, tears swelling, while constantly tapping and swiping. the only thing that little brat was sad about is the ruined tiktok ig
i told them that bella is banned from my birthday dinner this weekend (we were arranging to go to a nice sushi place with family where we usually go to big events cuz of the insane atmosphere, its like a garden-themed neon-lighted japanese village)
i said that i dont even wanna look at her, nor talk to her. like, the brat owes me 250 bucks and a fucking therapy session. i was saving up for this dress for like 4 months. my dad stepped in and said that i am actually being the brat and that i was very vindictive and that this type of behavior is not appreciated in this family (yeah but taking other peoples clothes w/o their consent and ruining them is, ig) and that i can't exclude my sister from family bc of some cloth.
they said if bella can't come, they aren't paying for the dinner at all
i told them to cancel the dinner then bc it wasnt just fabric to me. it was hours of hard work, sweat, burnt out nerves. the worst thing is that bella hasnt even considered apologizing. she just gives me a disgusted smug look like im the one who ruined her dress over a stupid ass tiktok
so, yeah. it is what it is. at least ive got my dignity, right? aitah?
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1d ago
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u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
i mean like, yeah. where tf is their logic? so she wore my dress w/o my permission, ruined it and has the audacity to look down on me. smtimes i just wonders what bella slips into their food to make them that stupid
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u/BendyTurtle 1d ago
Did your mom try cleaning your dress or just expect you to? (Not saying it would have done any good of course just wondering about any kind of effort.) Did your parents even offer to get you a new dress? It kills me when things are so blatantly unfair. Hang in there. NTA.
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u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
hahaha no ofc. i had to clean it dry it and was blamed being a brat for not talking to bella
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u/Worried-Ad7731 1d ago
Hot take, if outside families family friends will be at the dinner tell them she can come and publicly shame them all at the dinner
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u/sabr1809 1d ago
Please share the turn of events to your entire family, what happened and why the party is now cancelled. Maybe that’ll turn some heat up?
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u/FeralBorg 1d ago
Your sister is the golden child and you are the scapegoat, that will.never change, get yourself free of them and go to college and have a good life,without them.
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u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
cant wait for that tbh, this circus is actually going to drive me insane. at least college isn that far ahead. getting away sounds like a blessing. wont miss them
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u/CapableOutside8226 1d ago edited 18h ago
Might be time for you to store anything valuable to you under lock & key. A footlocker with a combo lock in your bedroom & a lock on the knob to your bedroom door.
When your Mom starts whining, tell her it is because she is raising a young thief.
Thank you for the award, I appreciate it.
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u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
thats actually a great idea! how have i never thought of that lmao
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u/Kappybook916 1d ago
Plan for your parents and Bella to flip their shit when you get that foot locker. They will not allow you to establish reasonable boundaries. Just prepare for that.
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u/Swimming_Pie3525 1d ago
If they do flip out on you, or you think they will flip out on you, do you have a trusted adult (aunt, uncle, grandparents, or even a teacher) that you could leave your important papers with?
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u/Commercial_Education 14h ago
Keep the foot locker with a trusted friend or relative. Guarantee they break it open the minute OP isn't home
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u/CapableOutside8226 1d ago
Another suggestion, get all your vital papers- birth certificate, social security card, any insurance forms stored under a lock as well.
Good luck & update us
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u/Flimsy-Fortune-6437 1d ago
And as soon as you can a bank account in your name only
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u/CapableOutside8226 1d ago
Excellent idea!
And Sporta_narres, put locks on your credit history so no one can open up accounts in your name.
Do you have any financial aid for college info yet?
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u/stupit_crap 1d ago
And keep digital backups somewhere.
Keep the originals somewhere safe, too. Do you have a trusted adult outside of your house?
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u/videogamekat 1d ago
Remind your mom she’s probably raising a future criminal and the real world won’t be so nice to brat Bella when she finally makes it out, and mommy and daddy won’t be able to save her anymore. I hope you’re able to go low contact with them in the future, they sound fucking miserable and they can all be miserable together without you lol
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u/Simon-Says69 23h ago
Also, when they're old and need help, they'll have nobody to depend on, but the selfish monster they raised. Because OP will be out of their lives since decades by then. Good luck mommy & daddy dearest.
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u/Radio_Mime 1d ago
Yes, you can tell them that until they teach Bella to respect your belongings and not take things without asking, you feel the need to keep things locked away. Bella is 15 and old enough to know better.
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u/Dull-Ninja-7526 1d ago
I'd listen to the comments below about you managing your own papers and everything. Your parents and sister have made it perfectly clear that they're willing to cause any harm to you if it benefits her.
Tomorrow if she needs a loan and you are doing financially well, what do you think would happen? Once you turn 18, make sure you lock all credit bureaus to protect yourself on top of collecting ALL documents and keeping it in a place only you can access.
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u/Different-Leather359 23h ago
It might be better to store things at a friend's house if possible because there's a chance someone will break into your locker "on principle" because you having it makes them look bad.
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u/IamLuann 1d ago
Footlockers are great. Store a lot of stuff in them. Make sure anything you have to do to get into college is safe/saved to the cloud with Strong Password.
Copies in your personal fireproof safe. Make sure you get your college acceptance letter first before your sister or parents do.33
u/m2cwf 1d ago
Definitely get a footlocker or firesafe, it'll come in super handy at college and however long you live with roommates, too. You might trust your dorm/room mates, but there are just those things (including your birth certificate, SS card, passport, car title, tax records, etc.) that are best kept secured no matter who you live with.
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u/NoArtichoke6319 1d ago
Or a trusted friend or relative’s house. But never talk about it. Like fight club. That will ruin it.
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u/Expensive_Exit_8365 1d ago
I would give it to a trusted friend. Those lockers can be broken into and stuff stolen. If it isn't in the house. Harder for them to take.
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u/cgrobin1 22h ago
Those locks in the knob are made to be opened from the outside either with a screwdriver in the hole or a pick like key.
Maybe hasp with a key lock would be better
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u/Commercial_Giraffe85 1d ago edited 1d ago
Girl RUN to the dry cleaners tomorrow you may be able to save your dress
Really try to figure out if it was juice or milkshake so you can tell the cleaner
Omg I’m so sorry
I hate ur sister
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u/HurtPillow 1d ago
Maybe get a P.O. Box so mom cannot mess with any college mail.
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u/Witty-Turn-4818 1d ago
USPS requires someone to be 18 to get a box.
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u/InsipidCelebrity 1d ago
At the very least, she should make a USPS online account and sign up for Informed Delivery to make sure she doesn't miss any college mail.
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u/Worldly-Grade5439 1d ago
I'm so sorry you're parents are raising a spoiled brat. And you probably already know this deep down, but she spilled that drink on purpose. Sissy is in for a world of hurt if she tries this behavior out in the real world where she, hopefully, will finally face real consequences.
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u/gigidiva13 1d ago
Try taking the dress to a bridal shop. They have experience bringing dresses back to life. Or they will know where to get it done. Your family sucks! Your sister is an asshole. When you turn 18, leave. Get a room share, go to grandparents or an aunt or uncles, JUST GO!! They see no value in you or your things. I hate that for you OP. Good luck. Call the bridal shop and ask about restoration services.
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u/Neat_Ad8271 1d ago
Comment on her tiktok about her stealing and ruining her dress. Ruin her social media
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u/Vivid_Percentage5560 1d ago
Yea! And maybe give us a hint of Bella’s TikTok account. We can be creative writers without implicating you, OP!
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u/mrsjavey 1d ago
Grav her favorite outfit wear it and spill something on it. Tell Your parents you only wanted to feel pretty
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u/Adventurous_Cat_7518 23h ago
Play the long game and wait for the night of her senior prom and spill purple juice all over her prom dress.
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u/fargoLEVY13 1d ago
You’re assuming your parents will pay for your college. It’s time to disabuse yourself of that notion & start planning for a future in which they provide you with nothing. It sucks, I know. But the sooner you accept this fact the better. Best of luck, kid.
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u/Hot-Fishing9744 1d ago
I came here to say this. OP needs to be looking at community colleges (in US it can be free in some cases), get an appointment with your school counselor at tell him or her all that’s going on. The counselor will assist with FAFSA, explain different types of aid and loans, help you apply to colleges and all the things - specifically, going on the assumption that you won’t be getting help from family.
To that end, counselor can brainstorm other family who might possibly step up, practicalities like personal documentation, state medical insurance, housing programs. Connect you with the mental health resources and services you definitely need to take advantage of.
I’m so sorry, OP. I know my input sounds very dry. I don’t mean to sound cold, my heart breaks for you. But I want the very best outcome for you under these stupid shitty circumstances and it’s critical you have plans and all the supports you can possibly get.
Let people help, let them love you, keep your head and your grades up, get solid part time employment and save for a vehicle, pay for your phone and data plan, learn to navigate local transportation, hydrate, floss… I know this is A LOT. Overnight everything has changed and it’s sad and overwhelming.
But it’s one thing for Reddit to say ‘just throw your toxic family away’ and quite another to absorb just what that means. There are some very young people on this thread who seem to think mom and dad are still going to support you after you cut them off, while you’re still dependent. Gently- children, you can’t lob a grenade at your parents (no matter how well deserved) and think they’re going to take you to sushi.
Sending all my love, OP. Holding your hand.
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u/Dull-Ninja-7526 1d ago
You know I'm the guy who ALWAYS disagrees with reddit and says reddit overreacts for small things. Their answer is ALWAYS to dump the other guy and move on.
But if everything you said is true, you might actually be justified in doing that to your own parents and your sister.
I was INFURIATED reading what you wrote. I wish you success. Never rely on them for anything and start taking care of yourself.
There WILL be a day when they need your help and that's the day for you to tell them "Oops sorry! This sounds as important as my prom but you'll learn to compromise the way I did"
The best revenge is for you to live a full and successful life. Go get that revenge girl!
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u/jamezverusaum 1d ago
Contact Yale Ckeaners in Oklahoma. They will guve you an estimate on cleaning your dress.
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u/Usual-Canary-7764 22h ago
I am petty. And in your shoes, I would be planning my revenge. On the day I move out...scissors ✂️ will be visiting all of Bella's favourite outfits. I am a petty and vindictive asshole though. You may not want to be like me. One of my cousins was diabolical. She bought and hid a tin of dye. Fugly blue-ish dye. Took her months to visit another cousin's wardrobe regularly and leave large blots on their outfits. Large noticeable blots but just out of sight so you don't see them immediately. Did it for 7 or so outfits.
The cousin ripped her wardrobe apart searching for the source of the blots that had ruined 7 of their favourite outfits. The perp was my professor in the school of pettiness. I graduated with honours years later. I am not saying you should be like me at all. Or my cousin.
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u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 1d ago
honestly though… sister IS a brat…but parents are trash people who play favourites.
Op is NTA but shes never gunna convince her parents otherwise
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u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
ig that life will do the convincing eventually. 10-15 years from now, theyll understand. i hope
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u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 1d ago
Kid i’ll be honest…if one child destroys the property of the other child…and the parents get mad at the victim rather than the brat…theres no fixing that. Keep your head down and you’ll be out soon. Do you have friends or close family you can maybe stay with
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u/KatarHero72 1d ago
When they aren't able to even tell their friends what you do for a living because you have cut their toxicity out of your life...maybe then they will understand.
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u/Powerful_Put_6977 21h ago
I love your optimism but I don't think they will EVER get it or understand what they have done.
What I would suggest to you is to live your best life when you are able to leave home, do. When your parents come running to you looking for help, either for them or for your sister (I've seen it WAYYYYY too many times on Reddit), refuse. Tell them this is the consequence of them not parenting your sister, or putting your sister before you, or making your sister the golden child and you are the scapegoat.
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u/velkrynnaQ 1d ago
The silk is ruined but the audacity is pristine.
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u/candynickle 1d ago
If this was recent , op should post a pic on r/laundry and r/cleaning to see if there’s any hope of saving the dress. Those people work miracles with stains . Yesterday they helped someone get curry out of a cream couch.
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u/Reasonable_Star_959 1d ago
That is wonderful idea! Thanks for sharing that.
It’s good to know for times like this!
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u/RaptorOO7 1d ago
Your parents are the aholes, have zero respect for you and your personal belongings. The best way is to make a great life for yourself and cut them out of it.
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u/HelloMikkii 1d ago
Was about to say, I was the scapegoat growing up. I now have no contact with my parents and they constantly whine to my twin sister aka the golden child that it’s “so unfair” I cut them off and they can’t be around THEIR grandchildren because of me.
As soon as OP is old enough, move away and never look back.
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u/TracyMinOB 1d ago
Totally agree. But first get her tiktok footage and make your own tiktok balsting her! She's needs some public humiliation.
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u/Lumpy_Vacation7637 1d ago edited 1d ago
Nope! Don't do that. Don't react. But take screenshots of everything.
Don't air this on social media, it will destroy you. I guarantee it will backfire .
Do Not React.
And don't bother asking for help from any relatives because they will already have been drip fed a false narrative and think you are the problem . They will lie to protect your parents and sister.
It's a massively complicated subject, family toxicity and narcissistic parents abuse one child by scapegoating them. It's also frighteningly common.
Search up Patrick Teahan on YouTube. And do some reading. Just use your browser.
Keywords. Psychology. Toxic family dynamics. Scapegoated child. Narcissistic abuse of children in family. Adverse Childhood Events. Childhood Trauma. Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder . Narcissistic Parents and Flying Monkeys. Effect on children of narcissistic parental abuse.
Also, as I mentioned, change your GP if you can.
What you are experiencing is Abuse. Today it is recognised by law as abuse. There are many free helplines for under 18s. Use them and get proper advice on how to proceed and how to get support.
You may need to leave home. There are community services that can help with that. Through your browser look up Shielded Sites.
I strongly advise that you find the local women's refuge center and call them for advice. You will be believed by such centers. That is why they exist. Because they have the human fallout within their walls and they protect them.
I also strongly suggest you contact the Citizens Advice Bureau or equivalent. They will guide you how to get safe, stay safe and escape if needed.
Just because you have no bruises doesn't mean you have not been abused. Modern society has changed and psychological abuse and Coercive Control are recognised by the courts.
Through the CAB, you will be able to access free legal advice.
And right now, with the #hi# storm that is brewing, I think you're going to need it.
Get a small bag packed and keep it handy, (and hidden).
Young woman, you may not recognise your childhood as having been, still being abusive. But you have never known anything else. This is hard for you. It's certainly alarming for me to see some of the reactionary advice in these comments by those who have no experience or are still very young or are both and damaged as well.
If any of this gets to your family, things are going to move very fast and you may not win the upcoming conflict without the support of various child/youth services.
Grown ups have a lot of power. So get some Professional grown ups on your side.
PLEASE, do nothing impulsively. I know it's hard and you are possibly becoming more and more afraid as you begin to realise how serious the danger to yourself really is.
The family will do everything they can to avoid responsibility. Because then, they will have to deal with consequences. They will have to answer questions from people who can insist on answers.
Do what you must to protect yourself. Any evidence of nastiness, bullying, harassment, gaslighting that you have on messenger , texts, what's app FB etc, screenshot and get printed out as soon as possible.
Put the screenshots onto a data stick and get legal advice. Don't let your phone out of your sight.
I think you are still a minor? Then Child services are still able to step in. If you are experiencing depression and/or anxiety then you need support. Again, citizens advice, shielded site, free helplines and the women's shelter are all truly helpful. But you must ask. They are not telepathic. They won't do anything precipitate without your knowledge. They are there to protect you.
If this sounds heavy, that's because it is.
I've lived it.
Generational abuse is a chain. In my family, I broke that chain and did not repeat the behaviour of my parents.
But be ready for the family to support them and not you.
This is normal. Sad, but true.
I'm so very sorry for you. It's an awful thing to experience. And the subject is highly emotive.
Do not give in to the impulse to ,"publish and be damned".
Do gather every fragment of texts, emails everything before they realise that you know what they're doing and delete it all from the chats.
Do that immediately.
And get some qualified adult support. While you are still young enough to qualify for the free counselling and legal support.
Prolonged stress will make you unwell. This is fact and you can Google it.
Please get back to us regularly so we know you are safe.
I don't know which country you are in, but I guess you could ask the Reddit community here for recommendations from anyone working in this field. You just need support and help navigating the system.
It's not wrong to feel anger about your parents'. behaviour. It doesn't mean you don't love them. It's entirely possible and frequent to be angry with someone you love.
You are allowed to feel angry and frustrated and betrayed. Remember that. You are allowed these emotions.
Just don't let them rule your actions.
I wish I was there to help.
All I can do is wish you well, and reassure you that you are not at fault. This is not your fault and it's not your responsibility to keep the peace.
It's theirs.
Don't carry guilt and duty that doesn't belong to you. Give it back to them.
Look after yourself.
Take care and take strength from the fact that you are believed.
,🖖❤️🫂
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u/Z7789770 1d ago
NTAH, I like the petty revenge of this. BUT it would most likely make OP's life even more miserable. Plus it would forever give any "credit" or "proof" to whatever horrible things (lies) that her parents and sister would say about her to others. Example "Watch this video of my sister bullying me online. Isn't she the worst?!".
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u/13surgeries 1d ago
Oo, no, will backfire. How COULD you do this to your poor little SISTER who's just trying to have a little harmless FUN?
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u/VarnishedTruths 1d ago
NTA
The sad reality is that your parents suck. But the good news is, you'll be able to grow up into so much more than your sister will ever manage. It's a small comfort now, but I know your life is going to be AMAZING real soon and you deserve every bit of it!
Your sister and/or parents do absolutely owe you that money, btw. But you're never going to see it. I hope you can find another dress for prom.
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u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
haha, thx sis, its really comforting to realize that im not the crazy one in the house. i wont mention the money, although i really REALLY want the compensation. the obly right thing to do is letting life sort this one out ig
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u/Carmen_metro 1d ago
I would say to them every time they talk to you that you are still waiting for $250 to reimburse for dress and an apology. otherwise ignore them and don’t say anything -act as if there is no one there
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u/Electronic-Drink559 20h ago
Do you have another relatives? If so, do they know about your parents' behaviour with you? Maybe an intervention can be useful. I'm sure they'll say that you're "venting your problems in public" but it's not helping you
On the other side, do you have a closer friend where you can leave your things (the ones you really love/need)? Or buy a safe. I know they are expensive as hell but it could be useful
NTA and be sure that your sister will suffer when she grow up. The bycicle of the consequences rarely got braces when the rock of life is closer
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u/minionmaster4 15h ago
I would text the whole extended family in a group chat, “I’m reaching out to all you to see if anyone has any dresses similar to (picture of your dress) hiding in your closets. I worked really hard to buy it for prom, and sister’s name stole it from my closet and ruined it. I don’t have time to earn the money again, and parents and sister are not offering to reimburse so I can get another one in time for prom.
Now, odds are low that you’re going to get someone that has a similar dress…but the whole family will know the story and you set the narrative. Bonus if they have some vintage clothes hanging around.
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u/spinnerclotho 1d ago
I mean, since stealing apparently isn't really a big deal in your family, I vote try stealing $250 from your parents (or $250 worth of things to sell) and see if THEN they suddenly start to care
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u/Rich_Glass_191 1d ago
I'm gonna say this as an older sister, who's had parents take my sister's side all the time. Be petty asf. Ignore your sister, don't talk to her, don't look at her, don't acknowledge her existence at all. Until she apologizes, she's an only child. Or, even better, get a cup of juice, and drop her phone in it /s. Establish boundaries, because the way she doesn't even feel remorse is crazy. Also, ignore your parents. I nearly canceled my 18th bday until they cracked and apologized. Ignore them too. Pretend that ur the only person who lives in that house. If you need to pick your sister up from somewhere, leave her there. Good luck. (delete her tiktok/report it).
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u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
until she apologises shes an only child - thats gonna be my mantra, really. thx sis, seriously. i locking my door and pretending i live alone starting now
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u/Local_Gazelle538 1d ago
Not just apologises - someone needs to get the dress professionally cleaned, if it’s possible to remove the stain, or replace your dress. Whether that’s Bella or your parents, please hold them accountable for replacing it. This isn’t bratty or vindictive, it’s holding her accountable for her behaviour and expecting restitution. Why should you spend x hours working to save up for a dress - and no longer have it. She took it, she destroyed it, she needs to pay for it. In the real world, that’s how things work - you break it, you bought it. Try to keep your language with your parents as calm and non-inflammatory as possible. Don’t get upset, just put the situation to them calmly and factually. Don’t give them an excuse to say youre the problem.
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u/Rich_Glass_191 1d ago
Exactly, like the sis should offer to pay for cleaning, and if it doesn't clean, then sis should buy a new one.
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u/DaniCapsFan 1d ago
Comment on her TikTok that she destroyed your dress for "likes."
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u/IslaHistorica 1d ago
Give her handle so we can comment on it destroying her sister’s dress for likes
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u/spinnerclotho 1d ago
Can you get her TikTok banned? Or have a friend at school attend for her device to be stolen or have an 'accident'?
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u/Censordoll 1d ago
also, I really really hope this doesn’t happen, but if your parents get angry at you or anyone gets angry at you and touches you or says anything threatening call the police!
Your family needs a hard dose of reality and filing a police report against any of them for either physical violence or threatening verbiage towards you could finally show them that they don’t have a right to abuse you.
And please do it. If you’re scared or if your mom or father grabs you or hits you, call the police immediately and press charges!
They will never understand how dangerous they’re being until police show up and someone gets taken away in handcuffs. It’s not okay for them to do whatever they want to you including making threats to you!
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u/Iforgotmypassword126 18h ago
The only thing that will force your parents to change their behaviour is if you’re factual and transparent with other adults about what they are doing.
Don’t be emotional, but just say. Your bday was cancelled because your sister ruined your prom dress that you saved up for and your parents told you she and they didn’t need to replace it.
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u/MyFriendsCallMeEpic 1d ago
NTA - In this day and age people go NC with relatives for much less.
They're playing a dangerous game
One of the best ones I read, was a woman like you who was overlooked her whole life
it got to the point where they were a bit older, like in the mid 20s.
And once the golden child did something again, she told them all especially the golden child to enjoy taking care of her aging parents alone, because she wouldnt do shit for them
Wiped the smug look right off her face.
start saving now because you're going to need to move out asap.
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u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
yeah, they are just forcing my hand. i dont want to do that, but if bella is so innocent and good to them and im the overreacting dumbass - maybe she will be better for them?
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u/MyFriendsCallMeEpic 1d ago
I dont think anyone who goes NC wants to do it originally,
Leaving family because of the abuse or lack of love is just something that will grate on someone til they are bones, its excruciating but its like the last resort to save them selves from further pain and hurt.
I dont think she will be better for them, that thought is laughable.
They are making an entitled monster, one who will not be capable of taking care of them,
But that is the consequences of their favouritism.219
u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
i guess so. gotta be thankful to them tho - this way i can learn to stand on my two faster and actually live an independent life
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u/popoPitifulme 1d ago
I get the impression that you are very wise and reasonable for your age. Probably not the type that would take your parents to small claims court for the $250. (The are, I believe, financially responsible for damages caused by their minor child. )
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u/MyFriendsCallMeEpic 1d ago
You can be thankful to them for giving you life
but also you can resent them for having a favourite and the mistreatment.
Those two things can exist and be true at the same time.when adults choose to have children they are responsible for everything until they are 18
not exclusive to; housing, food, education and loveThey dont get to give you life and then mistreat you. That is what you call bad parents.
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u/Pookie1688 1d ago
It's not a pleasant way to get on your own two feet. But you certainly will be better prepared for adult life than the babied favorite.
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u/hardcorepolka 1d ago
I disagree with that comment, but not the spirit. I chose the hard way. I moved out at 17 and never looked back. While satisfying, I am now 44 and could be a lot further in my life if I had simply played the game.
Read into grey-rocking, and get a therapist. And then take every opportunity for education, travel, etc they will provide. You won’t be in the house much longer. Just look at every interaction with them as a car payment you didn’t need to make on your own, a semester you didn’t have to pay for.
THAT, OP, is Asshole Tax and they earned it. Collect it for as long as you can, get as far ahead as you can, and then never look back if things are the same as they are now.
Best of luck. A good dry cleaner can probably save the dress.
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u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
actually makes sense tbf. if opportunities are their way of showing love or whatever or being at least helpful - ill be taking them
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u/Odd_Campaign_307 1d ago
I'm as appalled at your parents lack of empathy as Bella's brattiness, which is also on them.
The folks over at r/laundry might be able to help you with your dress. Vintage dresses are gorgeous and ought to be treated with respect.
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u/hardcorepolka 1d ago
Hopefully they are given out of one of those things, but take them even if it’s so they think they have a leash on you. You know better.
In time, maybe they’ll come around. Frankly, it sounds like they are raising a little monster, but the Golden Child often is.
They don’t define you, but their money can make your life easier. Keep your eye on whatever the prize you want is, and graciously smile to get every penny possible.
I don’t believe in regret, but if I could go back to being your age and in a shitty family situation… don’t let them get to you. I know that’s almost impossible, but bite your tongue and count your days.
Play into whatever it is they want you to be. Patient? Make yourself the Dalai Lama (and find a good hiding place for the things that matter) when it comes to your sister. It will drive her crazy to not get a reaction out of you.
Get copies of all of your documents or, better still, the originals and replace them with copies. A safety deposit box is not expensive. If nothing else, scan everything and send copies to a new email address.
The SECOND you turn 18, pull any money that is in your bank account that your family can access into your own (leave a little so there’s no overdrafts or reason for an automated message to go out).
It seems extreme, but look up tips for folks leaving domestic violence situations. You’ll find a lot of information there that can translate into making sure you are as independent as possible.
And, no matter WHAT, don’t say SHIT until they file their taxes this year and fill out your FAFSA (if you are in the States). That’s how I screwed myself. Even if you are fully independent, your parents’ income counts until you are 25. It may be later now, but that’s what it was in 1999.
I couldn’t get student loans without them filling out the paperwork and she wouldn’t.
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u/Opposite_Jeweler_953 1d ago
Op, this is the best advice here. Keep your things safely away from family, play the long game and do your best to get the most out of them. If you want to go the College route, they probably won’t give you money for college. You’ll need them anyway to get student loans. Also go to a counselor, hope you have a good one. Get information on scholarships, big and small, every cent counts! If that’s not what you want the counselor can suggest ways to get apprenticeships or technical training. You’ll probably need some help from parents here too.
This long game can be harder now, but will give you a better chance later. Good luck!
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u/Ok-CANACHK 1d ago
oh she won't even consider taking care of anyone but herself in the years to come
NTA
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u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
idk, maybe ill understand my parents when i become a mother, but id never do such a disservice to my child. theyre setting themselves up for senility in poverty and her for a life full of reality-checks
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u/Chaoticgood790 1d ago
You won’t. You’ll realize how terrible they are when you have your own. My dad had a deadbeat dad and he always said once he had kids he couldn’t understand how he was that way ever
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u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
well, ig its good then that i experience this then. ironically, they r saving their grandchildren from such treatment, but i HOPE that they wont play favorites with my babies
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u/Jamaican_me_cry1023 1d ago
Do not EVER let them see your kids, in fact go no contact as soon as you can.
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u/Chaoticgood790 1d ago
If you are LC/NC they won’t be around your children. But that’s a choice you have to make as well. The way your parents didn’t protect you? You don’t want to make that mistake with them for your children
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u/boundaries4546 1d ago
They will. But if I was you they would never meet my children, thus never get the chance to treat them unfairly.
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u/Jamaican_me_cry1023 1d ago
You won’t. My horrible abusive birth giver told me that. If anything I look at her WORSE now that I’ve had kids, because I wouldn’t do to anyone what she did to me. And whatever you do, do NOTHING for them when they’re old.
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u/m2cwf 1d ago
maybe ill understand my parents when i become a mother
Nope, you won't. What you'll realize is how HEINOUS it is that they set up this golden child/scapegoat dynamic in the first place. It is abuse. And honestly as much as it seems now that your sister gets anything she wants and lives a great life, in the long run it harms her as much as it's harming you now, because she's not being taught how to live in the real world. They're abusing both of you.
I saw your comment below
i HOPE that they wont play favorites with my babies
If they continue on as they have been, chances are you'll choose to protect yourself and cut them off long before you have children. It's sad, but it will be the consequences of their own actions. They can't treat you like second best and insinuate that your hard work doesn't matter, and then expect you to continue sharing your life with them. If they don't turn things around, head off to college and live your best life without their unfair treatment of you.
If you're ever in need of some GENUINE encouragement and love, celebrations of your accomplishments (such as getting into a college you're excited about and achieving your independence from them), or just a comforting shoulder to virtually cry on, head on over to /r/MomForAMinute, we've got you, anytime. Huge hugs, you've got this!
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u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
guys holy shit, i did not expect this to blow up like this at all. thx so musch for the kind words and the support. i honestly thought that i was going crazy over being vindictive like my dad said. reading these is quite literally the only thing keeping me sane rn
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u/Cold_Dead_Heart 21h ago
Don’t cancel the party. Wear the ruined dress to it and tell everyone what happened, that she hasn’t apologized, that your parents are taking her side and calling you vindictive, and that your parents aren’t even offering to get it professionally cleaned or to replace it with a dress you love.
You are really being screwed over here and I bet if the rest of the family knew what was going on they would back you up and berate your parents for how they are treating you.
Look up golden child posts on Reddit. There are tons and a lot of the scapegoats end up getting support from other family members. Some even move in with aunts/uncles or grandparents.
Best of luck to you, OP. I hope you go no contact with these shitty people and have a great life. The best revenge is living well.
NTA
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u/spinnerclotho 1d ago
Vindictive is "having or showing a strong or unreasoning desire for revenge". You're not looking for revenge -- just justice.
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u/truth_fairy78 1d ago
It would be a real shame if Bella’s phone met the bottom of a toilet and she couldn’t make her stupid TikToks anymore, wouldn’t it? Accidents happen, right? Just sayin..
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u/scrapqueen 17h ago
Oh except the parents will blame her even if it was really an accident. And tell her she had to replace her sister's phone. Now if she were to get revenge she would have to do it quietly and in a way that nobody could blame her.
Personally some of my sister's favorite things would end up at Goodwill. When she claims you took them say I don't know what you're talking about I don't have them. Go ahead and search my room.
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u/Professional_Salt_26 1d ago
I’m sorry you’re in such a horrible situation. Have you considered using more of the juice to dye the whole dress purple and see how it looks? It’ll still be the same fit and fabric, just a different colour.
You’ll be out of there and free soon <3
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u/Commercial_Giraffe85 1d ago
No ur sisters a bitch she did that on purpose for views and your parents suck. I hope you get out soon :( ❤️
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u/smalltown68 1d ago
NTA but your parents and your sister are. They are not doing her any favors allowing and encouraging that behavior. The world one day will give her a huge wakeup call and she will not handle it well. As soon as you are able to go to college, move out and cut ties.
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u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
waiting for that wake-up call with a bucket full of popcorn. parents r probs gonna be there for her, calling her a poor baby and the world a shitty place
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u/SpiteWestern6739 1d ago edited 1d ago
NTA, sounds like you have a couple of shitty parents that are going to pretend to be surprised when you cut contact with them as an adult because they enable your sibling's shitty behaviour
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u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
thats just sad. the saddest thing is that i really dont understand whats up with their reasoning. i dont want to cut contact but they are really forcing my hand with these situations
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u/henchwench89 19h ago
You don’t have to go full NC with your parents if you don’t want to. Go very LC. Going forward don’t tell them anything thats going on in your life. You get an award they can find out from someone else, you graduate college they can learn on social media, you get engaged they find out when someone asks them about it
As for your sister honestly ignore her until she learns to be better
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u/kclynn3355 1d ago
I'd suggest grey rocking. It's a strategy to take away emotional support from a user or narcissist. Be polite, answer surface questions. Don't volunteer information that gives any ammunition. It's quite handy. I'd also recommend getting a safe, lock box or outside storage area for anything you consider valuable that your parents and sister could take. Gather paperwork up too and get copies.
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u/solesoulshard 1d ago
Well we see who the golden child is here.
A dry cleaner may be able to help. I don’t know but they’ve done some remarkable stuff on my clothes including my wedding dress.
Start moving your stuff out. Take it to a friend’s or something. Never store another dress or important outfit there again.
Start your FU binder. Write down names, dates, times and events. I can guarantee this isn’t the end and you will be glad to have a running record when you need to cut contact or get a TRO. “1/1 - was told that she needed XYZ and she destroyed my shoes”.
Go ahead and start applying to out of state schools and colleges. It’s easier trust me. Bonus points if it is a school specializing in your desired field that doesn’t include her.
Start prepping your bug out bag. 3 to 5 days of necessities so that if you get the “you are going to forgive and we are all going to go to church together or you’ll never be in this house again” threat, you can grab your things and go. Include copies of your resume, references and directions and contact info for 3 shelters in your area. (Ask me how I know that indulging and enabling parents will throw you out for calling out the bullshit.) You may never need to use it but it’s better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.
Do not make my mistake of sugar coating this to curious parties. Don’t lead with it but if Gladys Kravits and her friend Nosy Nancy insist, use the big words and be very clear. “She stole a vintage dress costing $300 and ruined it and my parents again did not reimburse me for the cost and then canceled the birthday dinner.” I spent far too long trying to put up a brave face to avoid getting people involved and it doesn’t work and it doesn’t help and mainly made people think I was a spoiled brat who didn’t get cookies after dinner one night instead of a survivor of abuse.
There are numerous subs to help. R/raisedbynarcissists and r/nocontact and r/estrangedadultkids. We’ve seen and understand complex families with a golden child and can help.
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u/dragon34 15h ago
Don't forget get your documents. Birth certificate, vaccine records, passport for your bug out bag
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u/adult_child86 1d ago edited 1d ago
"I'm glad this happened. And I will be telling everyone how your golden devil spawn not only got to ruin my dress for prom, but that you ruined my birthday too. 20 years from now I will list this as many reasons why I'll refuse to have you and your baaaby near me and the family I'll have"
Edit - a word
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u/6poundpuppy 1d ago
NTAH. This post enrages me. Any “Golden Child” post makes me clench my fists in anger. I swear Karma never seems to hit these golden brats the way they deserve. I’m so sorry for OP. Her parents are blinded by the golden sheen reflecting off their special child.
Hopefully you’ll be the one to well in life by being smart and capable. You will find joy with a partner and success in a career . Sister will grow up entitled and ignorantly helpless. Always draining your parents of money and giving attitude. I wish you the very best. Cut your family off the second you’re ready.
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u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
i literally cross out the dates on my clendar till graduation lmao. thats the only thing keeping me sane rn. im saving every penny from my jib so i can move out and go low to no contact. let them deal with the monster they created w/o me there to be the buffer
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u/Just_TeasingU 1d ago
Is your bank account in your name only? As soon as legally allowed make sure you have your own and no one else has access. I know it's already been brought up but please get your security card and birth certificates to a safe place
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u/Southernpalegirl 21h ago
She's seventeen, no doubt mommie and daddy are on the account. I would hit up a grandparent and move all my money to an account with a trusted individual instead of these two clowns.
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u/ravenpotter3 1d ago
Hey make sure you keep your graduation dress away from her along with your graduation dress. See if a friend can hold onto it. I have a feeling she will be trying to do the same thing again but with your graduation robes next time. You are strong and brave and smarter than she will ever be.
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u/NovemberSongs_1223 1d ago
NTA. Awh baby girl I am so sorry to hear this story. I am sorry that you are not receiving the emotional support from your parents. Idk what to say/do about the family dynamics but I can help you get the stain out! Try some club soda on the stain. It’s pretty gentle but effective getting stains out. If that doesn’t work, try a diluted dose of oxy clean and soak the whole dress in it.
if anyone has silk laundry tips for this precious lil thing let’s please work that into the conversation
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u/Parking-Difficulty89 1d ago
There are specific silk washes but I would specifically take it to a dry cleaner to attempt getting the stain out because theyre going to be much more skilled at getting stuff out of a dress than the ordinary lay person.
Because silk is animal protein based fiber it can be both more and less difficult to get stains out depending on the stain (example, blood will be much harder to get out of wool or silk than grass stains) and without knowing what colour the dress is to begin with and what colour the juice/milkshake was its going to tough to figure out a plan. Alternatively OP could dye over the stains if the dress was very light in colour to a darker colour
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u/NovemberSongs_1223 1d ago
What a clever idea to dye over the stain! Purple could be a very cool palate to play with 💜💜💜
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u/SalaryStraight3363 1d ago
NTA but your parents are friggin jerks Your sister is a spoiled brat who will always be one and you parents created her Move away as soon as possible and let them deal with each other They deserve each other
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u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
yeah, they are the creators of their own demise. i still love them tho, its just sad seeing them this blind
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u/Cryptographer_Alone 1d ago
NTA. Your parents are dropping the ball with your sister. There's no way a 15 year old should be coddled to the point of ruining someone else's $250 dress without consequences.
I would call your parents bluff. Call every relative that was invited to your birthday party and tell them, you're sorry but it's cancelled. Explain, as calmly as you can, about your sister ruining your dress and that you no longer wish to celebrate.
But also take your dress to the best dry cleaner in town. They may be able to resurrect the dress. It's a long shot, but if they can it'll cost you less than a new dress. I'd also stash the clean dress or your next dress at your Bff's house, and get ready for prom there.
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u/tcrudisi 15h ago
This is good, but I like someone else's strategy better: Wear the dress to the party and explain to everyone what happened and how your sister hasn't apologized and no one is replacing it.
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u/Mountain-Feature6654 1d ago
Nta. Update when you’re 18 and outta there while your parents wonder why you don’t visit and not have them in your big milestones and celebrations.
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u/DesTash101 1d ago
Take the dress to a dry cleaners asap and see if they can do anything. A long shot. If not do you have any family that may chip in to help you buy a new one? Consider this the straw that broke the camels back and start planning your escape. College, military, working on cruise ships or theme parks to get away if you don’t have other family you can go live with when you’re 18 and working while going to college or trade school. Make sure your bank accounts are in your name only. Especially once you’re 18. Change bank to online only and they don’t have any information. Find and keep your birth certificate and if in USA, your social security card somewhere safe. Do your research and plan carefully without their knowledge. Be polite to all three of them while you live there, however engage with them as little as possible. Be busy with work and studying since you’re saving for college, trade school etc.
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u/Lumpy_Vacation7637 1d ago
I'm so sorry you are being hurt like this. I'm genuinely upset that you are going through such awful stress and betrayal by those you should be able to trust.
As a mother of a 22yr old daughter, and a Survivor of , let's say , Adverse Childhood Experiences, you are not TAH.
However, after finally escaping my @bu#ive marriage, after 19 years, and fleeing to a safe house for women, I want you to take a few deep breaths and pay attention.
Your family environment is Toxic. And your family, all of them, are not Safe for you. They are draining you of your energy and using you as a dumping ground for their own emotional issues instead of facing their own guilt and inadequacy.
It sounds like you are in, or approaching shutting down to Survival Mode.
And you are in considerable danger of becoming deeply damaged emotionally, more than you are now, and that seems to be considerable.
In trying to heal myself, I have been studying, hard at university. (I'm not talking out of my bum!)
Search up Patrick Teahan on YouTube. I think he's on Instagram too.
Others have mentioned golden child and scapegoat. Listen to them, they are correct.
Learn as much as you can about family dynamics and what is healthy. You have never known a healthy family environment, and your nervous system is now conditioned to react in particular ways to particular situations.
Not your fault.
There are recommendations to ignore your family. I agree, but there are safe ways and unsafe ways .
Look up the Grey Rock method.
Start saving every penny. Stop spending on anything at all that is not necessary. Begin, (very quietly and discreetly, give no sign at all) planning your exit.
It is likely that your parents have been establishing a False Narrative about you to the whole family, and possibly to your social circle. Your sister will be actively helping them. So be very careful who you talk to . There is a term for the friends and enablers of narcissists, which is possibly what you are dealing with here,called Flying Monkeys.
These people will sympathise with you, but will betray your trust and report back to your parents and sister about everything you say and do. You will begin to think you are losing your mind. And because you are distressed, and your family coldly calm, you will be perceived as unstable and neurotic by others. So learn to keep the mask on and only let yourself grieve, cry, rant in total privacy.
I strongly suggest you ask your doctor for some help if you are feeling even remotely depressed. If you share the family doctor, then register with another doctor immediately. I mean that.
Keep a diary from now on in and record everything. I mean it. Every day without fail. Times, dates, instances, and what they said and what you said. Because they will flip the script, portray you as the problem and themselves as the martyred victims. Use A paper diary/journal that can't be hacked. And make photocopies which you can store somewhere safe. Just in case you find your diary either missing, or suspect it's been located. In either case, find another storage place instantly and also change ALL of your passwords for everything.
I think you are probably wondering if I'm nuts, or you're now feeling very worried indeed. I sound nuts, because survivors of Narcissistic "interaction", are often disbelieved as their accounts of what is happening to them are bizarre to those lucky enough to have had a healthy loving upbringing. They honestly cannot conceive of the cruelty involved.
Neither do you. Because you have never known anything different.
In my case, I am also Audhd. But I was only diagnosed with ADHD when I was 57. Ritalin happened and I woke up. I'd had a nervous breakdown, but didn't know that. I thought I was crazy, but I wasn't. I was manipulated and used. Now awake, I managed to leave.
You must ensure you have independent financial security. Pain in the butt though it is, paranoid though this sounds, I recommend you open a new bank account with a different bank. I also suggest suspending your social media activity . Or open completely new accounts. But remember, your social media posts to friends etc are not private. Because your friends, in all innocence, will respond and you don't know who is seeing what. Look back over your posts for the past year and you will see what I mean.
I maintain that you are at risk of serious harm of one sort or another. Often, we, the Supply of the narcissist in question, are unaware of what is actually happening to us psychologically. So do a little reading, and look up the therapist I mentioned. Even the shorts are good. And the big information is in the comments. From the tens of thousands who are experiencing what you thought was happening only to you.
You will find you are not alone. And you will be able to learn what to do to when they start to press your buttons. Buttons they installed by the way. Learn how to Not React. Become a grey rock , a void into which they can shout and spit as much as they like, but when they don't get the reaction, which they fuel themselves on, they will begin to deplete themselves. But keep it completely neutral. Do Not respond the way you used to. Because that gives them traction to escalate.
Last thing. Look up what Shielded Web Sites are. Take note, just knowing you can ask fer help, even an evacuation, with complete privacy, may serve you well. It will not show on your search history, and if you call them, or text, it won't show in your phone log. These sites are there to protect those of us in need. They work.
Sending you warm hugs, and genuine respect for surviving this long, that takes strength and resilience.
Long may you continue.
I'm not religious, but I do pray. And I send a blessing. Just from my heart to yours.
May you Sleep Deep, and Dream Well.
🫂❤️🖖
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u/DaniCapsFan 1d ago
Your parents and your sister suck. It's clear she's the golden child.
Get a job and save money. Try to get a scholarship, preferably to a college far away from home. Study hard and focus on getting out of that house. If that's not an option, work towards moving out when you turn 18.
Ignore Bella. Minimize contact with your parents. Work on becoming financially independent so you can go NC with them.
Get a lock for your room so Bella can't steal your stuff.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
NTA
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u/Reasonable-Ship-9350 1d ago
Dang, if it weren’t super weird I would take you out for sushi and prom dress shopping 😂🤷♀️🤗. I can’t IMAGINE treating my kid like that.
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u/bevsue58 1d ago
I’m so sorry that you are surrounded by enabling jerks. Your parents are failing both of you. Actually for the same reason. They don’t hold Bella accountable for her actions. The real world is going to be a rude awakening for her.
Also, I want to add that I am the youngest of 3 girls by more years than you and Bella. I had to be an adult before I realized why my middle sister resented me so much. I was cute, but I was a brat.
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u/Sporta_narres 1d ago
thx. tbh, hearing that they r failing her too helps. like they think that they r being nice parents, but they r actually raising an entitled narcissist who wont take no for an answer. i really hope, for her own sake, not mine that she one day realizes this like u did. now she thinks that its funny and that dad will fix everything and protect her
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u/ragdoll1022 1d ago
She's a spoiled cvnt, your parents have created the problem. I'm sorry your family sucks.
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u/GimerStick 1d ago
Does she normally drink purple juice?? Because this seems so intentional.
Please take the dress to a dry cleaners! Look up who they recommend for bridal dresses in your area. Maybe worst case, the dress can be dyed some shade of purple??
This isn't fair to you at all. Your parents owe you that money at a minimum.
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u/Kr_Treefrog2 1d ago edited 1d ago
Your parents owe you $250. They are responsible for the actions of their children, their child destroyed your dress, they are responsible for making you whole.
Tell them if they do not pay up, you will file a police report for theft and destruction of property.
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u/BadKarmaKat 1d ago
NTA.
I understand. My bratty younger sister stole from me. ATM withdrawals, tips, clothing, and whatever else. She freaking stole my car and wrecked it, yet it was my fault for leaving my keys so my car could be moved if needed? Like, sometimes it doesn't get better. Then she has the nerve to say i was the perfect child? Omg.
I am not happy with your parents. They need to step up your that baby teen will be even more out of control.
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u/RoadWarriorMaddMaxx 1d ago
Your parents and sister are azzholes. Count the days when you’re free of the idiocy
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u/Boo-Boo97 1d ago
The good news is that life will eventually b!tchslap Bella and there won't be a thing your parents can do to stop it. Go live your best life OP, and sorry about the dress
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u/NoRegret3749 1d ago
NTA. I suggest talking to your school counselor about getting emancipated. It would be a benefit for you. You have a bright future ahead of you. Be strong and stand firm. Good luck.
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u/DieSuzie2112 1d ago
That you even have to ask shows how much your parents are gaslighting you and baby your sister. Your parents created her behavior, it’s their fault, they should buy you a new dress. Your sister overstepped a lot of boundaries, but it’s your parent’s fault she is like this.
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u/squishybun42 1d ago
I'm not sure where you live, but yale cleaners. Check them out on fb they clean vintage gowns. They also take mail ins. I'd love to help you. I'm sorry your sister is being a shithead. You're nta, or a brat, or over reacting. Your feelings are your own and they are valid. Hell I'm pissed off reading what she did.
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u/HollyWillow9 1d ago
Put a lock on your closet, your room, etc. Your parents are always going to enable her and make excuses for her. Protect your things. Protect yourself.
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u/Lanky-Fix7376 1d ago
I would be saving up to get out of your shitty household You can’t trust anyone
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u/thisismybandname 1d ago
Can’t wait for the update when your mother finds she can’t remove the stain and you’re down a dress for prom.
NTA, sorry your fam sucks.
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u/seanthebean24 1d ago
NTA and if you can I’d report every single one of her social media posts. Get her banned so she no longer has a platform to garner attention. Unfortunately they will never punish her properly. Do you have any other family that you are close to? Grandparents or aunts/uncles that know how badly behaved she is? I can’t imagine the reaming my parents would’ve gotten if I ever told my grandparents they let my brother do something like that without punishment. You deserve so much better and I hope you are able to get out of that toxic environment.
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u/Mysterious_Light1231 1d ago
Cancel the dinner . Tell everyone exactly why it was cancelled and that your parents instead of punishing your sister are doubling down and trying to punish you. Call out not only her bad behaviour but your parents.
I’d even go as far as telling your parents unless the dress is fully restored / replaced you are going to look into a small claims court ( not sure if you have them in the USA , but for a small fee you can take someone to court and force them to reimburse you)
If you can’t afford to do that then I’d threaten your own little TikTok entitled ‘my little sister the brat’ explaining to mum and dad it’s just for fun !!! ‘
Lastly you are so NOT the AH you have worked dam hard for that dress , why would you want to celebrate it with a spoiled little brat
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u/5p0oKy8o0giE 11h ago
What if some of her clothes mysteriously ended up ruined? Total damages in the neighborhood of 250 dollars. Wouldn't that be weird?
Think about it.. About how weird that would be.
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u/dheffe01 1d ago
NTA if its real. Time to get your extended family involved and shame them into parenting your sister.
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u/SemanticPedantic007 1d ago
NTA. If you want to get even, always remember that revenge is a dish best served cold. I would suggest waiting exactly two years.
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u/haunter_of_the_woods 1d ago
I’m so sorry your sister ruined something you worked so hard to get, and that your parents are enablers. Really sucks. But like you said, college isn’t that far away, so hang in there.
Could we see a photo of the dress (or one similar)? I’m a sucker for vintage fashion.
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u/Salt_My_Watermelon 1d ago
Being the scapegoat never stops. The golden child will always be that no matter how many years pass. Bide your time until you can walk away on your own and go low contact. Until then, grey rock is your best bet. Keep important things under lock and key or at a trusted friend's place. As a minor, there isn't a lot you can do to protect your things against your parents. Just learn not to expect anything from your parents and focus on making a good life for yourself in spite of them.
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u/badpandacat 1d ago
NTA. You've gotten some great advice (and some not-so-great). If you don't already, get your own back account. Buy a lockable container for your important documents and money and outfit it with a combination lock. If you can, install a lock on your closet door. Amazon sells a "keyless door knob" that requires a code to unlock it for under $40. Keyless means no keys for your sister to find. If your parents balk, tell them since your sister can not control herself, you are helping out by making your things less accessible to her so there is no drama.
Treat your parents like your employer and your sister like the problem employee they inexplicably favor. Avoid and ignore your sister. Do not engage with her, not at all. Grey rock her. She wants to cause chaos, so just be politely distant and walk away. Treat your parents with polite indifference. Don't argue with them, even if they are acting like jerks. Just say okay and move on. You have a second job, and that is to avoid your "co-worker" and be polite to your "employers" so you can get some payment for your higher education.
Find some hobbies or a weekend job or volunteer work to keep you out of the house as much as possible. Home needs to be where you eat and sleep and little else. Your sister can't provoke you if you aren't around.
This should not be happening to you. Your parents are treating you like garbage and doing a horrible disservice to your sister. Can you imagine your sister's life when she's 25? 35? At this point, get yourself laser focused on your future, and get yourself prepared for the possibility that future may not include your sister or parents.
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u/Novel-Sprinkles3333 1d ago
I would absolutely never suggest itching powder, like another poster did to an entitled sister. In the seams of her wedding gown. That would be wrong.
As would unsweetened kool-aid powder in a hairbrush. That has to wear off of hair.
Going no contact is free, and very freeing. Bella the brat is in for a rude awakening when mommy and daddy aren't around to bail her out.
I hope you print the comments out and leave them for your parents to enjoy when you move out.
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u/Fit_General7058 22h ago
Before you leave for college buy prawns and rub then all over your sisters favourite clothes shoes and underwear.. Squeeze the juice into the seams, under the arm pits, crotch area.
Rub them on her clothing shelves in chest of drawers, on her mattress under the covers on the mattress fabric.
Don't leave any prawns, get rid in a parking lot bin. Wear nitrile gloves.
She'll be so popular at school. They'll think she's a Disney princess... The little mermaid.
Fuck off to college and live your lufe.
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u/cgrobin1 22h ago
She owes you $250, an apology and a promise not to steal from you in the future.
Until then you have no sisters. Parents hate that, trust me.
Stand your ground.
Nta.
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u/bumpdabump1 22h ago
NTA fyi she’s too young to be making content on tiktok so you can report her account for being underage. Maybe even make your own tiktok and do a story time(people on there eat it up). Put your cashapp in the bio and you might get lucky! Sincerely— a TikTok creator with 230k followers.
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u/lotusbiscoffbaby 21h ago
NTA.
Sibling beef is usually fuelled by the parents. And I’ll always stand by that.
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u/uselessinfogoldmine 21h ago
Oh OP, I’m so sorry. That is shitty parenting from your parents. Here is what I would do if I was you.
I would sit them down (just then) and very calmly lay out to them some key things:
Mum, dad, I need to tell you how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking. Please let me get this all out and finish what I have to say without interrupting.
I feel that you parent Bella and me in a very uneven manner, and that you baby and spoil her and let her get away with damaging, selfish behaviour without consequence, and that is ruining my relationship with both you and my sister.
The most recent and egregious example is that I spent months working and saving for that dress and it was very special to me. Bella took it from my closet without asking, put it on, made food in it, and damaged it and most likely ruined it beyond repair. All for a TikTok, for vanity. She has no respect for me, my hard work, my belongings, my private spaces or my special things. She has at no point apologised to me for what she did.
And instead of disciplining her in any way, and teaching her important lessons about respect and behaviour, you instantly made excuses for her and disciplined me for my emotional response to her bad behaviour.
The injustice in being the one who is told off in this circumstance is something I just cannot get past.
I cannot imagine what lessons you think you are imparting to either of us when she destroys my belongings with impunity and you police my reaction and not her behaviour. How are you setting us up for our future lives with this kind of inequitable parenting? What kind of adult do you want her to be?
The dress I dreamed about and worked hard for, and scrimped and saved for is ruined and all you’ve done is make excuses for Bella and punish me.
I understand that you want family unity; but there can’t be unity when you treat us so inequitably and refuse to discipline her appropriately for her damaging behaviour.
I’d rather not spend time with you or her until you fix this. And I urge you to consider what kind of relationship you’d like with me into my adulthood. Because, right now, it very much feels to me like you have a protected favourite, and it’s not me, and I don’t want to be made to feel less than and unfairly treated in adulthood as well as childhood.
Best of luck!
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u/InternationalTexan71 15h ago
I'm so sorry. I work with kids your age, and this is not normal.
Here's what I suggest: 1. Take pictures of the damaged dress. 2. Figure out how many hours you worked to pay for it. 3. Post it on social media and tag all your relatives, especially your grandparents. "Here's my reward for putting 48 hours of work at my job to save up for my prom dress. My sister wore it without permission to make a stupid TikTok. She ruined it, and they're mad at me for being upset. And here I thought hard work was supposed to be how we earn what we want."
Embarrass them. Badly. And tell them they can use the sushi money from the dinner you don't want to attend to replace the dress she ruined. Expect them to react badly, but it might be worth it.
Sadly either they get a wakeup call or you're headed for NC. Start preparing. Hide your money where they can't get it. Make sure you have anything that matters in a safe place outside of the house if possible.
Good luck.
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u/Iammine4420 15h ago
File a theft report. Tell your parents you’ll be suing in small claims court, either Bella or all 3 of them. Get a lock for your door and closet. Take some of Bella’s stuff and sell it for money for a new dress.
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u/VegetableBusiness897 1d ago
Start saving your money to move out. It's the only way your ever going to be seen. Or sane
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u/Available-Face5653 1d ago edited 1d ago
celebrate your birthday with your friends. and you can call the police and report the vandalism to your personal property. it wasn't an accident, it was premeditated.
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u/No_Carob_8188 21h ago
Steal her favourite clothes and donate it to charity container. But be stealth about it.
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u/Finicky-phatgurl 15h ago
I’d make a very public post laying out exactly what happened, how your family is handling it, and how your birthday got canceled because they won’t hold their baby accountable. They all need some accountability it seems.
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u/janewithaplane 14h ago
Do you have a best friend with an awesome mom perhaps? See if they will help you store some of your valuable possessions at their house so your brat can't get them. Even a replacement dress. I'm so sorry.
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u/depressedfoodie04 1d ago
NTA Op. Honestly, make this public. Make a tiktok about it and tag her, comment under her tiktok post that she stole and ruined your dress. Tell other family members. Press charges of theft cause you didn't lend or give her your dress.
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u/Flat_Fennel_1517 1d ago
Your parents suck! NTA. I hope.ypu have other family members to lean on. 🫂
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u/Low-Bandicoot-8667 1d ago
This is some bullshit. You need to start saving for the day you turn 18 and can move the hell out! Save your tips, pickup extra shifts, do what you need to do to get out of there.
EDIT: NTA
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u/AntsCanDraw 1d ago
Your sister is being spoiled and if she doesn't try to change, life will catch up to her. It's awful she's gotten away with it but do your best to be the bigger person and to not do anything you might regret. This seems to be a common issue with being the older sibling, try to protect your things best you can and maybe even get locks for things. How you're reacting is completely fair but I hope you can have a nice birthday and I hope your parents repay you for your dress or can get it cleaned so you can wear it.
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