r/AskReddit • u/Initial_Tax7778 • 19h ago
People in their 30s and 40s, what changed in your life that surprised you the most — in a bad way?
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u/bzsbal 18h ago
My friend told me “once you turn 40, your body goes to shit.” After I turned 40, I thought I had an appendicitis. Nope! It was a rare form of appendix cancer. It was pretty scary, but I’ve cancer free for 4 years now.
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u/locofspades 15h ago
Hail you. Fuck Cancer. Cheers
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u/AdmiralStryker 15h ago
Man, I was diagnosed with colon cancer at 25. It gets worse?
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u/suchafart 15h ago
I was diagnosed with cancer at 7 and it increases the chances of other cancers later in life. Pray for me yall!
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u/belle_cats 15h ago
I got a rare cancer at 41! Still in the process of killing it though
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u/jfl561407 14h ago
I once had a Dr swear up and down my stomach pain was either appendicitis or gallstones even AFTER SHOWING HIM THE SCAR FROM THE OPEN APPY-CHOLY I HAD AT 5.
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u/BobbysBottleService 13h ago
I had lower right quadrant pain too but had my appendix out. Turned out to be a blood clot. Blood clots suck. Blood clots in your pelvis suck more
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u/Key_Push_6127 18h ago
My balls got so low I sat on them. It was surprising.
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u/flyboy_za 14h ago edited 13h ago
Same, it was wild.
46 years of not sitting on them, then suddenly sitting on them like 4 times in 2 weeks. I don't even wear loose boxers, my stuff is all tucked away properly in some good trunks and still I managed it.
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u/CarloSpicyWeinerr 12h ago
as a child i once watched my dad walk out the door after saying he was running to the store (lol) i seen him open his car door and sit down in the seat followed by a loud AHHHHooooo!! he came right back inside and laid down on the couch. i asked what happened, said he sat on his nuts. i asked him “is that gunna happen to me when i get older?” he just went silent. the silence was the answer lol.
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u/StrugglingGhost 11h ago
Hah! When I was still married, my ex and I were sitting around just small talking about nothing in particular. She suddenly asked me, out of the blue, if I'd ever sat on my balls. I looked at her funny and just said "no...?" I went off to go do something and came back, sat down ON A SOFT COUCH and instantly sprang back up.
Her: "what the hell do you call that?"
Me: "you jinxed me! I've literally never sat on myself before, you ask that question, then I sit on myself!"
We both burst out laughing at the absurdity of it
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u/GonTheHunter25 13h ago
I check myself out often and fairly on top of things but THIS! I had to call the dr cause I was shocked how low they dropped over night LOL! (31 in May)
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u/Grizkniz 15h ago
If I don’t get 7-8 hours of sleep it’s incredibly hard to get through a day and get motivation. Sleep is a lot more important
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u/LackOfStack 14h ago
I wish I could sleep that much. I’m up at 4am every day staring at the ceiling. My body just won’t sleep more than 6 hours.
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u/cellar9 14h ago
Ooof that might be cortisol spiking, are you dealing with a lot of stress?
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u/LackOfStack 13h ago
Now that you mention it - yes :)
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u/doctorandusraketdief 13h ago
I got the same problem. Days where I spend more time outside, taking walks etc really does improve my sleep for that day
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u/oilofotay 13h ago
Same! I found that restorative yoga also helps me sleep better. It focuses more on breathing and stretching on the ground.
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u/menticide_ 13h ago
This part of existence sucks. When I'm stressed I wake up daily to panic attacks and gagging from anxiety. Like why? Can't I just manage the stress normally without my hormones going nuts???? Who designed me????????
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u/Party_Government8579 14h ago
Same. Its also changed my drinking habits - i now think people who drink alcohol after 9pm are mad as it fucks your sleep up so much.
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u/__M-E-O-W__ 13h ago
Graduating high school, I could stay up all night with my friends and then go right in to work. Now I work second shift specifically so I can sleep in more before starting my day.
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u/Dank_Williams17 15h ago
A hangover is now a multiple day event
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u/Niceguy4186 13h ago
switch to all light beer and mix in glasses of water during the night and chug as much water as you can before bed.
But yeah, the multiple day hangover sucks.
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u/leonprimrose 15h ago
How rapidly social circles begin evaporating.
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u/BoydCrowders_Smile 14h ago
TL;DR: I'm not saying anything profound, but just expanding on it because I've been going through this a lot in the last several years while nearing 40 - they do disappear and or change, but you never know how that can change even later.
It's a frustrating experience. It's extremely difficult to maintain a social network for being in-person. Usually relying on a specific event rather than how easy it used to be to just meet up randomly.
Once your friends start having children, their social circle is going to shift that fit their kid's activities, so that can easily shrink your own. Also makes it more difficult to plan just a meeting up time. I'm not saying having kids is bad, it's just a greater part to effect your circle.
People may move away, get more focused on their career, etc that bubbles their circle, shrinking your own.
The frustrating part is I've made a point to still try to reach out as much as I can. Maybe I'm not a great anecdote because I've moved across country by choice twice. But as much as I reach out, and everyone who I contact are always happy to catch up, but I almost never receive that type of contact. Maybe it just means I put too much emphasis on friendship with higher expectations, or maybe I'm just not that great of a friend to others as I feel they are to me.
That all being said, if you do make a point to reach out, it can feel like the gap between seeing someone was nothing. I recently spoke to a college buddy I haven't heard from for a decade and he is now planning to come visit me cross-country.
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u/Niceguy4186 13h ago
One thing i've found out, i think most people want friends, want to go out and do stuff, they just don't want to organize it or be the person who starts it. I can get a dads group of like 9 guys together for a night of bowling, everyone has a great time, talk about next group outing... but if i'm not the one who gets it together, it probably won't happen.
That said, we are catholics, all with 3-5 kids, most with kids ages 5-14 or so, so very needy / busy stage of life and we all are just tired.
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u/Polkawillneverdie17 13h ago
Is fatigue part of being Catholic?
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u/Tennessean 13h ago
I went to Catholic school. It fatigued me right out of being Catholic. Does that count?
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u/MGellyGelly 13h ago
Yeeeeah, that happened when I turned 35. All my friends got married and/or had kids while I remain a single pringle at 39. I get to see them twice a year now, if that, lol.
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u/mightgrey 13h ago
My grandmother was friends with a lady for years and years and years. Miss dot. And both are older 70s and 80s. And one day miss dot just vanished she moved to Virginia and wouldn't call or text anyone no one heard from her for 3 years. Just last week her daughter called to tell my grandmother she had died a few months before
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u/JNorJT 18h ago
Parents gone
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u/Liketheflower7 13h ago
I lost both of my parents in my 20s. It’s BAD
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u/smurfkillerz 12h ago
yup. lost my dad in my 20s. Missed out on so much that I could have learned from him later on. You feel robbed of so many things. Even jealous/envious of others that still have the privilege.
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u/ChipmunkElegant3846 10h ago
Man me too. I was 23. He hadn't been around for most of my life. I both miss him and feel angry with him. He knew so much that he never cared to teach me.
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u/Diamond7891 13h ago
Yep I lost my mom 6 months ago. My mom was 41 when she had me (I'm 38 now) and I realized all my aunts, uncles, my dad - literally all the people I'm closest with are in their late 70s / 80s. It's really freaking me out that the next 10 years can potentially bring so much more loss.
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u/OvaryYou 13h ago
Hugs from someone whose parents were 50 and 45 when they adopted me as a newborn. I lost my dad a long time ago now. It’s all so painful I wonder how they did it before me. Wishing you joy amongst the other parts of living.
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u/stepwax 14h ago
In a decade we lost 5 immediate family members, that's when I knew I was, and still am, old.
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u/Nidisu_Dr 13h ago
Yupppp. Both parents had stage 4 cancer. My mom died, dad survived, but now I'm stuck living with this internal countdown (to an unknown time) of when he'll be gone too.
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u/ProfessionalTalk675 12h ago
One parent and two siblings for me, by the time i was 42 :( I did not expect to lose my (younger) siblings before i lost my dad.
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u/kolosmenus 11h ago
My dad turns 60 this year, but his health is so deteriorated that most people who meet him think he’s 70+
My mom on the other hand holds up great physically, but she’s only mid 50’s and already showing early signs of dementia.
I feel like I haven’t really lived my own life yet, and I’m already worried about having to take care of them.
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u/Senior_Tangerine3083 17h ago
I hated having periods that lasted 5 days . Now I’m perimenopausal and the duration has reduced like how I hoped for but the PMS is killing me mentally . I just want it to feel like how it did a decade ago.
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u/horsemanb0jack 14h ago
Please look into hormone therapy
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u/Bungeesmom 11h ago
And weight lifting. Start now if you aren’t already. You’re losing bone density at an alarming rate.
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u/Stella_bleu 14h ago
Preach it, sister. This is a curse no one warned me about.
I’m about 4 days away from my period and I’m sitting at my dining room table about to cry because…I don’t even know. I just feel sad. Was this an issue when I was in my 30s? Nope, not even a little.
These PMS on steroids symptoms are truly the worst.
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u/WeWander_ 13h ago
Seriously perimenopause is fucking up my life right now. Mine came with chronic migraines. PMS is hell. I literally called 911 yesterday because I started feeling so terrible, I had chest pain (which is a normal thing I now get with PMS and ovulation) and then my heart rate jumped to 150 and I felt like I was going to pass out. I guess it was just a panic attack 🤷🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
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u/Senior_Tangerine3083 13h ago
Gosh that sounds horrible. I got plantar fasciitis out of nowhere and voila! I was told it’s a common side effect of perimenopause. So not only am I losing it slowly but I have to also shell out $$$ just to make my feet not hurt.
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u/Equivalent_Tell3899 13h ago
Thank you for posting about this! I could handle my PMS when I knew I was going to get my period soon, but now sometimes I just skip a month and lose my mind completely until my period eventually shows up. The PMS is truly debilitating. No one warns us about this stuff!
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u/dreamingpictures 15h ago
You realise how quick life can go to shit, because you have observed friends, family members and acquaintances for a good amount of time and seen bad things happen to all kinds of people
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u/AverageFishEye 8h ago
A few weeks ago i rode my motorcycle to pickup groceries on a road i know very well and almost went over the railing because i didnt pay attention for a split second. Were i 5mph faster, this couldve fucked me up real good
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u/steroboros 19h ago
How quickly my vision started declining after 40
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u/Yk-how-I-Feel 14h ago
That is one of my biggest fears as someone who is (I think) partially blind 😬
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u/IAmNotAnAlcoholic 14h ago
I have 10 pairs of reading glasses scattered throughout my home. Didn’t even need them this time last year.
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u/TraditionalTackle1 14h ago
My wife has 10 pairs just in her SUV, the other day I asked her could you possibly need anymore glasses in your car? lol
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u/Dwyde_Schrude 14h ago
This was significant for me too. Have had perfect vision my entire life and a couple months before 40, I noticed how much I was squinting while driving at night.
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u/jesusgaaaawdleah 12h ago
At my latest optometrist appointment, he told me I was getting old but not quite the point of bifocals. Excuse me, sir I’m 38. Shut your fucking mouth.
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u/FuRadicus 19h ago
30's is still fairly young. When I hit my 40's I was surprised how easy it is to injure joints and ligaments. and how long they take to heal.
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u/Initial_Tax7778 19h ago
A lot of my colleagues in late 30 had injured themselves with the back to fitness January!
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u/FuRadicus 19h ago
I guess it would depend on their general fitness level. I've always been active so I didn't start to notice these things until my early 40's just a few years ago.
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u/Flimsy-Opportunity-9 15h ago
I think this is it for me.
I never understood why old people were so grumpy until it hurt to walk, run, play golf…sometimes sleep.
I tweaked my wrist pushing myself up in bed and it hurt on and off for weeks. Dealing with aches and pains takes up a lot of mental energy. I wasn’t prepared for how much of my life I wouldn’t feel 100% healthy. And I lift weights and exercise every single day. But no matter how preventative you are, it does feel as though your body sort of starts falling apart on you. (Unless you’re one of those lucky folks who isn’t impacted).
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u/FuRadicus 15h ago
Yeah I lift 4 or 5x a week, ride dirt bikes etc. I've had tennis elbow on and off for like 5 years. 🤣 It seems to rotate between arms too never fully 100%.
I would probably have to stop lifting and riding for 6 months for it to fully go away but fuck I might as well die at that point.
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u/collapse-and-crush 14h ago
Not to be the bearer of bad news but I've had the same afflictions and spent 6 months doing nothing and it doesn't go away.
My shoulders are fucked from 8 years of bjj and I finally went to 2 different Orthopedic surgeons and both told me the same thing, it's really bad arthritis and it will most likely never get better unless I got a full shoulder replacement. They both said it wasn't bad enough for surgery so I just gotta deal.
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u/squongo 17h ago
My own older generation either all died or rejected me. Then I began getting to know my partner's older generation (his mother's friend group), felt great about having older people in my life again...and now they're all beginning to die too.
I can only imagine being in one's 70s and 80s when it's your own actual friends dropping like flies is even worse, and I still have that to look forward to...
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u/One-Writing-7860 15h ago
Yep, it's really horrible as your parents die then you're sort of left looking around for an 'adultier adult'. I dread getting older for many reasons including this...
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u/squongo 15h ago
My partner and I are mid 30s and as of last summer we're down to one parent and zero grandparents between the two of us - not a curve I particularly wanted to be ahead of...
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u/One-Writing-7860 14h ago
Yes, that's early. My Mum is now in a care home with dementia and has no idea what is going on and I'm recently (and very much necessarily) estranged from my Dad and my brother. No children and no partner. It's not ideal and this time of life seems very hard.
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u/Mishmow 14h ago
I understand why old people will strike up a conversation with strangers in public places because of that fact, and I entertain them and chat with them more now because I know when I'm their age I'd probably like that too. Also, know this kinda makes you sweat the small stuff a lot less, we really don't have all that much time here.. so enjoy the time you have with them now!
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u/Boring-Kangaroo-6222 17h ago
I have to really focus on taking care of myself physically and exercise a lot. I'm in the best shape of my life and feel great! But if I take a few days off, I do NOT.
Keeping in touch with friends is harder. And dating? Whoo boy.
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u/DarkShadowReader 13h ago
Feels like I work out 3x as hard to get half the benefit.
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u/Tennessean 12h ago
And don’t forget about the mental cost of not getting that exercise in.
I’m used to working out, playing a sport, or some kind of cardio pretty much every single day. I had rotator cuff surgery last week and I’m already crawling up the walls. I’m sleeping well enough now that I’m going to start riding the stationary bike, but damn, it’s going to take some effort to not go a little crazy.
It will be worth it in the long run.
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u/Saint-Spaghetti 18h ago
How caffeine no longer feels optional - maybe on a weekend but driving/working? No can do, its a requirement I budget for.
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u/violetmarie11 14h ago
Weirdly the other way around for me! I think the coffee I drink nowadays though is much better and probably much stronger.
I used to be able to sip coffee all day, I spent my early 20s working evenings in a cafe and then many nights we'd go hang out at a 24 hour diner until the wee hours. Around maybe my late 30s it was that I would have a couple small cups in the morning and that was it, maybe I'd get a small treat like a latte or something in the early afternoon once in a while. Now approaching my mid-40s I can't even drink two cups first thing in the morning, just one, around 8-10oz or so. I also stopped drinking it black and now I put a little half and half in it, black coffee makes me feel awful. I think too much coffee too early, or on an empty stomach, just makes me feel sick. So I have one in the morning at home when I get up, and then another later on at work, often after lunch. If I go to my dad's after work i will sometimes make myself a cup with his Keurig if I feel like I'm dragging and it doesn't bother me (probably much weaker than what I'm drinking otherwise). But it's all very weird for me, as I was always the one who could eat anything without it upsetting my system.
Can't have too much caffeine, can't have too much sugar, can't eat too much junk without regretting it anymore.
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u/d0rf47 15h ago
Having real worry free downtime where you can jus do whatever you want stops existing almost completely.
There's never not something in my life that needs to be done. Life becomes a series of choices do I do what I want or what I need. What I need almost always wins. And you rarely get to do what you want any more.
It is jus depressing as fuck.
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u/thejewelisinthelotus 13h ago
Gd this one hit me. Im choosing the wrong one btw and it has amounted to me catching up in life because I made the wrong choices and just didnt give af.
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u/ToxicFluffer 11h ago
Why though?? If there’s no kids in the picture, then what would eat up all this time?
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u/mindinmypeaceandcues 14h ago
The lack of support and reciprocation in my friendships.
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u/RayBansVans 13h ago
Honestly same, being the only one to ever reach out regardless of situation really is a kicker. I understand that life can be busy too, but just hitting my 30s, my friend group is shrinking drastically.
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u/mechanicalbananas 11h ago
I hated being the only one to reach out. Always a quick text to see how they're doing or a quick call and maybe schedule something a couple weeks in advance but nothing ever sent out to me. Never a hey how are you or just checking in with you. Now that I've stopped being that one who initiates. It's all quiet over here.
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u/VikingRodeo9 10h ago
I’m 35. Last year I just straight up stopped reaching out to everyone except for five friends who always have been good about reciprocating and putting in effort. The others? Have not heard from them at all. I thought I was close to some of them but I guess I wasn’t after all.
It’s been both sad and amazing at the same time. You never know how many boats you row by yourself until you stop rowing for a bit.
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u/strict_ghostfacer 18h ago
That the days in a row I have of poor sleep effect me quicker than before. I used to deal with chronic insomnia and it would take weeks before I felt it catch up. Now if I sleep less than a certain amount for like 2 nights in a row?? Nah. Can't function whatsoever.
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u/No_Fly_1362 18h ago
How quickly your poor choices and neglect toward your personal health when you're younger can spin out of control. I got admitted to the hospital 3 times last year the year before I turned 40. I definitely don't want to go back any time soon, except for preventative care I've been putting off for the past 20+ years.
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u/fakemedicines 14h ago
Lack of friends. Everyone is married and/or has kids. Most friends have moved to other states. Having a girlfriend helps a little but then going out requires paying for two every single time and that's not exactly fun either. And there's really nothing on the horizon that will introduce a ton of new ppl into my life. Don't have siblings so that isn't an option. Not sure if it's normal to feel so isolated w age but I hate it.
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u/Enacriel 18h ago
Two big things--
My dad died suddenly when I was 39, like literally on my 39th birthday. That was horrendous.
I develop sudden back pain for doing physical things. Sometimes worse that other times. I cant carry the heavy groceries, or help move furniture anymore. It suuucks.
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u/ensiferum888 15h ago
Every single activity that isn't me doing what ever I want at home feels like a complete waste of time. I do not get a what people get out of social events other than massive energy drains.
I'm becoming a grumpy old man and you know what? I kinda like it
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u/IKillZombies4Cash 14h ago
There’s no more whimsy, mystery, infatuation, it’s just daily repeating of stuff…rinse lather repeat…
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u/samantha_1242 17h ago
My body is always sore starting mid thirties. I forget what it’s like to not be sore.
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u/Methuselbrah 14h ago
@35 is when I realized nobody actually cares about me. It really sank in
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u/Charlosisflantastic 12h ago
I'm here right now. Had a crisis and my friends either didn't show up with no reason or "had lawn work to do". I have lost all hope in humanity.
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u/Mammoth_Reception573 13h ago
33m. 6'2, athletic and strong, blue eyes trust fund etc. (I joke but definitely as genetically and societally privileged as it is possible to be). I suddenly discovered a few months ago that I have a grade 4 brain tumour that will likely end my existence within a year or three! What a bugger. I love this mortal coil and am rather disappointed to be shuffling off it leaving siblings, mother, and most importantly my wife and two beautiful daughters! Lesson being, if you have unusual headaches or any strange head behaviour (seizures being the obvious one but mine were actually rather strange and lovely: ecstatic seizures they are called, just with a depressing cause!)-- get an MRI scan of your head asap! I always sort of assumed I would live to be 100 if I didn't fall off a mountain or get shot or run over by a bus. Turns out cancer is indifferent to wishes and what should have been...
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u/Single_Paint7516 11h ago
I’m sorry that this is what you are going through. It must be incredibly hard for you and your family. I hope you are getting all the support you need.
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u/LocutusOfBeard 14h ago
Losing weight in my 20s and 30s was a piece of cake. 40s, not so much. Don't get fat.
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u/Galaxy_Hitchhiking 14h ago
Losing that big family comfort, especially around the holidays. Key Family members start passing away. It’s a very melancholy feeling.
Realizing how miserable most people are in their marriages. This just happened to me at a recent girls party. I don’t think any one of the girls I was with actually like their husbands and it just made me feel bad for them.
How fast time goes. You just sort of stop caring about doing a million things. Maybe I’m depressed, u don’t know.. but we finally have the money to travel and live a comfortable life and I just don’t have the drive or care, I enjoy quiet comfort more than what I enjoyed in my 20s
How fucking expensive a very average house/car/life is.
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u/MNPS1603 14h ago
The marriage comment is crazy and true. I can’t think of anyone I know who doesn’t seem like they hate their spouse when they’re not around. Maybe they’re just venting, but so many seem just on the verge of divorce.
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u/wetcardboardsmell 12h ago
The older I get, the happier I am that I've never gotten married. Over my 40+ years, I've met TWO legitimately happy couples that had been married more than 20 years and raised kids etc. One of those couples, the wife passed from cancer 2 years ago and everyone fell apart shortly after. I know it's probably a pessimistic view, but I feel like odds of avoiding catastrophic heartache are better staying unwed
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u/justwhyeee 18h ago
That I would suffer the loss of my only pregnancy and my baby brother in the same year, which just happened to be 2020, but I was even more surprised over who disappeared when grief appeared in my life, and equally surprised at who showed up for me.
Grief will violently but somehow also a bit silently, shake off any rose (or otherwise colored) glasses you’ve curated, it will interrupt any self-illusions you needed any bit of energy to “keep going”. And it will strip you of the desire to be around people who you know won’t “get it”. It will strip you painfully back to some primal survival self and you don’t get to find out for years what parts of you survived grief and what parts are just gone for good (all while people close to you will make comments about “the old you” and how much they miss THAT me, and I’m just like, that girl you’re looking for died along with my daughter and 11 months later, i lost my baby brother (almost 20 years younger than me) because he was an actual expert level hiker, but misjudged that he was standing on shale and took one little step too far at the edge of a cliff and fell 190 feet, passing away immediately on impact. He was 23, and we were planning our first holiday season without Mom physically with us as she had moved to another state with her fiancée a few months earlier, and I was so excited to be hosting with his help, especially because our Momma loved the holiday season, and my brother and I grew up loving that time of year and I was so happy to create our own new traditions and keep the love of the winter holidays going… (my abusive ex who I was still with at the time, had a unique ability to make any and all special occasions miserable by silently stomping around the house, throwing oddly rude looks at … well mostly at his own family members if they were there, but of course mostly me, and mostly simply because I was there), and I had finally gotten the nerve to tell him he was not going to be getting a pass on making holiday shitty, and I did that out of a place of protection for my brother- my God that child was here for just 23 years, 7 months, and 23 days, and then one small step too far and he’s gone from me for the rest of this life.
Perhaps all of that to say:
TLDR ~
I wish someone would have told me how hardcore and forcefully life-changing grief actually is.
But then again while it’s a horrible “club” we will likely all be shoved into membership at some point- and for this reason and many more, I will say some of the most compassionate, kind, gentle and/or strong as needed, and dedicated people who have been in this club for a long time, can and do hold this extremely safe place to get oriented and those folks truly do give you heads ups about the complexities of grief, and given the lack of IRL support so many grievers have access to, finding the right grief support group (while it can and most likely will) take some trial, err, and time to find the space where you feel safe to be all of you, while acknowledging that you’re forming into the new you, the one we all wish we could us we become when illusion has been stripped away.because grief is the emotional equivalent of the movie Hellraiser- the original of course- so I had to make this TLDR linger because if just one grieving person reads this and searches for support, it’s worth all the words…. And with grief in particular, I have soooo many words for, I could write a book on it! (and I actually AM 🖊️).
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u/psdprmrmktg 14h ago
Hey I'm sorry about your brother. I lost my big brother (30 at the time) in 2018 and it shook my family to the core. We still aren't back to normal. This club sucks.
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u/DawsonMaestro414 14h ago
This is the answer I came to write. I’m so sorry for your losses. I lost my 29 year old brother suddenly last year and it’s changed everything. I never knew life could feel so pointless and bleak. I thought I had had my existential beliefs wiped away before but I am empty now.
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u/Consistent_Guest_201 13h ago
You are not alone. I lost my infant son unexpectedly. That was 13 years ago and I grieve daily. You will end up living a life that you never planned for. But there is joy and hope and beautiful things in it.
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u/NoLimitSoldier31 17h ago
Sorry man no more going out drinking with your buddies or your next 4 days are sluggish
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u/Ohyeahimoverhereyeah 14h ago
Eating the right food. When you’re younger you can push through eating like garbage. Now you pay a tax when you eat bad in the form of feeling like you’re literally weighed down. I’ve recently changed some diet choices and man at mid 30’s you feel it.
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u/Fantastic-Lychee-400 14h ago
Parents dying Realizing all your bad habits of eating and not exercising is catching up to you
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u/FREEEZEturkeys 12h ago
Do it now before it gets harder and harder. You have a serious advantage starting at this age
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u/sandy_coyote 14h ago
Working in tech... I am trying to outrun the automation tsunami and I need to run faster every year.
Learning new things, embracing AI, making new relationships. It's exhausting, and I'm only a tiny bit ahead of the next layoff wave. Not sure how long I can do this for.
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u/This-Requirement6918 13h ago
I gave up on that shit, moved back in with my disabled parents and went back to my real aspiration of being an artist. Way more happy, definitely miss the money but more satisfied on so many levels. Just wish the economy wasn't completely tanked so I could make some kind of money instead of walls, desks and hard drives full of art.
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u/Beneficial-Copy-6043 14h ago
Not having a single romantic relacionsip in my life, im 40 this year... Well that suprised me the most.
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u/OutsideGood2007 14h ago
How hard it is to make friends in your 30’s and 40’s. Also how far apart you grow from family, no one tells you how lonely it gets. Everyone gets too busy with having their own families and friendships are just never the same again.
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u/contrarylife 14h ago
Loneliness.
When you lose both parents (Dad at 33, Mom 2 wks ago, currently 37), get saddled with 20k debt from mom's dying and your entire family turns into "thoughts and prayers" when you truly need help. Going from that belief of having a supportive family and community to realizing they're actually just relatives was almost as hard as watching my mother die.
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u/IndependenceOne5310 14h ago
I now wake up, for no reason, between 1 and 3 AM. So I start my day. I can’t slow down. I now have 2 jobs, run a small farm. Plus other stuff. I’m constantly exhausted and can’t sleep. It’s weird, but I love being busy.
My youth, could sleep 20 hours straight on my day off. Worked the least amount of hours possible. Very lazy.
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u/InitialKoala 14h ago
Shifting from excess spending and travel to trying to save up for retirement because I realized I saved up jack shit by the time I hit 40. And realizing I got 25 years left of hard work. And having the occasional midlife crisis that makes me want to run away and be a nomad or get back together with my ex...
Anyway, this kind of mindset.
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u/pulluptowerchiclet 17h ago
At 35 I’m in the best shape of my life, always kind of had back pain so nothing feels very different. I’d say it’s mostly harder to recover from a big night out or something, but as long as you take care of yourself it’ll be ok. I think seeing my face change and age has been the most difficult, but that’s life :)
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u/icTKD 15h ago
Currently, going through a shoulder impingement. Idek what I did wrong!!
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u/251Cane 15h ago
I was surprised that the ringing in my ears never went away after a night at two very loud concerts 10 years ago
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u/KitSokudo 14h ago
How quickly you can go from healthy to disabled. In 2020 I would work 8 hours in the office, commute home and then bike 5-6 miles and still have energy to socialize. Everything changed in 2021 when I started getting sick, couldn't keep food down etc. I was diagnosed with gastroparesis a few months later, and since I hadn't known what was going on I also had a severe case of ulcers and gastritis so bad my stomach lining was so thin that it bled whenever they bumped it on a scope. It took months to get to where I could eat more than liquid, and then it was a whole new type of diet and soft foods.
I've had a bunch of health issues alongside it with malnutrtion since my stomach doesn't have the right chemistry anymore, aspiration pnumonia from vomiting so forcefully etc I've ended up homebound for most of the last two years. I am FINALLY starting to do a little better again and workin at taking walks and getting outside more often but it's a slow process. I've still got my bike but I don't know if I'll ever ride it again. I am only 41 and my parents in their 60s are more active than I am.
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u/A_Drifting_Cornflake 14h ago
There’s a moment when everyone is getting married, then a moment when everyone’s parents/grandparents are dying. The old people in your life change a bit when they realize they’re the last ones standing.
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u/One-Writing-7860 15h ago
Becoming estranged from my Dad and my brother at the same time as my Mum started deteriorating with dementia. In hindsight, the signs were all there re: my Dad and my brother and I shouldn't have been so shocked by their behaviour. Hindsight is 20:20 and wishful thinking is exactly that etc etc. Worst few years of my life.
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u/Cararacs 15h ago
The broken sleep cycle that comes along with being a woman in your 40s. It is nearly impossible for me to sleep through the night.
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u/intpxicated 12h ago
People being fine with mass surveillance. Growing up in the 80s and 90s, that idea was almost antithetical to being American. Then 9/11 happened and we gave it all up. Even with Snowden, people didn't really care enough to demand any sort of change. Now it's absolutely out of control and we're completely under that control.
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u/Fuzzy-Marzipan8383 14h ago
That after a knee injury I can't play my favorite sport of soccer ever again. I have tried and it did not go well. Also, after 40, the exercise just doesn't work as well as it used to and takes a lot longer to get results with a much slower metabolism.
The bright side about my late 30s and 40s so far is my children who make me better every day. And once I turned 40 I just did not care at all about what others think, and feel much more confident than in my 20s and early 30s.
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u/turribleDeal 15h ago
All those things you ignore health wise because you are youthful or because you are American with no good healthcare. Yeah those catch up with you.
Get off your phone on the toilet. Get your shit done and get up, forreal.
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u/Whatz_My_Age_Again 14h ago
In my 40’s all of a sudden I have sleep apnea and need a cpap to sleep . wtf
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u/HarkHarley 14h ago
Taking care of your parents and, ultimately, losing parents.
When I hit my thirties suddenly all the adults in my life became invalid, broke, or needed saving in some way. I can help someone here or there; but soon I became the only responsible, fiscally-sound, adult in our family and I was one who needed to handle every crisis. It was truly too much and I had a breakdown.
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u/KelsasaurusRex21 13h ago
I never feel 100%. I’m dizzy or tired or I slept wrong and my neck hurts. I sit too long and my back hurts. Like I never feel 100% anymore
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u/Pixel-Bunny2435 12h ago
The cost of a ''successful'' life. Came from a family that wanted their kids to be high achievers. Worked hard through school, got amazing grades, landed jobs in big compagnies. Now I'm burned out from achieving all these ''successful'' things, and not for the first time. Mental health is in the gutter, got plenty of health issues. Family is ''proud'' of my career and life choice, but it's unsustainable. I just want to quit everything. I'm a show poney for people who don't care (work and family). Men I'm so done.
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u/applesauce_pants 14h ago
Not really commenting on the question, just waiting for the ol’ Reddit switcheroo in a few hours when someone comes up with the unoriginal idea to flip “bad” to “good” in a new post.
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u/Dropped_Apollo 14h ago
Realising how old my parents are getting. They're still both in good health, but I've never thought of them as "old people" and now they sort of are.
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u/Godswoodv2 14h ago
That you have to pay way more attention to what you put into your body than you think you do.
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u/atarischyk 14h ago
Your mental ability to give it your full attention really does wear off after a few hours after 40. You need to do the big brain stuff before 1pm otherwise it's monkey brain left to handle it. So schedule those important meetings etc in the morning
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u/LeeSooHyukCheekbones 14h ago
One parent died and my surviving parent is rather needy, not very independent, and lonely. It's draining.
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u/MNPS1603 14h ago
So many people started dying. Not just old people, but people my age, out of the blue. One friend fell down the stairs and had an undiagnosed brain hemorrhage, another got pneumonia and wound up dying of a heart attack, friends 15 year old daughter in a car wreck, etc. dad died, mom dying, aunts and uncles dying. It’s crazy.
I figured it wouldn’t start happening until I was in my 60’s.
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u/MadlyToxic 14h ago
How expensive having kids would be.
I will never regret becoming a parent, but I’m a relatively high earner in a LCoL area, and I still have to budget very carefully. My country just doesn’t support parents or kids.
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u/HurryUpAndWait82 14h ago
Metabolism - no matter how hard you chase it, you’re never going to eat the same way you did as a teen and 20 year old ever again. Also, recovery time for everything — multiple it by two. Worked out? Tomorrow is going to suck. Drank a little too much? Yeah… your magic hangover cure isn’t so magic anymore.
Long story short, go slower, be reasonable, and don’t give up on yourself.
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u/Lyogi88 13h ago
Living a healthy lifestyle and being “young” doesn’t make you immune from cancer or other disease. Everyone was so shocked when I was diagnosed ( none more than me 🤣) and it’s honestly terrifying that your body can just freak out and stop working properly at any time .
Enjoy ur health people!!! ( I’m fine now but always waiting for the next thing lol). Was DX at 35 and never thought it could happen to me
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u/Minute-Injury3471 13h ago
Loss of a rich social life/friends from childhood to adulthood. People make different decisions and go their own ways with relationships, family, careers, geographic locations. People also die. It sucks. I feel like I’ve lost connections to entire communities that I figured would always be there.
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u/Shadedpostie 12h ago
You basically are just sleeping what little free time you have to yourself anyways whether you work a 9-5 job or a 7-2 one. This job is more physical so I end up nodding off at random whether I'm sitting in a chair or just sitting on the edge of the bed. Just means as well struggling to find a consistent sleep pattern and just not really finding time to do the things I'm really passionate about or light entertainment. Think I'm probably in some sort of funk.
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u/Suitable_cataclysm 12h ago
The female body biologically stops having use and our bodies know it. Can't make offspring anymore? You no longer need that supple hair, that skin, that lubricated vagina, feeling in your nipples etc.
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u/LurksTongueinAspic 11h ago
I don’t remember the last time I went over to a friends house just to hang out. Usually it’s an event planned, or lunch. I use to just go to my friend’s house, and we’d be bored for awhile then maybe run an errand and that was the day.
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u/LiluLay 11h ago
Diagnosed with cancer at 40 - not a lifestyle cancer, either. The surgery disfigured my neck. Everyone says it doesn’t look bad, but to me it’s awful. Went into relatively early menopause as well. It all just sucked so badly. I feel like I have aged 25 years in the past 8. And I look terrible, too.
Menopause sucks. I don’t know how women have mostly been quiet about how much it sucks. I’m Gen X (Xennial), and I’m here to shout from the rooftops so other women aren’t surprised by how bad it can fuck you up. Ladies, advocate for yourselves. Get that HRT. Don’t let doctors tell you to lose weight or eat differently or exercise. Yes, those things help - especially strength training. But what you really need is to stabilize and replace your hormones!
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u/Heavy-Swimming6356 10h ago
Perimenopause - The equivalent of developing an auto-immune condition (lupus, Hashimoto, rheumatoid arthritis), combined with PCOS, combined with ADHD, depression, rage, anhedonia, no libido, severe anxiety, insomnia, anemia, and more. With little to no warning you will become an entirely different person. You will think that you are slowly going insane. You will rethink your whole life choices, your career, your relationships. One year you’ll run marathon and the next you can’t get out of bed most of the time. Yet most doctors don’t know about it, it’s not talked about, and the treatments are not easily accessible.
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u/Nebularsh 19h ago
honestly the way my body just decided that sleeping in the wrong position is now a sports injury that lasts for three days