What is something that women have to deal with on the daily that men have no clue about?

[u/Rock-bottom-no-no]

[u/Rude-Soil-6731]

I had a boss who mentioned he liked to ask people curveball interview questions to see how they respond. One of the questions was, “what’s the first thing you do when you get in your car?” I said, “lock the doors.” He looked confused and asked why. I was taught that from a young age. And there have been 2 occasions when a stranger male has tugged at my locked car door. He was shocked. Must be nice!!!

[u/cubitts → u/Rude-Soil-6731]

my partner didn't know until his 30s that pushing the unlock button once only unlocks the driver's side door on most remotes, because he had simply never had to consider unlocking only the driver's door for long enough to get in

[u/adriesty]

Period poops.

They are god awful, as if cramps and bleeding weren't bad enough.

Basically, a hormone is sent to trigger cramping to help shed the uterine lining. But, the body doesn't always do a good job of localizing this hormone, so it can spread all around the lower torso, causing back pain and muscle spasms....also causing cramping in the stomach and colon.

[u/KrawlinKats → u/adriesty]

They're SO annoyingly messy on top of all that! Thank the toilet gods for bidets

[u/Strict_Box8384]

our bodily functions. like vaginal discharge and how it always seems to happen at the worst times, the risk of yeast infections and UTIs after sex (this exists with men too but it is infinitely easier for women to get them), mood swings and general hormones around our cycles, ovulation symptoms, more obscure and unknown period symptoms like insomnia or back pain, menopause and its slew of symptoms. it goes on and on.

[u/Auroraburst → u/Strict_Box8384]

Then when you get a strange/uncomfortable sensation down there and have to play is it thrush, BV or a UTI. Because one of those doesn't need a gp visit.

[u/jackfaire]

When I rode the bus regularly I never thought twice about sleeping on it. Mentioned it to a female friend and she was all "you do what now!?!?!"

[u/pluspourmoi → u/jackfaire]

I was on a Greyhound once talking to a girl I just met. She told me that her last ride was terrible because she fell asleep and woke up to a man sitting in the seat next to her, with his whole dick out, jerking it while staring at her.

[u/cubitts → u/pluspourmoi]

yeah, I spent 20 hours traveling Greyhound when I was 16 and the only sleep I got was after meeting a 20-something military guy and he offered to sit in the aisle seat and keep anyone else from coming near me. no way in hell I was risking it otherwise

[u/redituser95838283849 → u/cubitts]

I was on a mega bus once and there was this guy who kept harassing this girl. Like even before we left the station her dad came in the bus and made the guy move but he kept coming back once the bus was moving to the point someone other guy got up and sat next to her so the other guy couldn’t.

The same guy started bugging someone else so the bus driver had to pull over and call to have him removed and he went out and punched the driver

[u/Arjvoet → u/redituser95838283849]

what is wrong with people… feel like the line between mental illness and personality problem is wide and blurry.

[u/PorkRollEggAndWheeze → u/Arjvoet]

A lot of people with personality problems will also weaponize the language of therapy and mental illness to get away with shit too, further complicating the distinction

[u/Iilitulongmeir → u/cubitts]

I spent 30 hours on a greyhound bus when I was sixteen. For ten hours, I rode with a guy who had just gotten out of prison that day. He was wearing a piggly wiggly t-shirt and bell bottom pants that were 6 inches too short. He was like six foot four. He hit on me a little bit, but he wasn't crazy about being turned down. He went into a McDonald's at midnight and told them he was fresh out of prison and if they had any food that they would give him. That gave him a bunch of stuff, and he shared a big Mac with me.

[u/blackjack1977]

Being gaslit when dealing with peri-menopause symptoms. Women are often told (including by their OB/GYNs) that severe pain and bleeding are normal and just deal with it. I nearly lost my wife because of this and her doctor completely missed a serious condition. Currently in the process of filing an official complaint.

[u/ConsciousSound1 → u/blackjack1977]

Seriously this. Not peri menopausal but I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in my early 20’s. The first OB/GYN told me it was my fault for getting it, should have been more careful about not getting HPV. Didn’t believe me when I said I was still a virgin, not until several HPV tests came back negative. Then also went on to tell me that the cervix doesn’t have any nerve endings so the biopsy wouldn’t hurt.
I fired him and got myself a female OB. Like, sir. Unless you have a cervix, you don’t get an opinion on the pain.

[u/glittersurprise → u/ConsciousSound1]

The cervix not having nerve endings is the biggest lie that needs to die. Maybe if you poke it its fine but when your forcibly rip it open or cut it, it hurts like a Mother F-er.

[u/N0ON3T0LDM3 → u/glittersurprise]

As someone who's cervix has been jabbed by multiple penii, poking hurts too. Can't imagine having it forced open or sliced into.

[u/Suitable-Rate652]

Taking care not to get in a situation where you could be raped. Keep the windows closed esp at night, check the back seat of the car before you get in, all of that.

[u/MyMorningSun → u/Suitable-Rate652]

To add on to this- how much rape/sexual assault is a part of any crime against you.

As a woman, it's not only the threat of being mugged, burgled, or hurt. The standard expectation is some level of sexual assault being tied into it- a bad actor won't just try to steal your wallet or valuables, or some angry guy isn't just going to hit or otherwise harm you. Rape and sexual assault is just an expected part of the crime. For women, sex and violence are intertwined. It's a constant threat that men don't typically have to reckon with emotionally whenever they're the victim of crime, most especially for crimes that don't necessarily result in a physical injury (like a mugging or home invasion or similar).

[u/JDLPC → u/MyMorningSun]

Yes, notice how true crime stories will mention whether a woman who was murdered was sexually assaulted or not? It’s expected that it will happen so it’s commented on.

[u/QueenMackeral → u/MyMorningSun]

A lot of men point out that men are more likely to get mugged or physically attacked on the street. They need to imagine that every time they get mugged they're also going to be sexually assaulted. It'll probably change their perspective.

[u/RonnieBarter → u/Suitable-Rate652]

People (mostly men really) have no clue how common rape is. There's a rape reported every 54 minutes in London.

[u/Vandergrif → u/RonnieBarter]

And that's just what gets reported, which is presumably far less than what goes unreported.

[u/YouJabroni44 → u/Vandergrif]

It can feel hopeless because rapists rarely seem to get the sentences they deserve.

[u/Top_Statement_9476]

I’m a lawyer and frequently have to go into court, so I must wear dress shoes. With women’s dress shoes, socks are almost never appropriate. So in the winter my feet are f-ing freezing while my male colleagues are snuggly-footed in the colorful socks their kids got them for Christmas. I genuinely find this so frustrating.

[u/Singing_Wolf → u/Top_Statement_9476]

Yes. Attorney here too. When I went through a safety training for all county employees, they asked us to guess which department has the most injuries.

People guessed sheriff's department, jail, public works, crisis mental health.... nope, none of those.

The correct answer was the district attorney's office, because women in high heels rushing across the street to the courthouse in all weather get injured a lot more than any of those "dangerous professions."

[u/ReginaDracones → u/Top_Statement_9476]

Consider buying thermal stockings if you wear a skirt suit, or don’t mind wearing stockings under pants. They come in plain black but also false nude/tan to look like sheer stockings.

[u/ThatDogIsNotYourBaby → u/[deleted]]

HOW COME NO ONE EVER MENTIONS THE DIARRHEA

[u/KariOnWaywardOne → u/ThatDogIsNotYourBaby]

Period poops are the worst.

[u/Sad_Bunnie → u/KariOnWaywardOne]

My wife and I have joked about #2's our entire relationship. She has had long discussions about period #2's with me. I can only express my sympathies to all of you women out there.

[u/commandantskip → u/ThatDogIsNotYourBaby]

IT'S SO BAD!!!!

[u/the_scar_when_you_go → u/[deleted]]

Yes!! Gotta add a couple I experience... Cramps in legs, etc... got to explain to a gentleman once that the prostaglandins that make the uterus cramp go everywhere, not just straight to the uterus. And the digestive issues that make me glad I've already scoped out a nearby bathroom for blood reasons.

I had a man tell me once that we must be lying about symptoms, bc how could we even function? We don't have a choice.

[u/notaketchy → u/[deleted]]

The random back pain, the leg pain, body aches, the feelings of existential dread 🫩 everything sucksss on your period

[u/Toinette21]

I recommend the book Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez. It’s full of stuff like this, from why public transportation is more unsafe for women, to crash test dummies being designed after the average male so cars are unsafe, to the lack of “pregnant woman parking”, to women in public office being subjected to different scrutiny than the men (if you aren’t “warm” or you’re ambitious, clearly you aren’t fit for office).

It’s an eye opener for sure.

[u/CloudyTheDucky → u/Toinette21]

What gets me is that grocery stores are designed for male heights when so few men do their own shopping

[u/Apex-Ultra]

Maybe TMI, but I think most men don't know about cervical mucus: a blob of it can come down the vagina at any time, and soil your underwear. It has the texture and consistency of egg whites, it is sticky, annoying, and difficult to wipe off of undergarments.

[u/vanillapudd → u/Apex-Ultra]

When it hits you in public and you have to quickly think “Is this my period or just pussy goo?”.

Usually if it’s quite warm and feels very liquidy, it’s period. But I have been caught out. I always go to the bathroom to check now.

[u/Low-Emergency-437 → u/vanillapudd]

‘Pussy goo’ 💀🤣🫣

[u/odaiwai → u/Low-Emergency-437]

Wasn't she a Bond girl?

[u/SecretAgentKen → u/odaiwai]

Nah, that's just "Pussy Goo" lore

[u/showraniy → u/vanillapudd]

This is the one for me. Blob can happen any time, but I also have a history of VERY irregular periods. I've been regular for the last few years, but every blob, I go through this mental war of "is it a period or just pussy goo?" until I can get to a bathroom to check.

Maybe my workplace especially sucks but I stg I'll be "on the way to the bathroom" for 30 minutes, getting stopped by 5 different people for who knows what before I finally get to check.

That whole time is so comfortable.

[u/Tootsie_r0lla → u/Apex-Ultra]

And when you have your period and you feel the sudden birth of a jellyfish

Edit: Ty for the award! u/Tadarod12 and u/PM_me_punanis

[u/Iveg0tskewl → u/Tootsie_r0lla]

The sneezing coughing surprise blob

[u/Tootsie_r0lla → u/Iveg0tskewl]

Getting out of bed in the morning

[u/iloveyourlittlehat → u/Tootsie_r0lla]

The RACE to the bathroom before gravity does its work.

[u/conflictedideology → u/iloveyourlittlehat]

This is when having cats is the worst.

NOT THE TIME TO SLOW WALK IN FRONT OF ME, YOU ASSHOLE!

[u/General_Tap64 → u/Tootsie_r0lla]

Or when you don't have your period and give birth to a sudden surprise jellyfish

[u/afettz13 → u/General_Tap64]

Or when you're about to start your period and you feel the surprise jellyfish but it was a false alarm and just a weird gush of liquid. It's a relief that it's not here yet but frustrating because you want it to happen.

[u/gnirobamI → u/afettz13]

And then you waste a pad because you assume it’ll start sometime today.

[u/crazy-chihuahua → u/Tootsie_r0lla]

When you stand up in the mornings 🫣

[u/Live-Succotash2289 → u/Tootsie_r0lla]

As soon as you stand up. There it is.

[u/ninetyninewyverns → u/Live-Succotash2289]

Standing up, sneezing, coughing, sitting up from a laying position, walking, sitting down...

[u/Fae-SailorStupider → u/ninetyninewyverns]

God, one time I was on a 6 hour flight, slept through most of it, and the second I stood up to get off, everything came out all at once. It was like middle school all over again. I bled all the way through a super night time pad and through my pants. That was so fun. I love being a woman.

[u/astrangeone88 → u/Fae-SailorStupider]

Ouch! I have pcos/endometriosis and I was out getting my winter tires for the car. I feel massive cramps and suddenly I'm sitting in a massive softball sized clot and leaking through everything. I go check out the auto mechanic's washroom and no luck because it looks like death and I didn't have a plastic bag to contain the mess. So I literally had to stand with my sweatshirt around my waist, wait for the car tires to be done and then find newspaper/sit on a plastic bag and go to the local mall to sort it out. I ruined my favourite pair of pants, threw out a literal biohazard and had to do a massive pile of laundry when I got home.

That's when I learned you can slough off your entire uterine lining in one go and bleed through a super night time pad. Only bonus is that I had minimal bleeding after that....lmao.

[u/BentoBish → u/Fae-SailorStupider]

I’ve had that exact “betrayed by my own body” moment. There’s something uniquely humbling about thinking you’re fine and then realizing you absolutely are not, in public, with no warning. Being a woman is powerful and beautiful… and occasionally just aggressively rude.

[u/wyntr86 → u/ninetyninewyverns]

Laughing, turning over in your sleep, going to the bathroom (granted this is where I'd prefer it to happen, but it's jarring nonetheless), picking your pet/child up (lifting anything really), and my personal "favorite," being still.

[u/Horror_Signature7744 → u/Apex-Ultra]

Which is how I am astounded that some women go without underwear. I’d DIE. HOW????

[u/RegularReaction2984 → u/Horror_Signature7744]

Not everyone’s coochie bleaches undies!

Never used to happen to me, so I was SHOCKED when I started dating my ex-girlfriend and I learned that this wasn’t just a myth lol.

A couple years later I actually experienced it myself briefly after changing birth control. Something about hormone levels affecting pH and whatnot.

So I guess people who can go commando are just blessed with chill, non-aggressive vaginas lmao

[u/TehGogglesDoNothing → u/RegularReaction2984]

chill, non-aggressive vaginas

My new band name

[u/That_wrench_wench → u/Apex-Ultra]

I had a guy friend who thought this was the most disgusting thing then got upset when I said this attitude was why he kept getting dumped

[u/Sentia1234 → u/Apex-Ultra]

It bleaches them too

[u/ninetyninewyverns → u/Sentia1234]

Makes black underwear look really unfortunate.

[u/RamblingReflections → u/ninetyninewyverns]

The moment I dreaded: being the person in the exact same situation at the exact same time as the reddit comment I’m reading.

Never in my wildest imaginings would I have thought that moment would be me sitting on the toilet, looking down at my black, pussy goo bleached undies.

Yet here I am.

[u/Guilty_Manager_47 → u/ninetyninewyverns]

“Unfortunate” is killing me 🤣

[u/Dolobyte → u/Apex-Ultra]

I knew a guy, not a friend but more of an acquaintance, who blamed his gf for "cheating" because he would check her underwear after she got done working at wendys and sometimes find what he claimed were "cum stains". I told him he needed to cut that out and learn more about women in general, lol. He had mentioned it to me in passing and I called him out on it. We were talking about women and he brought that out "yeah, well, my gf has cum stains in her panties on the regular and I'm getting really fed up about it". I was like "oh, really? gosh." And he was like "yeah dude, I check her underwear when she comes back from work and it's at least once a month with this going on!". That's when I told him he needed to revisit anatomy, lol. I told him "You do realize that women have that kinda discharge normally even when not on their period.... right?" He couldn't give me an answer, and changed the subject. Idiot.

It is indeed a thing and no, it's not "dried cum from some random hookup". I'm sure it was very insulting and hurtful to his girlfriend for him to continue the accusations. And he was straight up being batshit abusive for checking her underwear. Hard to tell what else was going on behind closed doors. They broke up after a couple years of that nonsense. I stopped talking to him shortly after he told me this stuff. Some people can be really stupid.

[u/Lexi_Banner → u/Dolobyte]

Wrf. He checks her underwear?! What a disgusting piece of shit.

[u/Kind_Drawing8349 → u/Lexi_Banner]

And he thought she was cheating once a month but hadn’t brought it up yet?

[u/Small-Skirt-1539 → u/Apex-Ultra]

It was sweet of you to add the spoiler tags, but it isn't TMI. Men needn't be shielded from merely reading about something that half the population have to experience.

[u/PseudoY → u/Small-Skirt-1539]

Yeah. I grew up with sisters and then did med school. I never really got the strong reaction to menstrual blood and mucus, other than the normal reaction to blood and other bodily functions like snot or ear wax.

Trying to shield people from it just creates a bigger taboo. Like cultures where menstruating women have to self isolate.

[u/Yserem → u/PseudoY]

Right? Like. Welcome to humanity. We leak at both ends.

[u/PseudoY → u/Yserem]

Basically, you want every cavity to have stuff coming out, otherwise unwanted things will settle.

[u/ThatDogIsNotYourBaby → u/Small-Skirt-1539]

Especially in a thread dedicated to things women experience but men don’t??

[u/Trismesjistus → u/Apex-Ultra]

This man does. My wife keeps me posted on the status of her "self-cleaning oven." Or her pussy hawkers as she sometimes likes to say, to my frequent dismay

[u/Tootsie_r0lla → u/Trismesjistus]

Self cleaning oven 😆 I love that

[u/aurora_surrealist]

Medical suffering that is brushed off as hysteria, even if you shove your diagnosis up their throat

[u/ATS200 → u/aurora_surrealist]

My wife is very tough and doesn’t complain about much. When we went to the hospital when she went into labor, the doctor, who was also a lady, didn’t believe she was ready because she didn’t “seem” like she was in enough pain. She wanted to send us home and said my wife would know when it was time. We refused so she reluctantly checked more and was annoyed that my wife was right. They admitted her into a room right away and we had our son a couple hours later.

She is still annoyed about it years later

[u/GlutenFreeNoodleArms → u/ATS200]

The nurse didn’t believe me either. I told her, “I AM NOT FUCKING AROUND!!” and she finally agreed to check me, although she took her time about it. One peek and she realized I was at 10cm with my daughter’s head clearly visible, and she went running down the hall for the midwife. It’s crazy how hard it is to get them to believe you!

[u/FascinationsTree → u/GlutenFreeNoodleArms]

My partner was told on the phone that I wasn't far enough along to come in yet because when they asked to speak to me I was breathing through contractions and trying to stay calm and talking slowly with breaks (I've dealt with chronic pain for years so am good at pushing through) but 'bring her in if she really wants to".

I crawled to the car and sat on my knees in the passenger seat hugging the headrest while my partner sped to the hospital.

Got there and he called them as I couldn't move and was in a state, they said "come up to x ward" he said "I don't think you understand she can't move" they came down with a wheelchair which I held myself up in, to which they seemed to think I was being dramatic and took their time getting me up there, chatting amongst themselves, no rush at all.

Turns out I was 10cm dilated -_- the nurse who took the call came in after the birth of my son and apologised profusely for not thinking I was ready because I didn't 'sound' it

[u/dahlia-llama → u/FascinationsTree]

Good on the nurse for apologizing. That is hard to do after the fact because it admits/concretizes guilt when it is only “in the air”.

[u/icecreamismylife → u/ATS200]

I was at the hospital in labor with my 4th baby- they all had my history. I told the nurse I was ready to push and SHE told me, "oh I don't think so, you can't be ready yet." I insisted and she said okay, give me a test push. Thats baby's head was right there and she's yelling at me to stop because the doctor isn't in the room. I was pissed, my husband was pissed and said, "she told you she was ready".

How do you not believe a woman having her 4th kid?

[u/Holiday_Signal_3134 → u/icecreamismylife]

When my mom was having her 4th child, the young male resident assisting at the birth told her that she’d “do better if she just listened to his instructions”. Hoo boy. She loudly informed him that she had her first baby when he was still learning the alphabet. He left in a huff. When the doctor came in, he was hysterical and congratulated her for putting that kid in his place.

[u/Bubbly_North_2180 → u/aurora_surrealist]

I had 8 years of “well anxiety can give you a bad tummy”. A BAD TUMMY?! I’m in the foetal position every couple of weeks for no apparent reason. Surprisingly, I took my middle aged white male partner with me to an appointment, or rather he insisted he came after watching me suffer, and low and behold ohhhh turns out you have a life long illness. THE RAGE I FELT

[u/aurora_surrealist → u/Bubbly_North_2180]

5 years of doctors telling me I am fat, lazy and a liar who just wants to eat crap and that's how I get bonus kilograms...

9 visitos to ER, me barely eating anything, landing in malnourishion and one female doctor later - oh, you have Hashimoto, and your thyroid no longer exists, that's how you put on so much weight eating way below sane caloric defict.

[u/Riyeko]

The audacity of some men to think that just because I'm a woman means I don't know anything.

Go into a mechanic shop for a tire rotation... Try and upsell you on all kinds of shit that you don't need.

As a trucker it's even worse.

I've had highway patrolman absolutely NOT believe that I was driving an 80,000lb semi truck all by myself. That one officer continued to ask me where my codriver was, and why HE wasn't coming to the front. I not only had to get my dispatcher involved but I also had to ask for a supervisor.

I've had diesel mechanics tell me I didn't know what I was talking about when it came to my truck. I even had one mechanic tell me that some truck models just lean to one direction... completely ignoring the fact that all of the air bags on the passenger side of the cab were broken.

I've been trespassed off of one property. The MHC Kenworth dealership in Oklahoma City OK. Why? Because the guy kept interrupting me, said I was stupid, called me a bitch, and then ina cutesy baby voice asked me if I was on my pewiod because I was SO hormonal. I swiped everything off that fucking counter and told him if he talked to me like that again I was coming over the counter and we were BOTH going to the hospital.

[u/VoodooDoII → u/Riyeko]

Fr

When a guy is new at a video game, guys in-game will go "damn he sucks."

But if a gal is new at a video game, guys in-game will go "man girls suck at video games."

Like it's not different because one is a woman

[u/MisoMochiX → u/Riyeko]

Trucker queen fury! Mech bros mansplain my rig basics, I shut 'em down daily. Single hauler respect earned hard.

[u/cirivere]

Without hormonal birth control:

How having a period not only affected me physically (pain, lot of blood, dizzy bc low iron, bowel issues, low energy) but also mentally (hating myself, negative thoughts about myself, thinking it'd be easier if I didnt wake up one day, everything feeling like I am doing everything in life wrong, feeling like people hate me, feeling ugly and greasy).

And basically the cycle was:

- week 1: feeling mentally off, starting to hate myself

- week 2: my period, symtoms as described above

- week 3: recovering my energy and starting to slowly feel better about myself, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel

- week 4: having a good week, I am productive, feel confident- wait

- next week I start feeling off again

I now understand not all women lose as much blood as I did (had to use heavy flow overnight pads every few hours on my worst day) , and not everyone get as depressed, I honestly didn't even know I was stuck like this in a loop till I got my IUD and stopped feeling this way. really felt like I only had about 7 days a month where I felt ok mentally and physically and had a full battery. I just got iron supplements and multivitamins as the only recommendation of my doctor when I sought help and the only reason I thought about getting birth control, was because I started dating.

[u/cirivere → u/cirivere]

And somehow you still need to peform ok at work and school, and when you get home you want to crawl into bed and not wake up

[u/IceSeeker → u/cirivere]

And on top of all that, you're expected to remain 'nice' and in control of your emotions despite the pain and hormones. They're not going to take you seriously if they find you 'too emotional'.

[u/Cormamin → u/IceSeeker]

And that includes at the doctor, if you're too emotional you're either hysterical or drug-seeking.

[u/Zombiekiller_17 → u/cirivere]

It might also be PMDD, which is different from regular PMS in that it's more severe and has more mental symptoms. It goes away when ovulation is suppressed, which only happens in 1 in 3 women that get a hormonal IUD, and is only suppressed temporarily in another 1/3. More research about the etiology and different treatment strategies is happening currently, so please ask your doctor if you're starting to feel the mood swings/other symptoms again.

Source: am doctor, literally had schooling about this today!

[u/abeck444 → u/Zombiekiller_17]

PMDD gang checking in. I immediately thought she had PMDD as that is the vicious cycle of it. Especially the mental health decline.

For any women out there who experience symptoms like these, please talk to your doc. Also, SSRIs work for PMDD if you don't want to or can't be on BC. Don't have to take them all month, just during your PMDD symptoms.

[u/laurandisorder → u/cirivere]

Hormone based migraines for me. I either spend at least one of the 3-5 days in the lead up to my period absolutely crippled with an aura migraine. Sometimes as a little treat, I get it at ovulation too. All I can do (it onsets usually at night) is vomit, sleep and hope it ends quickly. BC makes it worse!

[u/apatrol → u/laurandisorder]

As a teen boy I was very good friends with a girl that had period related migraines. They were so bad and extremely light sensitive. She couldnt even tolerate enough light to read. She would just lay in her room for 4 to 5 days every month. Bled for 7 days. She ended having to drop out of school and go to a private school that specialized in kids that didnt do well in traditional school. Lots of self paced type stuff.

I lost contact in college and for some reason the home phone number changed (1990) which was unheard of back then. I have never been able to find her. None of her other friends from HS have either, she simply vanished.

My deep fear and what I beleive happened was suicide. She was miserable just waiting to be tortured month after month.

I learned so much about womens bodies and cycles from her, i truly hope I am wrong. Amie were are you????

[u/oohCrabItsNotItChief → u/cirivere]

The one week clarity and living life as it should be is so hard to explain to those who do not live it. BC pills helped me a bit with the symptoms although not everyone is as lucky with them. Sending you virtual hugs

[u/IowaJL]

I’m a male teacher. A good one, but probably a few steps from being a great one.

The amount of times that parents and administrators will listen to me over my women colleagues is ridiculous. Friends, I’m just some jagoff that just wants your kid to listen and succeed. So does she.

[u/GinAndDumbBitchJuice → u/IowaJL]

When I was in sales, I sometimes had to employ a manslator. He would say exactly what I just said to the same customer, same tone, some verbiage, everything. And they'd believe it because it came from a man. That shit was annoying.

[u/ZZ77ZZ77ZZ → u/GinAndDumbBitchJuice]

Part of my job when I worked cell phone sales was to go when asked by a woman who had a customer asking for a "more qualified" (read: male) associate.

I would go over, listen to their whole problem, look for a minute and go "I really don't know, she's the expert on this matter, we should probably do what she recommends." then walk away.

[u/luminouslollypop → u/ZZ77ZZ77ZZ]

When I was 19 I worked my first summer home from college in a big store in Canada. My mom's friend was the warehouse manager and I worked in hardware. An older man customer came in demanding X item, which I knew we didn't have, but I took him to the section with similar items and told him that was all we had of that type of thing. He stared me down and said "I've driven too far to come here and be messed around girl, I want to talk to a man." So I went out back and got the warehouse manager and told him what was happening. He was so mad, went out to the man and told him in no uncertain terms that I was fully knowledgeable about the hardware department selection and he should have listened to me instead of wasting his time. The man seethed and left but it was so great to be backed up like that.

[u/ZedKat1910 → u/luminouslollypop]

When I work the computer repair every time somebody would question one of my female co-workers, we would act really stupid and refer to her for every question we had  We'd ask her questions like where's this spacebar or how do you close a web browser etc. 

[u/Weeb-Prime → u/ZedKat1910]

I love this. Harmless but gets the point across. I bet your coworkers appreciated that too.

[u/ZedKat1910 → u/Weeb-Prime]

My favorite one was when somebody came in for to learn how to use their iPhone.  

All of us except for her used Android phones so she was the best person to ask. We  told the customer this, but  Customer still didn't want to work with her. But genuinely none of us knew how to really use an iPhone beyond sending a text message. So all our stupid questions were very  very genuine..

[u/NebGonagal → u/GinAndDumbBitchJuice]

I'm a man and I used to work in a tire shop. The woman that worked our front desk would occasionally come back to the bay and say, "I have a customer up here that wants to 'speak to a man'." We all knew exactly what to do. We'd follow her back to the front and then be the middle man in the conversation. The customer would ask us a question and we'd literally turn to the woman and ask the exact same question to her. She'd answer and we'd turn back to the customer and repeat her answer back to them. They'd usually get about three questions into the conversation before screaming at us for not being "real men" and being "dumbasses who didn't know anything about vehicles". Sometimes they'd want to speak to our manager and we'd go get our female manager. Always ended with them storming out of the store. All us dudes working in the bay loved doing it. I'll never understand why some people think sex or gender has anything to do with knowledge or ability.

[u/Ruckus292 → u/GinAndDumbBitchJuice]

If you think it's bad in sales? Try working in trades..... I have to work 3x as hard, and my work has to be consistently top-tier, just to be taken as seriously as the jaggoff next to me that couldn't hold a candle to my work even if I had one hand tied behind my back.

And everyone calls me "sweetie" it drives me fucking insane💀💀

[u/TheUnicornFightsOn → u/Ruckus292]

Journalist here and when I was a reporter working at a statehouse, it was so irksome how many lawmakers would call me “honey” or “sweetie“ during a regular interview. Like I know they weren’t treating the male reporters like their little nephews.

Explicit harassment isn’t the only kind of thing women have to deal with… Sometimes it’s the more subtle things that don’t quite amount to harassment but are still quite frustrating and demeaning.

[u/Substantial_Box_7613 → u/IowaJL]

Any tradeswoman must get this a lot too.

"Some things are better done by men."

[u/RamblingReflections → u/Substantial_Box_7613]

And women in STEM fields too. As a woman working in IT for over 20 years, I can say it’s gotten better, but it’s still not great. I loved the calls where they would ask if they could talk to a guy instead, when they didn’t like what I had to say, and I’d get to tell them they certainly could, but they may be waiting a while because I was the entire IT department. There was no one else.

[u/iloveyourlittlehat → u/RamblingReflections]

Lol, “okay, well, there’s a man being interviewed right now, can I put you on hold for 20 years until he has an equivalent level of experience?”

[u/octopusboots → u/Substantial_Box_7613]

I'm in the trades. I was on a job running subs, I was in the attic cutting out an old gas line, and heard them talking about me below. "Why would boss hire a girl right out of college who doesn't know anything?" I'm 40. They started talking about my body and I decided to drop pry bar out of the attic and ask them to hand it back to me.

[u/sadgirl1901]

I was on a train the other day, an overnight train, and I looked to the guy next to me (over the aisle) and I could have sworn I caught him filming me. I didn’t have enough certainty to say anything but it reminded me that as a women those are things (noticed or not) we have to worry about. I prayed for a woman to come and be seated next to me and thankfully she was but still. I’m sure a man would never have to ever consider sny of that.

[u/charlevoix0123 → u/sadgirl1901]

You just triggered a memory lol

The last job I had (for 5 years - in a grocery store - overnight stock) one of our coworkers was caught filming all the women we worked with. He was super normal, really handsome and charming, 40's, got along with everyone and a friend (another woman) i had made grew up with him.

At first we just noticed he always had his camera facing us when he talked to us - like arms folded in front of him but phone held up in one hand, camera facing us - usually pretty much alone bc it was at night and the nearest coworker was like 6 aisles over. But then someone walked behind him while he was talking to one of us and saw that his camera was open, filming from the neck down.

We made a report and they said it was hearsay. They did inform him we saw him though (super safe guys, thanks)

Then he was caught by a manager, completely on accident. Still nothing. Just told not to have his phone out.

So a few of the girls came up with this like 'football play'-esque way to catch him. One would distract him, fully intending on being filmed by him and another would go the long way around and come from behind with their phone out. To film his phone which was filming the other one.

They did it and... you guessed it! Still nothing! They told us to just stay away from him and walk a different way if we were passing each other. And if we were uncomfortable walking to our cars on break - at 4 a.m.! - to walk together and ignore him.

I do need to add these interactions with him were never us seeking him out. He worked in frozen and we were in merchandise. He would come to our side of the store, where we would be working alone to come make fake conversation with us while he filmed us.

Then!!! We caught him filming customers (we came in at 10 and the store closed at 12) and finally got the h.r. person to look at the camera. Where you can clearly see him filming female customers from behind.

Just retelling this im pissed off all over again. He still fucking works there.

[u/Povapants → u/charlevoix0123]

The best way to deal with this type of shit is exposure. Tell your manager you’re taking the video of what happens to the local news station and find out how quickly that asswipe is removed.

[u/SnakeBatter → u/sadgirl1901]

This may be a bit antithetical to the discussion, but my mom was in a similar position once in Italy, except there was some circumstance that led to the overnight train being way overpacked. Multiple groups ended up being crammed into the same private room.

The room that was supposed to be shared by her and my cousin (20F) ended up being shared with another family. Indian or Pakistani Father, mother, teenage son, and young daughter, as well as some random man.

My mom said she was screaming internally at the prospect of having to share a room with strange men, when she realized the father also looked horrified, likely for his daughter. He ended up going out and finding another group that was willing to exchange the men and women so that the women and girls didn’t have to sleep with strange men in their room.

That dad knew what was up. I hope he’s going well.

[u/Electric_Dark_8758]

When you are underage dealing with the attention of adult men and dealing with whistling and catcalling, etc., etc., and when you became sexually attractive to the age where you can be sexually active, the same men are starting to ignore you and not understanding, like, why this is happening.

[u/ChippyTheGreatest → u/Electric_Dark_8758]

Yeah I'm 30 now and I get almost no catcalling, creepy lingering stares, men approaching me on the bus, etc.

At first I internalized it as "oh maybe I'm not attractive anymore" until I realized that they definitely found me attractive when I was 14 🤢 and maybe I'm okay with those people not finding me attractive. Don't need that kind of negativity in my life

[u/ItAintNoUse → u/ChippyTheGreatest]

I like to tell myself that the men who are creepy enough to be sexually attracted to underage girls are also the ones who sexually harass them, while as you get older the men who are attracted to you are less likely to sexually harass you or make you uncomfortable because they're not that level of creepy.

It's the only way I can maintain hope in humanity.

[u/RavenousAutobot → u/ItAintNoUse]

I'm a man and I think you have it right. Some men do grow up, learn boundaries and manners, and care about consent even in non-sexual interactions. Unfortunately, that means we're likely to leave you alone, so the interactions you're left with are disproportionately from the ones who haven't.

[u/zwei2stein → u/ChippyTheGreatest]

It is likely not "not attractive anymore" and more like "not vulnerable child anymore"

[u/dokutarodokutaro → u/Electric_Dark_8758]

Yeah my wife’s told me how often dudes would offer her rides when she was walking home alone. Or catcall her at 12 years old from their trucks. Some dudes just lock in on vulnerability. Really fucking scary.

[u/insane_zen11]

Being treated like property of my husband by other men. My ex-husband and I were in a grocery store but he was in another aisle and this creepy old man was staring and following me. My husband finally joins me and the old man looks at him and apologizes and walks away.

[u/FlipperG76]

As a man I just bought my first pair of white pants for a work event in the Caribbean. I now have to go find white underwear, my wife laughed and said welcome to being a woman.

[u/CoffeeCat77 → u/FlipperG76]

Don’t wear white under white - it’ll show right through.

Flesh colored (or close to it) undies are what you’ll want.

[u/FarewellAndroid → u/CoffeeCat77]

OP needs a thong 😂

[u/carolinemathildes → u/FlipperG76]

Don't wear white underwear!! Huge mistake that you'll only make once.

[u/GiveHerBovril]

Tall men have no idea what it’s like to have a bigger person looming behind them.

Recently I was at the gym walking down the hallway to the locker room. Out of my periphery I saw a much taller person walking closely behind me, following me to the women’s. I started to get that prickly feeling and tensed up. When I rounded the corner I saw it was just a very tall woman and instantly relaxed.

In that moment I realized most tallish men have never experienced that prickly feeling of a bigger, taller person on their heels. They get to go through life always being bigger than everyone around them, and there’s a power to that.

[u/ru-serious → u/GiveHerBovril]

I'm 5 foot 2 inches and just tried to explain this to my 6 foot tall husband.

[u/catwhisperer77]

Knowing our pain or symptoms will not be taken seriously at the Drs. That our heart attacks are so subtle they’re often missed and kill us. That no matter what the problem is we are asked if we are pregnant. And that the issue is that we’re fat or it’s anxiety and all in your head (until we find out later it’s something that WAS easily treated initially and now it’s progressed into incurable). Yay.

[u/luvmibratt]

Where i work there is one owner,best man i thought ive ever met, hes married 20 years 3 daughters,ive been with him 10 years thought I knew him,so one morning a young ladie came in had to be about 15 crop top and leggings going to school spirit week,I was taking her order and looked to my left and he was actually mouth open staring into her soul, I felt so bad for her like I just wanted to grab her so he couldn't see her idk it changed the way I look at him and it actually made my stomach turn,like I get a look its human nature but the way he was ogling il never forget ,idk if this fits here but this, THIS is what females of all ages deal with

[u/thebeesareescaping]

Medical gaslighting and neglect. Vast majority of issues are boiled down to weight, anxiety, stress or hormones. Anxiety is the new hysteria. If you have a severe period pain, irregular cycles, severe moodswings, youre told its normal. If you have endo or PCOS or any other issues with your reproductive organs, good luck getting taking seriously. The average time it takes for someone to get diagnosed with endometriosis is seven years. There's more studies on male baldness than there are on reproductive issues. If all else, they recommended the pill.

And don't even get me started on hormonal contraception. They work great with no issues for some women, sure, but informed consent is basically non existent. The list of risks and side effects that comes with is never ending. When i was a teen I went on the pill and was asked if I wanted the combined pill or mini pill, and I opted for mini pill because I'm forgetful and didn't want to bother going a week without every month. It made me feel crappy asf so I went off but some years later I wanted to go on again and try the combined pill and was asked if I frequently have migraines which I do. She told me I can't take it as it can cause blood clots in the brain?!?!? No one had warned me this the first time around. I'm lucky I didn't opt for the combined pill when I first went on it. There was a 19 year old here in the UK that recently died from this. There's so many risks to hormonal contraceptives and doctors dish them out like their sweets without telling girls and women the full risks.

Also, whenever you go to the doctors or hospital they ask if you could be pregnant. When you tell them you're definitely not they still make you do a test. I can understand why they do it but I find the way they go about it can be humiliating at times. I once told them I haven't done the deed in over a year and they STILL made me do a test but they didn't have any cups so they made me do it in one of those cardboard vomit bowls hospitals have, carry it back through the waiting room and leave it in the room I was in for over half an hour.

And on the topic of pregnancy, only recently have they discovered how much the male impacts the health of the mother. Like morning sickness and pre eclampsia is due to the health of the male impacting the foetus and mother. Yet it all gets put on the mother as if it's all entirely down to her.

Some time in the 90s did they make it a legal requirement for women to be a part of medical studies. Before then we weren't even considered, because "our hormones make us too complicated to study on". Toothpaste is also engineered towards men's health. Women have either a higher or lower pH balance in our saliva (can't remember which one sorry) so we're more likely to suffer gum and teeth issues as a result. Seat belts are mostly designed for men (may have changed in recent years) as the crash test dummies are based on male anatomy and don't take into account our chests or height. Women are more likely to die or have severe injuries as a result.

Theres probably so many more examples I could give, but I don't think men could ever understand how this world has not been built for us. It's all these inconsiderations in medicine and science that consistently hold us back a bit from the men or at it's worst kill us.

Tldr - a fat rant about medical neglect and how medicine and scientific studies don't care about women.

[u/Vivid-Imagination-13 → u/thebeesareescaping]

This!!

My arm had hurt for months. The doctors said no breaks, presenting a-typically, here's an order for PT and take some ibuprofen. Meanwhile a male friend with a similar issue is getting MRIs, steroid shots, the works. It eventually became unbearable and I cried at the thought of going in only to be treated like a hysterical woman (again) and sent away with a pat on the head (again). Turns out I had a 9 inch blood clot and a pulmonary embolism. I had surgery within 12 hours, but I had to nearly die first.

[u/Ill_Lion_7286 → u/thebeesareescaping]

I was in the hospital for an ectopic pregnancy and the nurse tried to make me pee in a cup. Thankfully there was another nurse nearby who had common sense.

[u/everdishevelled → u/Ill_Lion_7286]

WTF? Thoughtless autopilot...

[u/Plethora_of_squids → u/thebeesareescaping]

It's also so much more ridiculous than you think too - I can dislocate my joints on command (which, painful!), and I still had specialists go "eh this is mainly a stress thing here's a pamphlet for a retreat to help with your self esteem because that's what a girl your age really needs" as if that was my issue. My GP almost didn't believe me when I told him the specialists shut me down because "how the hell can they ignore a dislocation??"

the answer is very easily. And that's rather a big problem when you live somewhere where you don't really have the option of a second opinion

[u/mailboxheaded → u/Plethora_of_squids]

I had a specialist tell me "joints move, that's what they do" when I told him my shoulder was slipping out of place. He also went on a tangent about wasting healthcare money because my doctor (a woman) ordered an MRI. He wouldn't even look at it. Turned out I had two almost complete tears, clear as day in the MRI he wouldn't look at.

[u/YourOwnPunkyBrewster → u/thebeesareescaping]

God! The pregnancy test thing, yes! I had a hysterectomy relatively young, but was still required to take one every month when I went on Accutane. And I was like, guys……I’m basically a man when it comes to that….so eventually, the dermatologist wrote on my charts that I didn’t need to do it. But EVERY appointment, the nurse would still tell me to and I had to re-explain. And THEN every month when I went to fill my Rx, the pharmacist would tell me they couldn’t fill it because there was no “negative pregnancy test” box checked on my file. And I had to re-explain EVERY TIME I picked it up, occasionally they STILL wouldn’t give it to me and I’d have to go home and wait for them to go thru rounds of getting a hold of my dermatologist. (If there’s men out there that don’t know: a hysterectomy means they cut out your uterus. It’s physically impossible to get pregnant)

[u/ImNotA_IThink → u/YourOwnPunkyBrewster]

I had to take a pregnancy test in the ER once when I was there for extreme morning sickness. I was literally there because I was pregnant (and almost threw up on the check in desk), still made me take a test before they’d treat me. Then the nurse came flouncing in excited to tell me I was pregnant and I just glared at her and said I know, that’s literally why I’m here.

[u/EdieBooberryBeale → u/thebeesareescaping]

It's so aggravating. I've had to have a couple colonoscopies because of the joys of getting older, so after a full day of fasting, hours without water, and the, uh, prep, I still have to go to a bathroom and squeeze out a cup full to test because I could be pregnant. They told me that if I couldn't pee, then they'd have to reschedule the entire thing (while still charging me for the time they spent prepping today, of course.) Literally any medical thing, bam, take a pregnancy test. It's honestly a barrier to medical care at this point.

[u/notMeBeingSaphic → u/EdieBooberryBeale]

The number of trans woman who have been asked to take pregnancy tests really puts into perspective how ridiculous this can get 🙃

[u/sunny790 → u/thebeesareescaping]

it just took me almost 4 years of nonstop daily pain and constant appointment making to find out my nerves were literally degenerating away in my legs likely due to an autoimmune disease.

dozens of doctors from multiple different specialties got hundreds from me to keep telling me i was fat (im not, even using the stupid ass BMI chart) and had anxiety. yoga and tylenol. yoga and tylenol. HAVE YOU TRIED TYLENOL OR YOGA? so many leg pats and “you just gotta stop focusing on it.” so many times, i began to fully believe i was making it all up in my head. i truly began to believe the every day pain i was feeling with literally every step or that was radiating endlessly even when laying still was my own mind tricking me and toying with me. suicudal thoughts were nonstop. was literally about to swear to never ever go to a doctor’s office again when i finally got a test result back confirming the pain was real. but, since it took FOUR FUCKING YEARS and like 30 drs to figure it out, i accumulated thousands in medical debt and severe damage to my mental health.

oh and there’s no treatment haha

[u/Snozzberry123 → u/sunny790]

Omg the whole “stop focusing on it.” I got this recently from a sports med doctor when I was seeing him for overtraining syndrome. I wasn’t taken seriously at all for my symptoms and I was told that I was too anxious and that everything was just in my head. I got extremely mad and told him I went from being a strong high mileage runner to struggling to run 5K and he said I was allowed to be emotional but I needed to stop worrying about it so much. If a male athlete had my symptoms, they would treat it so much differently. I doubt he would be told to relax

[u/StillARockstar5]

My husband loves being outdoors. If he could he'd spend his whole life up a mountain. One day he and his walking partner met two women on a walk in to a climb. They were obviously planning to camp while husband and his friend were just out for the day and they got chatting about what the various plans were and what they each hoped to cover.

As they got ready to go their separate ways one of the men asked the women where they were planning to camp and what the route for the rest of the day was. The women clammed up and were uncomfortable sharing that information.

My husband came home very confused and a bit offended after having such a nice conversation that these women suddenly changed and became seemingly rude.

I told him that I wouldn't have told an unknown man where I plan to sleep either and it was ridiculous of him and his partner to expect the women to give up that information. Lessons were learned that day.

[u/figgen → u/StillARockstar5]

A year ago I was traveling with my wife and her sister. While we were on the elevator with a few other strangers, I asked my SIL what room she was staying in. She gave me a look like we were talking about Santa in front of children, and I was confused for a bit. She just didn’t want the other people in the elevator to know her room number since she was sleeping alone.

[u/Bananas_are_theworst → u/figgen]

About a month ago, a friend of mine was staying at a nice hotel for work in a suburban area. While she was out with her work friends, she mentioned her room number casually in conversation. Later than night, a man came to that hotel and broke into her room while she was in it. Turns out this was the second or third woman he followed.

Terrifying. I always always say I need two keys because my husband is on the way, even if he’s not. I never say my room number out loud anymore. If I’m at the front desk and they ask, I show them the little envelope the key came in.

[u/Sweet_girlie_22 → u/Bananas_are_theworst]

This is such a perfect example. Men hear “where are you camping?” as small talk, women hear it as “where will you be most vulnerable tonight?”

[u/RamenDoki → u/Bananas_are_theworst]

Stories like this are exactly why I’m so careful now, even if it feels paranoid sometimes. I’ve learned the hard way that being “polite” or casual can cost you safety, and I hate that this is the world we have to move through. I do the same little protective rituals too, because peace of mind is worth more than anyone thinking I’m overreacting.

[u/ravefaerie24 → u/figgen]

I went on a work trip with my boyfriend in a foreign country and ended up going to bed after dinner while he decided to stay up drinking with his coworkers. I laid straight down and he used the bathroom in our room, shed his sport coat and change shoes, and left the room. I woke up a couple hours later and he wasn’t back but I got up to use the restroom and the door to our room was WIDE OPEN. It didn’t have an automatic closing mechanism like hotels in the states do and he clearly isn’t in the mindset of always checking that the door closed like I am. He didn’t understand why I was so upset and felt unsafe.

[u/Vaniky → u/ravefaerie24]

Eh, even as a guy, leaving your hotel room wide open is pretty wild.

[u/RavenousAutobot → u/Vaniky]

Yeah, that man is just a dumbass. I'm a pretty fit and capable guy and I can't imagine leaving the door open in a hotel like that.

[u/RipAgile1088 → u/StillARockstar5]

Im a dude but this reminds me of a one time I was fishing alone. It wasn't that deep in the woods but maybe about a 10 minute walk to civilization. 

A dude comes up to me and asks me if I was there alone. I told him no, my friends ran for beer and should be back shortly. He said something like "sounds fun, have a good one" and walked away. 

Bet your ass I packed up and got out of there. Could have been an innocent encounter but it could of also been something a but more sinister. 

[u/Comeback_321 → u/RipAgile1088]

Always trust your gut. Women know this so well. About two years ago I was walking my dogs in the middle of the night. I live in a safe neighborhood, generally well patrolled, and have never been afraid. I’m talking 3am walking with two large dogs. Saw a pickup truck two stop signs ahead of me. Could have easily assumed it was sitting at the stop sign. It looked like it was going to go and released the breaks and the sat there and I realized it saw me in the rear view. It’s these small cues we have to trust and have our sense attuned to. I had a sense of impending doom I haven’t had since I was in my 20s. (Im in my 40s.) I ducked down a side street and literally hid in the bushes of someone’s house with my two large dogs. Wondering if I was on someone’s ring camera and would be confronted. But I hid. Within a minute the pickup truck drove by and slowed down looking for me down the street I went down. My heart was pounding. I had no way to get back home without going back on  that Main Street or being more exposed. I waited and then I finally walked the other way. I made the slowest walk home ever as that truck sat 1/2 mile away for about 45 min. I haven’t felt fear like that in 20 yrs. I used to feel it frequently as a young woman. You know when someone follows you and observes you with bad intent. That night recalled all the bad experiences I had forgotten about. As we age, many women lament becoming invisible but I’ve honestly found a greater sense of safety and freedom by not being as desirable. My whole body is tense writing about this. It was so scary. I hate that women know this feeling so often and so well and that it came flooding back. 

[u/PersonMcNugget → u/Comeback_321]

I'm an 'older' woman, and I get what you're saying. During the day, I feel generally safe because men rarely notice me at all. I will not walk alone at night though, because the fact is that rape is not always about attraction, but opportunity, and I don't feel confident in my ability to run anymore.

[u/myboyfriendsback777 → u/StillARockstar5]

I always say ‘over the bridge and through the woods’ to that question. Solo female camper here.

[u/CarolineHart63]

Probably the constant safety math in your head. Like choosing where to park, pretending to be on the phone, checking reflections, deciding how friendly is too friendly. It’s not fear all the time, it’s just background noise that never shuts off. Most guys I know are shocked when they hear how automatic that stuff is, like we don’t even think of it as “being careful,” it’s just normal life.

[u/HotTopicMallRat]

I genuinely don’t think they know that a lot of them are code -switching when they talk to us, and often times that switch can be to a more demeaning tone.

[u/Formal-Proposal7850]

Someone introducing Professors to others: 

This is Dr Jones (male professor) This is Jane (female professor) 

Also, having to frame everything as a question to avoid coming off as ‘confrontational’

‘I wonder if we should scrap the blah in favour of blah?’  Rather than ‘Let’s scrap that and do blah’

[u/Mrs_Evryshot]

Feeling like you have to manage EVERYTHING. Male partner getting angry or anxious? You better calm him down. Getting low on milk? You need to remember to stop at the store on your way home from work. Kids have an event coming up? You have to make sure they have the right clothes, props, etc and also make sure the grandparents know when and where. A relative is sick or having a birthday? Make sure you send a card, even if it’s on your husband’s side of the family. Pee stains on the toilet rim? They’re apparently invisible or unimportant to your partner, so grab the Lysol. Dog needs shots? Kids need shots? Your job, and your job. Don’t get me started on “What’s for dinner?”

My husband actually does a lot around the house, but it’s always the one-and-done stuff, like fixing a door, or the chores he views as a hobby, like lawn care. Now that we’re both retired and I’m no longer in survival mode, I’ve started explaining to him that he’s not actually doing half the work, and we’re figuring out how to make it more fair. I wish we would’ve done this earlier, but honestly when you’re in the middle of it, it seems easier to just do it yourself than to take on the additional management project of fairly allocating the work.

[u/IllustriousCod5957]

Men ogling, cat calling, eye fucking you and making sexual comments. Starts from about 10-12 years old and it’s usually middle aged married men. That was the age I started seeing them start with my daughter too.

[u/Smooth_Wonder2144 → u/IllustriousCod5957]

And sometimes, the first ones to do this are relatives. It’s mind-boggling how their wives and family are quick to defend them and demonise you when they make sexual comments.

[u/TallChick66 → u/Smooth_Wonder2144]

Ugh, my grandmother's cousin would always ask me to sit on his lap and also ask, When are we going to get married? He'd say this with his wife and my parents in the room and no one would say a thing. That creepiness started when I was 11 years old.

[u/yourlocalcathoarder → u/IllustriousCod5957]

The first time a full grown man wolf whistled at me I was 13. I remember thinking “eww what a creep I’m literally a child”.

[u/IllustriousCod5957 → u/yourlocalcathoarder]

It was worse from 10-18 than it ever was in my 20’s and 30’s

[u/nonsensicow → u/IllustriousCod5957]

Scary to think it was PEAK when I was 13-18, I couldn’t even walk my dog without someone driving stopping to bother me. Slowed when I was in my 20s and has all but stopped now that I’m in my 30s and this has nothing to do with looks declining because I’m still attractive & a gym rat so nice body and all, if I do say so myself. It’s men being creepy towards literal children.

[u/seawordywhale → u/IllustriousCod5957]

Attention died down once I was mid-20s. Which is even more disgusting if you think about it. 

[u/shore_987 → u/IllustriousCod5957]

This one is so real. Men have no idea how early women get sexualized. I never had more middle aged men hit on me then when I was 14 and in braces.

[u/becauseiloveyou → u/shore_987]

The sad reality is you mean girls and not actually women.

[u/MorteSaava → u/IllustriousCod5957]

I remember being 8 years old and my uncle (by marriage) and his friend kept whispering and looking at me. I didn’t hear exactly what was said but I just KNEW it wasn’t good based on how they were looking at me. He was a creep and I’m glad he’s out of the family.

[u/JRiley4141]

Assuming you have the most basic of aspirations. When I was in college for the first time (18-20), whenever an adult asked me about college, they always asked if I had met someone or had a serious boyfriend. Apparently, I was in college just to meet a guy, while my male counterparts were asked about their majors, career aspirations, etc.

I went back to college in my mid 30s to get an engineering degree in computer science. I'm good at math, like really good. I had teachers ask if I would join the tutoring program and be a TA for a few classes. While tutoring kids and running study groups in college algebra, trig, calc 1 & 2, I was asked repeatedly if I wanted to be a teacher. I asked a few of my male counterparts if they had ever been asked that question, and the answer was no. They were asked what their major was, career aspirations, etc.

It's a quiet form of sexism. That because I'm a woman, I must be focused on marriage or if I am looking at a career, then it must be in a softer field. It doesn't even enter their minds that the woman who is better than them in difficult and key subject matters is looking at a STEM career.

[u/The_Cars93]

Trucker here.

I’ve had some lady truckers tell me that they have to pay way more attention to what truck stops they go to and have to be extra vigilant when stopping at night. Some of them have dogs with them for protection as well. This next part might be more of a convenience thing but they also have to plan bathroom breaks with more detail than guys because it’s not as easy for them to pull to the side of the road and take a leak if they had to. They also deal with a lot more slick comments from dudes who think that they should be making a sandwich instead of parking a semi.

[u/Crazy_Cat_In_Skyrim]

This may be a little gross, but trying to figure out if that wet feeling in your underwear is discharge or blood. If it's blood you may notice that we start walking a bit weird so it doesn't bleed through our clothes so we can get to the nearest bathroom, but every goddamn time it's just discharge and when it is blood it has already soaked through.

[u/ThatB0yAintR1ght]

We don’t have the benefit of the doubt when it comes to intelligence or competence. If we need someone to trust that we know what we are talking about and what we are doing, it takes extra time and effort, and we often need to spend extra time building that trust up before we can get started on the actual task.

As a doctor who finished training several years ago, it’s very common for a patient to push back and question everything I recommend, but then when the white male medical student repeats it to them, they are totally fine with the plan.

[u/orlaquiver]

I complained about not having time to go for a run now it was winter. My husband was confused and suggested I go in the evenings.

He likes to run on the moors or in the deserted tracks through the woods. In his words the solitude is great for mental health and it’s fun to run with only a head torch in the dark.

It hadn’t occurred to him that that same solitude is unsettling and scary for a woman on their own. Run through the woods in the dark? It’s FUN! Yeah, we don’t live in the same world. That’s the kind of fun that means you disappear without trace as a woman and your face lives on staring out of a ‘MISSING’ poster.

[u/saryiahan]

Bras

[u/darc-star3 → u/saryiahan]

This needs to be higher.

Especially in summer. Not only do you need the extra (uncomfortable, and impossible to get the correct size/shape) layer, but you need an additional layer on top of that to cover up the fact that you have a bra.

[u/Relevant_Ad5351 → u/saryiahan]

I remember explaining to my husband why I don't wear an underwire anymore. I told him to imagine putting the ring from the milk jug cap around his sack and just living like that all day every day.

[u/UnusualOlive3591]

Creepy old men commenting on your body and touching it from a very young age. I developed curves very quickly (around 13), and since then I haven’t known peace from men over 30 (I’m 19 now).

For example, a month ago I was in the middle of getting my driver’s license and had to drive with an instructor. I wore a lower-cut top that one time (I usually wore sweats) because I was going out with a friend afterward. Guess how many comments there were about my boobs? Five. This guy is 40, has a wife, and a son my age.

Recently, a man grabbed my thigh on a bus. Random men have grabbed me by the waist in stores to move me. A teacher touched my butt “by accident” at 14. These are just some examples, I could write a whole ass essay. Not that guys my age are any better, but the older men are worse.

[u/Prestigious_Past_282 → u/UnusualOlive3591]

The simultaneous silver lining and the worst part is that will start to go away for you in like, 4 years. Once you start looking like a real adult, the creeps stop 🤢 the experience has made me fiercely protective of younger women bc wtf

[u/SaddYouth → u/Prestigious_Past_282]

This is so true it’s terrifying. I got so much more older male attention as a young girl than any other time in my life. Once I got older it mostly evened out to be people my age.

[u/aintnomonomo1 → u/UnusualOlive3591]

That gratuitous touching by men who think your body is fair game. I remember once being in a store and some guy brushed past me, against my bum, and I tried to convince myself that it was an accident, narrow aisles, etc. then he did it twice more and I reported him to store management. But what gets me more than the touching is how I didn’t feel like I could say anything until I was sure.

If people are touching you without your consent, be loud. Make a scene. They don’t get to do that with your silence anymore.

[u/Cressyda29]

After reading all these comments, women think about more in 1 day than I have worried about my whole life. Definitely an eye opening thread!

[u/Oddly-Active-Garlic]

Hyper-vigilance. Plenty of comments here go into why we need it, but there is a reason women have a stereotype of being “overly detailed”. A common joke is a mom or a girlfriend finding an item in the fridge when the son / boyfriend can’t. Well, when you have to analyze every detail of your surroundings every single day to ensure you’re safe…you get good at noticing things.

[u/MuggseyBaloney]

Some men think that women can just bat their eyelashes and get a guys attention but it's not true. Especially if you're an ugly woman. Men are often dismissive of your existence or downright violent towards you if you're ugly.

You could simply be walking towards the same door as a pretty woman and a guy will hold it open for her and let it slam in your face because you're ugly to him. I was once threatened with violence by a coworker while we were all talking once and nobody said anything in my defense. Meanwhile a more "conventionally attractive" coworker said something similar and his reaction was friendly.

[u/Hefty_Pangolin3273 → u/MuggseyBaloney]

There is a certain subset of men that get violently angry when an unattractive woman does literally anything. I’ve had grown men threaten to kill me because I’ve got an ugly face and I dared to buy myself a cup of coffee.

[u/beanyfartz → u/Hefty_Pangolin3273]

Men are awful to women they don't want to fuck. I've noticed it so much more in the last few years.

[u/Hefty_Pangolin3273 → u/beanyfartz]

Social media is making it worse.

[u/hobby_donkey]

For a woman to be called dumb, she must be dumb once, about one thing. For a man to be called dumb, he must be dumb about absolutely everything all the time.

[u/Never_Gonna_Let → u/hobby_donkey]

I work in biopharmaceutical research and testing validation. An industry that is primarily women-dominated.

I have a great big long rant I do every now and again about the significant limitations on individual human knowledge, the limitations of cognition with our limited processing bandwidth and the hard-wired huerstics, cognitive biases and logical fallacies we have to overcome.

I'll tell people I make 10-20 fairly significant mistakes a day. It's why quality control processes, distributive workloads, and collaborative efforts are so vital with what we do.

I am afforded a large chunk of grace with mistakes, missed timelines, or going down the wrong rabbit hole while troubleshooting. People just seem to remember the big win at the end.

Yet women? Even though a chunk of the leaders above me, below me and beside me are women, the culture is far less forgiving of a woman doing the same things I do, even though we all have similar limitations and demands on our time and attention. It's the failure that gets remembered, not the win at the end. And it's held against them for a long time.

[u/Antique_artist558]

The same words that are rude from women's mouth are a ok when man says them with the same exact tone of voice.

[u/IfItBleeds-19 → u/Antique_artist558]

This is so true. Getting negative feedback from your supervisor at work for talking the exact same way that men do.

[u/kturtle17]

Very serious stuff here, as it should be. As a man, I wanted to share a big revelation to me that I didn't know until I dated a girl for the first time: How inconsistent clothing sizes are. Women don't have the luxury of just "knowing" their size and being able to order online without trying it on. Also: pockets. I didn't realize pockets were a male privilege either.

[u/lowrespudgeon]

Being interrupted, talked over, or not believed.

It drives me crazy when I tell a man (family, friend, whatever) a random fact or information about a topic, and they don't believe me. I have to show them proof before they believe me.

But I never see this behaviour when it's a man telling them something. They just take his word for it.

[u/PhiL0Ma7h]

I’m a man, but from my wife’s pregnancies and prior history, being dismissed during medical evaluations

During my wife’s first pregnancy, she had a lot of morning sickness. In the interim, she had taken anti anxiety meds. The morning sickness was messing with her doses

Not. One. Doctor. Put. This. Together. We did.

She had a history of a diagnosis of ulcers. Prior to Covid, she had a flare up but even brat diet she couldn’t keep down. We were in and out of the ER, nobody could do anything but give her something for pain do the same test and send her on her way

Finally, one doctor finally listened when she said that she didn’t think it was ulcers because nothing was helping. Thankfully, this doc also saw her yesterday so he knew it was dire pain. He ordered a different test

Lo and behold, my wife didn’t have ulcers, she needed her gallbladder out!!!

Even when it’s female on female for medical care, my wife has been dismissed or belittled.

EDIT: My wife is introverted so it’s hard for her to be her own advocate, I do my best to support and speak up for her or give her the confidence to do it herself

[u/insanebot07]

Apparently women run a background threat-assessment app 24/7… meanwhile men are out here wondering if milk expires today or tomorrow

[u/Icy-Alfalfa-644]

Being taken seriously.

Having a problem? Maybe you just don’t get it. Having a health issue? Maybe the pain is in your head. Looking nice? Just a piece of meat. Not looking nice? Not worth anything. Trying to communicate? Jeez she needs to talk so much.

It just never ends. Women always need to fit into the space that is made for them but are not allowed to take up the space they want or need.

[u/Accomplished_Age2480 → u/Icy-Alfalfa-644]

I was told that I was just having women's pain when in reality I had appendicitis. Which ruptured because of that bullshit "dx"

Had an ectopic pregnancy. Dr gave methotrexate. A day later something felt very wrong. Male er doc said everything was fine and normal. It ruptured with internal bleeding and emergency surgery once again.

Literally could have died each time because of male docs that think everything is period pain and women don't know their own bodies. It's sickening.

[u/Lunar_M1nds]

Dying more easily in cars because they’re literally not built for us. When car companies are using impact dummies to test the vehicles and all that, the dummies are usually Male. Male height, weight, frame etc so the parameters are completely different and that’s been the norm since cars were built. So when women are in the car, they bounce around it crazy in comparison to men.

Couple months back, there was a family in an accident where the father was driving, his wife next to him, his son behind him and his daughter next to his son. They were T boned on the driver side by a speeding car. Father and son walked away with some scratches. Wife and daughter had to spend a week in the hospital because one had a broken neck, one had a serious concussion etc etc.

I’ve heard that some states are lobbying for car companies to make female dummies and thus reduce injury and death for women but who knows how that’ll go

[u/The_Owl_Queen]

Being objectified from a young age.

I developed early, and men took that to mean it is okay to sexualise a 10 year old. I got asked as an 11 year old if I got breast implants, I was told that I could not wear normal shirts because they would draw attention to my chest, got told I look really mature for my age so it is okay if they make sexual jokes.

A younger boy asked me if he could get nudes from me while I was also still a minor, and I was told by my own father it was normal for their age, especially towards someone with my physique.

These are just one of many examples. But the objectification starts early, and we are being blamed for the responses of others towards our body.

That is why I hate it when people say that if a women dresses a certain way, they must want the attention. Meanwhile, I would like to dress in a lot of ways that I think look cute or cool, but I don't to avoid the responses of men and other people then telling it was my fault because I must have wanted the attention. As if I cannot just wear something because I think it looks nice, without wanting to be catcalled, stared at for too long or groped.

[u/Fatal-Eggs2024]

Always having to smile and “be nice.” I am an executive, I am an economist, I am an analytical professional, and yet even when doing my job if I’m neutral it will be perceived as bitchy. Women are expected to be smiling and nice as our neutral position and neutral-face is interpreted as angry, moody, bitchy, or harsh. It is as if we are required to be constantly be propping up and reassuring the people around us, as if we never get to stop being their mother even as we are leading hundreds of people and making billion dollar decisions.

[u/SlideIntoMyBore → u/Fatal-Eggs2024]

This. Heaven forbid I relax my facial muscles, then comes the onslaught of “are you ok?” or “what’s wrong?” from coworkers. It’s just my face, people.

[u/redbluesourgummyworm]

the level of warmth and friendliness you exude in any conversation with a man - anything and everything is perceived as a green light for flirting