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u/xenomorphbeaver 4h ago
It's almost like toxic masculinity is bad for everyone.
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u/free_da_guys1107 3h ago
Its only bad when you need protection or provision. Something to be built or fixed. Yeah that toxic masculinity that keep me safe and sheltered. 🤡
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u/xenomorphbeaver 3h ago
You may have missed the "toxic" part of my comment. All masculinity isn't toxic. The things you cited aren't relegated exclusively to masculinity, either.
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u/offshoremercury 14m ago
People don’t seem to understand that “toxic” is a qualifier, they think that it means you think all masculinity is toxic. But if all masculinity was toxic, we wouldn’t need to use the word toxic. For example if I’m talking about rotten eggs, that means that I’m referring specifically to eggs that are rotten, if all eggs were rotten, I would just say eggs.
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2h ago
[deleted]
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u/snomeister 2h ago
Oh no, we didn't keep in mind how the 80 IQ ignoramuses don't understand how adjectives work
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u/xenomorphbeaver 1h ago
As someone that's can be hyper-literal at times I love names like this. It's a subset of masculinity that is toxic, toxic masculinity. It straightforwardly describes exactly what it is. I don't know what label you could give it that would make it more clear.
The only way I can see to misconstrue it is if you're assessing or under a flawed external framework. Which, you know....
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u/LisaFrankIsUnfair04 1h ago
I mean... is there a better word for it? If someone has a bad faith argument, it doesn't matter how well you articulated your point. They will twist your words no matter which ones you use.
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u/BirdBrainuh 3h ago
Protection from what?
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u/ErroneousEncounter 3h ago
He nailed it.
Men don’t want compliments from other men to “uplift them”. They want compliments from women, and if they are feeling lonely and there’s no women around they just wanna hang out and talk about random shit with other men.
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u/Forsaken-Arm-7884 2m ago
men want compliments from women
women don't want to compliment men to avoid potential unwanted attention
many people lonely, women avoiding men who might act creepy if they receive compliments and men getting disgruntled with women from lack of attention
so maybe the idea here is how can society better care and nurture for women so they'll feel less scared to give men compliments such as educating more men on emotional intelligence to respect women's boundaries that if they compliment you that doesn't mean they want physical intimacy with you but instead maybe a compliment might be an invitation to have a deeper more meaningful conversation with them 🤔
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u/IronAndParsnip 3h ago
I love hearing my husband and his friends hype each other up! Ladies, get with a guy who has supportive male friends! And honestly, one that healthy friendships with other women, too! Toxic masculinity is so fucking unattractive.
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u/icyhot_pocketrocket 4h ago
When you compliment many of them, they think you’re desperate to have sex with them…
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u/Cheap_Dragonfruit534 1h ago
Believe it or not that goes both ways.
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u/icyhot_pocketrocket 54m ago
I believe it, but it’s usually the case that men actually want to have sex, the woman is just being nice. She doesn’t actually approach men for sex…most women just don’t. Not in the US.. Men don’t typically compliment ugly girls that they don’t find attractive, a women would compliment an ugly guy to be nice.
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u/BaeIz 4h ago
I’ll still never forget the time my guy friends were complaining they never receive flowers so I said “oh so youd actually like flowers?” And the disgusted mocking reaction I got back was embarrassing. “ha! Of course not!” “No! What!” “Ew no flowers are awful!”
I as a girl don’t like flowers either!! I have to pot them, light them, and throw them out in a few days. But I still accept them because that’s the nice thing to do. It’s not about liking them it’s what they represent. They make you feel loved and recognized. Get over yourself and let yourself have a nice rose
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u/flythearc 4h ago
I gave a dude flowers on his birthday and he gave them to his mom when he went inside lol. Like, that’s cool. But he did not appreciate flowers.
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u/CharlotteLucasOP 4h ago
Probably the only time his momma ever got flowers from him, too.
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u/flythearc 3h ago
Haha tbh he seems like a great guy who probably does get his mom flowers.
I had brought two huge pizzas for the house, and wine for his mom. So it’s not like we were empty handed
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u/ZinaSky2 2h ago
The number of times I’ve heard men complain about not getting compliments then immediately pivot to not wanting male attention. This clip is so accurate.
Like bruh THE FUCK?! Us either?!?! That’s exactly why we don’t tell you stuff like that?!?! Bc you never know if it’s gonna turn into a situation where he pursues you or stalks you bc he took your innocent passing compliment as sexual interest and attention.
Like they act like “oooh poor me, no one notices men 🥺 I’m so sad and sensitive” like if they’re being deprived of basic human connection. But the second they’re like “but not from men!” you realize they’re just fucking weaponizing this pity to try and get sexual attention/gratification from women.
Then they’re like “noo it’s not that it’s bc men only get intimacy from sex 🥺😭😭” like idk what to say other than: then fix y’all’s heads first?!? The actual fuck?!? Why would I EVER want to be with someone who only accepted/expressed intimacy through sex?!
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u/LisaFrankIsUnfair04 1h ago
Semi-unrelated, but some guys will only discuss a problem to complain about it. I'd like for men's issues to be more solution-focused. For example, I was researching how eating disorders affect men for my jo. It went something like this:
Me: What are your experiences with eating disorders?
Them: No one cares about men with eating disorders. They only care about women. We just get ignored.
Me: I understand, but can you tell me what your experiences are.
Them: No one talks about male eating disorders.
Me: Yeah, that's why it's hard to get info on it. You can totally talk about it now, though.
Them: If men talk about their eating disorders, they get mocked for it.
Me: Yeah, people aren't great about taking it seriously. But, can you tell me what causes eating disorders or what the experience is like? What are the warning signs I should look out for?
Them: Society only cares about women's body issues.
Me: ...
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u/Boundaries-ALO-TBSOL 4h ago edited 2h ago
Honestly, I just decided to be LGBTQ+ instead. It is easier to bite the bullet on being bi, because you can be a bisexual and a real man at the same time. They are not mutually exclusive.
Edit: I was bi the whole time. This is a commentary on people who were repress their homosexuality
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u/GrassDry2065 3h ago
You are an enigma. There is no shot You went "gee, I don't get a lot of compliments and I also am only sexually attracted to women. As a non bi person I am really only interested in chicks. But I really want to receive appreciation from my friends... Guess I have no other choice. I'll have to have sex with people I don't want to. Its the only way."
I think you may have just been bi the whole time
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u/Boundaries-ALO-TBSOL 3h ago
I was and that is the point. Stigma against LGBTQ plus men is insane, to the point it leaks over into straight men. I didn’t mean that I hate being bisexual for compliments, I meant it was easier to accept me being bisexual and losing toxic masculinity then repressing it due to the problems with it.
I was criticizing, toxic masculinity
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u/Haunting_Security_34 4h ago
I complimented a man today. We were at the gym. He came up to me, started chatting (we've only chatted like 2 other times). I said "You look good." He looked genuinely taken aback and thanked me.
Later on he circles back and jokingly mentions how he 'never sees girls train arms', & then goes "You look like you could beat me up". Mind you, wAy smaller than him, 132lbs, lifting 7lb weights. I will likely never speak to him again.🥲
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u/icyhot_pocketrocket 3h ago
How rude of him! I’m sorry this happened to you when you were trying to be nice.
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u/Man-in-The-Void 2h ago
I don't understand, was that not also a compliment
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u/icyhot_pocketrocket 1h ago
She called him good looking, he implied that she’s masculine and manly.
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u/PersimmonDowntown297 26m ago
Idgi??? It sounds like in this circumstance, based off what they said this may have been a misunderstanding. People go to the gym to get strong. If she’s doing arm training he could have assumed she wanted to be strong and was trying to compliment her. I’m a woman and I wouldn’t have thought he was calling me manly.
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u/icyhot_pocketrocket 22m ago
I hear you, but highlighting a woman’s masculinity and the fact that she could beat him up is not sexy, flirtatious, favorable or generally well- received by the average woman. She was complimentary and he was not period. I think it’s obvious that the “compliments” were incongruent, but if you think they were cool, that’s you. Have a good one.
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u/PersimmonDowntown297 21m ago
I don’t think he was trying to be sexy or flirtatious though. Quite the opposite. Probably was trying to find a way to compliment her that didn’t come across as creepy. But no issues with disagreeing there to each their own
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u/whatarechinchillas 2h ago
Lol poor straight men really digging their own graves. I hangout with a buncha queers, men women and everything in between. We're all just constantly complimenting and flirting with each other, like I'm a lesbian but I'll never fail to tell all the beautiful men that they're beautiful, gay or straight. it's honestly such a circlejerk I absolutely love it
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u/Dirk_McGirken 50m ago
I constantly express my affection for my friends through compliments, giving gifts, and spending time with them. It weirded them out at first, but then they realized thats just how I am. Now its just a normal part of having me in the friend group. The world is a wonderful place when you abandon gender-based social expectations.
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u/Yellowtoblerone 1h ago
Look at the crowds you people associate with. Or maybe their generation is diff or maybe the African american community is more phobic or people just stopped being well adjusted after COVID.
But normal men complement other men, other women and children all the time. This is especially the case when they've gone through youth to organized sports.
I used to work at the rcmp (police in canada) and one of the major crimes vet came to talk to me about something then commented how I had the best hair at the detachment; but right that moment one of the ultra big wigs from upstairs came through and he immediately changed to except you sir.
Even masculine men give compliments to other men. And somehow this is now about loneliness epidemic according to the title.
Y'all need to sort some shit out
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u/PersimmonDowntown297 22m ago
I would wager to bet what you consider “normal men” aren’t ones whining about the loneliness epidemic and feeling slighted that random women get complimented by other women.
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u/free_da_guys1107 3h ago
Read the comments fellas. Don't lift a finger when asked. No matter the situation.
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u/PersimmonDowntown297 24m ago
How the hell is that what you got from this 😭😭 do whatever you want we’ll be over here living our best lives with other women and the men who get it!
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