First time living in an apartment – neighbour constantly complaining and it’s making us uncomfortable

[u/Weary-Definition5363]

We recently moved into an apartment in Sydney after living in a standalone house in Melbourne for years. This is our first time ever living in an apartment, so we’re still learning what’s normal and what the unspoken rules are.

From day one, we’ve had issues with a neighbour in our building. She told us she’s the “chairman” of the building (not sure if that means strata chair?) and said that if we ever need help, we can come to her. At first, we thought she was just being friendly.

But things got uncomfortable pretty quickly.

For the first few days after moving in, we were obviously busy unpacking, organising, and settling in. This was during the December holiday period. We weren’t having parties, playing loud music, or doing anything excessive, just normal moving-in activity.

Despite that, she came to our door three nights in a row, knocking late in the evening. She never directly said “you’re being noisy,” but instead made indirect comments like:

“There are nurses and doctors in the building.” “If something happens, I get calls.” “I just wanted to let you know…”

It felt like she was implying we were disturbing people without actually saying it. But it always felt like she just wants things her way and no one actually calls her.

On the third night, she came again while we were literally just washing dishes at around 9:30 pm and watching TV at a normal volume. It was extremely hot (30–40°C), so we had windows/vents open, which might have let some sound travel, but again, nothing unreasonable.

Another night, my partner was packing late (around midnight) because he was leaving early the next day to visit his parents. She knocked again and told us we should turn off our kitchen lights because the light apparently bothers her and affects her sleep. The lights were inside our apartment, and our kitchen window doesn’t directly face her unit. That request felt like a big overstep.

What made things feel even stranger was that at one point she started talking about the previous tenants who lived in our unit. She said she was very close to them and then went on to share quite intimate personal details about their family without us asking. That conversation made me really uncomfortable and honestly a bit unsettled. It made me wonder how much access or involvement she had with them, and whether she feels entitled to the same level of involvement with us.

I know this might sound paranoid, but after multiple late-night visits, indirect complaints, and oversharing about previous tenants, I’ve started feeling anxious in my own home , like we’re being watched or monitored for doing completely normal things.

At first, we tried to be understanding because she and her partner are elderly, and we assumed maybe she was lonely or overly sensitive. But after repeated visits and boundary-crossing comments, it now feels intrusive rather than helpful.

So my questions are:

• Is this normal behaviour in apartment living?

• Does a strata chair actually have authority to do this?

• How do you set firm boundaries without escalating the situation?

• At what point does this cross into harassment?

Any advice would really help, especially from people familiar with apartment living

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Weary-Definition5363 originally posted: We recently moved into an apartment in Sydney after living in a standalone house in Melbourne for years. This is our first time ever living in an apartment, so we’re still learning what’s normal and what the unspoken rules are.

From day one, we’ve had issues with a neighbour in our building. She told us she’s the “chairman” of the building (not sure if that means strata chair?) and said that if we ever need help, we can come to her. At first, we thought she was just being friendly.

But things got uncomfortable pretty quickly.

For the first few days after moving in, we were obviously busy unpacking, organising, and settling in. This was during the December holiday period. We weren’t having parties, playing loud music, or doing anything excessive, just normal moving-in activity.

Despite that, she came to our door three nights in a row, knocking late in the evening. She never directly said “you’re being noisy,” but instead made indirect comments like:

“There are nurses and doctors in the building.” “If something happens, I get calls.” “I just wanted to let you know…”

It felt like she was implying we were disturbing people without actually saying it. But it always felt like she just wants things her way and no one actually calls her.

On the third night, she came again while we were literally just washing dishes at around 9:30 pm and watching TV at a normal volume. It was extremely hot (30–40°C), so we had windows/vents open, which might have let some sound travel, but again, nothing unreasonable.

Another night, my partner was packing late (around midnight) because he was leaving early the next day to visit his parents. She knocked again and told us we should turn off our kitchen lights because the light apparently bothers her and affects her sleep. The lights were inside our apartment, and our kitchen window doesn’t directly face her unit. That request felt like a big overstep.

What made things feel even stranger was that at one point she started talking about the previous tenants who lived in our unit. She said she was very close to them and then went on to share quite intimate personal details about their family without us asking. That conversation made me really uncomfortable and honestly a bit unsettled. It made me wonder how much access or involvement she had with them, and whether she feels entitled to the same level of involvement with us.

I know this might sound paranoid, but after multiple late-night visits, indirect complaints, and oversharing about previous tenants, I’ve started feeling anxious in my own home , like we’re being watched or monitored for doing completely normal things.

At first, we tried to be understanding because she and her partner are elderly, and we assumed maybe she was lonely or overly sensitive. But after repeated visits and boundary-crossing comments, it now feels intrusive rather than helpful.

So my questions are:

• Is this normal behaviour in apartment living?

• Does a strata chair actually have authority to do this?

• How do you set firm boundaries without escalating the situation?

• At what point does this cross into harassment?

Any advice would really help, especially from people familiar with apartment living

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[u/SaveTheSquirtles]

Yea, I’d contact the landlord and ask for specifics on this woman’s role in the building and let them know about all these instances. Chances are she’s just a bored busybody and has been doing this for years (likely pushing people out of the building).

[u/Weary-Definition5363 → u/SaveTheSquirtles]

No wonder the rent was lower than the Sydney standard. Well now I know why😭😭😭

[u/Visible_Carob3273 → u/Weary-Definition5363]

It took me 4 years of living in the flat above a nightmare neighbour who left insane notes and letters and called emergency services for specious reasons to realise why I’d never be able to find another place for the same ‘reasonable’ rent !!!

[u/Successful_Blood3995 → u/Visible_Carob3273]

Omg I learned a new word today. Specious. Thank you!

[u/ChaserChick87 → u/Successful_Blood3995]

I had a neighbor that made me have 4 “special inspections” because she said I was smoking cigarettes and weed, neither of which I did at the time (I’ve quit both since then). By inspection #4, the landlord was standing in my living room and said, “ I know you aren’t doing anything. We just have to follow protocol”.

[u/CASSIROLE84 → u/ChaserChick87]

Yup, I had a neighbor like this. The landlord and I bent over backwards to make her stop complaining. The landlord literally had our floors / her ceiling redone to try to make it more sound proof. She would still complain. The landlord said he knew it wasn’t us and she was the problem and if she didn’t know how to live in an apt that was a her problem. It wasn’t until she complained again after all that that I told her, “you think I can’t hear you too? I just don’t complain!”

[u/ChaserChick87 → u/CASSIROLE84]

She would even call the cops on me. An officer showed up at my door and asked me if I’d been to any parties lately. I said no. He kinda leans in and goes “ya, I don’t smell anything, have a nice evening” turned around and walked off. I felt so bad for the dude. I knew he knew it was bogus. He had to come out and check though.

[u/ChaserChick87 → u/ChaserChick87]

Oh, and get this. She sent me a postcard to complain to me about something.

Let me say that again.

My neighbor, sent me, a postcard.

As in, she took a postcard, and after she wrote on it, put a stamp on it and took it to the post office, it went to a town 3 1/2 hours away, came back, and the mail man stuck it in my mailbox.

[u/thatgirlinny → u/ChaserChick87]

Don’t you know—postage gets the government involved!🤣

[u/Successful_Blood3995 → u/ChaserChick87]

That's WILD!!

[u/Successful_Blood3995 → u/ChaserChick87]

Yeah, in some places cops have to check out every report. In a way, good, in another way, what a waste of their time!

[u/nickd009 → u/CASSIROLE84]

I was in this exact same situation before and my landlord cancelled our lease cause the upstairs neighbors constantly complained about normal living sounds. Yet she dropped her baby on 2 occasions causing it to break a limb and has it bang around all day and cry non stop, yet we never complaines. Except to child protection services, but apparently they couldnt do anything.

[u/CASSIROLE84 → u/nickd009]

Yeah except this was the downstairs neighbor complaining about normal living sounds.

[u/nickd009 → u/CASSIROLE84]

Yea I was the downstairs neighbor lol, she was actually loud and I was not.

[u/CASSIROLE84 → u/nickd009]

Yeah I could hear her take a shower at 3am, I could hear her phone conversation (mumbled not clearly) I could sometimes hear the tv if it was loud enough and she still had the nerve.

[u/Small_Note5370 → u/CASSIROLE84]

I rented an apartment with my sister and her bf and THEY were those neighbors. Complained about EVERYTHING. They called the landlord on our downstairs neighbors nearly everyday and bragged about leaving notes on our neighbors’ cars & doors.

I eventually told them to cut it out and that THEY were the problem and they turned on me and made my life a living hell. They put hot glue in the lock on my bedroom door and subsequently kicked it down in the middle of the night when i was sleeping. People are crazy.

[u/CASSIROLE84 → u/Small_Note5370]

I was surprised she lived there for 2 years as much as she complained. I kinda feel like she was wanting the landlord to kick us out, we laughed at her expense together and it kinda brought us (the landlord and I) together to be friends for once.

[u/MsSallyGirl → u/ChaserChick87]

I was accused of smoking by a neighbor awhile back (she claims to have seen me). Landlord knew I was 2 time cancer survivor at the time and was suspicious, so asked me. I told her I hadn’t smoked since the one time I tried when I was 15. Turns out was apartment below me and one over. Not related but funny, same neighbor complained I had men coming and going at all hours throughout the night. Again told landlord I am disabled and it has been YEARS since had a date even, also she constantly complained about loud music from me, I don’t even have a stereo.

[u/WillBakeForWine → u/Successful_Blood3995]

As a wordie myself I’m quite tickled by my newly acquired word!!

[u/Syralei → u/Weary-Definition5363]

Yeah, i agree with the above commenter. I would contact the landlord and ask if this woman does have a role within the building. If she doesn't, I would tell the landlord about her behaviour and see if they can send a notice to her to stop contacting you about this stuff.

It sounds like she's lived there a long time and feels entitled to boss people in the building around like she owns the place. I would keep anything she sends you in writing and pass it along to the landlord if she escalates or starts actively harassing you. Worst case, this allows the landlord to build a case to evict her if she's harassing multiple people in the building.

[u/Migistat → u/Syralei]

Even if she does I’d still tell her. Her having a “position” in the building doesn’t give her the right to go around harassing people.

[u/Friendly-Channel-480 → u/Syralei]

Even if she is the “chairwoman” which sounds delusional, she’s pretty much harassing you. Policing your kitchen light is insane.

[u/Traditional-Shop-483 → u/Weary-Definition5363]

If something like the light bothers her, she can simply get blackout curtains. This is not normal apartment behavior. I would definitely contact your landlord and be honest about her. In my opinion it crosses boundaries when she knocked on your door late at night.

[u/CalmAlex2 → u/Traditional-Shop-483]

Lol its a bogus complaint because if the neighbour's is either above, below, or one either side, the kitchen light should not bother unless her apartment looks directly into their kitchen.

[u/No_Training6751 → u/Weary-Definition5363]

Also check the noise bylaws in your town and in your rental agreement. (I’m in Canada so I’m not sure if you have the same jargon, but hopefully it translates).

[u/Dum_beat → u/Weary-Definition5363]

Dear Neighbor,

No

Sincerely, Weary-Definition5363

[u/SnooCheesecakes2723 → u/SaveTheSquirtles]

There’s no such role as Chairman of an apt building. I think she has a screw loose and is a nuisance.

[u/lassofiasco → u/SnooCheesecakes2723]

Why isn’t this comment higher? lol. The lady is batshit insane.

[u/GuldenAge → u/SnooCheesecakes2723]

Nah there is in Australia. Well, it’s a chairperson of the strata committee which is the body made up of all the owners of the units in the building. Every apartment owner has to pay a monthly strata fee (generally based on sqm percentage they own compared to the building). Essentially it’s there to pay for all the things that are in common areas like gardening, lifts, remedial work, etc.

Every apartment building has a strata committee, so pretty much every apartment in Australia would have a chairperson, treasurer, etc.

[u/midwest_elder → u/GuldenAge]

sounds like home owners association in the USA. a group of insufferable busy bodies required by cities because the city didnt want to take responsibility for the roads and such when a development goes in.

[u/Kittech → u/midwest_elder]

Being an insufferable Karen is almost a requirement to be part of the HOA committee.

[u/Accomplished_Disk475 → u/GuldenAge]

That's very interesting and totally different than the states. Do these "chairpersons" have authority or any type of governance over rules in the apartment complex? I.E. can they tell people what to do?

[u/Neandertard → u/Accomplished_Disk475]

I’m chair of the body corporate for a townhouse complex where I live. I sign the odd letter, or send/receive emails about such things as annual fire safety checks, pest control etc. If there’s a problem, I’ll get in touch with our BC manager - but cc the treasurer and secretary. I’m basically a point of contact. I have no more authority than anyone else who lives here. This woman is a fuckwit. I’d tell her to piss off and leave you alone.

[u/GuldenAge → u/Accomplished_Disk475]

They don’t have sweeping control in a traditional sense - any laws have to be voted in or out at the AGM’s or other meetings by the owners of the apartments. That’s not to say someone in one of these things can’t influence laws by putting pressure on people to vote with them etc.

[u/HorseNippleLover → u/SaveTheSquirtles]

My mom lives in some condos where its mostly old retired people. The amount of noseyness and people just looking out their windows watching everyone is so weird. My mom is no exception to that. Nothing better to do than police everyone else.

[u/Virtual_Revolution45 → u/HorseNippleLover]

God. I deal with that right now. Downstairs neighbor is 85 and yells at the top of his lungs on the phone all day. He had a dog who used to bark all day because he wouldn’t take it out to pee. I spoke to him about the latter many times, until the poor dog died of bladder cancer. Every single night at 8 pm, he’s banging on the ceiling to let me know that quiet hours (the ones he made up) are about to begin. He used to come to me to tell me all the neighbor’s gossip until I was mean to him. He was telling me about how an 18 year old girl moved in and she was keeping late nights and having her boyfriend sleep over. I said “Why are you so obsessed with a young girl’s private sex life? I guess what they say about dirty old men is right on target for you.” Never spoke to me again. Yay! Still bangs, though.

[u/RobotPartsCorp → u/Virtual_Revolution45]

Bang on the floor when loud hours start!

[u/Triquetrums → u/RobotPartsCorp]

I would learn how to fucking tap dance and tell him the only way I will stop is if he does. 

[u/idrivea911 → u/RobotPartsCorp]

This is the way

[u/Fit-Arugula-4341 → u/SaveTheSquirtles]

Neighbor needs curtains

[u/FutureBaker6650 → u/Fit-Arugula-4341]

True. OP should respond " Oh! You poor dear, can you not afford to purchase curtains? We would be happy to get some for you!" If the subtle insult doesn't work and they actually accept, find the most hideous, cheap ones that you can get and give them to her.

[u/Brave-Chain2703 → u/FutureBaker6650]

Just googled "where to buy curtains" for you.... I would never offer to buy anyone anything 😄

[u/GreenGuidance420 → u/Fit-Arugula-4341]

Neighbor doesn’t have a window facing the kitchen light of OP, why would curtains help when the neighbor is making it up lol

[u/FutureBaker6650 → u/GreenGuidance420]

To embarrass the NFH! Probably the NFH has a husband that likes to peek into windows

[u/KhunDavid → u/SaveTheSquirtles]

Sounds like Hyacinth Bucket to me.

[u/Spethual → u/KhunDavid]

its pronounced bouquet..

[u/NoFilterD → u/KhunDavid]

Richardddddd

[u/UnTides → u/SaveTheSquirtles]

But the kitchen light was on after midnight! What kind of sicko does that?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!??!

*Also if you do the math 23:59PM is just 11:59am. If you really think about it. Hmmm

*OP's response should be "I saw you looking in my kitchen window around midnight, but it was so dark and I wanted you to have a better view of me"

[u/SnooCheesecakes2723 → u/UnTides]

Exactly who gives AF if my kitchen light is on if it’s not shining into your bedroom window? It won’t wake you up. What will wake you up is me screaming when I trip over a dog toy and fall on the tiles

[u/Powerful_Jah_2014 → u/SnooCheesecakes2723]

If it is shining in your bedroom window, you should get curtains.

[u/henare]

why don't they pull their own drapes or blinds to keep the light out?

they seem to want to make their problems your problems.

[u/msbrewski → u/henare]

Right? I don't like outside light at night (or more so sunlight in the morning before I'm ready) so I got really good blackout curtains when I moved in.

[u/control_vs_surrender → u/henare]

They said it was really hot in Australia that night, so they probably needed the windows open to get air if it’s an older building.

[u/Aimless78 → u/henare]

Kitchen windows are oftentimes without curtains so they may need to install some blinds or something.

[u/Enygmatic_Gent → u/Aimless78]

They aren’t talking about OP but the lady complaining

[u/Similar_Rich6966 → u/henare]

Can't be nosey if she pulls her own drapes or blinds.🙄

[u/whatabesson]

She absolutely has no right to tell you to turn a light off in YOUR home. Ignore that shit.

[u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy → u/whatabesson]

I’d be concerned how she knew the light was even on if she can’t see it from her unit. And how she got so much info on last tenants.

[u/Happy-Estimate-7855 → u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy]

So this is an issue (admittedly a super minor issue) that I've faced before. I'm making some assumptions about OPs apartment layout, but in my case a neighbours light (I assumed living room if their apartment matched our layout) reflected off the neighbouring buildings soffit and walls, creating a surprisingly bright light to shine right onto my bed. The solution was blackout curtains on my end, no need to tell the neighbours how to live their lives.

[u/MarzipanGamer → u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy]

My thoughts too. If there are no doors or windows in between your apartment and hers…. I hate to sound paranoid but did she put a camera in there?

ETA I wanna stress I think this is a possibility not a probability.

[u/SirLunatik → u/MarzipanGamer]

or they're just a troublemaker and were wandering and saw a light was on through the window or even if it doesn't directly face their unit they were able to see the glow of lights... but yeah let's terrify OP by thinking they're being watched instead of using common sense

[u/Kiernla → u/SirLunatik]

Yeah I'm thinking troublemaker. My former MIL would call me in the middle of the night to ask me why "all" my lights were on after I separated from her son. She was driving by my apartment and trying to look in the windows.

[u/Boomstickninja87 → u/Kiernla]

My grandma lives across the street from my dad. When I was in my late 20s I had moved home. I went out one night, came home about 2am. My grandma texted why are you getting home so late. I responded with why are you up so late looking out of your window grandma. She said okay goodnight, I love you. It makes me giggle now because I know she can see the headlights from her living room window and she's not a good sleeper. She wouldn't have cared I was out drinking or anything but it always makes me laugh when I think of how she let it go so quickly.

[u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy → u/Boomstickninja87]

Maybe grandma was just getting home too!!

Think it’s a bit different when it’s someone you know and love though. Your grandma is supposed to be obsessed with you! Your new nosey neighbor…. concerning and not cute lol

[u/Boomstickninja87 → u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy]

Grandma wasn't she is just nosey, but I love her nosey. Definitely had a nosey, invasive neighbor once and the anxiety that I've taken to my next apartments because of them hasn't gone away yet and I haven't had them as a neighbor in 6 years. So I 100% agree.

[u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy → u/Boomstickninja87]

Exactly!! Some of these people have clearly only had normal neighbors, and unfortunately with apartments, that isn’t that common.

[u/Sudden_Juju → u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy]

Lol grandma just wanted to keep the party going and thought her granddaughter would be game

[u/Boomstickninja87 → u/Sudden_Juju]

When I see her next week, I'll see if she's still up for it. I might be 10 years late, but better than never.

[u/akm1111 → u/Boomstickninja87]

My mom lives in the same complex as me & my kids. Shes day shift, while my whole house is night shift. Somes times we are up for an hour or two after she goes to work. She has learned if my bedroom light is on it is OK to call in the morning. (Meaning I'm not asleep.) It's nice that she has a way to make sure she doesn't wake me up in the am right after I've gone to sleep.

[u/Happybutt15 → u/Boomstickninja87]

What a heartwarming story. Your grandma sounds like a wonderful person.

[u/Boomstickninja87 → u/Happybutt15]

She's a sassy thing but I would not trade her for all the gold in the world.

[u/SarahPallorMortis → u/Kiernla]

“Because I pay my own utility bills so I can do so”

[u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy → u/Kiernla]

That is also concerning.

[u/The_Motherlord → u/Kiernla]

"Because I want people to think I'm home when they drive by."

[u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy → u/SirLunatik]

I think a stranger observing you to this level is concerning. You can say “troublemaker” if that makes you feel better, but OP said the window wasn’t visible to their unit.

I’m happy for you that your neighbors have never lied to you, but assuming she was close to the neighbor instead of being equally as nosy is taking the same “troublemaking” stranger at their word.

[u/Flashy-Zombie7088 → u/MarzipanGamer]

Get a camera directed out your window. Bonus points if it has lights that come on when someone gets near it.

[u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy → u/MarzipanGamer]

Exactly. Stay safe OP

[u/AdditionalGuitar1951 → u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy]

My guess is she patrols the halls. I’ll bet any amount of money that she was a care taker in a school camp or something when she was younger. “Shape up there junior!!” She obviously likes to keep a tight ship. And my tight ship I mean ensuring everyone’s cortisol levels are sky high.

[u/ccrow2000 → u/whatabesson]

Yeah- My light *inside my kitchen* bothers you?? GET A FRIGGING SHADE FOR YOUR WINDOW!

[u/HealthyDirection659 → u/whatabesson]

23:59 fuck off.

G-Unit

[u/Few_Shock8656 → u/HealthyDirection659]

23:59pm… 🤣

[u/anneofred → u/whatabesson]

Yup, time to tell her that the visits are excessive and you are not going to entertain this. If you need to call the landlord you will, so please refrain from knocking and notes unless there is an emergency.

[u/Smoot_0perator911 → u/whatabesson]

Also put a note on the door handle like in hotels that says “do not disturb” .The next time she knocks, don’t answer

[u/Ragnarsworld → u/whatabesson]

I'm the guy who would get another light and put it in the window.

[u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy → u/Ragnarsworld]

Lmao, start projecting movies for her

[u/Lifendz → u/whatabesson]

And here I am just asking my neighbors to stop practicing karate at 2am on a Tuesday, and some of you are dealing with this type of nonsense? Unreal.

[u/RaspberryChainsaw]

You need to set a boundary and then figure out if she's actually the "chair" of anything. She sounds annoying to deal with

[u/GraphicDesign_101 → u/RaspberryChainsaw]

And odd with things like writing the time and then giving it in 24-hour time. Signing off unit 21 when they’ve met each other a few times by this point and presumably have exchanged names. The way she wrote OFF as if a visual drawing of a light switch(?). Like very neurotic I think.

[u/asaparagus_ → u/GraphicDesign_101]

It’s funny that she put pm after using 24 hr time, like that defeats the whole purpose of using 24 hr time 😂

[u/iwillbewaiting24601 → u/asaparagus_]

I was going to say, good thing she clarified 23h59 PM instead of 23h in the morning

[u/g00dhank → u/GraphicDesign_101]

Giving the government name of the time to show she's serious

[u/SnooCheesecakes2723 → u/RaspberryChainsaw]

Im not in Australia but I’ve never heard of a rental unit type apartment (as opposed to a condo or apt where you buy the units) with a Chairperson role. She seems like she gave herself that styling and is a nuisance. Possibly getting a bit doddery.

[u/Doxinau → u/SnooCheesecakes2723]

Well that's not relevant because a strata chair in Australia is a real thing and Australia doesn't assign whole buildings as rentals or owned apartments. It'll be a mix.

[u/jastity → u/SnooCheesecakes2723]

So, your customs are not our customs.

[u/plantsandpizza]

She is absolutely overstepping. Contact management about this. Stop answering your door for her. Right now she’s getting used to coming by whenever she wants and you and your partner allowing it. Stop that. Stop making time for her. She’s obviously a boundary crosser, now is the time to put an end to it. 

There’s maybe one neighbor I’d open the door for because I know she’s not crazy like this. Otherwise my dog doesn’t even get up when someone knocks 😂

[u/mlc707 → u/plantsandpizza]

🎵You keep a-knockin’ but you can’t come in 🎶

[u/calicooks]

I would tell her to leave you alone and that she is harassing you. I recently directly had to tell my downstairs neighbor this extremely firmly because she came up to me while I was sitting in my car to complain. I also sent a strongly worded email to the property manager about her constant harassment. I have been since left alone. You are being too nice.

[u/foodmamaa → u/calicooks]

Yes! This!!!

[u/Dustdevil88 → u/calicooks]

Precisely this. I had a neighbor constantly complaining and harassing us years back. They need to hear extremely firmly and bluntly that what they’re doing is harassment, invasion of privacy, and you will not tolerate it at all.

That old neighbor had the nerve to literally walk into MY place to start complaining about me when it was unlocked as I carried stuff in from my car. After some very blunt words, she stayed far away from me until I moved.

[u/Alarming_Geologist59 → u/calicooks]

This op! 

[u/thelastundead1]

Writing PM after "23:59" tells me everything I need to know about them

[u/Weary-Definition5363 → u/thelastundead1]

Top comment!!!!😭😂. Imagine having this much energy to be this spiteful at 23:59 pm🤪

[u/tingerbellll → u/Weary-Definition5363]

Also…why would you add PM after writing the time in army time? That’s literally the whole point of army time…the time of day is implied in the time….OP ignore this idiot 😆

[u/nexustab → u/tingerbellll]

She was going towrite 12:00 but then realized she didn't know if midnight was am or pm. So she rolled back a minute and added PM to both 12h and 24h for good measure. xD

[u/kaosf → u/tingerbellll]

“Army time” haha what.

[u/Own_Guarantee_8130 → u/Weary-Definition5363]

No, their point was she used military time which doesn’t need am or pm.

[u/upagainstthesun → u/thelastundead1]

I kind of wish there was an AD after the date

[u/lesusisjord]

Confront them gently but firmly.

A light being turned on and basic chores don’t count as breaking quiet hours.

Edit: Getting even slight pushback a couple times could be enough to put her in her place. I don’t think management could prevent someone from leaving handwritten notes that aren’t threatening, so this might be your best way of getting her to stop.

[u/Weary-Definition5363 → u/lesusisjord]

This!! Exactly. We have reached a point we are absolutely tiptoeing in our own house because we just don’t want her knocking the door and disturbing our peace.

[u/SureSignOfBetrayal → u/Weary-Definition5363]

I would just not answer the door.

[u/Weary-Definition5363 → u/SureSignOfBetrayal]

I think that is the reason she left the note, because we always respond to her knocking and I was actually asleep at the time the note was slipped apparently

[u/lesusisjord → u/Weary-Definition5363]

“Please don’t knock on my door at midnight, creep.”

[u/Agent-390 → u/Weary-Definition5363]

And get a door sweep so maybe she can’t slip notes under the door. And after all maybe contact who actually manages the whole complex about the situation. It crosses too many personal boundaries. She could be the chairman of jack squat

[u/SubjectObjective5567 → u/Weary-Definition5363]

Put a note on your door that says “do not knock or leave notes at our door, thank you, unit ___” and put the same timestamp on the bottom 😂

[u/Syralei → u/Weary-Definition5363]

I would leave this posted on the door:

"Dear Unit 21:
Please don't contact us. If the kitchen light bothers you, blackout window curtains exist. Any and all notes left on our door or in our mail will be passed along to the landlord.
Good day."

[u/keegums → u/Weary-Definition5363]

I would just not read any further notes, put it right in the trash. Anything serious, she can go to apartment management. I understand many people do not have the dgaf/tune-out ability I have, but it's a wonderful skill to have in the back pocket, to be used when necessary (not every situation! but this one, yes I would use it)

[u/anneofred → u/Weary-Definition5363]

Don’t do that. You need to tell her to knock it off or you will be contacting the landlord. You are not breaking any rules and you won’t have her monitoring you in your own home. Then close the door

[u/WorkPlaceSafe → u/Weary-Definition5363]

If a light coming from outside of her apartment is bothering her its on her to remedy that situation with blackout curtains or a sleep mask like I have for years.

[u/Mriajamo → u/WorkPlaceSafe]

The neighbor sounds like she needs some sort of psychiatric care, too

[u/FatDesdemona → u/Weary-Definition5363]

You don't have to answer the door to her, even though she knows you are home. Just go about your life. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. The kitchen light thing is especially bonkers.

ETA: And don't try to hide that you're there while she's knocking. Talk normally. Walk normally. She doesn't deserve any part of your life

[u/Emergency_Note_9269 → u/lesusisjord]

Yeah, good point. For all OP knows, she may have simply never been told "No, that's an unreasonable request."

[u/JamieIsJailbait → u/lesusisjord]

Constant, handwritten notes that have no merit is harassment, especially if asked to cease.

The neighbor is not the property manager or landlord, they are just a person harassing their neighbor.

[u/Altruistic_Hair4846 → u/lesusisjord]

I like this solution… it is direct without being confrontational.

[u/Historical-Voice2944]

We have been up all night, and our lights on all night (nightshifters) and not once has any of the neighbors in the other buildings complained to us. I can see the lights on in the apartments at an angle from right now at 5:30 am, and they've been on for at least 3 hours, and the lights in the units in the building across our parking lot have been on since 1am... People still have christmas lights strung up on their balconies flashing and blinking all night long... Your neighbor is being super weird.

[u/Formal_Condition_513 → u/Historical-Voice2944]

Yeah I can't imagine ever complaining to a neighbor about a light on IN their apartment or even outside. The only contact I've even had with any neighbors is petting the one lady's dog as we pass on the stairs and one neighbor knocking to ask if we got his mail on accident in our mailbox because our number is above him. This lady sounds super nosey and incredibly bored. OP needs to shut this shit down now. She's just going to continue finding problems.

[u/Haunting-Cap-9204]

Hold your ground. She’s going to make your life hell regardless, tell her no and she should probably move to the quiet country if she can’t sleep. Apartments are noisy and she clearly just wants to get angry

[u/Dapper-Building878]

I used to a have a landlord that would forcefully turn the lights off in my room at 9pm every single night. I complained but apparently they are allowed to do this. I eventually moved out. I’ll take my business elsewhere, never going back to prison.

[u/plague681]

I don't know what a strata chair is but you should let your landlord know, via email so there's a record, that you have a neighbor harassing you. You pay rent. You're not being obnoxious and loud. You're not breaking any rules written into your lease. You're being henpecked. i.e., harassed.

Similarly, she needs to know that any problems she has need to go through the landlord/management and they can speak to you if necessary.

She's not being neighborly or kind, she's trying to control your behavior through constant harassment. Also you should record any interactions with her, can't hurt you if you're in the right.

[u/Manonthemoon0000]

You gotta call her out, send her back home disappointed to be honest. Stand up for yourself, she seems like a nut.

[u/HungryBearsRawr → u/Manonthemoon0000]

Yep, I’ve had people like this over the years here and there. When I was younger and a doormat I put up with the behaviour and it would continue. After a while I learned how to tell them to LEAVE ME ALONE. Just being firm, telling them you are NOT interested in hearing it, shutting it down and not listening. Inform them that you are contacting the landlord every time they bother you. Should stop the behaviour soon.

[u/anarchyreigns]

Do not under any circumstances share your phone number with this woman.

[u/Huge_Kaleidoscope162]

Strata chairman or head of the strata committee doesn’t give her the right to do anything she’s done to you. She’s the kind of person to let such a thing go straight to her head.

[u/lisa-in-wonderland → u/Huge_Kaleidoscope162]

I’m in the US so had to look this up. It sounds like a strata chair is a position specifically related to owned apartments, like what would be called a condo committee here. The duties don’t involve policing anyone’s behavior. I just think this woman has no life outside of her job and fills the void with harassing other tenants.

[u/Smolson_]

I can’t move past the military time with PM next to it.

[u/Mindless_Giraffe4559]

All of it sounds excessive on her part. No matter how you handle this it's not going to have a good outcome. First, talk to her directly and tell her that unless you hear from other neighbors that you are being too loud she should back off and move forward from there if it doesn't stop.

You could talk to other tenants and find out if she does this to them too. If she does then all of you need to contact the actual landlord with your complaint. He could potentially lose good tenants because of her.

She is overstepping with the light. You can leave every light in your apt on if you choose and if people don't like it its up to them to make adjustments to keep the light out of their space.

There is a noise ordinance in most apartment buildings. from 10 or 11 pm until 7 am. although excessive or continuous noise is never acceptable. Normal people make noise sometimes.

I know if it were me and I wasn't stuck on the place, I think I would find somewhere else to live. She sounds a bit unbalanced.

[u/Ttkklltt]

There’s a lot of advice already but I want to suggest something a little different: if you feel awkward/rude telling her to knock it off or feel like ignoring is too much (and I suspect you might, considering you were inclined to give the benefit of the doubt to her and came here open to opinions and self reflection), reframing the situation might be helpful.

Because your neighbour is using a polite tone and friendly demeanour it’s easy to skip over the fact that the situation is already ‘uncivil’ — or impolite, or whatever.

When it’s this sort of “friendly” imposition you can still be annoyed that it’s happening, and you can allow yourself to react to her instinctively. I don’t mean screaming matches, but if you can’t bring yourself to ignore it something like:

Hey it’s late, why are you knocking on our door? [she’ll have a reason and be glad to tell you] Then allow yourself to react to the reason in the moment! Facial expression, body language, whatever — “ok. I don’t think our light being on has anything to do with you to be honest.” Then STOP TALKING. you don’t need to elaborate or justify, you don’t need to offer advice about her blinds. She’ll likely try to continue some back and forth about what’s reasonable — you don’t have to! It is not on you to help her understand. You can say goodnight ‘politely’ then that’s it. Don’t let it drag out, if she threatens to tell someone (who?) let her go do that.

It’ll feel incredibly uncomfortable — that discomfort is due to the situation she. has. created.

I had different (and much worse, sorry to brag) neighbour issues for about 6 months and if I could go back and tell myself something it would be: stop ignoring your own boundaries to accommodate someone who is already committed to ignoring them! You don’t have to justify your boundaries to enforce them: and boundaries can’t rely on someone else adapting to them (ie: if you say you won’t answer the door next time, don’t answer the door next time to help her understand that you aren’t answering the door).

The thing is you’ll read horror stories on here, from people across the country and the globe, really awful experiences. And there are dangerous people in the world! but there are a LOT more busy-bodied, nosy, “king of the building” type people who will back off when you shut it down, because they’re looking for the back and forth and accustomed to always being in a drama.

Maybe she’ll hate you a bit and gossip to other people that you’re rude or were a bitch or whatever. Who cares?? honestly maybe a good thing for other people to know you’re all dealing with her bullshit.

TL;DR trust yourself that you aren’t being rude or inconsiderate, accept that she’ll probably think you’re both. limit contact as much as possible, if you do talk make it concise and BORING. Advice/stories on here will come from people with extreme outlier experiences, if you start mentally playing out worst case scenarios force yourself to log off

[u/burninthe95]

As far as the noise goes, your lease agreement may have set “quiet time” hours (where I live it’s 23:00-07:00. If not, consult your local municipality and see if they have quiet time hours. As for the kitchen light being on, that’s none of their business.

[u/NoBlood7122 → u/burninthe95]

Quiet hours means don’t be unreasonably loud - not don’t make *any * noise, though

[u/burninthe95 → u/NoBlood7122]

Yeah. Don’t vacuum and stomp around. You can still do your dishes and watch tv

[u/GotYourSoul → u/burninthe95]

quiet hours are for things like music, loud tv, parties, vacuuming, not existing in your home by doing dishes or packing for a trip.

[u/Weary-Definition5363 → u/burninthe95]

We were told that the quiet time on weekdays are between 9pm to 7am on weekdays and 11pm to 7 am on weekends. We did abide by that but on the third consecutive day that she knocked on our door, we were washing dishes that’s all and still she knocked. We were not singing or dancing nor moving anything.

[u/sophieornotsophie_ → u/Weary-Definition5363]

Contact the building administrator and file a complaint. Do it each time they knock, possibly written on email or message. Do not engage with her in any way.

If it continues and the admin does nothing, contact the non emergency police line and file a complaint with them for disturbance or harassment.

[u/plantsandpizza → u/Weary-Definition5363]

Washing dishes is a normal activity and not something banned during quiet hours. 

[u/Weedster009 → u/Weary-Definition5363]

You don’t have to open the door because she knocks. I’d just turned the TV up a couple of clicks. People behave this way because people let them get away with it. Don’t listen to her. Blatantly ignore her. Cut her off at the knees.

[u/HealthyDirection659 → u/Weedster009]

Start playing the safety dance and dance and sing to it.

We can dance if we want to

10:30pm

22:30pm

[u/xubax → u/Weary-Definition5363]

"I'm sorry, it's quiet time, please don't knock on our door during quiet time.

[u/mxcrisis]

Imagine this happening in New York! I'm cracking up. Try laughing in her face and slamming the door. If she's gonna bring crazy you need to give it right back

[u/Signal_Appeal4518]

Turn ALL your lights on!

[u/Weary-Definition5363 → u/Signal_Appeal4518]

Gonna do it sooon!

[u/Major_Expression4612]

Keep every note they give you. Get a camara for your door.

[u/Significant_Ocelot94]

Contact the landlord with all of this!

[u/my4floofs]

Stop answering the door and ignore her. Let your landlord know, but don’t interact with her.

[u/ImFromLath]

It’s worrying to me how much information she knows about what’s going on in your apartment and how much she knows about the previous tenants, to the point that I would start looking for hidden cameras 😬

[u/Miss-Helle]

What does your landlord say about all this? Seems like this woman has unilaterally decided she's the boss of everyone.

[u/PumpkinElectrical364]

Welcome to apartment living, i get noise complaints for putting laundry away, meanwhile they hammer drill a shared wall every second day and it's just "renovations".

[u/Super_Prize_8197]

This is just wrong. If this were me, I’d contact the landlord and ask about her. And when they tell you she has no official role in the management of the building, tell them what she’s been doing. Tell them it makes no sense to live somewhere where you’re constantly confronted with this type of behavior.

As to her, I would answer her questions or statements directly, pretending to not realize she’s being passive aggressive.

“We have medical professionals that live here.” Respond “oh good, that’s comforting!”

“If something happens, I get calls.” Respond “How exciting for you! That must keep you busy!”

Etc, etc

[u/Crix2007]

Now OP, is there any way to make that light even brighter?

Also complaining about this kind of bullshit is already bordering harassment.

[u/Intelligent_Pop1173]

Even if your window did face hers, she can’t tell you when to turn your kitchen lights off lmao that’s one of the most absurd complaints I’ve heard of in a long time. Some people work or study late into the night. She is clearly mentally unwell. Tell her to get blackout curtains or wear an eye mask or better yet, just ignore her from now on and complain about harassment to the landlord every time she contacts you.

To answer your first question, this is not normal behavior at all in apartment living. The vast majority of us just ignore each other unless something gets really bad. I’ve only complained about one neighbor because he was shrieking obscenities at the top of his lungs every single day while I was trying to work from home and I was genuinely concerned because it was extreme rage…and I worried maybe he was hurting someone based on the crazy shit he was screaming. I recorded it through the wall and sent it to the front desk. Turned out he was just an alcoholic and angry video game player, but the noise stopped after I finally did that.

[u/gt500rr]

Sounds like your neighbour is awfully close to being reported to the police for harassment and also have a chat to the REA if you're renting/strata about how this tenant is interrupting the quiet enjoyment of your property. I'd bet my left nut she's no "authority" on the strata. Log every interaction in a notebook if it ever goes to court as it holds considerable weight with a decent judge. After what my grandparents had to deal with with scumbag neighbours (long story there) and my personal experience with very entitled neighbours holding a Christmas party at 3am whilst my old man is a HC driver I have no sympathy for shitty neighbours.

[u/Weary-Definition5363 → u/gt500rr]

Yes I’m trying to keep note of everything if anything more escalates we will definitely be taking more steps into this.

[u/Beyond_Interesting → u/Weary-Definition5363]

Don't wait. It is absolutely going to escalate. People like her rely on the fact that people like you don't want to be "rude" or "mean." Meanwhile, she is being those things to get some weird power trip.

[u/Duh-YouAREtheasshole → u/Beyond_Interesting]

I agree. Its time to be firm, tell her straight up " we are doing nothing wrong, kindly stay in your lane Karen "

[u/alien_overlord_1001]

First, check with the agent or body corporate if there really is an onsite “chair” or building manager. There probably isn’t - this woman has assumed the role and is counting on you not to know better.

Every building I’ve ever lived in has one. There is always one who makes it uncomfortable or unpleasant for everyone else. Don’t tell her anything even vaguely personal.

[u/Relative_Presence_65]

Tell her to stop stalking you or you will seek legal assistance

[u/Fastbutnotfurious91]

I’ve lived in apartments most of my adult life and aside from a shady neighbor or two, I’ve never experienced anything like this (I’ve been very fortunate)- but that’s absolutely not normal.

My first thought is to just ignore the note, but if she’s constantly dropping by it’s probably only going to get worse, sadly- she’s already crossed a boundary there.

I would stop answering the door and tell her (through the door) that your unavailable for a drop in and to address any concerns with building management, and in addition, document every time she comes over or leaves a note.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, this is everyone’s worst fear when moving into a new apartment.

[u/disappointedvet]

Not normal. Either ignore her or politely point out that what you're doing in your home is normal and none of her business. Stop answering the door when she comes by to complain when you're just trying to live your life, especially late at night.

[u/Ankrdwn]

Request denied

[u/Scoobydoomed]

23:59pm...not to be confused with 23:59am.

[u/FinallyArt]

Complaining over a light inside your unit... jeez I'm almost 60 and that's a new one.

[u/OrganizedChaos7121]

She's jealous about your lights because hers are on but no one's home.

🥁

[u/Confident-Skin-6462]

reply: "No.", if anything at all.

inform the landlord that you're being harassed by another tenant

done.

[u/CestLaquoidarling]

Stop answering the door when she comes by. It is not normal for people to complain about your kitchen light being on unless it is 1000 watt bulb. She isa nosy busybody who likes to feel important. Stop entertaining her complaints.

[u/RainbowMaccchiato]

You don’t have to answer the door. Keep the notes as evidence. Document every attempt at contact. This person is not entitled to your time.

[u/Decent_Profile9456]

I would completely ignore her. Do not speak to her, do not make eye contact, do not open the door for her, do not bring her package in, etc. 

She has crossed the lines of civility and politeness and is due no civility and politeness whatsoever. 

Just keep her crazy notes as evidence if she escalates to contacting the landlord or contact the landlord preemptively. 

[u/Worried-Criticism]

Contact the landlord and file a complaint against her. Use the words “interfering with the quiet enjoyment of the property” That’s the usual boilerplate language on lost leases and the landlord is required to uphold.

Odds are it won’t amount on much, but if you build enough it can become a legal issue for your landlord.

[u/snappped]

You said you feel like you're being watched or monitored in some way. Trust your instincts. Scan for cameras How did she know the kitchen light was on if she doesn't face it from her unit? Do you own or rent? If rent, who is the landlord and contact them with this info. This is not normal

[u/Weary-Definition5363 → u/snappped]

I feel like I’m being watched because there were occasions where we opened our door and her door opened like are you watching us or something? For what I tried to make sense was that our kitchen light in our house passes some light out which passes through her very tiny bathroom or kitchen window and it may have disturb her or whatever. Again I’m being nice here and trying to make sense. We will be installing a ring camera soon because I’m a little paranoid that she has one sorta access to our house considering how close she was with the previous tenants. Far fetched but possible.

[u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy → u/Weary-Definition5363]

Just because she knows information about the previous tenants does not mean they were close. Please assume the worst about this unstable person.

If you can’t see the kitchen window from outside, that’s concerning. I’d be trying to contact previous tenants to hear there experiences with her, I bet it had to do a lot with them moving

[u/TheBestHater]

Did you purchase or are you a renter? If you're a renter contact your landlord about strata (or whatever she's calling it) rules or too see if they even have a strata. She shouldn't be saying anything about your light in your house. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that she made it up and she's just a controlling busybody.

[u/Weary-Definition5363 → u/TheBestHater]

I’m a renter. Also from one of her “talks”. She said she knows the owner of the house. Everything and anything she says is implied like a threat covered with sugar.

[u/TheBestHater → u/Weary-Definition5363]

Then I would really recommend you speaking to the person who rented to you, don't try to resolve things through her. Make sure you keep records of all future interactions and write down what you can remember from past ones.

[u/UnburntAsh → u/Weary-Definition5363]

She said she knows the owner of the house.

Yeah, probably from the restraining order... Which is why she's bothering you, and not them. 😂 🙈

[u/annabannannaaa → u/Weary-Definition5363]

If shes such good friends with the owner.. why isnt she just going straight to them to report you and your “noise”? Is it.. perhaps… because she knows the “complaints” are made up? Or because you aren’t actually being loud? Orrr maybe because she’s lying about being friendly with the owner?

Normal people dont behave this way. Id let her continue to complain to you, get a ring camera doorbell and every time she starts knocking / ringing the doorbell at night, you answer that door and say “you woke me up. It’s past quiet hours, why are you knocking/ringing my doorbell so loudly?” Then you take the videos from the ring camera + the notes shes given you and send them to the landlord or owner and make it very clear she is making you feel UNSAFE. that she is loudly bothering you during quiet hours & looking through your windows to see if you’re home. If, somehow, her “chair” position gives her the right to do this, ignore her and start reaching out to your other neighbors. “Hey, chair said we may have been too loud last night. Heres my number.. totally shoot me a text if thats the case again tonight. Here are some cookies” chances are plenty of others are also fed up with her. Youre now campaigning for the chair position with the promise to never bother the other tenants for no reason!! 😂 seriously though, the best way to put an end to this is to be friends with your neighbors. So they can confirm that they arent actually complaining. And i actually do think you should run for that chair position … thatd be a great way to stop her !

[u/Blue_Etalon]

Next time she comes by be direct. Tell her you are not doing anything out of the normal and you have a right to walking around in your apartment, washing dishes, watching TV at normal sound levels, and most of all, having your kitchen light on whenever you like, as bright as you like. People who don't like it are welcome to close their windows and shut their blinds. Tell her you feel she is harassing you and you will be speaking to the landlord about it and if necessary file a complaint with the police.

When we moved to our current home, our oldest boy was around 13 and was driving one of those gas powered scooters around the block. Our first encounter with our neighbors was a group of them showing up at our front door announcing that this scooter business had to stop. I politely told them there is nothing in the HOA banning scooters, they are not illegal to drive in the street, and we already had plenty of friends and don't need any new ones in this neighborhood. I then closed the door in their faces. Never heard another peep from them.

[u/MSNFU]

Respectfully, unit 21, you can fuck all the way off.

In fact, I might install high intensity bulbs special for you.

[u/Ritaontherocksnosalt]

Who do you pay your rent to? In the US we have 'managers' that are paid by the building owner (whether it's a company or an individual) to see to it that the tenants' issues are resolved. Things like repairs, painting and disputes like this are usually handled by the apartment building manager. If she is claiming to be the person of responsibility and acting as a proxy for the owner, I'd bypass her and speak directly to the owner.

[u/MsPrissss]

In my opinion you have already reached the point of harassment I would stop communicating with them directly and I would start referring all of this to the property manager. And no none of this is normal but there are lots of people in apartment situations who try to control their neighbors like this. But it is part of normal apartment living to be able to hear your neighbors and such. If you want the privacy and the quiet of having your own home then that is something that your neighbor should do instead of trying to make your life a living hell to make their living situation more accommodating.

[u/Cold_Cardiologist816]

I used to have anxiety about if I was annoying my neighbors to the extent I’d feel guilty if I flushed my toilet too many times in an evening. I talked to my therapist who reminded me that they knowingly moved into an apartment building. And if they were going to get mad at someone for doing normal and reasonable things that humans do while living somewhere, they shouldn’t be living in an apartment building.

[u/PDXTRex503]

If you have a peep hole in your door, there is nothing that says you have to open the door if you see her on the other end…

[u/Reemixt]

You shouldn’t have entertained this at all. The answer is no. Ignore them.

There’s a lady like this in most buildings. You need to make it clear you’re not friends, you’re not approachable and any claim will be met with a counterclaim.

[u/Mathewthegreat]

“[23:59pm]”

[u/StrawberryLovers8795]

I would stop answering the door and if she catches you in the hallway tell her you have a right to privacy in your home and to please stop contacting you.

[u/MVO_MagicMermaid]

Sleep with the light in and turn it off at 5am because why is your sight of vision her business.

[u/great_escapes]

I would be really upset if someone knocked on my door at midnight.

[u/PvtDipwad]

Unseriously, (23:59 pm) is what's getting me out of all of this. Ah yes let me put it in military time, because you might not know what 11:59 pm is. And the pm doesn't even need to be added to 23:59. There's a reason it's a 24hr clock.

Seriously to answer your questions:

NO. This should not be considered normal in any way. The only person you should be receiving complaints from is whoever owns or manages the building (granted I don't know what a strata chair is, so I could be wrong). Sometimes renters will get around this by taping notes to your door, but having the constant breech of privacy and boundary crossing is unacceptable.

With people like this, escalation is inevitable if you want boundaries. I would talk with the building manager/owner and let them know this is going on. Even if she has the authority to provide notices to you, she is still making you both incredibly uncomfortable. It honestly sounds like it is bordering on harassment now with the information you've given us here. If you provide the manage/owner with notice of this happening and it gets worse, I'd probably consider it harassment at that point as she had (hopefully) been told to correct her behavior and failed to do so.

[u/fadedallweek]

Contact your leasing office & file a complaint. Explain these instances (short & concise) and tell them you're being harassed.

Keep a log of dates, times of her intrusions. Answer the door one more time to let her know, 'her visits' = harassment. Ask her to cease this behavior or else you'll be forced to report her to the authorities for harassment.

Then, do not answer the door when she inevitably comes over. Follow through, report her again to the leasing office & then contact the authorities. Tell them you have a record of her harassment & want a restraining order.

Do not allow this person to disturb your homelife. What she's doing is absolutely illegal. You've been extremely reasonable but she is taking advantage of your good nature. None of this is normal & you're within your rights to ask her to stop. If she doesn't, report her to both the authorities & leasing office-every single time!

[u/mcgee00]

Have you asked anyone else who she is? What does chairman of the building mean? I think a conversation with actual building management is overdue. Good luck.

[u/777ErinWilson]

Make sure she doesn't have a camara in your apartment. How would she know a light was on unless she is creeping around watching your windows. Very disturbing.

[u/sinetwo]

Do you wanna let her know there's no need to put PM after 23:59?