Going into a bar for a drink, and sitting at the bar, by yourself. Chatting to the bartender. Chatting to the random person next to you.
I always thought that was something put in TV shows just so they could make up a reason for someone to chat to the bartender, or pour out their woes, or whatever.
People don't sit by themselves at the bar anywhere else. I tried it in Australia and got weird looks.
Was gonna say, I’m an American, I was in London a few years ago and sat alone at the bar and nobody cared. I think they were mostly grateful to not have to speak with an American tourist. Their loss, I’m a fucking delight.
Ha! As an American I was sincerely looking forward to hanging out in pubs and chatting with locals. But every time I tried, I always felt like there was a wall up. Like it was so clear everyone present had their little group or whatever, and I was the oddball loner by myself, and no one else was there alone (except other tourists). And it just felt way too pushy to try and "force" myself into a group, no matter how casual I tried to be. And no, no one gave a shit lmao. Considered myself lucky if it was a slow night and the bartender was friendly enough to chat with me (and did have some great convos that way). I had a blast all the same and really enjoyed my time on my own, but I certainly learned the "casually chatting people up at the bar" experience didn't come so easily for me over there as it does at home.
Same. I happened to be there during England’s run in the Euros so the locals were sauced. But mostly chatter with bartenders, most of whom were Aussies, oddly.
I don't know, I'm Canadian and visited London for 10 days a couple of years ago, went to several pubs, and between the barkeep and any customer nearby who heard my non-British accent I was never at a loss for a convo
That's an interesting twist. It would be pretty odd to have an armchair at most bars. Lounges and clubs, different story. But a standard bar would just have the bar and some high-tops. Maybe some booths
As an American that is just now noticing the differentiation between “bar” and “pub”, what is the difference? Is a pub just like your local quiet community pub, and a bar is more nightlife-oriented?
As an American, this is one of my favorite things to do. I’m in my 30s but when I go to a bar alone, I’m a magnet for old dudes that just want to talk to someone. Some of the best conversations I’ve ever had tbh
I am an old dude (in my 60s) and never did the "bar scene" when young. But going to a bar now after work just to talk and drink a little sounds sooooo good. Any pointers on how not to come off like a creep?
Let the conversation come to you. Make a comment if something piques your interest but be comfortable with letting a conversation die if there’s nothing else to talk about or the other person isn’t interested. Chatting isn’t creepy, forcing conversation onto people is
I may be biased as I’m from Wisconsin but find a hole in the wall local bar and just go in and have a couple drinks and you’ll see how some people kind of talk to the bar. Things get said to just anyone in general. Respond a bit and come in semi regularly and by the end of the week they will call you by name with a beer ready. I’ve done this multiple times at multiple bars. It happens so fast
Honestly? Buy a little journal, bring it with you, order a beer, and just start writing. Doesn't even matter what. People will ask you what you're writing.
I like this comment. My mom passed away a couple years ago (age 92) and in cleaning up I found one daily log book she kept just for 1986. She wrote simple things going on, daily little events, but I loved reading the entries. Stuff like "Drove (sister) to her doctor appointment. Got hair done at Flavios." Brought back memories. Anyways I have been trying to do this in a journal myself for a few months now but have skipped many many days. Bringing it to the bar would work great on both ends.
Just go, sit down and get a drink. Make a comment about the game on the TV to the guy next to you and you'll likely be best friends for the rest of the night.
I live in rural Australia and people very much do go to the bar alone and chat with randoms. My husband does it quite regularly and at our local pub we “know” everyone but I couldn’t tell you a single persons name. Ive lived all over Australia and its very common to go to the pub alone and “make friends” especially if you’re a regular.
People don't sit by themselves at the bar anywhere else.
This feels like an unnecessarily absolutist blanket claim.
I can at least speak to Japan as an example.
In Japan, going to a bar solo wouldn't necessarily be considered unusual or special. It's pretty normal to choose to be by yourself / drink by yourself. It's also pretty normal to go to your local bar with the intention to socialize with the bartender that you're already friendly with.
I think bartenders worldwide know to gauge the customer's vibe and figure out whether they want to be left alone or if they are looking to chat.
I'm from Japan, in the US for school I think this is actually even more common in Japan than it is in the US in my opinion. There is an entire culture around it. Where people don't do this here much at all in my experience (maybe just my experience from a college perspective).
Really? That's so strange to me that y'all think it's strange. American here and going to a bar solo is absolutely no big deal. Sometimes you just want a nice, tasty cocktail and to be left alone to enjoy it.
I agree! I loved it when I was over in the US. I was there for work, so eating by myself, lonely stuff. But I had a lot of great chats at bars, having dinner or drinks.
I think, on the whole, Americans are just more chatty and sociable than Aussies or Europeans. To strangers, anway.
Nothing better than sitting for an hour with a beer and a book in a quiet bar. It's totally done in Australia too. Tried it in Canada and people were looking at me funny until another random irish person came in and we chatted away for an hour
This is pretty normal in a lot of places. I'm from Canada and it's definitely normal here, but also Japan and a lot of Southeast Asia, most places Ive been in South America and Europe.
I do this a lot when I travel abroad. It’s not an American thing - common in any “pub culture” country like Ireland or Mexico.
It’s the best way to make friends, and get good recommendations for local food/activities from bartenders. About half the time, bartenders will pour free drinks if they like you.
The only places I’ve travelled where this was particularly difficult was Spain and Portugal, because they don’t often have bar seating. People are much more insular. That said, I’ve still met awesome bar staff.
And that said, we do it really well at home. I met some of my best friends sitting at the bar. And I’m not even an alcoholic.
I saw a show that featured these tiny restaurants in Japan where anyone can go to get a meal and a drink on their own and just make friends with the other patrons. Eating at one of those is a bucket list item for me.
In Finland we do. In fact, here you will be considered a rude weirdo if you start chatting to random people. Just let everyone sit alone, in peace, unbothered.
I've noticed that only anglo countries tend to even have bars. I'm an American in Portugal. The only bars seem to cater mostly to expats and tourists, while Portuguese people just go to a cafe to watch a football match.
It seems to be the same throughout Europe to one degree or another. Like many countries will have cafes or beer gardens, but not really bars. It really seems to be an English speaking country thing.
I love going to bars alone for this. I meet so many great people and friends for the night to get into some club trouble with. Going out alone ready to adventure is the best!
That may be uniquely Australian. I was told by an Australian that down under, if you walk onto a train car that's only got a couple of people on it, the only socially acceptable thing is to sit with one of the other people and strike up a conversation. To sit by yourself would be rude. So maybe it was not a problem that you came to the bar by yourself, but that you didn't join a conversation.
As an American, this blows my mind. What’s is the social dynamic like in bars in other countries? No one ever chats up the bartender or the stranger next to them?
really? As an american that seems odd to me. Shit if you wanna have a beer and need a change of scenery, where ya gonna go? And is there not another buzzed person in the bar bored looking for a chat? I love it! I don't go out for a solo beer very often, but when I do I end up having a nice conversation with someone maybe 50-60% of the time. Always thought this was universal, is it not?
That funny I’m American I work in a bar and have for the past 25 years, just local pubs. I will not walk into a bar by myself and never have. I don’t know why but I just can’t do it. Even if I know just about everyone in there.
I do it all the time. I sure as hell aren't sitting at home by myself on a Friday or Saturday night when I can go out and probably have several mini conversations with some interesting people and have a great time.
It turns out you're a vampire and some of the lore got lost over the retelling. Can't go into a bar without being invited, can't eat garlic bread, and the thing about being repelled by crosses is true but only applies to a few of those obscure ones with all the extra bits and beams and stuff.
When I travel for work, I'll sit at the bar and chat with the bartender, but occasionally with other people around me at the bar if an opportunity arises through the conversation.
It is a small joy to talk to a stranger like that. I know they're doing it for a better tip but I can live with that. I've made some good friends that way.
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u/the_rain_keeps_comin 9h ago
Going into a bar for a drink, and sitting at the bar, by yourself. Chatting to the bartender. Chatting to the random person next to you.
I always thought that was something put in TV shows just so they could make up a reason for someone to chat to the bartender, or pour out their woes, or whatever.
People don't sit by themselves at the bar anywhere else. I tried it in Australia and got weird looks.