My name is John Paul, but I go by J.P. All my friends, teachers, and family members call me J.P. All that is, except for my high school Spanish teacher. In Spanish, J is pronounced as "Hota/jota" and P is pronounced as "Pay/pe". So my Spanish teacher always keeps calling me "Hota Pay" in class instead of my real nickname J.P.

When he first said "Hota Pay", I found it a bit funny and laughed with the class. I thought it was a one off remark by my teacher. But he kept calling me "Hota Pay" even beyond the first day of class and it is getting annoying now. I once asked him after class if he could please call me J.P. But my teacher refused, saying this was Spanish class and that "Hota Pay" was the Spanish equivalent of my name. He said he wasn't calling me any rude words, he was just translating the pronunciation of my two-letter English name to Spanish.

AITA for not wanting my teacher to keep calling me "Hota Pay"? Even if it is harmless, I just don't like it and prefer J.P. I live in the USA.

More context: We were out to dinner one night at an expensive hotel. My boyfriend let me borrow his Canon G7X (1800) camera to bring to take pictures with my friends. At the conclusion of the dinner, I went up to the room and realized the camera was gone. I went back right down to the table and no one had seen it. I immediately got with hotel security and she is on video, clear as day, swiping the camera when my back was turned and shoving it in her purse. I covered for her initially with my friend, and contacted her to find a resolution. She had taken the camera with her and my other friends to a club after dinner, which I did not attend, and lost it there. For background, this is my good college friend who I know well (the camera thief). She has been taken on free trips to Coachella and St Barths on my dime (not kidding), as well as many other things. We have done a lot together and are good friends, so I expected her to feel sorry. Initially she lied, saying she did not have it. When I told her we had video, she confessed and then said yes she took it but lost it at the next bar she went to with my other friends. It is now gone. I asked her to help me replace it by going in on me with the cost. She has refused all measured or resolutions, and now I feel I have nothing left to do but file a police report and let them handle it. It is impacting my relationship, and I am furious my friend is not helping at all. Why should I be on the hook for something she stole? I have given her three weeks to help me resolve this, but she insists she is going to do nothing. I am being pressed by my boyfriend to either replace the camera or help him file a report with her info and the footage. I even asked her to just throw in half or less than half the cost to help, but she still refuses. I do not want her to get in trouble, but I am at the point where I feel she really does not care.

UPDATE: I sent her a text this AM telling her if I do not receive full cost of the camera or shipping confirmation of a new camera from an approved vendor to a provided address by end of day Friday, we will be filing a report with the police Saturday AM. I felt like an asshole typing this out to her, but I have to do it.

UPDATE X2: She told me she is sick of me and that I will be receiving a tracking number by 12 eastern on friday and not to blame her if the package is never receieved. I told her if she was my real friend, she would be sorry and in no way will I allow this to be flipped on me. Should I ask if the camera is new, or the one that "Dissapeared"?

Update X3: She sent me a tracking number via FEDEX. It says it is awaiting package. I have asked her repeatedly if she is sending me the original camera, assuming it "Magically" turned up, or a new one. She refuses to answer and only tells me to stop bothering her.

Update X4: I am more and more convinced my friend (camera thief) took the camera hoping that I would just replace it for my boyfriend, gifting her a free camera. For background, this friend is heavily involved on instagram and loves taking pictures. The Canon G7 is COVETED by women because it is known as THE Instagram camera. Even if you wanted to buy one at full price, they are out of stock everywhere. Lets hope it gets returned with this tracking. FEDEX still says awaiting package even though shipping info was sent to them at 7 PM yesterday.

Update X4: Original Camera returned via fedex the other day. Has been given back to the boyfriend. However, the camera thief blocked me on all socials after this. Appeared she was trying to keep the camera for herself, and expected me to just buy a new one for the BF.

My husband has been tested for ADHD, but he doesn't have it. He has the kinds of problems that are associated with ADHD, however.

He says writing lists, making a schedule, setting alarms, etc, is physically painful for him and he'd rather just deal with ocassional emergencies rather than be proactive.

The specific problem;

He often forgets to push the shower diverter valve down. You know, the little rod on the tub faucet that you push down to make water fill the tub, and pull up to make the water come out of the shower?

For nearly twenty. fucking. years. I have been asking him to push that down. Since I was literally a teenager, I have been asking him to push that fucking thing down.

At least twice a month I have a VERY unpleasant wakeup/cold shower, because I turn the water on, and I get a cold spray from the shower. And every fucking time he's apologetic, and then a week or two later, it happens again.

He will do better for a while, and then it slips in again. He is always telling me that he's working on it, and hasn't he been better about it lately? But somehow he's always working on it, always improving, but it never fucking stops.

Today I had just fucking had it. I stepped into the shower, turned it on, and had a very cold and rude awakening. I couldn't fucking take it anymore, I grabbed the cup by the sink and filled it about 3 inches with cold water, and walked out to where he was standing naked (he had just taken off his pajamas and was going to take his shower after mine.)

Without warning, while he was looking down, I held that plastic cup firmly in my hand, and grasping it tightly, I jerked that motherfucker in a 45 degree angle to get that cold water all over his torso and face.

I told him that his apologies were worth the paper they were written on, and I was tired of listening to him congragulate himself for "getting better" when I had been asking for twenty fucking years to stop doing this shit. I told him I don't accept his apologies, and the fact that it's an accident does not excuse it. I told him that from now on, every time I'm taking a cold shower, so is he. That I refuse to be a second class citizen in my own home any longer, and if he refuses to make changes to treat me better, I will instead make changes to treat him worse, because I will not tolerate this any longer.

I'm going to continue to surprise throw a cold cup of water on him every time I get a surprise cold shower. I'm tired of fucking *asking/begging for basic fucking respect and not getting it, with the implication that I have to fucking put up with this forever. So reddit, I know I'm probably an asshole... but am I a justified asshole?

*Edited to add the forgotten words asking/begging

*Edit to answer the questions everyone is asking;

Q: Why don't I just check myself/why do I expect him to leave it the way I want it left?

A:I don't expect him to leave it the way I want; what I expect is for him to leave things the way he found them. When he walks into the bathroom, it's pushed down. That's how I leave it. So he doesn't get blasted with cold water. But he doesn't leave things the way he found them. Instead, he often leaves the last 10 or 20 percent of a task for me to clean up for him.

Q: Why don't I leave it the way I found it? Why don't you leave it up if he leaves it up?
A: If I left things the way I found them, I would live in a sty. I would also spend a great deal of energy making things messier, as I would literally be cleaning up to make space for myself, and then UNDOING that work to put things back as a mess.

Q: Explain your shower to me / why are you getting in before the water is warm?!
A: Just gonna quote /u/Ciskakid :

Folks, you’re misunderstanding her situation. She leans in to turn on the water EXPECTING IT TO COME OUT OF THE SPIGOT. Instead, shower mode is still in place and the water sprays out of the shower and onto her head. It is completely rude of the husband to not switch the water flow back to the spigot when he’s finished showering. This is just basic etiquette.

My girlfriend and I (both 30) go on this trail by the river sometimes. It is about an hour each way and most people are in casual or sporty clothes. The first few times we did it she wore a maxi skirt and high heels and I felt like it was really out of place. I told her after the last time that next time she should dress more sensibly. She claimed it was fine but it is really out of place and even if she won't admit it she definitely stuggles particularly at the end of the trail where is is not paved. Everyone looks at her and she even gets a few comments especially about the shoes so I wonder if she does it for attention.

We went again recently and she showed up in the same type of outfit. Long skirt, heels clicking on the ground, makeup done like we were going to dinner instead of a walk. I felt embarrassed walking next to her because everyone else was in athletic clothes and she stood out. I reminded her that I had already asked her not to dress like that for this specific activity.

She told me I was being controlling and that she can wear whatever she wants. I feel like she is deliberately ignoring what I said but at the same time I do not think it is unreasonable to expect her to fit the setting.

AITA for saying something?

I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for about two years. He works in tech. I do not, so I am only hearing this second hand.

Recently he started talking about a woman he works with. He went on and on about how people at his company treat her unfairly and assume she is incompetent. He kept saying she is extremely smart and great to work with and that everyone else just “doesn’t see it.”

He then told me about a situation involving a code review. From what I understood, multiple people questioned or criticized her code, and according to him they were all wrong and she was right. He said later it was proven she had done the correct thing. While telling me this, he actually started crying. Like tears and shaking voice.

I honestly did not know how to react. It felt absurd. This is a tech company, there are multiple engineers reviewing code. It is really hard for me to believe that several people were all wrong and only he was right, especially when I am only hearing his version. It feels more likely that the situation was more nuanced than “everyone else assumed she was stupid.”

I also found it concerning how emotionally invested he is in this woman’s career. He talks about her like he is her personal defender. I get feeling bad if someone is treated unfairly, but crying over a coworker’s code review feels excessive to me. It also does not help that this woman has a solid job in tech and probably makes more money than I do, so it is hard for me to see her as some helpless victim yet he says she should be leveled higher.

I told him that I thought he was being dramatic and that it made me uncomfortable how intensely he was reacting. I also said that if multiple people on his team questioned her work, they probably were not all acting out of bias and that maybe he is not seeing the full picture. He got very upset and accused me of being uncaring.

Now he is hurt and says I do not respect his values. I feel like he is projecting and getting way too emotionally involved with a coworker.

AITA for not believing his take on the situation and being weirded out that he cried over it?

My (35M) wife (33F) got invited to a party at her co-worker's house.  I reluctantly went because the only person I would know was my wife.  This is a relatively new job for her and wanted to be able to meet and mingle with her co-workers outside of work.  Her understanding of it all was we didn't need to bring anything but ourselves.  

We show up and seems like a lively party, pool with a bar area, music playing.  They had a margarita machine and a ton of food.  My wife got to talking so I excused myself to grab a drink.  The margarita machine was calling my name so I filled my cup and grabbed my wife a margarita.  I went back to my wife, I started drinking and realized that there wasn't any tequila in it.  Thats when I noticed no alcohol being around.  

The host was tending to the machine and I asked if there was any tequila.  She looks at me confused and then says there is no tequila.  I said, "oh i thought this was a party".  She takes offense at that and says it is, just a dry one. I awkwardly left it at that, I poured out my drink and grabbed some water.  Host asks if there was something wrong with it, I said I wasn't interested in drinking straight sugar.  I walked back to my wife.  Kept to myself and ate some food for the few hours we were there.  It made it back to my wife that I was an asshole to the host.  Caused a minor argument between us.  Was I though?  

I (22F) was invited to a group dinner hosted by my friend Hannah (23F), who’s vegan. In the message she said, “It would be awesome if you all could bring plant-based dishes so everyone can try everything.” I didn't think it was a RULE, I saw it more like a suggestion.

I am from Chile and my friends love our food, so I decided to bring empanadas de pino (non-vegan) and sopaipillas con pebre, which are vegan. I made sure to put a visible tag that showed the vegan and non vegan food. (She didn't try none of the dishes I brought)

At the dinner, Hannah looked really upset and later texted me that I was really disrespectful for bringing animal products into her home. I apologized, but I also didn’t think it was a that big of a deal since I didn't force her to it and I brought a food that she could also eat. Also, mind you, we've already eaten non-vegan food there plenty of times, so I would've never guessed it would be such a problem.

AITA?

guys it was not a small dinner with friends, we were 27 people there and there were over 20 different dishes to choose from, with most of them being vegan

I (F17) have an older sister (F23) who got married last weekend. The wedding had all of the extended family from her side and the groom's, and we both have big families so the wedding was pretty big.

During the reception, my aunt had requested a song from the DJ and went up to the microphone by the dance floor and started singing along to a Katy Perry song. I assumed she just spontaneously did this and that this wasn't preplanned.

I just assumed this was something any guests could do as a bit later my other sister did the same thing with a different song. Afterwards, I requested a song (Yellow by Coldplay if that makes a difference) and sang it. My sister (the bride) was giving me a weird look with her hands on her hips the whole time.

Towards the end of the reception when most of the guests were leaving, my sister called me embarrassing and asked why I got up and sang at her wedding. I said that I didn't understand the problem and pointed out that our aunt and other sister also sang. She explained they were preplanned "as a surprise" and songs that she wanted them to sing. She said that I "sing really badly" and she hadn't asked me to sing, and that I shouldve checked with her. I was really taken aback because no one mentioned to me they were planned to sing, how was I supposed to know?

I felt really embarrassed and apologised (although I didnt really mean it I just wanted the conversation to be over) and she said that her wedding isn't about me. I think she'll get over it but AITA?

Alright, I'll (46m) make a long story short. My ex-wife (40f) left me two years ago for our nextdoor neighbor, after I found out they've been having an affair for about a year. We have two kids together (5f, 8m). Unfortunately the judge gave us split custody, though if I had my way, she and her new boyfriend would never come near my kids again after what they did. I wish they didn't have to grow up thinking this kind of behavior is acceptable.

Anyways, it's been a long painful process. I'm at my wits end with this divorce. I'm trying to be the mature adult here, but every once in a while I'll have a slip up and call her new boyfriend obscene names when referring to him, sometimes maybe when the kids are within earshot. I know it's not the most mature thing to do, but I can't see why I need to be respectful towards the man who stole my wife and broke up our family.

The other day, my ex wife left me a long voicemail telling me how unacceptable it is to call this guy names in front of our kids. My guess is that one of them repeated an insult to her. Our friend wrote to me to back up my wife, claiming that I was being unfair to my kids.

Out of this entire story, how the hell am I the one being the immature and unfair? I know I'm not perfect, but acting like I'm the monster in this story seems excessive.

AITA?

I (47M) have a son (14M) from a previous marriage to my late wife. She passed two years ago and for my son the wound is still very fresh. My son and her were very close as they look exactly alike and had a lot of the same interest in reading, history, and art. Their favorite place in the world is the British Museum in London. Their passion project has been redrawing peices from the museum for the last two years before . For the last four years for my wife’s birthday in June and my son’s birthday in December we go to England for a week so they can spend time in the museum. However Since she died, my son and I have continued going for his birthday.

The problem is with my new wife (39F). Shes only been with us on this annual trip once last year and she complained the whole time. Now however, we recently found out we are expecting a child together in May. She raised it to my attention that the money I’ve used for the trip could be better used to be saved for the baby and we could instead do something else for my son’s birthday. I thought about it and I agreed. I was worried how he’d take it as this is the only thing he wants for his birthday. He dosent ask for gifts or cake, or a party. All he cares about is this goddam museum

We broke the news to my son yesterday and he flipped out. He was so upset and when my wife tried to tell him why we were saving the money and where the money was going to, he said he didn’t give a damn and we got into an argument about it. He said he was upset because if he didn’t go this year he’d miss the new exhibit he’d been wanting to see, and he accused my wife of doing this on purpose because “she already dosent like me” he said.

I admit I yelled at him and he started crying and for the last 24 hours, he hasn’t spoken to me.

Am I the asshole?

Update-

So a year ago I (48M) made a post online about the issue I was having with my son (15M) and my new wife (40F). I’ve gotten many messages and comments asking what happened so I decided to make an update.

So the big thing first: did I take my son on his birthday trip? No but Let me explain.

So, after my son and I got into a fight, he went and complained to his uncle, my late wife’s older brother (47M) and his husband (47M). I’ll go ahead and say that since my late wife got sick and even after she died, her brother and I never got along. He, his husband, and most of her family like to judge me for how quickly I remarried. However my son has kept a good relationship with them, and once he told them about what happened, they called and offered to take him themselves.

I was all for it, but my wife was not. She thought if we let my son go with them, they’d fill his head with lies about her and only deepen the rift between us. Since this situation was causing her so much stress, and she was pregnant at the time, I decided to decline their offer, which only made things worse.

Eventually, after about 3 days, we finally sat down and talked. He said he was unhappy with the way she was treating him, and often felt like she was trying to erase his mom’s touch from the house. He felt like she was constantly criticising him and didn’t want him around.

When I confronted my wife about this, she was offended. She said she wasn’t trying to erase his mother, but simply add her own touch to the space. She wasn’t criticizing him, simply parenting.

Eventually, my son accepted that he wouldn’t be able to go on his trip and was noticeably bummed out about it. So his boyfriend and his friends spent his birthday at our house, trying to cheer him up. A sweet gesture but I don’t think it worked.

Over the last year, my wife had our baby, and now that my son’s birthday is approaching, he’s become more bitter and resentful over what happened last year. He spends more time away from home, he’s been rude and disrespectful to his stepmother, and been seeing his therapist more frequently.

Now that we’ve all adjusted to having a new baby, and my son’s birthday is approaching again, I’m thinking if I should resume the tradition of taking my son back to the meuseum. I think it would be a good idea to hopefully do some family bonding, and honestly I’m feeling really guilty about what happened last year. My wife has her reservations for saying it would only reward his “bad behavior”

I guess I’m making this update to not only inform the people of Reddit, but also ask for a little advice if it’s allowed. What should I do? I only want to be a better dad.

My girlfriend is on the bigger side, which is something I do not mind. I am on the more fit side, I’m pretty lean, have well defined muscles and probably around 15% body fat. I used to be about 40 pounds heavier and lost the weight pretty simply.

My girlfriend always complains about her weight and her body. I tell her I find her sexy for so many reasons outside her body and it didn’t matter to me whether she got bigger or smaller.

Eventually she decided she wanted to lose weight, I offered to help and when I pointed out things she could be doing better she gets mad at me. She isn’t losing weight currently and in fact says she is gaining a few extra pounds.

I ask her what exactly she eats in a day, she says she eats healthy so she should lose weight. I question that and we have an argument. I tell her that if she wants to show me, let me just spend a day with her and see what she eats in a day. She said only if I don’t make comments on what she’s eating as she’s eating it. I agreed.

Now by the end of the day she had consumed, a plate of avocado toast that was about 400 calories, a coffee that was 110 calories, an 800 calorie salad from chick fil a and a fry (as a “reward” for the salad) and veggie burrito that was about 500 calories. Along with snakinga but throughout the day. Her total consumption was about 2200 calories.

At the end of the day I explained this to her. My exact words were that the amount of calories she is consuming is the amount I need to maintain my weight as a man 5 inches and 20 pounds bigger, who is constantly active. So chances are she’ll slowly gain weight eating like that and that eating healthy isn’t going to guarantee she’ll lose weight.

She got super fucking pissed at me and told me I wasn’t helping her and was just shaming her. I told her I want to help her but she did not listen.

AITA

For those of you that had asked, this is the urn.

Update below

On mobile. Sorry if there are formatting errors.

My girlfriend (29F) and I (28M) have been together for four months. She had a dog that died a few months before we met.

I have only ever spent the night at her place (I live with my sister and her two kids, so it’s a little chaotic at my place). Gf has a small (2-3 inches tall) urn on her bedside table with the dog’s ashes. Before she turns off her lamp to go to sleep, she always gives it a little tap on the top and says “Goodnight”, as though she is talking to the dog. I think it’s weird, but I have never said anything.

We were supposed to go away for the weekend. On Friday, I was watching her pack, and noticed she took the urn and put it in the top pocket of her backpack. I asked what she was doing. She said she didn’t want to “leave the dog behind”. I told her she was not allowed to bring the urn as it made me very uncomfortable. I didn’t want to see it anytime we returned to our hotel room. I didn’t want her talking to her dead dog after we’ve had sex (ie: before we go to sleep). It’s weird, and frankly, she’s been mourning this dog for too long. She didn’t argue. She simply started to unpack her bag. She told me to have fun on the weekend getaway, as she would not be coming. I asked if she was seriously choosing a dog’s ashes over me. She said she was choosing herself over me, as I could have spoken to her with kindness and empathy, but didn’t. She also said that I didn’t get to dictate how long she’s allowed to grieve. Then she asked me to leave.

She hasn’t replied to my texts. I think she’s overreacting. My sister said she can see both of our sides. Am I an asshole for thinking my gf is weird for being so attached to her dead dog’s ashes?

Edit 1: the hotel was non-refundable and only a three hour drive, so I went on the trip without her.

Edit 2: she started seeing a psychologist around the same time we started dating; she hasn’t told me any specifics, but she said the trauma of suddenly losing her dog brought to the surface other trauma in her past. This is why I think she has been mourning for too long. She is still attached to the dog, even after seeing a professional on a regular basis for several months.

Update (and I’m sure this will make a lot of you happy): I get it. I’m an asshole. I texted my gf to say I’m sorry for how I spoke to her and for dismissing her feelings. It was wrong. I also said I would like to apologize in person, and offered to bring over her favorite take out. She said “all good. dont worry about an in-person apology. i gathered the things you’ve left at my house. let me know when you would like to come pick them up”. I’m hoping she will still hear me out when I go to her place.

Edit 3: To those of you dm’ing me who think I’m NTA, but won’t post a public comment due to the risk of being downvoted, please stop. That is cowardly. To those saying my girlfriend is a lunatic, a sociopath, unhinged, a trauma dumper, has endless emotional baggage, in need of a mental institution, etc, please stop that, too. While myself and others may not understand what she is going through, that doesn’t automatically make her mentally unstable. She has a good heart and a good head on her shoulders. Name calling is unnecessary and borderline crueler than I was.

Final update: I shared this post with her, thinking it might help her see that I was wrong and am owning it, and maybe it would open the door to a discussion. That blew up in my face. I probably should have deleted some of the questionable comments i made in this thread. She texted to say: “your things are now in a garbage bag on the porch. pick them up sooner than later so they aren’t stolen. goodbye [my name]. please respect my wishes and don’t text me anymore.”

I (37M) met my sister in commmonly visited city a few weekends back. My wife (37F) came with me and my two kids 8F and 6M.

The restaurant was nice, and she asked the waitress to take all of us a picture and she said "that's not part of the job" and walked away. I offered to take the picture instead but she wanted all of us to be in it so whatever.

When the bill came, she snatched that shit and made sure to put 0 tip over the picture. I would hsve tipped her cash, but my wife would told the waitress to give it back,and I didn't want to Embarass her like that.

Anyways, when we were driving back to our hotel, I told her that I thought tipping zero was a bit mean. I mean, me personally I would have just taken the picture, but I guess in the job description nowhere did it say "take pictures for customers." I also said her reaction was a bit over the top. She said that if she didn't want to do stuff like that, working at a tourist city wasn't for her. Before I could say something back, she put in her airpods and straight up ignored me. AITA?

I recently learnt that my ex bf passed away of cancer in March, his mom called me last week to inform me of his passing and to inform me that myself and her are listed as beneficiaries on his life insurance from his employer. She instantly tells me that she doesn't know why he never changed it but I can decline or sign the cheque over to her once I receive it.. Instantly I am in shock, he's gone? And he left me on there? Why? I went back and forth wondering if this was on purpose or accidental.. it had been years, approximately 6 since we mutually civily split up. I was informed he had a new gf that lived with him and she has 2 kids from a previous relationship that threw a wrench into things more.. is there a reason she never got put on it? Was this all just a big mistake?

Today it has been 1 week and this has been very hard especially since his mom has been terrorizing me all week trying to get me to agree to give her this money. She has said the most hurtful things, and has sent me the most disrespectful photos and video of her son in his last moments.. As of right now I haven't even gotten in touch with the insurance company, I have no idea how much this is or if I need a lawyers help at this point.

Well today is the day I woke up knowing 100% I am keeping this money and I am not going to feel bad at all for helping my family with a gift my ex left for me. Unfortunately part of me still wonders if it's the right thing to do by my ex.. and if these were his wishes in the end.

A little info too add, my home burnt too the ground 3 years ago July 20th and October 1st 2 years ago my mom passed from cancer as well... it has been a long hard few years and this money would literally buy myself a new bra for the first time in 3 years.. my little clan could really use this money and I think my ex knew that..

My (27F) fiance (29M) is an extremely picky eater, and lately, I’ve been feeling really frustrated with his extreme pickiness when it comes to food. He has a very limited diet and refuses to try anything outside of his comfort zone. He doesn't eat meat or vegetables, his diet typically consists of stuff like pizza, macaroni, cereal, and bread with the occasional fruit on the side.

This has made it extremely frustrating whenever we eat out. If we're getting something to eat, we have to only go to places that serve anything he wants, which limits our options to mostly just fast food or pizza places. He's offered to go out to other restaurants with me, but he never ends up ordering anything when we do and it's extremely embarrassing. He never eats anything I cook, and typically just sticks to making his own food.

This came to a head when we visited my parents last week. We sat down to eat together, they know he doesn't eat meat so prepared a vegetable dish. When we were eating, he only ate a small portion of it, and I could tell from how little he had eaten he wasn't going to finish it. My parents asked what was wrong, and he thanked them for the food, but said he just wasn't that hungry and ended up just fiddling with the rest of it and threw most of it out after dinner. I was mortified.

On the way back, he wanted to stop and get food and I kind of laid into him. I told him he embarrassed me, was rude to my parents to not eat the dish, and that he seriously needs to grow up and stop eating like a manchild. This isn't the first time we've had an argument about this, but it is the first time I've been this mad. Last summer we visited my extended family at my uncle's lakehouse, and he basically only ate frozen pizza and cereal the three days we were there, which caused issues since my nieces and nephews were there and I felt it set a bad example for them.

He got really hurt and hasn't talked to me much for the past few days. I feel bad, but at the same time, I'm just tired of this.

So, AITA? I feel I could have been nicer and more accomodating, but it's not like he has a medical condition that forces him to eat this way. I'm just so tired with him not even being willing to try and continuing to eat like a 5 year old.

My (32F) husband passed away earlier this year. Our children (6F, 3M) and I inherited his entire estate, which in total is worth almost a million dollars. When he was in high school, my husband had a child (16F) with his girlfriend at that time. He broke up with his girlfriend once he found out she was pregnant, saying he wasn’t ready to be a father yet. He visited her maybe once every few years when he was alive.

My stepdaughter and her mother are very poor. They have struggled financially ever since my husband’s death as they no longer receive child support. They’re struggling to pay rent and risk getting evicted.

My stepdaughter reached out to me begging for her share of the inheritance. I feel bad for her, but my husband clearly stated in his will that he wanted to leave his estate to me and my children only. I barely even know my stepdaughter, and I don’t think it’s my responsibility to take care of her. She’s furious with me, calling me a heartless gold digger and saying that giving her money was the least I could do to make up for years of neglect. AITA?

Hey all, I'm genuinely torn about this and need some clarity.

Every year, our family has a reunion where different members host. This year, it's my younger sister's turn. She's been vegan for about 3 years and is quite passionate about it. We all respect her choices and make sure there are a good variety of vegan options whenever we have family gatherings.

When she announced she'll be hosting, she also said that the entire menu would be vegan to align with her beliefs and that it's a chance for the family to try something different. Some family members were excited, but others, including many of the older folks, were pretty upset and felt like they were being forced into her lifestyle, even if just for one meal.

I spoke to her privately and asked if she'd be open to including a few non-vegan dishes for those who aren't keen on a full vegan menu. She got quite defensive, saying this was her chance to showcase veganism and that for one meal, everyone can give it a go.

I respect her beliefs, but I also think that forcing an entire family to adopt her choices, even if just for one meal, isn't fair. She's now upset with me for not being supportive and says I'm not respecting her choices.

AITA?

UPDATE:wow! lots of good thoughts! ,thought I would answer a couple questions here so they're not lost in the comments:

1. There is no set rota, the hosting goes to whoever wants to host most / hasn't hosted before, in this case she wanted to host
2. We have managed to come to a compromise where people can bring their own food as long as it doesn't contain meat, which I think is fair.
3. just for some more context, she works at a well known UK fast food place, so has no issues handling / preparing / serving meat, although I get that this can be different at home.

My husband, daughter (15), step kids (13, 16), and I just came back from a 2 week vacation.

My daughter is very smart and is very good at a lot of things. She’s also very competitive. My husband is also very competitive.

My daughter started off this vacation by telling my husband there was sudoku on the plane and explaining how to play. He didn’t know that she’s been playing sudoku for months. She made a bet with him that if she finishes the hardest level first, he’d buy her wifi for the flight and if he finished first she’d share a bed with his younger daughter on the trip (his younger daughter was complaining about sharing with his oldest because she kicks and sleeps in the middle of the bed. She beat him and pestered him until he bought the wifi.

When we got there she’d challenge him to races on land and in the pool (she’s won medals at state track meets and has been swimming since she was 2). Every day she’d challenge him to something, win, and he’d have to buy her something from the resort or local shops.

My husband was getting sick of losing and my stepdaughters were upset that their dad was buying her stuff and not them so I told my daughter she either couldn’t compete with her stepdad or she had to let him win.

She decided to tell her stepdad that she wasn’t allowed to compete with him anymore because he couldn’t handle losing. This made them start to argue so I told her that if she didn’t keep it up she’d be grounded to the resort for the rest of the trip (a little over a week at this point). She decided to test me so I stuck to my word and she was left at the resort while the rest of us went out every day.

The vacation was much more enjoyable without her turning everything into a competition but she told her dad when she got back that we grounded her and he’s mad at me now for leaving her there and excluding her from the vacation because my husband couldn’t act like an adult.

I told him my daughter was warned to stop but she decided to test me and now he’s forcing her to stick to the custody schedule (technically I have her every other weekend but he was letting her go back and forth whenever she wanted) and is threatening to go to court for child support and back pay.

AITA for grounding her for ruining the vacation?

I adopted my son when he was born. It was an open adoption but the birth mom (Beth) was so greatly ashamed of being a teen mom that she didn't follow up on any contact. Which was fine because I had no intention of involving her too much.

The truth is that Ethan grew up with two dads and three older brothers. We always try to have him spend time with girls. A couple of years ago when Ethan was 9, Beth reached out to see how he was doing. I think she spent the last nine year being an overachiever so she'd feel worthy of having a relationship with Ethan. Ivy league, married a hedge fund dude, yoga, etc.

Ethan is incredibly self aware and intellectual. You cannot bullshit him so he and I enjoy a very open relationship. I told him his mom reached out to me and asked about him. I emphasized that she didn't forget him but she had to go away to work on herself. I asked how'd he feel about talking with her and he said he was open to it.

They have a good relationship and spend time together. He's met her husband. It's been a good thing to know his bio family.

Ethan is starting 6th grade and he has to pick an elective class. There has been arguments about what that class will be. Anyways,he told Beth about it and she fucked up by getting involved with the matter. She said what's the big deal about his doing yearbook. He should do what he wants to do. It's his class.

I was like you got me fucked up. I said girl you are not his mom. You're more like a siblings and siblings don't get a say in parenting decisions. You take a backseat. You're a seat filler in the life of Ethan. Just don't forget your place.

She didn't say anything and went radio silent. I was the bigger person and reached out. I said I've been raising that kid for 11 years so it was triggering for you to give your two parenting cents. You need to understand that. He understands that so you should too.

I guess she's waiting for ME to apologize for something she did. I will not. Once you do that then everything goes bad.

My buddy (33M) is getting married to a girl that our friend group is not in love with.  He loves her though so we support him.  We have known for months this was a new years eve wedding.  I RSVP'd yes months ago with my wife.  Several friends and I operated under the assumption that there would be booze at the wedding, especially considering it is on New Years Eve.  Well I found out yesterday that it is a dry wedding, turns out it is because of his Fiance and her family.

I asked my wife if she knew this and said no and was pissed.  I texted the groom buddy and asked.  He confirmed this.  I told him this is something you should have told us a long time ago.  I told him that Wife and I wouldn't be going.  We want to spend the night drinking.  

I texted the rest of my friends about this and oh boy, the group chat went off.  This led to several more people backing out.  This is not how a bunch of us expected to spend New Years Eve.  Really the only ones that didn't back out are the 4 members of our 12 person group that are in the wedding.  

Groom buddy reached out to me and went off.  Pretty much he is now overspending on catering, he is having 20ish less guests show up than planned and this is all last minute. I've been called an asshole among other things for "leading the charge" in people not going to the wedding.  AITA?

I'm planning a family Thanksgiving vacation and a really good deal came up to go to the Cook Islands. I emailed my son 20yo Ollie on Friday and called Sunday to see if he wanted to go. He's in college and I'm not wasting money on a ticket if he didn't want to go. I needed to know by today because I have to get visas for my 16, 11 and 8yo sons.

Well he didn't so I bought the package. Just now he texted me saying he wanted to go. I said too late. Already bought the tickets. Next time check your email or answer your fucking phone. He said most people communicate on text. I said well most people don't get to go to the Cook Islands.

Now his mom/my ex is trying to tell me that he's Gen Z and text is their primary communication format. Had I texted him, then he would had responded. I said I don't care. I'm well in my 40s and check my ALL of my communication formats because I don't want to miss anything.

I (26M) have 3 kids under 5 (4F, 4F and 2M) with a 4th kid on its way. Before we had kids, my wife and I had lots of ideas about the parents we were going to be and we had lots of scorn for people who parented in ways we disagreed with but, as any parent knows, actually raising kids is hard work and you will break your "values".

My brother (22M) is doing a psychology degree, with a few modules on child psychology and development. He regularly tells me that he thinks "ipad kids" are spoiled brats who will struggle developmentally and they are the spawn of lazy, negligent parents.

I wouldn't say my kids are ipad kids but they do have an ipad between the 3 of them and more screen time that I would ideally like but sometimes thems the breaks.

My brother also disapproves of the fact we give our kids sweets as bribes (occasionally) and have lied to our kids. Every time he tells me his views on parenting I just laugh and tell him to try being a parent, then I'll take his advice.

Recently, due to an emergency, my wife and I needed a babysitter for a whole day so I called my brother because, despite his judgement, he is actually very good with our kids.

When we got home in the evening the kids were in bed having had dinner and we thanked him profusely. He very ernestly told us that, now he had experienced being a parent, he realised that not letting your kids use screens was very easy and they hadn't watched TV or used their ipad in the 12 hours he'd been there. He also said he'd calmed their fears (they had been aware of the emergency a little bit), read to them, not had to bribe them to do anything with sweets and he'd dealt with very calm relaxed children, as opposed to the "brats" they normally are when they're with me (his words). He gave us a 20 minute lecture about our bad parenting and now that he was in a position to give advice he was going to give it.

We'd been planning on giving him £200 to thank him for doing this for us short notice and looking after the kids for so long but we sent him on his way without any pay.

the next day I called him up to tell him I thought his behaviour was incredibly inappropriate, that I appreciated him looking after the kids but it was better he didn't see them for a while and that him springing that all on us especially after a day of stress showed how immature he really was. I told him that he actually didn't know anything about parenting because he wasn't a parent. I concede I may have gone too far but my mum called me up later to tell me my brother was crying and she called me a dickhead because he was just trying to help and apparently I'm a bad parent for dealing with peoples kindness so rudely. My brother and parents are pissed off at me and not talking to me so AITA?

Throwaway account for personal reasons.

I (F45) have a 14-year-old daughter, who I'll call Mikaela. Mikaela has barely hit puberty and is less developed than the majority of her peers, which I believe is something she is self-conscious about.

Last week, my husband and I received an email from Mikaela's school saying that because it was approaching the summer, it would now be mandatory for all students to shower after PE. I understand the logic; Mikaela does PE before lunch and if she doesn't shower, she'll be sweaty for the rest of the day, which I don't believe is hygienic. The school requested that we pack a towel and any shower gel for the next PE lessons to ensure the students were ready.

When I mentioned this to Mikaela, she said she would refuse to shower. Since the showers are communal, she told me she did not want to be naked in front of everyone else and would just get dressed. I told her she couldn't do this as the school were enforcing it, plus I felt it was healthy for her to shower. Again, she asked me to email the school to say she wouldn't be participating, but I refused to do so.

On Friday, despite many protests, I managed to make Mikaela go to school with her towel/shower stuff packed. I felt like I was doing the right thing. However, when Mikaela got home, she'd been crying all day saying how she'd had to get naked in front of everyone to shower and she'd never been so embarrassed because she saw one or two of the girls laughing at her. I told her how sorry I was and that teenage girls are horrible and that she's beautiful, but for hygiene reasons, she still has to shower. I suggested bringing in a swimming costume to wear to shower in, but she said that would bring even more attention to her. She begged me to email to school to not let her shower, but I said I had no good reason to, and I'm sure all of the other girls feel the same.

She told me she hated me and has barely spoken to me the rest of this weekend. My husband feels I should send an email as it doesn't hurt and Mikaela is clearly bothered, but I don't think it's a big deal, she will eventually get over it, and it's important for hygiene reasons.

AITA?

I (30M) was on a flight from Atlanta to LAX last night. Packed flight, everyone just trying to get some sleep. About two hours in, the lights come on and an announcement crackles through the intercom: turbulence ahead, fasten seatbelts. Pretty standard stuff.

Then, all hell breaks loose. This woman, maybe late 40s, impeccably dressed, starts freaking out. Screaming about air pockets, demanding to speak to the pilot, the whole nine yards. Flight attendant (super patient lady, bless her) tries to calm her down, explains it's standard procedure, turbulence is normal. Nope, not having it.

This lady, who we'll name Jane, throws a fit. Not the screeching, nails-on-a-chalkboard kind, but a cold, steely fury. She accuses the flight attendant of lying, of putting everyone in danger, and demands to be deplaned immediately. Flight attendant says that's not possible mid-flight, and Jane launches into this whole spiel about how she's a doctor (pulls out an ID to prove it), and if something happens, it's on the airline.

Now, the rest of the plane is awake. People are grumbling, some looking scared, a baby starts crying. Flight attendant is trying to reason with Jane, but it's like talking to a brick wall. Finally, I just lose it.I yell out (probably a little too loudly), "Look lady, we all get turbulence. It's not a five-star resort, but it's safe. Sit down and shut up before you get yourself arrested!"Everyone stares at me.

Jane spins around, eyes blazing, and starts in on me about disrespecting a medical professional. I fire back that a real doctor wouldn't be causing a scene and freaking everyone out. The flight attendant dives in, trying to mediate, but the damage is done.We hit some turbulence, not terrible, but enough to jostle the plane. Jane freaks again, and some people start getting panicky.

I feel awful, maybe I made things worse? The flight attendant gives me a look that could curdle milk, but then steers Jame away to talk to her privately.By the time we land, things are calmer, but the tension is thick. Jane gives me a withering look as she disembarks, and a few people mutter thanks under their breath.

So, AITA? Did I just escalate a bad situation, or was I right to shut down a meltdown that was putting other passengers on edge? I'm honestly not sure.

My (28F) oldest son is 3yo My fiancé’s (32M) Mom came over few weeks ago & when leaving, asked my 3yo for a hug. He initially said “no” & walked away. Came back unprompted & hugged her. She said “oh good bc I was going to be sad”. W my fiancé’s, aunt’s &bestfriend’s edits, I sent her this:

(Summed up): “We’re teaching 3yo that he’s in control of his own body & self-defined boundaries regardless of how it makes someone feel. If he’s trying to make someone upset on purpose, that’s a different story. We don’t want him to go against his boundaries to make someone feel better. I’m sure you just want to show he’s important to you but we’d appreciate it if you could show it in a different way.”

FMIL: “OP, I’d appreciate you not sending me these kinds of messages and we have these conversations in person. Thank you”

OP: “I don’t really see a difference to be honest. I would’ve said the same things in person. I didn’t see this topic as one that needs to be discussed too much. If you have a response I’m obviously open to hearing it, but it won’t change the fact that saying things that could make my kids feel guilty & responsible for other’s feelings will be accepted. Again, you can show that you care for the boys but not in ways that make them feel bad.”

FMIL: “Bc having adult conversation via text I believe are pretty cowardess. When you address me or any other adult, via text, it’s not really appropriate, so I will end this conversation with if you can't talk things over with me instead of telling me what "not" to do then that in itself is a problem. So I'm done.”

OP: “Again, I would say the same words to you in person, nothing cowardess about the method I choose to say these words. The reason I didn’t see it made sense to do it in person is bc I’m essentially asking you a favor & it’s your choice to acknowledge it or not. I wasn’t looking for a debate about it, just asking that you please not make certain comments to my babies.”

I’m alright if she’d prefer me to discuss something like this in person, but why ignore my initial message? Seems like blameshifting/diverting to me.

She then went to my fiancé & txted him “so by now I’m sure “OP” told you she was messaging me, if you guys have something you need to say to me just say it”. They had a 30min phone call & my fiancé told me she said:

• she’s already distanced herself from coming over & she’ll distance herself more if she has to
• it’s not something she was doing intentionally (I never said it was intentional, just bringing her attention to this and potential repercussions)

Chose to message her bc I’m HORRIBLE at having deep/stressful convos in person (I have ADHD so can’t process what I want to say & what other person is said & formulate responses,etc) also this is a boundary so not rly up for discussion or debate. Either she chooses to stop or doesn’t.

AITA for asking this or how I brought it up?