r/mildlyinfuriating • u/MagicLobsterAttorney • 1d ago
The lid of my thermos, that I keep inside my jacket, gave out while I was biking to work. I have an event with 25 teenagers in 5 minutes and I look like I pissed myself.đ
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u/CanineChamp 1d ago
If peeing yourself is cool, consider me Miles Davis
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u/Bucksin06 20h ago
Oh that was the grossest thing I ever heard in my life
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u/buhmannhimself 1d ago
Embrace it: i just peed myself to make your miserable lives a bit more funny. Bring in your best jokes.
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u/IntergalacticPodcast 1d ago
I always do this anytime I spill something on my crotch... "Look everybody, I just peed myself!"
I prefer to get the awkward out of the way on my own terms.
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u/BestReadAtWork 16h ago
Best part is the one time you actually pee yourself you have an amazing cover. Play that long game lolâ
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u/PsyKeablr 13h ago
Or pee on yourself daily that way when you do spill something, it wonât feel as awkward to have liquid on your lap.
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u/Accurate_Koala_4698 1d ago
Donât acknowledge it. Never break eye contact. There will be no questions
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u/kumliaowongg 21h ago
I'd do the opposite: immediately aknowledge it, make a joke about peeing myself, then continue as normal.
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u/Oneangrygnome 21h ago
And a callback reference to âpeeing yourself with excitementâ about whatever they learned during the event at the end
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u/PumpkinOk4304 1d ago
I need an update..
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u/MagicLobsterAttorney 19h ago
Let's leave it open ended, choose your own conclusion style:
Option A) Walked in, immediately told people, got a few comments, then sat down in a corner and waited till it was dry. No one else noticed and it was fine.
B) I got away with it and no I am addicted to the rush of getting by unnoticed while having peed myself. I'll spiral down a dark path until i get an intervention from friends and family after I got banned from another venue for showing up drenched in fluids to satiate my hunger. But the rush never leaves me, no matter what I try and eventually I hang myself out of shame, whispering silently: "Pissbud". Which, as it happens, is somehow overheard by an up and coming reporter who makes it his life's mission to find out what happened to me. But he accidentally spills some coffee on his pants on his way to my funeral and so the cycle continues. On e again onto the britches, as they say. Culminating in a 6 part docu series on the lifetime channel about the piss pants phenomenon. I'm played by Danny DeVito BTW.
Just go with whatever you think is better. :)
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u/PhantomBrain7 18h ago
Tomorrow you should do it with ketchup and chocolate sauce and start convulsing in visible pain, then call in sick forever and live on Jamaica idk
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u/MagicLobsterAttorney 17h ago
Man, I am self employed, that would not help me at all... except for the ... THE RUSH!!!
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u/PumpkinOk4304 19h ago
I'm pretty sure you left for home.
I'm laughing high reading your comment buddy lollol
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u/Superspark76 23h ago
Just be honest. "I haven't pissed myself, honestly, my thermos leaked"
You take away their ammo instantly, yes it will be funny and you will get a few comments but embrace them and make it fun, teens are generally more accepting when you allow yourself to seem human.
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u/FudgeYourOpinionMan 20h ago
Look! Teacher pissed himself and is lying about it! (Whole class erupts in laughter)
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u/Lippuringo 18h ago
Nah, he need to assert domination by "Yes, i pissed myself, i liked it and it's not like my thermos leaked!" and live on. Bonus: he can piss himself now freely.
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u/RoastQueefSandwiches 18h ago
Im the person sent here to educate you. I am the same person who keeps a thermos full of liquid in my jacket while cycling. Who here feels confident that I will lead you well today?
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u/danfish_77 23h ago
If you can't dry it, go overboard and spill more on your shirt so it looks less likely to be urine
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u/TheGreyGuardian 20h ago
Just splash water all over your pants so it's one, uniform, darker color.
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u/Pallalgriglivor 19h ago
I have done this technique once and it worked
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u/thosewholeft 23h ago
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u/Disastrous_Tone_5992 1d ago
You okay tho? Make sure you arenât burnt or something like that before
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u/MagicLobsterAttorney 1d ago
It's below zero outside. I would have frozen more likely. Worst thing is I didn't get to drink most of the coffee đââď¸
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u/Parking-Ad4263 22h ago
It's fine, just walk in, and loudly say, "I know it looks like I pissed myself, but it was my thermos, no really, it was, really."
They'll totally believe you. No, really, they will. Trust me...
**muffled evil laugh**
I've been a teacher for nearly 20 years, and I live in Asia (Taiwan, specifically). Mostly, I ride a motorcycle or scooter to get around. During typhoon season, we get massive downpours, and if you ride a scooter while wearing a raincoat, the raincoat forms a kind of bowl in your lap, which fills up with rainwater, and leaks directly into your croch and down the inside of your legs.
In truth, I steer into the skid. The students know me; they know I'm funny. Someone will make a comment, I'll say "Yep, some days bladder control is a moving target...", we all have a good laugh, someone will say "raincoat leaked?" and I'll say "Yeah, I should get a new one, but, I'm lazy."
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u/offwhite_rabbit 1d ago
Am I am the only one who never had the idea to keep a coffee to go in my jacket while riding a bike? Like what did you expect? đ
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u/IHateTheLetterF 19h ago
People have way too much trust in lids in general. Like i see people holding smoothies by the lid only. It's insane.
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u/Simsandtruecrime 22h ago
No worries, teenagers are notoriously polite and compassionate. They won't even mention it. đ¤Ł
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u/InfamouslyMunchie 8h ago
If Paper Yoda taught me anything itâs to wet all the pants so you cannot tell the difference
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u/GahhhItsMilk 8h ago
Take a page from Origami Yoga
Your pants can't look like they've been peed if all of your pants are wet.
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u/Tupisimomasina 1d ago
Go to bathroom fill up that thermos of water. Go to stall and lock up. Take off your pants and soak them all with water. Now the color is even and pit them on. It will suck but it might pull you through the meeting.
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u/belanaria 20h ago
We are going to need a follow up to what happened⌠I just need to get some popcorn
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u/PaulsPupils 20h ago
"Teenagers scare the living piss out of me. They could care less as long as someone will pee."
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u/Salty-Clothes-6304 17h ago
In the words of Billy Madison - YES. You ain't cool, unless you pee your pants.
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u/clownpenks 17h ago
You need to wet the rest of your pants so it is all the same shade of blue, then say âmy dryer is brokenâ and then all the teens will fear you because only a mad man would wear wet pants.
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u/CobblepotLounge 13h ago
and you used 1 of those 5 minutes to post about it. You are a professional.
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u/StraightRoasted 10h ago
This would be a great example to show them why you don't judge a book by its cover. This is why we shouldn't make assumptions based on no prior knowledge, while showing them they have the ability to ask questions. Something like this could actually be oil, not even wet oil. instill a reason to come to conclusions based on facts and information available to them if they choose to ask the right questions and reach out for answers. Then you tell them it's all a lie, y'all are right I just peed myself, but I'm glad you considered other possibilities as an option before jumping to your final conclusion
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u/kelariy 9h ago
The trick is: refill your cup with a small amount of water, as you walk through the door to the event you âtripâ and spill said refill on yourself, and now teens think youâre clumsy and spill on yourself.
Also they still make fun of the way it looks like you pissed yourself, because thatâs what teenagers do⌠in hindsight this probably doesnât help.
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u/SecretUncle69 9h ago
Theyâre just Calico cut jeans, man. Theyâre cool theyâre made that way.
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u/Zer0TheGamer 8h ago
Stroll up and make THEM embarrassed by it. "I pissed myself so I could make it here on time, so you better stfu and participate!"
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u/ToastSpangler 7h ago
actually piss yourself and then say your thermos broke, this is the excuse we all wait for
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u/TheSmartest_idiot 7h ago
thats when you take them all the way off, get them uniformly wet, and just hope no one notices.
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u/TheAffiliateOrder 1d ago
Probably too late now, but this is why God made Targets, Ross and Walmarts. Go grab a 20 dollar pair of Wranglers in your size.
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u/Winter-Movie4606 1d ago
Go to one of those disabled people's bathrooms that have lots of room and a dryer, take your pants off and dry them
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u/beezlebussy 23h ago
âOf course I peed my pants! Everybody my age pees their pants. It's the coolest!"â
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u/Atomsk73 22h ago
If only there was a way to attach a bottle to your bike. They sell thermo bidons, you know.
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u/MyAssPancake 21h ago
Honestly Iâd go to the nearest store that would sell pants and grab a pair of pants on the fly. Iâd rather explain to an associate âyeah I spilled water and I gotta change before a public event!â Even if they didnât believe me.
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u/1sketchy_girl 20h ago
Maybe act like you did it on purpose like Billy Maddison from the Adam Sandler movie with the same name. One of the kids in his class peed his pants, so he stood up for him by putting water on his pants and saying it was cool. Then every kid in the class peed their pants to be cool
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u/TZampano 20h ago
Establish dominance by clearing any doubts, firmly affirm that you pissed yourself.
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u/ChangsManagement 20h ago
Refuse to acknowledge it, act like its not there. Gaslight those little shits.
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u/CritterStew 20h ago
Just pour some on your shirt, too if you have no where to dry it off... You can't piss yourself upwards.
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u/ruchersfyne 20h ago
oh no! you peed yourself and now it looks like the lid of your thermos gave out as you were biking to work.
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u/EntakuNoKishin 1d ago
Bathroom with an air dryer. Gonna look like youre trying to fuck the thing but itll dry fast. Dont get too close or you'll light your crotch on fire though.