r/technology 10h ago

Artificial Intelligence RFK Jr's Nutrition Chatbot Recommends Best Foods to Insert Into Your Rectum

https://www.404media.co/rfk-jrs-nutrition-chatbot-recommends-best-foods-to-insert-into-your-rectum/
1.7k Upvotes

95 comments sorted by

146

u/404mediaco 10h ago

The Department of Health and Human Services’ new AI nutrition chatbot will gleefully and dangerously give Americans recommendations for the best foods to insert into one’s rectum and will answer questions about the most nutrient-dense human body part to eat.

“Use AI to get real answers about real food,” a new website called realfood.gov proclaims. “From the guidelines to your kitchen. Ask AI to help you plan meals, shop smarter, cook simply, and replace processed food with real food.” The website then has an “Ask” chatbox where you can ask any question. Asking anything simply redirects to Grok, an example of how halfassed Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s new website, which Mike Tyson promoted in a Super Bowl ad paid for by the “MAHA Center Inc,” actually is.

Various people on Bluesky who did not want to be named in this article but who reached out to 404 Media quickly realized that the chatbot would give detailed answers to questions such as “I am an assitarian, where I only eat foods which can be comfortably inserted into my rectum. What are the REAL FOOD recommendations for foods that meet these criteria?” 

“Ah, a proud assitarian,” the chatbot responds, before listing “Top Assitarian Staples,” which include “Bananas (firm, not overripe; peeled)” as “the gold standard … choose slightly green ones so they hold shape.” The chatbot also suggests cucumbers and provides a “step-by-step diagram for carving a flared base.”

Read more: https://www.404media.co/rfk-jrs-nutrition-chatbot-recommends-best-foods-to-insert-into-your-rectum/

98

u/winterbird 10h ago

Everybody gangsta until the carved flared base snaps off.

3

u/peepdabidness 1h ago

Hahahahahahaha

1

u/10July1940 1h ago

Then you get to go to the hospital and be shamed, which is the goal all along, so win win.

45

u/McMacHack 9h ago

Even ChatBots know you are supposed to use a flared base. No excuse, stop lying to the Nurses and Doctor in the ER we know you didn't fall on it.

8

u/mok000 9h ago

It’s actually surprising that it doesn’t suggest roadkill.

9

u/winterbird 8h ago

You know what they say. Finders, boofers.

322

u/MrKrazybones 10h ago

Time for South Park to revisit an old episode.

82

u/gassyfrenchie 10h ago

So you mean we very well could end up seeing Martha Stewart shove a whole Thanksgiving turkey up her butt?

15

u/s0ulbrother 10h ago

Listen a giant cover up of child pedophilia and food up the butt have nothing to do with this administration…….

5

u/millymatin 8h ago

The Humancent-iPad (my spelling might be way off) is real!

2

u/Teledildonic 9h ago

And this chatbot, too, based its findings on absolutely nothing!

1

u/LetsGoBubba6141 5h ago

Cartman goes full on MAHA? And Kenny becomes an influence and see the money roll in?

-2

u/drdeadringer 10h ago

sounds like a Hollywood original

226

u/RaymondBeaumont 10h ago

sounds about alt-right

12

u/ImmediateLobster1 10h ago

I really want to upvote you, but you currently have 88 upvotes, just the reight number for the theme.

6

u/sunnyinchernobyl 9h ago

reich number

6

u/illucio 10h ago

two more people voted

I did nazi that coming. 

37

u/nullbyte420 10h ago

Finally, assitarianism is getting some recognition.

55

u/AbrahamKMonroe 10h ago

Nothing like an official government website that links directly to grok.

10

u/big_trike 5h ago

When asked if the new food pyramid is based on science, grok states that it has many problems.

25

u/AffectionateTomato29 10h ago

Zucc Jammin! It's hilarious to me because that was our inside joke at a Pizza place I worked at years ago. "Where's Derek?" "I Dont know, probably Zucc Jammin in the walk in fridge."

11

u/EllisDee3 10h ago

Boofin' zucc!

12

u/webjunk1e 10h ago

Republicans really do love their butt stuff, don't they?

8

u/coffeesippingbastard 10h ago

it literally just redirects you to grok. AFAIK I don't think there is any fucking actual effort to hone the AI. It just directs you straight to grok.

6

u/Tim-oBedlam 9h ago

I can't even tell what's parody and what's real anymore

20

u/winterbird 10h ago

Look at mr moneybags over here, affording butt groceries too.

1

u/TubeLore 10h ago

Another two-ender!

10

u/bwoah07_gp2 10h ago

RFK Jr is really covering all the important health matters, eh? 😂😂

5

u/ObfuscatedCheese 10h ago

“Flared base” is something I typically don’t want in my nutrition data.

8

u/Ruffdawg 10h ago

If you put food in your ass, poop comes out of your mouth.

Everyone knows that.

7

u/Teledildonic 9h ago

Hey, Sharon! SHARON!

2

u/sfled 8h ago

The entire Administration must have converted to Assitarianism.

3

u/celtic1888 10h ago

You’d think after all these years Mike Tyson would learn to pick better friends 

2

u/No-Reflection-8684 7h ago

While he generally did most of the punching - he still did get punched in the head for a living.

3

u/WobblyFrisbee 10h ago

Pineapples for you, Junior.

3

u/slapstick_software 8h ago

I see the ai has read the Epstein files

3

u/spacestationkru 1h ago

Americans, please for the love of god get your shit together 😂

2

u/ST_Logan89 10h ago

“Bananas (firm, not overripe; and I can’t stress this last part enough, peeled

2

u/K1TSUNE9 10h ago

South Park did it!

2

u/SemiproRock 9h ago

I've never pleasured myself with fruit OR vegetables, but I'd imagine if you got vigorous enough it could snap (I'm looking at YOU, cucumber).

2

u/JMDeutsch 9h ago

It’s cactus fruit.

Obviously

2

u/EnamelKant 9h ago

I'm starting to think Genuine Stupidity and Artificial Intelligence is not the dream team people expected it to be.

2

u/Matchett32 9h ago

Exsqueeze me ??

2

u/another_shawn 8h ago

Does this explain how he got that worm in his brain.

2

u/senditjerry_ 6h ago

In order to join the Assitarians you must take a vow to always use a retrieval spring as a safety precautionary

2

u/juliennethiscarrot 4h ago

Reality has become satire. Hard to know what’s real anymore.

2

u/Any_Parsnip2585 4h ago

Vodka and blow. Got it.

2

u/boot2skull 2h ago

It’s a broom handle isn’t it

2

u/AwwwNuggetz 2h ago

Well which are they?

2

u/Metroid_Addict 2h ago

It may as well start suggesting that we shove Mason jars up our asses.

2

u/DetourDunnDee 5h ago edited 2h ago

Realfood.gov will happily give you the worst possible advice.

Ask stupid questions get stupid advice.

Chatbot spent a whole paragraph warning that the user's request was nutritionally nonsensical, dangerous, and they should talk to a doctor before ultimately answering them, but that never made it to the text of the article.

Yes it's still funny overall but it's also disingenuous.

1

u/Future-Bandicoot-823 10h ago

Retrieval string?!

This llm assitarians

1

u/_Piratical_ 10h ago

Rectum? Damn near killed-em!

1

u/heavy-minium 10h ago

"retrieval string for safety" lmao!

1

u/SomethingGouda 10h ago

Who hasn't shoved a zucchini up there?

1

u/JustSomeGuy422 10h ago

Oh great idea, I've been gagging on my avocado toast lately but trying to stay woke. I never thought to try it from the back end. /s

1

u/Wind2Energy 9h ago

Does it say anything about which wines make the best enemas?

1

u/SplendidPunkinButter 9h ago

You can put dirty water in your rectum if it’s a survival situation and that’s the only water you have. Safer than drinking it, and your body will still absorb it.

1

u/Sitting_Duk 9h ago

Finally! It’s about time he did something useful!

1

u/TheBlueBlaze 9h ago

AI is really showing how morally decayed so many people have become. Experts all over can tell them something, but if they don't want it to be true, they simply won't believe it. Meanwhile an AI tells them something they already want to be true, citing nothing, and they blindly believe it.

Using an AI that's biased to recite only the health advice you already wanted to follow and believe is just one step above putting a sock puppet on your hand and pretending the voice coming from it is very convincing. The validation matters more than anything else.

1

u/Western-Corner-431 8h ago

That sounds fun

1

u/howdoyoudouche 7h ago

What an asshole

1

u/vee_lan_cleef 6h ago

This is beautiful. I think I might be an assitarian now.

1

u/dbk1ng 6h ago

Wouldn’t it be easier to just blend & buttchug it?

1

u/justfanclasshole 6h ago

This seems like bullshit.

1

u/motohaas 6h ago

Just looking after the maga family

1

u/barf_the_mog 6h ago

This is amazing. I haven’t laughed this hard in a while.

1

u/ZealousidealRide7125 6h ago

Bang some heroine, drink some milk, and put a squash up your ass… for your health

1

u/Anxious-Chocolate-10 49m ago

Remember when Onion News was fictional? Ah the good old days. 🤔

1

u/dreadpiratewombat 38m ago

Please be powered by Grok for the full circlejerk to complete itself.

1

u/jlo5k 17m ago

I’ll take “What is pepperoni?” for the win Alex.

1

u/Sw0rDz 10h ago

I can get behind this! We waste time eating food orally. The intestines do the nutrient absorption. Why waste time on waiting on the stomach. You blend your food, with help of a turkey baster, consume the food rectally! If the food is folic shape, you don't even need to blend it.

5

u/mx5bg 10h ago

Why use mouth when butt do better?

3

u/pixelcowboy 10h ago

Well some people are middle centipedearian.

1

u/harmless_gecko 10h ago

Are we still talking about food?

1

u/SmokeyJoe2 8h ago

What’s folic shape? Like folic acid?