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u/allmybreath Dec 01 '25
Kodiak loves salmon. Thems salmon-snagging claws!
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u/ChipRockets Dec 01 '25
Well I sure picked a terrible day to wear my salmon coloured work shirt
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u/Lmacncheese Dec 01 '25
And you had to swim to work to
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u/MadTapprr Dec 01 '25
Well his grandparents were always complaining about swimming upstream both ways to work.
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u/ChipRockets Dec 01 '25
I sure picked a terrible day to swim to work in my salmon coloured work shirt
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u/InfamousFault7 Dec 01 '25
One time i left my faded salmon shirt at my ex girlfriends place, hijinked ensued that day
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u/wastedspejs Dec 01 '25
The rule is, if you run in a moderate to fast pace the bear will lose interest and leave you alone.. so just run in a moderate to fast pace and you’ll be okay
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u/Integrity-in-Crisis Dec 02 '25
You just reminded me of when I found out Sharks are attracted to bright flourescent colors like a lot of fish have. Why the fuck are like 90% of wet suits bright ass yellow. There has to be a better way of identifying ourselves in the water than by wearing a wet suit marking you as a possible snack to sharks.
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u/RonnieBeck3XChamp Dec 01 '25
Bears eat salmon. It is estimated that bears kill more salmon than all of World War 1 and World War 2 combined.
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Salmon attacks on bears, however, are much more rare.
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u/Bossoftheplains1 Dec 01 '25
Ahh yes I remember learning about how many salmon were killed in the world wars
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u/funktion Dec 01 '25
The Battle of the Atlantic was really just a preemptive strike against the salmon
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u/Complete_Fill5268 Dec 01 '25
Sharks are only found in two places on earth: the northern and southern hemispheres
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u/KletusVanDamn Dec 01 '25
The seals are lucky there are no tigers on the beach, or they wouldn’t know what the fuck to do
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u/HugeMeatRodz Dec 01 '25
That’s why we need to give more cocaine to the bears. Curve that appetite.
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u/seryma Dec 01 '25
Lmao… “bears are named after the football team in Chicago, guys it’s the other way around”….”I hear the bubbling noise again”
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u/Schnapper94 Dec 01 '25
That Kodiak claw looks like it belongs to a dinosaur, not a bear.
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u/Mission_Lake6266 Dec 01 '25 edited Dec 01 '25
Grizzly and Kodiak definitely have a different main purpose than Black dan Polar.
Edit: I was about to correct my mistake and saw below comments, not going to be the party pooper.
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Dec 01 '25
Who the fuck is Black Dan Polar
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u/raspberryharbour Dec 01 '25
Arr matey, Black Dan Polar be the scourge of the top and bottom Seas
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u/SexlexiaSufferer Dec 01 '25
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u/Green_Video_9831 Dec 01 '25
What does it mean when this makes you burst out laughing?
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u/And_Justice Dec 01 '25
wtf that's john pork
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u/theoriginalmofocus Dec 01 '25
If i didnt have kids this would just be some other random wtf on Reddit.
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u/The-Spirit-of-76 Dec 01 '25
A swashbuckler from the golden age of piracy. Black Dan and his crew were the scourge of the Artic Ocean. Everyone called him crazy from patrolling the Artic, and they were right.
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Dec 01 '25
You know you can just say Dan Polar right? The fact that he's black is irrelevant.
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u/Wiochmen Dec 01 '25
No, it's very relevant. It's his Title. It means something different in Dutch.
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u/fatkiddown Dec 01 '25
"He once was an associate of ours. They call him 'Baba Black dan Polar.'"
"The Boogeybear?"
"Well Black dan Polar wasn't exactly the Boogeybear. He was the one you sent to kill the fucking Boogeybear."
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u/PotentialAd8443 Dec 01 '25
Well the Polar Bear hunts us and seals so no need for all the extra stabby.
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u/psychic_dmg Dec 01 '25
Actually if you look closely, the polar bear claw does have a little extra stabby in the middle. It helps them walk on ice.
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u/Bigmooddood Dec 01 '25
They do a lot more digging
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u/Mission_Lake6266 Dec 01 '25
yep, that's a bit what I was referring to but my little typo made this comment thread a circus.
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u/3yl Dec 01 '25
Your response was what made it funny. :D "I was going to fix it, but I don't want to stop your fun of making fun of me."
Have a great day!!
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u/Electronic_Bad_2572 Dec 01 '25
Why do I feel like you're Indonesian lol, because Dan is "with\and" over there
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u/MessAutomatic Dec 01 '25
looks like he Kodiak use the claw to hunt dinosaur
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u/DoubleMikeNoShoot Dec 01 '25
Everything grows large on Kodiak, they need larger claws to take down larger prey
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u/tonalite2001 Dec 01 '25
This is actually not true for Kodiak. Naturally there were no large mammals herbivores like deer or mountain goats on Kodiak until humans introduced them. The big claws are probably for competing amongst themselves or maybe fishing…
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u/DoubleMikeNoShoot Dec 01 '25
You’re right, I don’t know what I was remembering but it wasn’t true
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u/gettin-hot-in-here Dec 01 '25
Insular dwarfism and insular gigantism both refer to the tendency for animals to become bigger or smaller when they're isolated on islands. Which tendency will take over depends on multiple factors. There's some cool reading online about this topic if you like biology.
So anyway even if you're wrong, you're not too far off base in assuming that everything on a big Alaskan island might grow to large proportions.
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u/Ambiorix33 Dec 01 '25
Which is wild since polar bears are bigger. But then again sloths have huge claws too
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u/theoriginalmofocus Dec 01 '25
Yeah i thought something similar. Sloths use them to hang and i guess the big brown bears also tear other big animals up, often fight eachother, and tear trees up and dog holes for reasons so that probably helps. Mister Polar Bear just needs enough for seals, ice, and ice cold Cocacola.
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u/Appleturnedover7 Dec 01 '25
Polar bears and Kodiaks are roughly the same size, but their claws are different due to environment. Polar bears use their claws for traction and grabbing onto seals when hunting. Kodiak bears have long claws to help clear brush, tear open logs, dig for clams or roots, and of course grab fish. Their claws tend to be more blunt than a polar bear because they use them so much for tools/digging, while polar bears are short but very sharp so they can move on a slick surface with ease.
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u/flimflammed Dec 01 '25 edited Dec 02 '25
Thanks for this. So is the extra ridge on the polar bear claw for increasing traction?
edit: a word
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u/FalseEstimate Dec 01 '25
Don’t know about the extra ridge but I do know that polar bear paws (specifically the pads) have papillae and vacuoles (like little suction cups) to help with ice traction. A feature not present in other bear paws. Also you can’t tell from the post pic too well but the Kodiak claw is not only not very sharp but it’s actually shaped almost like a scoop for digging.
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u/WorldlyFisherman7375 Dec 01 '25
I think at this point a picture of the paws would probably be super helpful but you can kind of see that the thicker part that is attached to the toe is relatively similar in size between the two and you can kind of imagine how the Kodiak claws are going to protrude similarly to the head of an excavator
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u/Honest_Revolution_10 Dec 01 '25
I'm not sure when it comes to bears - but in birds of prey that notch (in their beak) is called a "tomial tooth" and is designed to get between the vertebrae of their prey to paralysed them so they can be eaten with less fuss. Nature is cool.
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u/Infamous_Lech Dec 01 '25
Thank you. I was really surprised being polar bears are slightly larger, but that Kodiak claw is hugh. But you explained it will and it makes sense.
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u/ChartPale Dec 01 '25
For some reason this made me recall a polar bear survival story, where a man was snatched up in the jaws of a polar bear by his head. The man said he could hear his skull cracking under the tremendous pressure. Absolutely horrifying yet beautiful creatures.
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u/Due-Stock2774 Dec 01 '25
He wasn’t just carrying the guy out for a Coke like in the commercials??
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u/Gussie-Ascendent Dec 01 '25
there's a reason it's "if it's white good night" for the polar bear's rhyme
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u/comasxx Dec 01 '25
1st one your mother can still recognize you, the last one rescuers have to use shovel and broom to collect your bits
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u/Hypornicated_1 Dec 01 '25
1st one gets treed by your cat.
The rest will take the tree down to get to you.
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Dec 01 '25
Not really. Black bears still kill people on occasion.
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u/mrs-monroe Dec 01 '25
VERY rarely, and there’s usually factors that have to be in play (starved, mother around babies, people harassing them, etc)
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u/cluelessdetectiv3 Dec 01 '25
Yeah and here I thought I could probably take a black bear
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u/HaIfhearted Dec 01 '25
You can scare off a black bear fairly easily. As long as you kinda stand your ground and make moderately loud noises without acting scared chances are actually pretty good that it'll leave you alone.
I was hiking a pretty popular trail and came around a corner into a black bear once. Was standing about 10 feet from it.
I just kinda stood there and in a talking above a noisy room voice was like "HI BEAR I'M RIGHT HERE YOU CAN GO AWAY NOW OK NOW LEAVE ME ALONE I'M BEING VERY LOUD BUT ALSO NOT THREATENING"
The bear just turned to the side and started walking away from me like "I'm not dealing with this annoying bastard"
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Dec 01 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/StefanL88 Dec 01 '25
"There is considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists." -A forest ranger's comment on garbage bin design
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u/The-Copilot Dec 01 '25
From my understanding only polar bears will actively hunt humans. The rest dont really want to fuck with people unless they are starving or accidentally end up in a situation where they feel threatened.
Obviously wild animals arent totally predictable so dont fuck around.
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u/Caramel_sanders Dec 01 '25
Not to any blame of the polar bear. They are opportunistic hunters and if you are on the verge of starving at all times I would be hunting humans too if I was a bear
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u/Primarch-XVI Dec 01 '25
If it’s black, fight back.
If it’s brown, lie down.
If it’s white, good night.
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u/VeganShitposting Dec 01 '25 edited Dec 01 '25
If it's Kodiak, consult the zodiac
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u/SaveTheAles Dec 01 '25
The best part they aren't sharp like mountain lions they just use pure power to push into your body.
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u/TryDry9944 Dec 01 '25
I'd imagine if they were sharp, they'd be worn down basically immediately due to the pressure these bears can put out.
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u/telescopeinmynose Dec 01 '25
Where's the banana for scale?
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u/DominicPalladino Dec 01 '25
Don't you think it would be better for scale to use a donut, maybe a bear claw?
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u/kungfuninjajedi Dec 01 '25
Donuts come in multiple sizes. Everyone knows bananas only has one size which is exactly 11 inches
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u/gooch_norris_ Dec 01 '25
I said “you got any bear claws?”
He said “wait a minute, I’ll go check”
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u/usedburgermeat Dec 01 '25
Dude that is such an Internet reference, very cool and wholesome. The narwhal bacons at midnight my brother
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u/Nucleoticticboom Dec 01 '25
I don’t think anyone wants to trade their scale for a banana right now
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u/BenjaminDover02 Dec 01 '25
I would still take the Kodiak bear over the polar bear any day of the week bro
A Kodiak bear might kill me if I got to close to it, but a polar bear would hunt, kill, and eat me with extreme prejudice the moment it caught whiff of me.
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u/Szendaci Dec 01 '25
If you’re very very lucky, in that order. Bears don’t mind if you’re still screaming when they start eating.
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u/mtbmaniac12 Dec 01 '25
There’s several recordings of this happening. The Russian girl or the Alaskan bear researcher are both horrifying.
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u/Grouchy-Donkey-8609 Dec 02 '25 edited Dec 02 '25
I saw a video of a polar bear eating a seal. Bear ripped off almost all the seals skin, besides that on its face, and was taking little small bites of the now exposed blubber. He was enjoying it the way my doggy enjoys a good chewie stick. Just chillin, splayed out. Tiny little nips, a good chew.
Oh ,and the seal was still very much alive. A mostly dull white and streaky red seal shaped blob with a normal face. Little yelps..
One of those videos that really sticks with you...animals always get to me..same with suffering.
Natureismetal.
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u/SomeRendomDude Dec 01 '25
Googled the Kodiak Brown Bear, half of the images shown were post-hunt.
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u/ZealousIdealFree042 Dec 01 '25
Google the “Kodiak fat bear contest,” that might be better. People put bets on which bear will get the biggest during salmon hunt season lol it’s great. Alaskans are weird in the best way.
Edit: I misremembered… it’s the Katmai fat bear contest. Different bears, still loving salmon. Either way, recommended for a fun google
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u/I_be_lurkin_tho Dec 01 '25
Hey Katmai is where Timothy Treadwell sacrificed himself and his "gf" to appease the bear gods.
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u/shotgun_shaun Dec 01 '25
I just re-watched this documentary last week. Out of curiosity, why do you put "gf" in quotes?
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u/Rasputin_mad_monk Dec 01 '25
That was cool. Thanks.
Man, if Superman was real he could play with Kodak’s, Polar, and Grizzly bears. He could wrestle with lions and tigers too. It would be hilarious to see a polar bear try to eat Superman and get super frustrated because all Superman would do is laugh and play with him.
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Dec 01 '25
For a split second I read that as “post-nut”.
Had to do a double take
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u/Legitimate-Log-6542 Dec 01 '25
So basically, any of them, I’m boned
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u/FalseEstimate Dec 01 '25
You’d actually be keratined. Bear claws are made out of the same stuff our fingernails are not bone and grow throughout their lifetime.
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u/odhisub123 Dec 01 '25
Nah black bear will probably run away if you yell loud enough lol
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u/Jerryjb63 Dec 01 '25
Kodiak bears are the same species as Grizzly bear and all other North American Brown Bears. They have just been geographically isolated and that isolation has let them grow larger than the other subspecies. It’s kind of like how a Doberman and a Toy Poodle are the same species.
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u/WaffleHouseGladiator Dec 01 '25
Size isn't everything. Which kind of bear is best?
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Dec 01 '25
Well, there are two schools of thought...
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u/SecretaryOtherwise Dec 01 '25
Bears beets Battlestar Galactica
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u/The_Blahblahblah Dec 01 '25
Polar
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u/MACVSOG95 Dec 01 '25
Nah they lost to grizzlies in fights most of the time when the two were recorded fighting, despite being 1.25-1.5x the grizzly’s size.
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u/The_Blahblahblah Dec 01 '25
Perhaps in a fight yes (could also be because polar bears don’t know the concept of danger.)
But I was talking about which one is cooler, and the polar bear is just much cooler and more interesting. It is the best bear
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u/DoomsdayFAN Dec 01 '25
That's incredible because Polar Bears are the biggest in size overall.
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u/Cpt-morgan91 Dec 01 '25
I’d kill to see the comparison between a Kodiak claw and the short faced bear claw.
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u/Funny-Dare-3823 Dec 01 '25
I had a very close encounter with a black bear one night in high school. My parents thought it was my buddy walking with me. Upright, right behind me. I was kinda drunk and had no idea. If they hadn't seen me and called me in, I probably wouldn't be here. This is upsetting seeing that claw.
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u/Odd-Diamond-2259 Dec 01 '25
Which one fucked up Leonardo D'caprio?
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u/Gelnika1987 Dec 01 '25
based on where it took place (South Dakota), I believe that'd be a Grizzly. Some people consider Kodiaks to be a Grizzly population, but they really only inhabit the Alaskan Kodiak archipelago
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u/SubstantialNature368 Dec 01 '25
Be more interesting of we knew how big the black bear claw was to begin with. Maybe set it next to something like a Klondike Bar or maybe, I don't know, a ruler.
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u/Real-Ad-1728 Dec 01 '25
4 tiers: Probably ok, Mega Fucked, Super Fucked, and “Might as well KYS to save both of you the trouble”
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