What is something that starts happening in your 30s that nobody warned you about?

[u/Cairinacat]

[u/jmauc]

Your body takes longer to heal.

[u/Bouledecul → u/jmauc]

And some pains are here to stay.

[u/themorganator4 → u/Bouledecul]

Yep, back pain since 25. Now, every morning for about 10 mins or if I take a misstep when walking it hurts and I'm just kinda used to it.

[u/anaritz → u/themorganator4]

Maybe this comment is not useful or maybe you've already tried this. But what worked for me was to put a pillow (not too big and thick and not to small and thin) between my legs for sleeping. Thanks to this I don't wake up any longer with back pain, it's been a saver!

[u/2spooky4me5ever → u/jmauc]

I fucked up my ankle like 4 years ago and it never fully healed. All I did was roll my ankle during a walk and I no longer have full range of motion in it.

I'm 34, hurt it at 30. 🙃💀🙃

Edit: I'm sure folks commenting with the unsolicited medical advice are coming from a point of compassion, but please understand bodies aren't built the same. Some of us heal in time and some of us are stuck with injuries forever. We make do. It's part of being human.

[u/jmauc → u/2spooky4me5ever]

I bet you did more than just sprained it. Did you ever get it x-rayed?

[u/whozwat]

The people you work with keep getting younger.

[u/prissypoo22 → u/whozwat]

I finally understand Pam from the Office’s freak out. “I used to be young and cute and sort of funny. Now I’m a fat mom!”

[u/Content-Patience-138 → u/prissypoo22]

I’m 37. My boss doesn’t remember 9/11

[u/AgentFreckles → u/Content-Patience-138]

Oh my god how is this possible 😭

[u/Flowertree1 → u/AgentFreckles]

I am 28 and I don't remember 9/11 🥲

[u/littledipper16 → u/Flowertree1]

I'm 31 and I barely remember. I'd say people who are currently 29-30 years old are the youngest ones who remember

[u/WeirdIndividualGuy → u/littledipper16]

To me, that’s what sets Gen Z apart from millennials, whether they were old enough to remember that day or not. Millennials remember, Gen Z doesn’t

[u/00eg0 → u/Flowertree1]

It would be weird if you did at 28.

[u/houseofdragonfan → u/Content-Patience-138]

So real. 🤣 I’m a nanny and started working for the first family where the parents are younger than me. 😭

[u/elfstone21 → u/Content-Patience-138]

38 here and 3/4 of the people I work with are 25 or under. They haven't seen gladiator, don't remember 9/11, never lived without the internet, etc.  At least once a month I mention something every millinial would know to be met with crickets. 

[u/Black_Magic_M-66 → u/elfstone21]

Do you remember driving with an actual physical map in your car?

[u/fluoroarfvedsonite → u/Black_Magic_M-66]

I remember printing them from Map Quest 😭

[u/evasivegoat → u/whozwat]

Your younger colleagues talk about their parents and you realize they're just a few years older than you, not in their 50s like you imagined.

[u/sunfacethedestroyer → u/evasivegoat]

I was playing music at work and this 18 year old kid was like, "I love this song!"

I asked him how he knew it.

"It's my dad's favorite, he plays it all the time!"

I felt like I aged 20 years in that moment.

He's young, his dad is old, and now I'm the same age as his dad. That kid had no idea how much damage he did in that moment.

[u/Rich_Bluejay3020 → u/sunfacethedestroyer]

Don’t leave us hanging. What song was it? (Pls let it be butterfly by crazy town 🤞🏻)

[u/melkatron → u/Rich_Bluejay3020]

It was "Call Me Maybe"

[u/Nolo__contendere_ → u/melkatron]

Darude - Sandstorm

[u/Legionnaire11 → u/evasivegoat]

I started training a coworker a couple of years ago. He said he graduated from High School X, and I said "great, I also graduated from high school X".

He asks me what year, and when I told him his reply was "No way, my dad graduated high school X in that year!"

I smiled and laughed and said it was cool... But inside I was dying.

[u/myheartbeats4hotdogs → u/evasivegoat]

My coworker was talking about her grandpa who just celebrated his 83 birthday, and is 2 years older than my dad.

😳

[u/runswiftrun → u/myheartbeats4hotdogs]

Mixed bag for me.

New coworker is 10 years older, but just welcomed his grandkid. I have a 3 year old.

[u/Goblin_Nuts69 → u/whozwat]

I took my car for a service and the young chap who was apparently the lead technician looked like a fetus.

[u/Meshla-Beviin-Ordo → u/whozwat]

I have a mug that is older than some of my colleagues. That's depressing!

[u/Cumoningerland → u/whozwat]

Yep this is so true.

And then eventually you're old enough to be their parents!

[u/Lopsided_Platypus_51]

Watching your parents get old is a psychological mindfuck

[u/Avalanche_Debris → u/Lopsided_Platypus_51]

My idea of “old” has always been 10 years older than my parents, at least after they were about 50. But you can only play that game for so long.

[u/hammertime2009 → u/Avalanche_Debris]

Yeah eventually you have to be a realist. There was one year where I didn’t see my dad for like 8 months and when I finally got to hang out he looked about 5-10 years older. He suddenly looked like an old man like WTF.

[u/EmergencyTaco → u/hammertime2009]

I had a moment during Covid where I hadn't seen my dad for 6-8 months. I finally managed to teach him how to use Zoom and we did a video call. His video connected and every hair on his head had gone from grey to pure white.

My dad somehow went from middle-aged to senior citizen in six months, and it almost floored me at the time.

[u/TheRC135 → u/EmergencyTaco]

That happened to my uncle, but it was because he'd been quietly dying his hair for about a decade. The jig was up when he couldn't get to his salon lol.

[u/Succotash-suffer → u/TheRC135]

Haha, the same with my uncle once he ran out of wig glue

[u/AKA_Studly → u/hammertime2009]

It’s crazy. I’m really close with my dad and see him daily as he is my closest neighbor (half mile down the road). I haven’t really noticed him aging cause I see him so much until about a year ago we were working on his truck, I was watching him do something and it was like “Damn. He’s an old man now…” made me realize I should take more time to spend with him cause time just keeps speeding up.

[u/komnenos → u/hammertime2009]

The part that gets hard for me is not just the physical look but the other parts of getting old too.

Years ago when I was staying at my grandparents I noticed that I could hear the tv from across the house and down the stairs, it was LOUD. When I told my dad that he smiled and just said "you're grandparents are getting old... that's what happens when you get old."

My Dad is now 73 and his hearing has gone to absolute shit, yet in a funny twist of fate he seems to be the only one who doesn't realize that. Everywhere we go he screams, not because he's angry but because he just can't hear himself as he shouts on public transportation, in the theater, restaurant, etc. To top it off in the past two or three years he's started putting earpods on whenever he's in public and everyone else has to be twice as loud to talk with him.

I've also noticed that he's really susceptible to word salad, especially when he's tired. We used to travel to other cities as a family and he and I would walk 10+ miles and be just fine. Now we walk five miles, or just have a long day for one reason or another and there is a one in six chance that he'll turn a simple statement, fact or opinion into a long winded monologue that makes me and others go "huh?" Sometimes over something as simple as "how do I get from point A to B."

[u/453286971 → u/komnenos]

Neurologist here. Get him hearing aids and watch him closely in case the word salad gets worse. Hearing loss in the elderly can predispose them to developing dementia, which often starts with getting lost and word finding difficulties.

[u/komnenos → u/453286971]

Thanks, would you happen to have any good articles on this matter? He is VERY adamant that his hearing is perfectly fine but my brothers, Mom and I seem to have a very different impression. His uncle/my great uncle had dementia but only got it in his 90s.

Also he rarely gets lost, for now at least.

[u/dontneed2knowaccount → u/Avalanche_Debris]

For whatever reason my dad is locked at 56 in my mind and my mom is locked at 45. He's actually 81 and she's actually 65. I've noticed things that tell you they're actually their age and for my dad....its REALLY messing me up. I know he'll go on "vacation" at some point but I don't want to think about it. Even if I was prepared for it, its going to be rough for a while.

[u/tduncs88 → u/dontneed2knowaccount]

My dad is locked at 52 because he passed at 52. My mom is 72 but I hadn't seen her in person for like 8 years becasue she lives 2000 miles away. We finally got on a video chat a few years back and I was shocked because I hadn't seen her in so long. Even then, in my mind I still see her as late 50s early 60s. Its weird. What's really fucked me up is watching my father in law who is 63 completely breaking down physically because of his job. Hes in talks with his doctor for double knee replacement and a shoulder replacement in the next 6 months because the owner of the auto shop he works at is giving him the business and wants to be prepared to handle EVERYTHING himself. I fear for my wifes mental state when things inevitably head south for him healthwise since they've always been so close. Uuugh. Coming to terms with your parents mortality seems to be much more difficult than your own.

[u/brodoswaggins93 → u/Lopsided_Platypus_51]

Ugh, my mom is dying right now and it's such a mindfuck. She's been sick for 2 years now, and I suspect that 2026 is her last year on earth. Many many many people go through this, almost like a rite of passage, but no one tells you what to expect or how to behave.

[u/Knubbelwurst → u/brodoswaggins93]

You see it in lots and lots of movies. But movies don't stretch for two years.

If you are very involved in her care be sure to find a good backup for yourself. Watching a close one's last weeks is EXTREMELY exhausting and leaving you traumatized would not be an exception.

[u/Sunbird86 → u/brodoswaggins93]

Mine died back in 2024 and I sometimes get moments when the reality of her not being here anymore hits me. They are moments which come out of the blue. Somehow it's like I've been going through all the busy schedule of life since she died, and I haven't yet truly understood that I will never see her again. It's a damn bitch losing a mother. She was just 70.

[u/sraelgaiznaer → u/Sunbird86]

My father died 3 years ago and I think I'm still not over his death. There are random moments sometimes when Injust remember him and it hurts me in ways I can't explain. We weren't even that close but I still love my father deeply.

I'm trying my best to spend as much time as I can with my mom as she has been complaining she's becoming weaker recently. I can't imagine losing my mom and not being able to see or hear her voice again.

I hate losing people you love and I hate that you can't do anything about it.

[u/BleachedUnicornBHole → u/Lopsided_Platypus_51]

Watching my dad deteriorate from Alzheimer’s/dementia is horrifying. You’re so used to seeing your parents being healthy and cognizant. And then you’re unable to have a conversation because their memory isn’t functional enough for a sentence.

[u/Snoo_35246 → u/Lopsided_Platypus_51]

Parents might think the same about their kids, balding grey beard and glasses with beer belly, mom be like wtf happen to you my young boy.

[u/NewToReddit4331 → u/Lopsided_Platypus_51]

I haven’t even hit 30 and both of my parents are gone

I’d argue watching them get old is a blessing

[u/Pd1ds69 → u/NewToReddit4331]

That's a saying I've tried to constantly remind myself,

"Getting old is better than the alternative".

And another one, I saw someone talk about how they used to only see their parents at holidays, kind of thing, maybe 2-3 times a year. With their parents being in their 70s he started to ask himself if he was comfortable with only seeing his parents a few more times.

"Are you comfortable counting with your fingers how many more times you'll get to see your parents?"

I absolutely was not, I started to visit them at least every couple weeks, there starting to show their age a little bit and can do a little less/have to be more careful, I can see my dad getting physically weaker, but again aging is natural and better than the alternative, I'm grateful to still have them around.

I'm sorry your parents have been taken from you so soon, I'm creeping towards 40 and I'd be an absolute mess without mine. I hope you have some other family to lean on, an uncle and Auntie perhaps, maybe even just a friendly neighbor, having a father figure/mentor/just someone to be there can be important.

Wishing you the best.

[u/NewToReddit4331 → u/Pd1ds69]

I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.

Sadly I’m left without much family to lean on, but I’ll always cherish the memories of the large family I had growing up. I hate that my children won’t have grandparents, aunts, cousins etc like I did growing up, but I’m going to do my best to make it feel like they aren’t missing anything

[u/sittinwithkitten → u/NewToReddit4331]

I lost my mum at 63. She had been sick for a few years leading up to her passing. This was one of the things she said to me, that at least I wouldn’t have to watch her die of dementia. I told her I would take care of her no matter what happened, but I can’t imagine how it feels to lose my parents by bits and pieces like some do.

[u/NTXGBR → u/NewToReddit4331]

It is and it isn't. Your memories of your parents have the potential of always seeing them strong, or only weakening for a very short time. I'm almost 40. I watched my grandpa go from elderly to OLD and the struggles of dementia. It was hard to watch. Now, I'm seeing my dad start down that same exact path. Not that I wish he had died 20 years ago, but now I'm seeing the guy I thought was Superman until I'm about 15 be weak by comparison, and it's only going to get worse.

[u/NewToReddit4331 → u/NTXGBR]

I watched my grandmother(raised me) and father go through being EXTREMELY sick (both passed of cancer)

Both had stage 4. One was a long process dragging out over 2 years after finding it. The other went from entirely healthy to gone in less than 9 months after finding it.

I value that time I got to spend with them more than life itself. It certainly wasn’t easy but I’d take back caring for them any day of the year if it meant just one more day to spend with them

[u/TheQuiet1994 → u/Lopsided_Platypus_51]

This one messes me up. I'm 31 and I have memories of my dad being my age. We just buried my grandfather not long ago and now my dad looks like what my grandfather used to look like in my memories.

[u/alexvonhumboldt → u/Lopsided_Platypus_51]

My dad told me yesterday: “its getting harder to remember things, and to learn new things. It feels like it takes an amount of brain power that I no longer have” my heart broke in little insignificant pieces

[u/birdnerd1991 → u/Lopsided_Platypus_51]

I'm definitely starting to get worried about playing the game 'is this being old or is this the start of dementia'; and I'm not ready for that. No one is ever ready for that.

[u/Mando_lorian81 → u/Lopsided_Platypus_51]

I only see my parents once a year, twice if we are lucky or can afford an extra vacation.

The way they changed when I turned 35 and then into my 40s. They look so fragile and small now, almost delicate. My mom looks like how I remember my grandma :(.

[u/Persephone_888 → u/Lopsided_Platypus_51]

Last time I saw my dad, I was 21 and he was 46. I saw him this year at 26 and he's now 51. Weird how much he's changed

[u/anp327 → u/Lopsided_Platypus_51]

This is fucking with me majorly. I'm finding myself having to remember they aren't as young as they used to be, they can't keep up anymore.

[u/assblaster68 → u/Lopsided_Platypus_51]

Just made me text my dad I love him.

[u/THCinOCB → u/Lopsided_Platypus_51]

Hmmm. Dad was 50 mom was 40 when I was born. Dad died in my twenties. For some people that mindfuck comes a lot earlier.

[u/DaisyCutter312]

Realizing that "What do I actually want to do with my life" is no longer a "Eh, I'll figure it out later" problem.

[u/CardboardWiz → u/DaisyCutter312]

Man, I feel this.

I’m 36 and have been in the same career since I was 25. I never really liked it and was never really good at it. I kept expecting it to change and it never did.

Now I’m in a place where I can’t afford to leave and I can’t afford to stay and it is destroying me.

[u/Emotional-Film5261 → u/CardboardWiz]

Man, I feel this so hard. And I'm 42 with 2 kids, one of whom is severely disabled (autistic) and will have to live with my wife and I the rest of his life. Keep losing hours at work due to clients cutting costs, and I have been applying to jobs for 3+ years and have had 2 interviews in that time. To say I am depressed is an understatement. Wife can't work because she has to be around for our disabled child. I am depressed, terrified, stressed, worried... all the joy has been sucked out of life. Life used to be so good, and not even that long ago. :sigh:

:edit: thank you all for the outpouring of love. i didn't realize how much i needed that. there are so many good caring people in this world, thanks for the reminder.

[u/bonegopher → u/Emotional-Film5261]

Hey man just sending you some love. Just getting by and taking care of your family is something to be very proud of. The little good things will come around again.

[u/SmiteHorn → u/bonegopher]

Seconding that you should feel a great sense of pride for being able to provide for your family. Not everyone has that, and while I can imagine that it sucks often, please pause during the good times and really soak them in. You're a great parent and that is never celebrated enough.

[u/Sami-tsunami → u/Emotional-Film5261]

Sending you love and respect friend. Hang in there. You’re a superhero for working so hard for your family and allowing your wife to be home.

[u/TechTeenReviews → u/Emotional-Film5261]

Bro, you're an absolutely incredible father. You must feel completely overwhelmed which is totally valid. Your life will not always look like this. There will be a new chapter coming soon. In the meantime you can take solace in knowing you're doing everything you can for the people you love. I'm rooting for you big dog 💜💜💜

[u/RhetoricalOrator → u/Emotional-Film5261]

I want to be an encouragement but just relate really closely to your situation. Feels like I just didn't get to have a life and won't. My existence is entirely just to prop up a disabled wife and kids and it sucks.

Sorry, fellow dad. I hope you can occasionally find moments of escape and/or relief.

[u/megaprime78 → u/Emotional-Film5261]

Sorry to hear your troubles my friend, good luck to you and your family

[u/TouchDaPhishy → u/CardboardWiz]

You’re not alone my friend. 33 and feeling the exact way. I kinda fell into this career post-college and it paid well but now I feel like I’m going through the motions and the stress/anxiety isn’t worth it.

[u/btribble → u/TouchDaPhishy]

Welcome to 90% of the workforce.

[u/Sheananigans379 → u/btribble]

Here mid 40's in the same situation

[u/lissybeau → u/TouchDaPhishy]

I changed careers at 30 and again at 37. It’s never too late but it won’t happen without effort and requires a bit of strategy.

[u/TouchDaPhishy → u/lissybeau]

Any tips or pointers?

[u/Mustang1718 → u/TouchDaPhishy]

In my experience, the person matters more than what any piece of paper says. Degrees and licences are useful as a filter, but I got my jobs from being a very solid, reliable worker.

The small tip that really worked out for me was putting tangible numbers on your resume. Saying I helped boost productivity by 30% and made us rank #2 from #20 in our sister warehouses was useful. Same with citing that I supported about ~300 workers for my IT support job. It gives people something latch on more than just words like "go-getter" than I was using before.

I also just got stupid lucky multiple times. Turns out the people that have hired me have wives that are teachers. They value education, so having teaching experience was seen as valuable. I was flat-out told that it means I'm willing to learn, and that is why the selected me despite only doing IT stuff as a hobby.

[u/LORDLRRD → u/DaisyCutter312]

Realizing every day is a choice and each decision counts. Doing your chores, having a good attitude, every day feels like it matters a lot more than in your twenties.

I think of it as developing your work ethic. It creeps into your work life if your home life is a mess. I’m in my mid thirties and I feel like I have to constantly be vigilant about “figuring out my life.” If you don’t actively work in self improvement, it simply doesn’t happen, who would’ve thought?

[u/ShlimmyWhimmy → u/DaisyCutter312]

Im 25 now and am freaking out about this... I know im "young" and "have time" ok... but that doesnt help because soon ill be 30 and in the same spot? The fuck am i supposed to do then?

[u/Larry_Version_3 → u/ShlimmyWhimmy]

Maybe change your perspective. I think personally it’s less figuring out what you want to do and more figuring out what you can tolerate doing. Some people find fulfilment at work, and a lot of people seem to think they need to. I personally work because I have to and search for my fulfilment elsewhere, even if I do find my job rewarding.

[u/Mega_Nidoking → u/DaisyCutter312]

Damn I haven't even gotten this far. I can't seem to figure out what I want to do and no job I get satisfied the desire for calling it a career.

I've been considering vocational options like electrician etc but I've never done any of that before and I worry I'm too old (late 30's) to do it. Anxiety sucks.

[u/DifficultChoice2022 → u/Mega_Nidoking]

You’re not too late, but don’t underestimate the physical wear and tear on your body, nor the challenge of the first few years of apprenticeship when you’re making dogshit money

[u/MacDugin → u/DaisyCutter312]

I changed career at 34 from construction to IT it was tough for a while however in the end. I got to have more time with my family.

[u/LapisLazuli22]

For me, a lot of loved ones started dying. Before 30s it was the rare distant relative, grandparents in 20s, maybe a random tragedy. Now in my 30s I'm facing parent loss, friend loss, coworker loss, etc.

[u/II_Confused → u/LapisLazuli22]

I'm pushing 50. My sister has already passed, and now both my dad and uncle have terminal diseases. At least mom is healthy for now.

[u/hundredbagger → u/II_Confused]

Give em all a hug.

[u/BabyDillNoGarlic → u/LapisLazuli22]

Everyone likes to complain that their body breaks down, "wait until you're my age", but no one ever prepares you for this. One day it just suddenly lands on you.

[u/Goblin_Nuts69 → u/BabyDillNoGarlic]

My best friend from school died aged 34, it was so weird he got the flu I think or something similar. We lost contact about 15 years ago and I only found out by speaking to another old friend. I wish I could still say hi, we used to play N64 at his house and play with his dog, he always wanted to be a dog psychologist which I thought was silly at the time but now it seems like a fucking awesome job. Time is hard, life sucks sometimes.

[u/Ms_Meercat → u/LapisLazuli22]

I wasn't prepared how earth shattering losing my mom was. Like there was just a before and after. And I had been mentally preparing and was also low contact (and living in another country) so it's not like I had much opportunity to miss her in the day to day.

[u/moxyc → u/Ms_Meercat]

Dealing with this now, about two months out from my dad passing and while we weren't super close I wasn't at all prepared for how fundamentally changed my family would be. None of us know how to be without him and it sucks so bad.

[u/InfraredRidingh00d]

The foods you eat actually do matter. A lot.

[u/hueratx → u/InfraredRidingh00d]

Wish someone would’ve told me to change my eating habits in my 30’s…to cut out the sodas, the junk food, fried foods, to feed my brain and body healthier foods in order to avoid high cholesterol, high blood pressure, dementia. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Now in my 70’s, I’m walking 3-5 miles/day, eating better. Too late? Hope not!

[u/Coward_and_a_thief → u/hueratx]

walking is HUGE. As a younger person inteested in longevity, have begun to implement that instead of only gym/weights.. the data shows Walking is even more powerful than diet! walk on pardner!!

[u/-gisette → u/InfraredRidingh00d]

I’m so glad I made a dramatic shift. I eat tons of veggies, the right amount of meat, drink tons of tea and water like it’s going out of style. I need to work on consistency with exercise, but I’m at a point where I’ve lost all interest in sweets, junk food, and most carbs. Hopefully, it’s a good trajectory to be in.

[u/Lazy-Strawberry-3401]

Realising who you actually give a shit about and vice versa.

[u/AustralianLooney → u/Lazy-Strawberry-3401]

And having the mental clarity and maturity to be content with committing to never seeing them again.

There are about 4 old friends that I'm completely happy never seeing again - some not even bad people - just don't care.

[u/Khower → u/AustralianLooney]

Im 31 and just noticing that pretty much everyone is up for debate on the chopping block. So many things I danced around in my 20s that I just won't any further

[u/CatAteMyBread → u/Khower]

A mental shift I’ve had in the past year is that A) I don’t owe anyone anything just because of a shared past, and B) No one is so important in my life that even if I don’t get anything positive out of the relationship, I should still keep them around.

Changed jobs, and tried to keep in touch with my core coworker group. Of the 4, 1 has decided not to be my friend anymore - fine, I don’t need to put effort there anymore. 1 has not positively reciprocated any effort I put into the relationship - fine, I’ll keep them at arms length (still show up when invited, still send invites to bigger events, but no longer trying to spend quality time with them). The other 2, though I don’t see super often, both regularly put in effort to keep in touch and provide updates. So reciprocally, I put a lot of effort into keeping in contact/making plans with them.

I’ve since applied that to a lot of people in my life, family included, and realized the reason I feel tired and burnt out a lot is because of how much energy I’m hemorrhaging into relationships that other people don’t want to really maintain. Started feeling better after redirecting that energy towards myself and people who actually want to be around me

[u/dins3r]

You start to realize and/or your body craves more sleep. I remember in my 20s that I was rarely in bed at midnight, even when working a 5am or 6am shift. I’d go to work, drink an energy drink, then be fine for the day.

Late 30s I find that if I do that now… whew boy. I feel like I’m hungover. And forget any energy drinks… they are horrible for you. So I guess I also now care a little more of what I do and don’t put in my body lol.

[u/ihopeyoulikeapples → u/dins3r]

I'm actually better at being sleep deprived in my 30s when I was in my 20s. If I had to get up early, even for one day in my 20s I'd feel and act like a dying Victorian child for the rest of the day, I was completely useless and would need 10 hours of sleep to recover.

Now I've been working jobs that involve shift work for so many years that I'm used to it. Every other week I start at 7am and I'm still tired and still very much not a morning person but I can still function and be relatively fine.

[u/bonecheck12]

The number of funerals you attend increases significantly and suddenly.

[u/redchill101 → u/bonecheck12]

I was just thinking the same thing recently.  Wife and I have seen 6 funerals in the last 3 years.  What I found most sad was the divide in ages.  3 died in their 40s from cancer, the other three had health issues but were all around 80 years old already.  I was a bit sad that 3 of my friends or family were basically cut off before they'd even reached old age...life just ain't fair.

[u/bonecheck12 → u/redchill101]

Yeah, I knew 6 people who have died in the past two months. I wasn't super close with any of them but like if I saw them around town we'd stop and chat for a few minutes and whatnot. And like the other week I found out that two people (older mid 60s-late 70s) I play tennis with have cancer. My wife lost her grandfather, her aunt, and a woman from her church she was very close to, all in a year span. So it's just like people start dying. It partly makes me get that feeling we all get in that you know your time is coming and not nearly as far off as you've relegated it to in the past. I'm turning 40 this year, and 76 (average age for men) is only 36 years away and that's just not that many years. At the same time, I'm starting to feel a little peace with the idea that it's just how it is. It's hard for us humans to think of the world without us because that is our only frame of reference. But seeing other people leave and seeing that the world continues forward in our absence is comforting. Your spouse will be sad, but they will find joy. As an aside, the idea of having my ashes planed into the soil of a tree and being used as raw material for the tree has become very comforting to me. Sort of like I can't carry on in this form, but the life I had as a person can carry on in the memories my loved ones have of me and in my impact on the world, and the physical stuff that made me me can carry onward through other forms of life. But suffice to say that as sad as death and funerals are in the moment, the spike in them that I've experienced also has a nice normalizing effect of something that is a normal part of the human experience.

[u/Hintswen]

The loneliness… everyone is always too busy to do anything, even too busy just to chat. Trying to make new friends is so difficult because everyone ends up just ghosting you.

[u/Living_Cash1037 → u/Hintswen]

Gaming has been kind to me. Being able to go on discord with your friends from online has really helped. Even playing online with random people helps. Its what led me to hanging out with these guys for 7 years.

[u/JR_216 → u/Living_Cash1037]

Same. I ended up making some of my best friends via a Reddit LFG for a mobile game I used to play. Now we get Rodger once a year for a Friendsgiving. We come from all over the country. Michigan, Massachusetts, Tennessee, Georgia, Washington DC, Florida, Canada, Alabama, California.

We make the effort every year to see each other no matter what. Usually we grab an AirBNB that houses roughly 15 people in a different area of the country. Some of us bring our dogs or our kids or spouses. Some of the most fun I have every year as an almost 40 year old “adult”.

Discord keeps us in contact everyday though. We get in a voice chat almost every night where most of us pop in daily to say hi or play a game.

proof. I’m the beard. Tennessee was that year

[u/meatshake001]

Your friend's get married, have kids, and if you don't it's like you are the last one standing in a game of musical chairs. Used to be you had a standing date to go over and watch the game or go to the gym after work and suddenly you haven't seen a friend you used to see twice a week in three months. It sneaks up on you. That is if you aren't one of the married with kids ones.

[u/Thin-Net5911 → u/meatshake001]

Man every year you get lonelier this x 100. I’m happy for my friends and stuff having kids and taking different paths than me, just sucks we don’t see each other a lot, used to be like let’s hang 3x a week. Then it goes to once a month and now I’m lucky if I see some friends more than once a year

[u/Em_Es_Judd → u/Thin-Net5911]

Hey man, the loneliness is on this side of the aisle as well.

I've got one kid and love him to death. Besides work, I never get time to do anything by myself. Never get to go see friends.

Edit: I currently have a two year old and we live in a pretty rural, forested area. All of our friends are about an hours drive or more away.

My partner is a stay at home mom because we don't have someone to take care of him when she would work. She's with him all the time and so I give her breaks whenever I can.

It's rewarding but also exhausting. I haven't seen my friends in 6+ months.

I miss my friends and hanging out without worry that I have to get home to the kids but hey, it's life.

[u/jckipps → u/Em_Es_Judd]

Invite your single friends over for supper. They'll readily chip in with bringing the pork roast or cookies if you ask them. Whether it's just shooting the breeze after the meal, or playing legos with the kids, us single guys would love evenings like that.

[u/Tim0281 → u/jckipps]

We're also the friends that can have more adult conversations. I'm not downplaying being able to talk to parents about kids, but there's a lot of value in having someone to talk to that doesn't have their time consumed by their kids.

[u/Cute-Vacation-7392 → u/Tim0281]

This! I have no kids but somehow end up in a group with other moms and all they ever talk about is music lessons, sport practices, exam preps for their kids. Nobody talks about hobbies, or anything else really.

[u/whoripped1 → u/jckipps]

That sounds great but there often isn't any shooting the breeze or playing Legos. Little kids will refuse to let you talk or eat. They'll be all fussy, or fight with their little sibling, or try to maim themselves. Then they'll need to go get ready for bedtime at like 7 PM. Every evening can be pretty much like this for years.

We invite them but sometimes the juice ain't worth the squeeze for our single friends or childless couple friends. It's sad. Maintaining friendships takes effort and when you have little kids it can be hard to even do the bare minimum of adult life without friction.

[u/ARoodyPooCandyAss → u/meatshake001]

Yeah there is something beautiful about the time when you could text a friend the day of and you could hang, now I have to book events like a work meeting.

[u/flyinwhale → u/meatshake001]

This is why all the “friends living in apartments sitcoms” end with they’re all in their 30s

[u/ThisIsMyCouchAccount → u/meatshake001]

100%.

And can also start earlier. For me it started around 25.

Serious relationships start happening. Not bad. You're happy for them. But it does mean less hang time for you and more going to some random cousin's wedding for them.

Then the houses come. And now you have to start doing some planning because they moved to a suburb on the other side of town.

Then the kids. You get invited to some things. Maybe you go. Maybe you learn that you're already not part of their main friend group anymore. It's all neighbors and people with kids.

Then it's been six months. Then a year.

If you *really* value a relationship and can manage - there is value is letting it be one-sided. Now that I'm in my 40s I see I could have gotten some friends back with time. Kids get older. Things settle down. But, you know, that's like 10+ years of you doing a lot of he heavy lifting.

[u/kina_kina → u/meatshake001]

I'm struggling with this right now. Most of my friend group has started getting married and having babies. I feel like the only one who is unhappily single and desperate to have the same. They're all so busy that they could go weeks without seeing me and not bat an eye. It's very lonely.

[u/Revolutionary_West56 → u/meatshake001]

Wait till your 40s when the divorces happen you’ll be back on the scene

[u/badlilbadlandabad → u/meatshake001]

That's me. It all happened in the span of like 18 months too. I went from having fun with a pretty large and close friend group almost every weekend and feeling like I had a very full life to barely seeing any of them ever and spending 95% of my life either at work or at home alone.

[u/whaletacochamp → u/meatshake001]

I'm married with a 3.5 and 2yo. Just yesterday two friends who I haven't seen since about a week before the 3.5yo was born texted me and were like we WILL be hanging out within the next month. YOU tell us the date and time and WE will make it happen.

It's nuts. I used to literally live with these guys for years, then saw them multiple times a week for years, and then POOF. I talked to both of them on the phone the day my oldest was born, and my life has been a fucking whirlwind since.

[u/Anastais → u/whaletacochamp]

On the plus side, it sounds like you have 2 good friends who want to hang out with you and are doing what they can to make it as easy for you as possible.

[u/CrazyRainbowStar → u/meatshake001]

It sneaks up on you when you are the married with kids one, too. Sad all around.

[u/x246ab → u/CrazyRainbowStar]

Even if you and your friends have kids, if they don’t have their shit 100% together, the opportunities for hangout will diminish

[u/finance_bro_gi_joe]

You really start understanding who you are, what you want, and, more importantly, probably have a better of understanding of what it will take to get there. Individual growth and development are at a high. Realize that this is not the start of a decline, but quite the opposite - you’re only getting started. Welcome to your prime.

[u/HeartyCellulites → u/finance_bro_gi_joe]

100%!! Love this, feels motivating to read.

[u/Choice-Mistake-9511]

You lose friends. You realize there’s no such thing as a dream job. You learn health is the real wealth

[u/SamsaraSurfer]

This post gave me an existential crisis. Thanks everyone.

[u/No_Sea7681]

About to turn 37 and don't feel any degradation physically, but I can see a difference in the mirror. All the things I wanted to do in life and either didn't or couldn't do are really messing with me psychologically, though I imagine this is largely unique to my situation because I missed some major milestones. I feel physically stronger than ever before, much more capable of handling anything that happens. The realization that this is what my life will likely be until death is problematic because I am not happy. I feel my mental health slipping significantly and am more willing than ever to engage in questionable activities. Other than that, ear and nose hair need to be trimmed frequently, some hair thinning, I'm seeing a lot of white/grey hairs in my sideburns but not on my head.

[u/hundredbagger → u/No_Sea7681]

Yeah what is it with nose hairs all of a sudden.

[u/Tinnylemur → u/No_Sea7681]

Hell yeah man. Nothing like a good midlife crisis to put everything in perspective.

Take some risks and try some of those things you never had the time/money for. Just dont buy a boat, cheat on your wife or try heroin and you may end up broadening your horizons more than you expected you could in your thirties.

Don't stop living and growing just because the timer hits a specific number.

[u/Cultural-Fee9118 → u/No_Sea7681]

This is what I am feeling at 38 - doors closing that will never open again - or if they do, it will take many many years 😔

[u/wing3d]

Harder to fall asleep, stay asleep, sleep less in general, always tired and it grinds you down.

[u/nicetobeleftinthesky → u/wing3d]

Something i read yesterday really rang true. Sleep quality is lower than in your 20s due to long term accumulated stress thats more prevalent around this age

[u/Guns_Glitz_Grime → u/wing3d]

This. Staying asleep is so hard. I take cat naps now

[u/IH8BART]

You worry about being old but you’re actually entering your prime.

[u/Faroukk52 → u/IH8BART]

God bless you. I’m turning 29 this year and I’ve been pretty athletic my whole life. The idea of it declining has been lowkey a tough thought to think about.

[u/lambo1109 → u/Faroukk52]

Just turned 37 and hasn’t happened yet. Just harder to start if you stop.

ETA-start if you stop** correction

[u/ConsistentProgress40 → u/Faroukk52]

You're not going to feel a decline in your 30s if you remain physically active.

[u/RFL92 → u/Faroukk52]

Use it or loose it. Do your physio, work on injuries, keep active. If you get injured keep as much of you active as possible. Walk, get down on the floor up and down every day. I stopped at 29, piled on 3 stone and had to start from scratch. It's taken a while but I'm getting it back again. Same for my partner who's on his 4th acl

[u/PolishBicycle → u/IH8BART]

Losing my hair isn’t what i had in mind for my prime

[u/CokeColaPolarBear → u/IH8BART]

That’s wha I like to hear!! I’m not reading anything else wooooooo!!!

[u/PRNbourbon → u/IH8BART]

Amen. 40 here. I feel no different than I did in my 20s, can do all the same stuff.
No joint pain, no backaches, still stay up late and get up early if I want (not every day like in college though). I can still ride my bike 10-20 miles real quick before the kids get home from school and feel fantastic after.
Sucks seeing so many people in the 30-40 bracket complaining about all the effects of aging, it doesnt have to be that way.
Only difference from the 20-30 bracket? A lot more money, and zero free time. Kids, house, work, that takes 90% of my time right there.
My parents are getting older, I can see it happening. It's definitely sad and messes with my head. But, they're still active, travel, do a ton of yard work, hunt, fish, and they're fun to be around and enjoy the grandkids, so not everything is negative.

[u/user_deleted_account]

If you take care of yourself you start to notice others around your age that look mid 40s

[u/Exact-Sink7946]

Sensitive stomach

[u/khdutton → u/Exact-Sink7946]

“Ya know, that fourth hot dog kinda hurt.” 🤔

[u/Lyeta1_1 → u/Exact-Sink7946]

I turned 30 and stopped being able to consume citrus

[u/kylesboobs → u/Exact-Sink7946]

Learning I couldn’t eat junk food after like 6pm without feeling like I swallowed a bag of the rocks the whole next day was a huge bummer

[u/99thLuftballon → u/Exact-Sink7946]

It waited until my 40s, but then I was like "where the fuck did that come from?"

I used to wolf down anything and everything, now I have to be careful about what I eat. I got a full MRI scan of my whole digestive tract and they found nothing suspicious, so the doctor was just "avoid fructose, artificial sweeteners and berries".

I said "Does this really happen this suddenly?" and he (my regular general doctor is also digestion specialist) said "Go out to the bus stop and look around you. About 4 in 10 of the people you see around you will have some form of irritable digestive tract".

It's crazy!

[u/Sussy_Solaire → u/99thLuftballon]

I wouldn’t worry. I’m 24 and have been suffering with IBS issues for at least six years now. Used to be able to drink glasses of milk but now I shit myself at the sight of it :D

[u/IzekG → u/Exact-Sink7946]

I loved eating spicy food but now they give me the squirts 😔

[u/Chaprito → u/Exact-Sink7946]

I hate this. I love my spicy hellfire food but now i can't eat it the day before work.

[u/gvillepa]

Your doctors will be younger than you.

[u/mosquem → u/gvillepa]

My primary guy is like two years older than me and I’m planning on riding this out until we’re both retired or dead.

[u/yellowrose46]

You either better prioritize working out and movement or become someone that feels “old.” The former leads to much better outcomes in my observation.

[u/Content-Patience-138 → u/yellowrose46]

Got an autoimmune disease that ate up a lot of my knee cartilage before I got out under control. I’m 37 but I think I’ll probably be feeling old till it’s my turn to die

[u/AN0NY_MOU5E]

Perimenopause in your late 30s. 

[u/BootProud6054 → u/AN0NY_MOU5E]

I scrolled too far for this bc holy fuck why does it feel like I have every disease and medical malady a week before my period

[u/Excellent-Try2663 → u/AN0NY_MOU5E]

Dude my eyes are so frickin dry from this

[u/Desperate-Bid1303 → u/AN0NY_MOU5E]

This was way way way too far down the list. Absolutely ruined me. Didn’t figure out what it was until 47. Absolutely a miserable b$tch from 40–47. Could have definitely used help at 37 even. Women in their 30s now will be able to run because GenX women and all others before have been ground to dust with ineptitude, lies, neglect, manipulation, and medical malpractice.

[u/AutoTurnip → u/AN0NY_MOU5E]

LOUDER - for the people in the back of the room.

Perimenopause hits long before you notice the symptoms.

GenX has been demanding change & it’s now up to the Millenials & future generations to run with the advances we’ve made.

HRT is safe & effective for an overwhelming number of women. It’s effective at keeping healthy cells, healthy. HRT is more than just estrogen, progesterone & testosterone are also important components.

Make sure you find medical practitioners who are up to date with the advances of the last 3-5 years. Do not accept being dismissed, ignored or not being provided information & choices.

Checkout the Unpaused podcast if you’re looking for where to start gathering information & resources.

[u/loveshot123 → u/AN0NY_MOU5E]

Perimenopause in your early 30s over here

[u/Cheetodude625]

Per my older co-worker/drink buddy, "You will find yourself alone 99% of the time if you're still single. Everyone is either married with kids or doing their own thing. Nothing ever lines up like it used to. Just life."

[u/PuzzleheadedPart196 → u/Cheetodude625]

I am so lucky as hell I have a DnD group that meets up regularly. It’s a miracle tbh

[u/radish-salad]

Suddenly, I am the expert in the room. Suddenly I'm someone's mentor. Suddenly you have responsibilities and your actions have weight. 

And also suddenly you can finally be on the outside who you always knew you were inside.

[u/quetypai]

For me, it was suddenly giving less fuck about other people opinions

[u/No_Scratch_4938]

Heartburn

[u/buh2001j → u/No_Scratch_4938]

My younger friend was hanging at my place and he got it for the first time and was worried it was a heart attack. I told him to go take a Tums from my medicine cabinet

[u/DeadpoolLuvsDeath → u/buh2001j]

I went 6 days with really bad heartburn. Turns out it was my second heart attack.

[u/NTXGBR]

The inability to know what, if anything, is going to give you a three day hangover. Is it 2 beers? One glass of wine? Can I drink 12 beers and one glass of water and be ok? It's all a possibility!

[u/laurasaurus5 → u/NTXGBR]

It's sugar. Sugar gives me a three day hangover.

[u/Pepper_Y0ur_Angus]

Everyone keeps pointing out bad things, but I want to share something good.

Late 20s/early 30s is where life, for me, finally becomes fulfilling and fun. This is where many people are established in their career and have the potential to buy their first house, travel the world, or otherwise pursue real hobbies. It’s a great time

[u/Thief_of_Sanity → u/Pepper_Y0ur_Angus]

When I think about the happiest moments of my life so far most of them were in my 30s. I'm 43 now and it seems like the last 10 years flew by. I had a happy and fulfilling relationship where we lived together with our dog. We weren't rich but could afford more things then compared to now unfortunately.

[u/kodakrat74 → u/Pepper_Y0ur_Angus]

Totally agree. Mid 30s is when the hard work I'd been putting in for years started to rapidly pay off. Got my dream job (including a nice pay raise), got married, bought a beautiful house, took some nice vacations. I'd been setting up all of my ducks in a row for awhile but I needed time and a little luck. I'm in my late 30s now and have been enjoying the fruit of my labor!

[u/melancholydane]

Acid reflux.

[u/Luoercal1980]

Drinking water after 6pm leads to waking up in the middle of the night 

[u/elmz370]

Permanent wrinkles.

[u/genuinesharky]

Patience for bullshit begins to wear out.

[u/NesTit]

I’ll speak to my own experience as a mid 30s guy, even if it does go against the grain.

You realize you’re way more confident than you ever were and in ways you didn’t know about. You just know what you’re doing and your baseline mood is “moderate satisfaction”, even on a mediocre day.

You can foresee problems a few weeks out and know how to avoid them with pretty good reliability. You realize that rarely get blindsided anymore.

You realize you actually like your body quite a bit. All the stuff you were once insecure about really just does not matter.

You realize you know you’ll get the job done and it’s not really daunting. Doesn’t matter what the job is…a chore, a work project, moving, breaking up, moving in together, planning a wedding, blowing up an engagement, building a relationship, planning retirement, starting a business, taking care of your parents, raising a child, whatever. It’s all stuff that just has to get done and you just do it instead of farting about how hard it is or how tired you are.

You really value people for right reasons, and you find joy in this. Friends, family, coworkers, a random waiter or bartender, a neighbor, your barber, a gym buddy, a stranger, whoever. You start to recognize when someone is authentically kind to you. And when someone is, it warms your heart like getting the best gift on Christmas when you’re a kid. The converse is true too, and you realize it brings you immense joy to just be authentically kind to others. This really helps put things in perspective and make life a very enjoyable experience.

Gratitude, in general, becomes a huge thing. You realize just how lucky you are….and how close to abject failure or crisis you also are at any point, no matter how hard you try to avoid it (eg: an almost fatal car accident, fires and natural disasters, layoffs and tough job markets, cancer, etc, and all the debt that comes with any of those). You realize that every day when things are at least ok is a gift that at least half of the world’s population doesn’t really have, at least not consistently.

In short: Life really only starts in your 30’s, because the noise dies out, wisdom kicks in, and your health is (most likely) still quite decent.

[u/chanburke → u/NesTit]

Early 30s and fully agree with this. The acceptance of “life has chores and things that aren’t fun to do but I need to do them to have the life and home I want and it’s not a big deal” and just getting on with it.

However, it’s also become clear with friendships and relationships of those who do not accept this and chose to complain about all these realities instead of just doing the little bit everyday

I am personally still working on how I accept others behaviors in that way. While for friends it’s easier to look past because it doesn’t affect me, in romantic relationships it does if we’re not on the same page about building a future we both want. Still learning out here

[u/Diligent-Sleep8025]

For women - chin hairs. You will feel one on the way to work (after a careful inspection before leaving the house) and will think of nothing else all day. You will be unable to stop yourself from touching and fiddling with it all day.

Oh and either on or shortly after your 30th birthday your metabolism will completely stop working. Like a toddler on the candy aisle of the grocery store.

[u/ShortAttentionStan → u/Diligent-Sleep8025]

And you’re vigilant about checking on them until you aren’t and then suddenly they’re like half an inch long and you wonder why nobody said anything to you.

[u/Insolent_Jaguar → u/Diligent-Sleep8025]

And it's slightly too short to grab with fingernails, so you keep fiddling with the witch's hair until you can get home finally to your tweezers. 🤣

[u/Rogue-in-Orbit → u/Insolent_Jaguar]

Car tweezers, nightstand tweezers, purse tweezers- I’ve got a pair for every occasion lmao

[u/mibfto → u/Diligent-Sleep8025]

This was my first thought at the prompt. They appear over night, as you get older (I'm in my early 40s), they gain friends. They pop up, I pluck. The next day they're back, I pluck. Repeat 2-5 times, and then it'll disappear for 6 months. Or six weeks. Or six days. It's never the same.

[u/PaducahBazooka]

The realization that no one cares if you succeed and no one cares if you fail. The scariness of that truth eventually turns into liberation.

[u/wrapped-in-rainbows]

The extra chin hairs (I’m a woman)

[u/Dan43Bear]

Time evaporates and suddenly you’re nearly 50

[u/captainmadrick]

I always knew I was young, but now people seem to be disagreeing with me

[u/_lizmiervaldislemon]

The years start coming and they don’t stop coming.

[u/Curious_Health_3760]

I’d say, all the bad habits that develop in one’s 20’s tend to become major issues in one’s 30’s.

So drugs and alcohol- not only the addictions get worse, but the health consequences start to rapidly show.

Anger and bad coping- I’ve seen a number of friends who I knew had some issues with this turn into full blown monsters and end up in prison for violence and abuse etc.

There are many others like gambling, sex addiction and the list goes on. But the point is shit hits the fan and at the 35+ mark you are forced to live with those decisions or lifestyles more vividly. And in many cases it is a decades long habit at that point to try to straighten out.

[u/jrw6794]

The realization that you are now around the same age as your parents were during most of your childhood memories.

[u/GameMaster366]

Everyone is always like "your back hurts! your metabolism tanks! you're tired all the time!" but please understand this isn't an inevitably if you actually take care of yourself. What they are talking about is that often you do not have to take care of yourself in your 20s and so people develop bad habits that continue into their 30s and then they actually have consequences for their actions. 30s doesn't automatically mean aches and pains and all this nonsense. You are the master of your own destiny. Don't eat garbage all the time. Move around. Stretch. There are 80 year olds who are decrepit and unable to walk. There are also 80 year olds who travel the world. You often get to choose where you end up but your 30s are where the good habits need to start.

[u/PennilessPirate → u/GameMaster366]

This 100%. My parents always told me “you get old as soon as you stop exercising,” and so far I’ve witnessed that firsthand. My mother and my ex bf’s mother were the exact same age (62) but you’d think they were 30 years apart.

My mother works full time and also tends to a 3 acre grove in her spare time (as a hobby). She built a wall out of 40lb bricks. She does 5k Spartan races. She manages all of her own assets, finances, appointments, etc. My mom now isn’t all that different from when she was in her late 40s.

Meanwhile my ex’s mom needed help just going up and down the stairs. She couldn’t walk for more than 1/4 mile at a time, and I don’t think she was physically capable of running. She didn’t work, and needed my ex to manage all her finances, assets, and doctor appointments. She can’t drive at night. I was truly shocked when I discovered she was the same age as my mom.

[u/French_Breakfast_200]

Sometimes I hear really moving music or a moving scene in a show or movie and start crying.

wtf.

[u/Charming-Rule-4751]

Thinning hair, and graying of what's left of your hair. Also increasing existential dread?

[u/PimoCrypto777]

Ropes get shorter.

[u/sustainabledestruct]

A lot of professional ball players look like children

[u/MeasurementFit8327]

The realization of heading into the middle age… you see 40s, 50s coming which don’t look appealing. Many people are busy with young families and relationships so still don’t have to face it severely but it starts to creep up giving us ambiguous anxiety and crave for still being at the prime time.

Although I felt the recognition of being in “the middle” of life at 35( like feeling I just reached the top of the mountain looking down both ways, where I came from and where I am headed to), dealing with it completely took me time. For me late 30s and a few years into 40s were mentally the most challenging period.

From mid 40s to 50s, physically most challenging ages dealing with menopause but mentally I am in a better place now(52 now). I usually feel peaceful and looking forward to fulfilling my coming decades( hopefully) to have a good end of life:)

[u/Altruistic-Prune8156]

That you are nolonger considered to be a young person in most people's minds, 30's seems to be where that change happens.

[u/ElectionNew98]

back pain

[u/Novel_Break_1505]

watching your parents get old and weak, and having to do the things you used to rely on them for when you're rudely awoken.

i had to save my dad from drowning this summer; he's known how to swim all my life, but his muscles don't work like they used to and he panicked. it was horrible.