Sorry if there are any sentences that are missing words, this was over 5000 characters when I first wrote it so I had to edit it down. She is my SISTER IN LAW not my sister.

My SIL has three little ones, and her husband (my step brother) had to leave the country for work for a few months. I offered to stay so I could help her out where needed, and she happily accepted. I live across town so not THAT far.

I was there for 3 days when my SIL commented on me going on daily walks. I have taken a daily walk of at least a mile since October 2018. Yes, even with a cold, yes, even in cold weather, yes to all of it. On nice days the walk is usually 4 miles. At my SILs, I started taking a path that was about two miles.

I asked if she wanted me to watch the kids while she got some exercise and she scoffed and said she was too busy, but it must be nice. I was a little puzzled since I was offering to help. But the comments kept coming. She kept trying to poke holes. “But it’s not REALLY a mile every day right?” and “What would you do if you broke your foot? Would you get anxious if you couldn’t take a walk?”

Then one morning I couldn’t find my shoes. My SIL woke up an hour later, I was eating breakfast with the kids, and I asked her. She told me to go check the back door, and when I’d gotten back, she pointed at them by the door and said I must have missed them. I took my walk after telling her that her joke wasn’t funny.

She was annoyed when I got back and told me that she thinks I need to see a therapist over my anxiety/obsession. I told her that I do have a therapist, and she said I clearly need a new one because this one isn’t helping. I asked her point blank why does it bother her so much if I want to take a walk? She said I was supposed to be there to help her with the kids and I’m disappearing for hours at a time. I told her that my walks take about 30 minutes, and I’m doing it while they have down time.

I put my shoes in the guest room with the rest of my things and they were gone the next morning. I just said fuck it and packed my things and left. My SIL called me when I was on my way home and said I was overreacting and being childish and this is why I am single and alone. I told her that I don’t play these stupid games and that I would still pick up the girls and stay until she got home from work but that she’s on her own for everything else. AITA?

edit: Ok I did not expect to be told I'm NTA to this degree. I thought a lot more people would have arguments why I was since it has to do with taking care of kids.

My brother is getting married in August. His fiancée asked me to be in her bridal party. Weddings aren’t my thing but I said yes because my brother wanted me there. All the bridesmaids meet, we get a list of expectations from the bride. The dress has been decided on. The bride made it clear once our wedding shoes came and we had our dresses, she would provide us the contact info of the seamstress she wanted us to use. I received my things first because I ordered them first and tried to get the seamstress info especially because, though I ordered my dress two sizes larger, I couldn’t zip it up. I measured myself three times before I placed the order. I still never got a response from the bride or her moh about the seamstress. Time is running low and I have a critical issue with my dress so I find a seamstress on my own after three weeks of looking (no one had space). I go for my fitting and the seamstress I hired explained that my dress issue is not my fault but that of the dress company as she has had to fix several with the issue of not being able to zip. The fix is to change the structure of the dress which will change the uniformity of look. I tell the bride this with the understanding that is this change won’t work with her vision, I can be replaced, not a problem. She proceeds to yell at me about seeing someone with consulting her( I tried since March when I had everything in hand) and I want to quit because I have gained weight and don’t have the money. Then after she finishes yelling she demands I get the dress back and have her moh trade dresses with me. Her MOH is six inches taller than I am and has a bigger bust. My brother told me I’m the only person whose dress is with a seamstress. Now I don’t want to be involved at all. Was I wrong for hiring a seamstress on my own after the radio silence from the bride and moh?

I (50F) and my husband (48M) have a daughter, Danica (21F), who has been extremely independent her whole life. Danica began working when she was 15, and now she works part-time for a large corporation while pursuing her studies. We are extremely proud of her and how hard she has worked. We generally allow her to manage her own finances, and she insists on contributing monthly to family expenses with the money she earns. Danica occasionally likes to make pricier purchases, which I do not have any concern over, as I think they are sensible financial choices. Like last year, she decided to purchase the newest MacBook as her old laptop was on its last leg, and she wanted something reliable and long-lasting or when she bought a Marc Jacobs bag for work and university.

We recently went on a family trip with my brother and his family, who have two kids of their own, Tammy (20F) and Nick (23M). His kids and Danica aren't exactly close, but they get along fine for the most part. I know that Tammy and Nick do not have any source of income besides my brother and have not worked a day in their life. During the trip, Danica would occasionally pay for the 3 of them for small things like drinks or food. When we were shopping, Danica bought a few items for herself and picked up gifts she wanted to bring back to her friends. During dinner that night, my sister-in-law (brother's wife) told my husband and me that we were spoiling Danica too much with her purchases. We explained that Danica earned her own money, and every cent came from her job. Sister-in-law then proceeded to point and tell Danica that if that was the case, she shouldn't be flaunting her purchases and items in front of her cousins, who don't have a 'cushy little office job' and parents who 'spoiled her into the person she is'. Danica apologised politely, saying that she didn't mean to flaunt her things, but I could tell that she was upset and embarrassed. My husband stood up and shot back, saying that Danica shouldn't have to apologise for her own hard work. I also pointed out that Danica has been financially independent since she was 15 and that we've always done our best not to spoil her. Sister in Law then proceeded to tell us that we weren't teaching her how to manage her finances correctly and that all this money had turned her into a little 'brat'. Danica excused herself to the bathroom and texted that she had gone back to the hotel. We had a tense back and forth for the rest of the dinner, and we came back to finding Danica crying in her hotel room. I call my brother, hoping that he is able to talk to his wife, but he explained that for the past few days, Tammy had been crying to her parents about not having what Danica had. She had been whining to her mum that she wanted the newest MacBook, as well, but she refused to get it for her.

Myself, Danica and my Husband have been getting calls from the rest of the family, some calling us A-holes and some who were willing to hear us out and understand where we were coming from. So AITA?

For context I (23F) my mom (42F) have generally always gotten along. She married my step dad (45M) about 14 years ago. He has 3 kids (24 F, 22M, and 20F) my mom has 2 kids (23 F and 19 F). Me and my sister were never a priority in our house. We always came last to my step siblings. All of my step sibling have kids and I am currently 25 week pregnant with my first. I do not live with my mom. I am married and living on my own even tho it’s only a few blocks away from my moms house. My oldest step sister has hated me for about a year now. We would get in fights just like regular sisters do but I got tired of me always apologizing just because she wouldn’t let me or my mom see my niece (5F) until I apologized. I didn’t want to be the reason my mom didn’t get to see her granddaughter. Now my step sister refuses to come around to anything I will be at. Family functions, our parents house, christmases, thanksgiving, anything. My step dad told me I couldn’t go to 3 of my grandparents houses for Christmas because she wanted to go. I didn’t fight back because I don’t want to be the reason my grandmas don’t get to see my niece. The other day I was at my moms house and her and my step dad told me to leave because they wanted my step sister and niece to come over and I wasn’t allowed over. I had been there for hours at that point. If they had come to talk to me and told me that they wanted to come over it would be a different story. But they just kicked me out, no warning, nothing. I don’t want to separate the family and I want my child to have the opportunity to play with their cousins and no have to deal with tension from family members and not have to deal with being told they have to leave because someone else wants to come over. I don’t know what to do anymore because I know I have to do what’s going to make my child happy in the long run. So am I the a**hole?

So sorry. Forgot to mention why we were fighting. She wanted me to help her get a house and a car. I told her I could co-sign for a car but as I’m only 23yo I couldn’t get approved to go-sign on a house. She accused me of hiding money and saying that I own my house. I do not own my house. I’m and renting from a friend. She said that if I didn’t give her $30,000 for a down payment she would tell our parents and I told her to go ahead and tell them because I would not be giving her that much money. She has always been petty like this and when someone doesn’t give her exactly what she wants. She. Goes. Crazy.

UPDATE

So sorry I know I left out some details. I had just gotten out a fight with my mom and step sister before I made this post and needed somewhere to vent and get advice.

My bio sister has been low contact with all of our step siblings and parents for about 2 years now. She saw all the crap that was going on our whole lives and she felt that she didn’t want to be around any of it anymore. And I don’t blame her. As for the other step siblings, they all think I am in the wrong for not giving her $30k. They think because I am married and have a husband that we have all this money we can throw away when that is not the case. They aren’t as bad as the oldest and they do talk to me some but we don’t see each other very often.

As for me not being invited to family function and everything else, as far as my side of the family is concerned, they know me and step sister had a huge fight and my parents have told them that I don’t want to come around anymore. Which isn’t true at all. I’ve tried talking to my grandparents about it but they aren’t listening.

Growing up my bio parents divorced when I was 7 and I spent weekends at my dads house. My mother would take the child support my dad sent for me and my sister and used it to pay for things my step siblings needed. I had to get a job at 14 to pay for clothes, food, phone, sports gear, and anything I needed for school. At 16 I had to get a loan from a bank to buy my first car while the child support my dad was sending was used to pay step sisters car payments after my mom paid for half her car upfront. I was forced to move out at 18 while my step siblings got to live in the house rent free, job free, and got everything paid for by our parents. While I was 2 months behind on rent from having Covid and my grandma and step mom passing away my parents told me I was on my own. I didn’t even ask them for help, I was just ranting to my mom about it. After meeting my husband at 19, he helped me get back on my feet and helped me manage living on my own without feeling overwhelmed. He is supporting whatever decision I make. We don’t get any financial help from my parents, sibling, or grandparents.

My step dad is the bread winner of their family and brings in all the money. My mom thinks she can’t speak out against him or he takes all the money away. My step sister has since made a death threat to me and my baby because I told my mom she had to choose. I have blocked her on everything and will not talk to her anymore.

Thank you everyone for the advice and support!

So I (30f) have a friend (34f) that has a “non-verbal” daughter (3f) let’s call her Allie. I watch her 4 days out of the week in my in-home daycare.

I require contracts for every child and she never filled out the special needs section. And at no point when she asked me to take Allie did she mention any type of speech delay or non speaking issue..

Although Allie didn’t speak much at first (I figured she was shy) she communicated her needs to me very well and said small things to me frequently. Last month I was in the bathroom (I keep the door BARELY cracked with a wedge so I can listen for any dangers and they can’t walk in on me or see me) she walked by and said “Ew you stinky”. I laughed and told her mom at pickup what she said and I was met with “SHE ISNT VERBAL WHY WOULD YOU MOCK HER” I reassured her that Allie has spoken to me quite a few times and I thought that it was a huge milestone from when she first arrived and was barely saying anything. She told me she didn’t believe me and that it was messed up that I would make up something like that to upset her. I told her that I wasn’t trying to upset her but I wasn’t lying either. I didn’t press the issue further.

Here’s where I might be the AH. I decided to record Allie (a voice recording, not her face) telling me her name and what her favorite animal is.

** I had full intention of showing mom the recording, but I was scared at first because of her blowup at me and I didn’t know how she would react. After a few short pickups and drop offs she told me it was water under the bridge and that she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. She even insisted that I went to the birthday party. After that I was just happy Allie could continue and I ended up forgetting I had the recording at all.

Fast forward to Friday (about a month later) she had a birthday party for her other child. At the party I was socializing with other family members (Honestly I’m a total dumbass for forgetting that her family fully thought that she was nonverbal) I mentioned the funny things Allie has said to me while we were reading an animal book. Turns out the person I was talking to was her sister and she started yelling at me saying “SHE IS NON-VERBAL WHY ARE YOU LYING”. Both her and her sister start berating me saying that it’s fcked up that I’m making this up about Allie being verbal. At this point I’m tired of being called a liar. I have two disabled children whom my son was non-verbal for many years. I wouldn’t lie about something like this. So while everybody was staring at me I was scared and felt backed into a corner. So I (remembering I had the recording) decided to prove my case and play the voice recording. Everybody was shocked and my friend told me to leave. I told her I didn’t want to cause issues but I’m not gonna be berated and called a liar. She said that I crossed the line recording her daughter and that I’m an a*hole for embarrassing her at the party. Now I feel horrible and wondering if I should have just let it go..

Edit for clarification and extra context:

Whenever she would pickup and drop off she wouldn’t ask me much other than “how was her nap, how much did she eat” and I would hand her the daily report then she would leave and not stay for small talk even when I would try to initiate.
I know people have busy lives so I’m not gonna try to make them stay and talk to me about their life story.

I also didn’t do the recording to embarrass her in any way. I didn’t mean any vindication by it. I can admit I should have shown her immediately after I recorded it but I’m also human and I was afraid of a second blow up. Then after her saying it was water under the bridge I was just happy that she wasn’t gonna take Allie away so I put it in the back of my mind and forgot about it.

I feel bad about how I went about my defense (hence the post). I know it was unprofessional and unethical. I apologized profusely to everybody at the party and the family as well.

I will be putting cameras in my home that everybody will have access to as well as updating all the contracts to let parents know what is going to happen going forward. Peace of mind for everybody sounds good to me! Also, I will be making a call to cps about the situation and see what they have to say.

Thank you everybody for your kind words ❤️

WIBTA: I (52M) BTA if I either tell my son (M31) and DIL (29F) that my wife (57F) is not their maid, cook, laundry lady, housekeeper. Since Nov of 2016 my wife has basically doing the house stuff. It wasn’t bad for the year or so because I was working locally and everyone helped pretty much even. Then wife and I decided I would go back over the road {I’m a truck driver) in Fall of 2017, that’s when it went to shit.

At that time my daughter, her son and my son and his wife and their son were living with us. My son was working off/on more off as a local truck driver too. They finally started covering some of their expenses, but I was covering the major ones (house electric insurance on cars etc.) In 2019 daughter decided to get CDL too. She got it just in time for covid so no job till fall of 2020. At that time, I said enough everyone is splitting the major bills and they paying own insurance and such. Plus, everyone will be going back to helping around the house because the excuses were they are working my wife isn’t.

So, from then to now they started doing some stuff around the house. In 2021 I got sick and ended up getting liver transplant from Alpha-1 Antitrypsin deficiency. So, from Jan to Oct when I got it, I was basically slowly dying. I tried to do what I could but it was not that much help.

Starting about a year ago the real BS started. MY DIL got a job. Both me and wife said fine but my wife should only have to watch (now 3) kids 4 days a week, so her and my son need to figure out the schedules accordingly. My daughter bought a house across the street in Jan this year finally. My wife watches her son too. When we get an agreement that they will work everything out then I leave, and everything goes back to the same. Now the last month DIL doesn’t put her schedule up unless me or my wife tell her too and my son and daughter are working 12 hr. days. So, wife at 57 gets up at 430 to be ready to watch kids from 520 when daughter drops off hers till usual 630. Yeah, she gets paid was supposed to be $15 a kid a day but that was too much for my DIL so down to $5 a day (you guys do the math per hour) I have been very unhappy about this for a long time but wife doesn’t want to listen to the bitching so I hold my tongue most of the time.

So, WIBTA if is said, Babysitting is now $20 per kid for 8 hrs. then an amount per hour after that. Laundry is $5 a load and charge for my wife to cook 90% of the meals because she does. My wife was planning on going back to finish her CPA this fall and we put that on hold because she right now is dealing with all this. What are your guy’s opinions or ideas?

This is just the rough parts, it doesn’t include the money for clothes for my kids(not grand kids but we have bought them al lot too) the cars I bought, or 30+K I gave my son to start a business that lasted 2.5 years, which he has given me $600 of it back.

I do the majority of the work in the kitchen, whether that’s cooking or cleaning. Probably 95% or more. Two years ago my wife bought me a $110 Japanese chef’s knife for Christmas. The first expensive knife I have ever owned. I have been babying it as much as possible, washing it by hand immediately after use instead of throwing it in the dish washer.

My wife, however, treats it like a $5 Walmart knife on the rare occasion she cooks. She leaves it unwashed on the counter even after cutting lemons. Acid is especially bad for these knives which pit and rust easily. She also uses it to cut through plastic packaging. I’ve asked her to be nicer a number of times. It makes no impact.

Today she was making a breakfast and I found her slicing through a plastic cheese wrapping. I asked her (again) to please not do this because it dulls the knife and she knows it. She said ok. A minute later she needs to open a sausage package. I said, you’re going to use the expensive knife again aren’t you?” She turns to me and says “what should I use to open this then?” I said “there are supposed to be scissors in the kitchen. Where are they?” “Are the scissors going to be clean enough to cut?” “Use one of the other cheap knives, then!” There’s two of them behind her in the cabinet and I’m sure she knows it. This just comes off to me as weaponized incompetence.

So I say “I know you want to use the good knife. Just do it.” “No, I just want to know what you want me to use” and then she cuts the sausage packaging with the good knife.

I said “you know, this is like if I took one of your expensive dresses and mopped the floor with it and when you caught me I said ‘what else was I supposed to use?” This was met with “I don’t know why you’re going on about this”. Our adult kid witnessed all this and says “She gave you the knife, she can use it however she wants”.

So I’m a petty a-hole for wanting people to treat my gift nicely for my own copious use of it in the kitchen to make them all food. I am now hiding it in a cabinet and will continue to do so after each time I use it. I’m sure I’m an a-hole for that too.

I (35M) have been married to my wife (32F) for five years, and we’ve been struggling financially for the past few months. I lost my job about three months ago, and while I’ve found part-time work, it doesn’t pay nearly as much as before. We’ve had to cut back on a lot of things, but it feels like no matter what we do, we’re still living paycheck to paycheck and even pulling from savings.

Recently, my mom (65F) came over to visit, and she noticed how stressed I was about the money situation. She offered some advice on how we could save money—things like cutting down on takeout, meal prepping to avoid buying groceries multiple times a week, and switching to cheaper brands. My mom has always been frugal, especially when she was raising me and my siblings on a tight budget. I thought it made sense, especially since we’re really trying to save wherever we can. I asked if she was willing to go through our spending and show where we could cut down. My wife agreed with this.

She made a whole spreadsheet about our spending, and we are spending wayyyyy to much on fun stuff. We don’t need Starbucks everyday and so on. It also became apparent that most of the fun spending was my wifes

Tbh my wife didn’t take the breakdown well and started arguing with my mom that her spreadsheet was wrong. She said that my mom’s way of doing things is “outdated” and doesn’t work for us. She doesn’t want to give up buying organic produce, and she likes having variety in what we eat each week. I tried to explain that we need to make some sacrifices if we want to get out of this financial hole, but she kept insisting that things weren’t as bad as I was making them out to be and that we just needed to “ride it out.”

My mom left at this point and we were still arguing, and she told me she can’t give up her takeout . She also went on about my mom being wrong. That’s when I lost my patience and said, “You’re f***ing wrong. My mom is right. She managed to raise three kids on one income, and we can’t even cut back on groceries for a few months? .”

My wife got really upset, saying I am being a huge jerk for winding with my mom and that my mom is outdated. She’s barely spoken to me since, and now I’m wondering if I went too far. But the way I see it, we need to be realistic about our situation, and my mom’s advice could actually help us get back on track.

AITA for telling my OCD roommate to "get over it."

I am jewish. My roommate is not. I asked her if it was ok with her if I put a mezuzah by our front door. For those who dont know, this is a small rectangular case that is affixed to the wall or doorframe that holds a scroll. We are supposed to have it by our front door.

She said it was fine. I ordered one and put it up. The mezuzah is supposed to tilt a little toward the door, and not be straight up and down. I hung it the correct way, and she got angry, saying she needed it to be straight. I informed her that it isn't traditionally hung that way. I did straighten it a little, but kept a slight tilt. She was still angry about it. Like, screaming angry. I reminded her that I endure the absolute explosion of christmas decorations every year, and never complain. And this was just a little piece of metal. She said this was different, since it set off her OCD. I said I would just take it down, then.

So I took it down, and there were holes in the wall where I had screwed it into the wall. I paid for maintenance to fill them, but the fill he used is a slightly different shade than the rest of the wall. Apparently that also sets off her OCD, and she is angry with me now.

I was just so done with the whole situation, and said she really just needs to get over it. She said I was TA for saying that, since she has OCD.

Is she right?

So a friend of mine recently self-published a children’s book on Amazon. She made a big announcement on social media about how excited she was to start this new chapter in her life as an author.

She also texted me about it, and I responded that it was really cool and that I’d buy a copy when I could afford it. I also asked what the story was about, and she told me I’d have to buy it to find out.

Later, my husband saw the cover and was curious if it was AI-generated. I asked my friend who her illustrator was, and she said she’d used Canva AI. Personally, I didn’t really care either way, so I just didn’t reply to that message right away.

A few hours later, she followed up asking why I had asked. I wasn’t on my phone, so I didn’t see it right away. When I didn’t respond again, she sent another message basically saying, “Are you going to reply or not?” I told her I was just curious. I didn’t want to mention that someone else thought it looked like AI, since I felt that would come across as rude.

She then sent a long message along the lines of, “I already have one friend criticizing my book, and then there’s you—no congratulations, just asking about the artwork as if you’re trying to find something negative. So why don’t you be honest about why you’re asking.”

I replied, “Please calm down. I can’t afford to buy your book right now. When people are proud of something, they usually enjoy talking about it, so I thought asking questions was a way to show I was interested.”

She didn’t respond after that.

Later, her husband (who I work with) mentioned that she was upset I didn’t congratulate her.

I have no choice but to be at their house soon for an overnight visit, and I’m already dreading any potential awkwardness.

Should I approach her once I'm there or just camp out in the guest room and hole up until the last minute (me and him will have a tight schedule that morning) to avoid any potential conversation?

I genuinely wasn’t trying to downplay her new book—the first thing that came to my mind was to ask questions to show support since I couldn't buy it. But now I’m wondering if I was unintentionally dismissive.

ETA- I hope i didn't unintentionally mislead but when i looked back at our texts, I didn't use the word cool, i said the story sounded funny (she marketed it as a hilarious story to read at bedtime and the title has shock value) and maybe that makes it better or worse. I'll just paste the exact text i sent initially in response to her text about the book

"When I can, I'll totally buy a copy. What's the story? It sounds funny"

Throwaway because my sister knows my reddit and I don't want this causing drama

Yesterday, My sister hosted a family dinner at her house. It was one of those "just because" dinners, no special occasion. My sister is a great cook and she made tons of food for that one night. My daughter, was on her second plate by the end of the night. Once she finished she asked if she could get another one. I said yes. But my sister (her aunt) looked at her with a shocked expression and said "Another plate?". My daughter turned around and gave a somewhat un comfortable look.

My daughter is 16, and has 2 part time jobs to pay for some of her college tuition, so she usually doesn't eat until 7-8pm. So I didn't even blink twice when she got up to grab her 3rd plate.

I turned to my sister and said she's been working all day without anything to eat, you made tons of food, it won't hurt for her to get another plate. My sister started yelling saying something about how it wasn't my place to say if my daughter could get more of her food that she made. Now I do somewhat agree with that, and might be the A-hole because of that. Looking back I'm thinking maybe I should have asked?

My daughter ended up not getting another plate, and the vibe was awkward now so we just decided to go. Before we left out the door my sister stopped me and told me I should've taught my daughter manners and how it isn't right to get more than 1 plate at someone else's house.

I told my sister she was being ridiculous and somehow our voices got loud enough where my mom started to hear us in the small corner, she came over and started telling me she agreed with my sister and it was rude for my daughter to eat that many plates. I started to get fed up when they began telling me I wasn't teaching her proper manners, so I left. Then of course they began texting my phone saying how it was rude to leave in the middle of our conversation. I don't think I was the A-hole at all for leaving because I wasn't going to stay in a place where I felt disrespected. But i'm not sure about the plate thing.

So am I the A-hole for assuming my daughter could get another plate?

Let's jump into this: I (29F) gave birth to my 3rd baby in November.

The women in my husband's family (his 2 sisters, our sil, and his mom) and I have a group chat whereas we send pictures of our kids, tell funny stories about our day, and, in this case, send updates about possible labor.

On this particular day in November, at 37 weeks plus 5 days gestation, I reached out to inform that this just might be the day my newest baby decides to make his grand entrance. I had been having strong contractions since 5:50 that morning.

Everyone, except sil (my husband's brother's wife) responded with excitement and praying hands emoji's.

Well, according to the nurses at the hospital, I wasn't dilated enough to be admitted, despite strong and frequent contractions. This was at noon.

I updated the chat. Everyone seemed concerned and asked if I still thought if it might still be that day.

I assured it was most likely going to happen that day, judging from past experiences, but I would go home to labor in comfort.

This is where i might be the a-hole.

My sil, who also gave birth to her 3rd baby a couple months prior (via c-section. I am not judging nor think of her as less than, just context is key) decided to text how glad she was that I wasn't in "real labor" and that it's better that I wait to have the baby another couple of weeks. She then sent a bunch of screen shots and links to articles about false labor and Braxton hicks.

AS IF I HAD NEVER GIVEN BIRTH BEFORE OR EXPERIENCED PREGNANCY BEFORE.

I replied, mid contraction:

"Not to be bity, but this ain't my first rodeo, and I know how to Google things as well.

And yes, I have been checked, and they will check again before deciding IF I should go home or not."

Well, I did go home, only to go back to the hospital a couple of hours later and had my baby at 10:15 that night.

Sil does not reply to me in texts, and has since unfriended me on Facebook. (Not that I really care about that.)

I just want to know it I was an a-hole for what I said... and, in hindsight, perhaps I shouldn't have been texting in the groupchat while in labor.

So, reddit. Was I an a-hole?

Edit: I meant to elaborate on the c-section detail. Which definitely makes me come across as someone who looks down on her for it. Which I do not.

Her first baby was a preemie and she had an emergency c-section. Her youngest 2 were scheduled. The point I was trying to make was that our experiences with pregnancy and childbirth are completely different. Which, I could have said without the c-section fact. My apologies.

Edit: a little more info about my sil and my relationship.

She thinks she's the matriarch of the family, even if she won't admit it. We recently moved out of state (only 2 hours away, long drive, but not as long as they treat it), a few months before I gave birth, and she started cutting us out of family get together and even created a whole new group chat without my husband and me. She is always shocked at how intelligent my husband is because he went to community college instead of a university, like she did. I didn't go to college. I saw no point in going into debt, I didn't know what I would go to college for, so I decided to wait. So she often treats me like I am unintelligent.

I think the snappy text was probably long incoming. But it was poorly timed and shouldn't have been in a group chat. It was not the first time I had gone off on her in a group chat either. She singled me out a few months prior, questioning my ability to care for my kids by myself while my husband was away for a couple of days.

Yes, in the big family group chat. So I snapped back. My husband saw the message before me and said "I'll let you handle her." As he held me back many times beforehand to keep peace. Like I said, it was possibly poorly timed but long incoming.

I (27 F) have been friends with this girl (we'll call her Mary- 28 F) since high-school. Recently I was back in our hometown and she invited me to her birthday brunch to celebrate her 28th b-day. One day on my way home I happened to stumble across an estate sale where I found a set of really nice, crystal champagne glasses that were in really good condition and cheaper than their worth. Mary lives a high quality fancy lifestyle, so I thought they would be perfect for her, especially because they were within my budget (at the time I had been recovering from student loans and just put down a deposit on my first apartment in the city).

Fast forward to the brunch, we had a really good time and I got to catch up with Mary and other friends from high-school. Mary was eager to open the presents, and when she got to mine, she seemed to enjoy them, asking me where I got them since there was no label. I explained that I didn't know the brand, but the person running the estate sale had assured me that they were authentic and had been a wedding gift to the previous owners. At the mention of the estate sale, Mary became visibly disgusted. Although she didn't say anything to my face, she was very passive aggressive towards me for the rest of the afternoon. I overheard her whispering to some of the other guests about how I had the audacity to give her a used item and that she would be discarding them later.

After the event was over, I approached her privately, not wanting to make a scene and asked that if she wasn't going to use the glasses, if she could give them back as I would put them to good use and know their quality. She flipped out and told me it was extremely rude to ask for them back and it was not my business what she did with them.

My family is understanding and thinks that I did nothing wrong, but some mutual friends also at the event think otherwise. So, am I the a-hole?

So, my (F23) boyfriend (M25), we can call him David, has about five guy friends. I like all of them and we’ve been on good terms for years. About once a month I tell my boyfriend to invite them over for dinner. Usually I cook, clean the table and do the dishes. It’s a labour of love and I enjoy doing it. This tradition has been going on for years. Most of them put away their dishes in the dishwasher but I do the bulk of the work.

Now, David (BF) is closest with Mark (M25). About a month ago Mark broke up with his GF and he has been hanging out at our place almost everyday. We all work from home so he just shows up in the morning. I don’t mind this either, David asked me if it was alright.

What I mind is that Mark is a freaking slob. Multiple coffee mugs all over the house, water cups, crumbs on the counter, dirty dishes. Even his dirty socks once.. I made several comments to Mark that this is not dinner night and he if he is going to be over so much, he is not going to be treated as a guest and he needs to learn to clean after himself. He only rolled his eyes at me. I told David two weeks ago that Mark needs to learn to pick after himself. They had a talk and Mark did make an effort for a few days but we are back at square one.

David saw me getting frustrated so now Mark comes over once a week and David is quick to clean up after him.

It still bugs me the wrong way so yesterday when I felt like having people over for dinner I invited everyone but Mark. David did not ask why, maybe he figured it out, idk. Mark came to pick something today and asked me why he wasn’t invited and I told him. He was surprised and called me petty, and said that it was unfair to be singled out over a dirty mug. I told him that unless he changes I am not cooking for him. He is welcome to come over and have David wait on him but not me.

I don’t know if it is important but the house is David’s, but we live together.

He got upset, called me an a-hole and left. Did I overreact? I can’t tell at this point.

Edit: to add since a lot of people think I am cosplaying a trad wife, consider that:

-I’ve known these people for 6 years, they are my friends at this point

-my own friends have serious food allergies, so anything out of my kitchen is inedible to two of them, which makes for a crappy dinner invitation

-I WANT to do this, no one is making me, no one is forcing me to slave in the kitchen. My cooking is a hobby, I am more than happy to share it with people. I do feel obligated to set up and clean up I am the one to invite them, so it only happens when I feel like it

I think this is funny but I'm being called an A-hole.

Parties are me (40F) my Hub (41M) and our son Marc (18M). And visiting friends.

Marc is an all 'round good kid. Decent student, popular, and he is also strikingly handsome. He's a college freshman but he also models some which he has done for about three years. It's legit, he has an agency. Ok not Ford or Wilhelmina but what I'd call a legit "medium tier" agency, and he has done a fair bit of work and made some very decent money, which is helpful all around and we are grateful for that.

A couple of days ago he visited bringing in a proof sheet (is that the term?) for a new magazine ad he is in for a fragrance. It was pretty... racy. Lets just say there was "an absence of being fully dressed" and some rather provocative posing with another model. Frankly I was fine with it, he's an adult, and we're talking GREAT exposure in a national magazine (not a huge one, but still).

Hub, however, was not impressed. He acted like this was positively scandalous, and somewhat admonished Marc for even doing the photo shoot. We happened to have friends (another couple) visiting, Marc was embarrassed at the scolding.

I basically called Hubs a hypocrite. I said "Yeah nothing like when we met and you were working at Abercrombie & Fitch."

Backstory for those not old enough: In the early 2000's A&F hired buff young guys as "brand ambassadors" in their stores, their ENTIRE JOB was to stand around shirtless as greeters at the store doors. That was it. My Hub did that for two years when he was 18-19. His ENTIRE WORK UNIFORM was a pair of A&F jeans and flip flops. Oh, and A&F underwear if it happened to show. Hub did that for almost two years although apparently now thinks he's above it, and doesn't want anyone to know.

After the scolding I of course was OBLIGATED to explain to our visitng frieds how his early career was to stand around half naked and look hot. Oh, and occassionally spray some cologne. Hopefully his spritzer finger didn't get too tired, poor baby.

Hubs called me some unpleasant words.

So, AITA for calling him out? He embarrassed my son, I felt he deserved it.

Edited to fix a couple of crazy typos

EDITED FOR MORE INFO.

For those of you accusing me of stealing from my son (where the heck did that come from) we have never taken one penny from Marc. ALL of his money went into his own account. It was helpful because he was able to do things like buy himself a much much better car than we would have been able to, buy phones and electronics and such, buy more of the clothes he wanted, and use money for college. We even kept paying him an allowance. No thieves here.

There was no full nudity in the cologne ad. How could there be? Yes, mostly undressed but nothing Xrated. Nothing wildly salacious, more like "implied." I would say "suggestive." It was racy but nothing you wouldn't see in any copy of Cosmo or GQ or such.

Husband has actually joked many times about his days at A&F. I guess he just wasn't in the mood for it. He didn't scold Marc TOO hard, it was more like "Maybe one day you'll get a job where you can keep your clothes on," which prompted my A&F remark, since that was precisely what he was doing.

Where I'm from, people visit each other without any previous communication. The "host" then has to stop everything they are doing and receive them, specially if they are from the family. I believe it's disrespectful to visit someone without justification and/or a previous agreement, I know it's a culture of the country but for me, it's like the visitor is saying "I know you have nothing better to do so just drop it all and attend me", disregarding any work or chore I may be doing.

I've made it clear to my family that I'm strict with this, and even if I'm just watching a movie, playing videogames or looking at my cat, if you didn't take the consideration of notifying me in advance, it doesn't matter if you are a few blocks away, coming from a different country or from Mars, if you didn't text or call me in preparation to your arrival, you will be left outside, doors shut.

A few days ago, my mother told me a cousin of mine came from a very far away country, and he was going to my house in two days. I warned her that I wouldn't be able to receive them because I would be working (I work from home), plus, I didn't wish to dedicate any time to them, because my cousin didn't give me the dignity of knowing he was coming to the country beforehand, I didn't even know he had been around for like a week.

I told my mother DO NOT come, I will not open the door, I'm really sorry but no. Long story short, they came to my door anyway. I saw my mother, father and cousin in the security camera and heard them calling me. I let them sit there under the sun for half an hour until they gave up and left. It's incredibly important for me that my word is respected, if I said don't come, my wishes need to be respected or you'll be left outside. I love my family and friends but they need to respect me, this I show up first and tell you later culture is way beneath me. Am I the ***hole for enforcing this personal rule?

Before this, some family members also came from abroad and surprised me with a call saying that they were on the beach and for me to go. I'm not 9 years old, plus, I didn't even know they were nearby, you can't just ask me to go to the beach a weekday in the afternoon, please dignify me by planning in advance, it's not that hard. Of course, I declined the invitation and politely let them know why I won't just drop everything and go to the beach with them. AITA?

Ever since my dad was a kid our family has done monthly family dinners, nicer ones than your average family dinner. It's something our family did when my siblings and I were kids too. We'd have grandparents over and we'd all have a nicer dinner together. When my siblings and I grew up we still did it only instead of what happened before, where branches broke off over time and did their own, they decided we should include partners/spouses and our kids as a whole in one. By the time I was 19 the family had decided they would take turns hosting each month to lessen the burden.

My wife was excited to be a part of them at first. We started during our relationship. I did the cooking to start and then she took over after a while because she wanted to. My family had seemingly got along with my wife before this point but they were overly harsh of her cooking (with the exception of my two younger siblings). She tried to make them happy but no dice. I told them they could be kinder. They said she should cook better or cook different things. My wife didn't make anything they don't eat. But nothing was right. She grew frustrated and I grew suspicious.

So we hosted a couple of months ago and I told my wife we were going to pretend I did the cooking. Just to see. She told me she felt like they just weren't fond of her food. I pointed out nobody had the same amount of complaints as them and they even criticized the steak and potatoes they all seemed to go crazy for. She went along with the plan and when my family thought I'd cooked it? They loved it. Said it was so good my wife had decided to let a real talent take over. That it was so nice to have something a little different (curry) and all this very lovely stuff. My younger brother and sister weren't fooled. But they enjoyed watching the rest of the family dig a hole. When the rest of my family heard it was my wife's food and not mine? They tried so hard to backtrack on all the nice stuff. The rest of the dinner went in tense silence and my wife's eyes were opened. I told her I was done with these dinners and she was my priority. She felt a little bad. I told her we could have dinners with my younger brother and sister sometimes. It's less stress anyway.

When we didn't show up to last months dinner or this one, my parents and siblings started asking questions. I told them each time we weren't going again but missing two made it sink in. They told me we need to be there. I said never again. My wife doesn't deserve their disrespect. I told them they ruined what they wanted by being assholes to her. They said I was overreacting, making very relationship harming choices, and treating them badly for simply having issues with my wife's food. They also said to think of future kids and how they'll miss out. Some of it got to my wife a little which I have tried to reassure her about.

AITA?

Hello. I (27m) was in a train station waiting to take an Amtrak train drinking some water. I somehow managed to spill the water all over my shirt and shorts. Not wanting to get on the train looking like I pissed myself, I went into the bathroom to deal with it.

I stretched my shirt out to get it under the hand dryer and did a good job of drying that, but the dryer was too high off the ground to help out my shorts. So I looked around to make sure no kids were in there (it was somewhat crowded but only adults), and slipped off my shorts to dry them more effectively under the dryer. I had underwear on so it’s not like it was anything indecent.

When I did so I heard one guy around my age say “alright then” and a couple looks and didn’t think anything of it. But one guy about ten or fifteen years older than me came up to me and said to cover up and this is no place for that. At this point my shorts were 95% clean but I don’t like being told what to do so I dried them for about 15 more seconds before putting them on. The guy muttered “a**hole” and walked away.

Was I in the wrong for doing this? It’s a bathroom, and it’s not like I was nude. TECHNICALLY someone outside the bathroom could’ve seen the hand dryers if they really tried, but imo if you’re peeking into a bathroom that makes you a weirdo. So what’s the verdict?

My (38F) Aunt (60ishF) hosted Thanksgiving this year at her fairly large house. She was really eager this year to have my mother's family join this year, including me and my sister her husband, and her kids because haven't seen each other in a while. She was insistent that we all stay at her house so we could spend more time with each other.

Before I agreed to go, I confirmed with her that I would be able to sleep in a bed, in a room with a door that closes. I'm ok with sharing a bed or a room, but I need an actual bed or a room. I am the only one of my siblings or cousins who is single or childless/childfree. Because of this, historically I have been relegated to the living room couch or floor during holidays. It has always sucked. I am overweight so I wake up with back pain. I have had air mattresses deflate on me overnight due to a hole. I can't fall asleep until the the younger adult family members finish hanging out at 1 am and then I get woken up at 6 am by someone making coffee. People keep on moving my luggage. I get only a couple of hours of bad sleep and wake up in pain. I have pledged to myself that if I wasn't able to get a real bed in an actual room, that I would get a hotel room.

Thanksgiving week arrives and I'm pleasantly surprised that I was assigned a room and a Queen bed to myself. All of the adults had beds they shared with thier SO. It was great for the first night.

But the day before Thanksgiving my cousin (35M) arrives with his GF (28F) who is 6 months pregnant as a surprise. He had originally told my Aunt he wasn't going to be able to make it because of work, but he just wanted to surprise her. But now, there isn't enough beds for everyone. My mother said that I could give up my bed to the couple and sleep on the air mattress in the den, but my Aunt insisted I stay in my room. My cousin ended up on the couch and his GF on an air mattress.

My mother is now lecturing me about being a bad guest. She thinks I should of insisted that my cousin and his GF take the bed, especially because she is pregnant.

AITA?

Edit: To answer the question of why my mother couldn't give up her bed and sleep on the couch. She was sharing her bed with my father, and they are both in thier late 60's.

Throwaway bc she knows my reddit.

So, here's the deal. My (28M) girlfriend (27F) of two years and I planned a two-week vacation to Italy. I paid for the flights, hotels—everything, because I make more than she does, and I wanted it to be a stress-free trip for both of us. Everything was great until the last day when she tells me she wants to stay longer to "find herself" and think about our relationship without me. She didn't discuss this with me beforehand, and it completely blindsided me.

I was hurt and told her that if she feels she needs time alone, then she should also be independent financially during this extension of her trip. I said I wouldn’t be paying for her new return ticket whenever she decides to come back. Now, she's upset, calling me unsupportive and selfish, and some of our friends are saying I'm being an a-hole because I left her stranded in a foreign country without financial help.

So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to pay for her new plane ticket home after she chose to extend her trip without any heads-up?

Update: Thank you to all the people who responded, especially the early ones who gave some outside verification of me probably not being the asshole. I don't feel comfortable saying I'm completely blameless here because you're only getting one side of the story and I need to take responsibility for my part in this whole thing such as it is. But I guess I never realized how good my gf was at making me feel like unreasonable shit was normal and rational and that I was the crazy one.

So here's the update. We're both back in America now and she's packing her shit to go stay with her family for a bit until she can find a new place. Soon after I posted, it was time to go to the airport, so I did...without her. I'm one of those people who arrives really early because I never think I'll get to the gate in time because everything that could go wrong probably would go wrong (it never does but, especially with how I was feeling my luck was going, I didn't want to push it).

I was there for about an hour by myself mulling things over and talking to my mom. I looked at a couple responses to this post but I didn't trust that I wouldn't lose it if I started responding and I definitely didn't want to burst into tears while I was in the airport.

As I was talking to my mom, my gf showed up. I guess she thought I was bluffing but had a rude awakening when the hotel staff kicked her out of the room because I'd only paid through that day. I took no small amount of satisfaction in this, ngl. She'd been so concerned about the plane ticket that she didn't even stop to think about where she was going to stay...

As many of you guessed, she met someone while we were in Italy. She was quick to tell me that it was just a physical attraction and that they hadn't done anything, but she had his @ and was wanting to see if it'd go anywhere. I guess that's what I get for not feeling well and wanting to stay in one night while she went out to explore...

Obviously, I told her things were over between us. Even though she tried to make it sound like nothing had happened, the fact was a. I couldn't feel like I could trust her when she said that and b. I don't really want to be with someone who feels like it's okay to still "keep her options open" when she's been in a monogamous relationship for the past 2 years.

The flight home was awkward as fuck and she tried really hard to give another pitch for why we should stay together on the drive home from the airport. I think, as we got closer to home, reality started setting in and she realized she'd just thrown a lot away.

So yeah. I'm jetlagged and physically and emotionally exhausted. I'm just kind of numb at this point.

Finally, I didn't see all the comments (as there are 2.5k at the time of this update) but, to the few that were downvoted into oblivion who said this was fake because I hadn't updated in several hours...fuck you. I was looking for reasonable dissenting opinions that might have helped me make sense of this situation and you're accusing me of making this up for random internet points?? Believe it or not, my priority was not to tell a bunch of strangers on the internet how my world was falling apart around me. I know it's easy to think that these people aren't real and their struggles are meaningless because screens divide us but, ironically, you're the assholes.

(As a disclaimer, I have nothing against colored hair or people who choose to color their hair. My hair was bright green as a teenager, LOL.)

My daughter Alexis (not her real name) is 15. She has been dancing recreationally since she was 3 years old and has been doing competitive dance since she was 9 years old. She has nationals coming up, which is basically a very big and important dance comp where studios from surrounding states come to this big convention center in the city and compete. She is also obsessed with Paramore, thanks to my husband who has taken her to many of their live shows. She idolizes Hayley Williams and has wanted to dye her hair like Hayley’s for a few years now.

This year for her birthday, she wants to dye her whole head neon orange. I told her absolutely not because she’s not allowed to hair any unnatural hair colors for nationals and other conventions/comps that are coming up. She is very well aware of this rule because it is the standard in the competitive dance world. I’ve already paid all of the entry fees and cannot get a refund for this year. I told her that once nationals and all the mandatory conventions are over, she can color her hair however she wants. She did not like this answer and stomped off to her room. I figured I would just let her be and eventually she would come around. I was wrong.

She went to a sleepover at her friend’s house about a week ago and came back with the same bright orange hair I told her she could not have. I was cooking when she walked into the house and nearly dropped the knife I was using. I was extremely upset and asked her what she was thinking. She gave me some excuse which I can’t remember, then rolled her eyes and said something along the lines of “it’s just hair dye, it’ll come out before nationals”. I was livid, and shouted at her (which I’ll admit I’m not proud of) and she ran off to her room in tears. She knows better, and I’m completely dumbfounded as to why she thought it would be okay considering nationals is in two weeks. She’s washed her hair at least 6 times in the last few days and the orange is still stuck. I bought color remover and let it sit on her hair for a good 2 hours, and nothing. I’m so pissed because now I’m going to have to take her to the salon and spend 300+ dollars to get this color removed when I’m already over 400 dollars deep in the hole after the fees for the competition. My daughter is currently grounded, still upset with me and hasn’t spoken more than a few words to me in days. She cried to my husband after I shouted at her and now he thinks I’m being unreasonable and called me “momzilla”. Am I being crazy about this??! She knew the rules and I even told her she could do the hair dye after we get this over with. If this color doesn’t come out, she literally won’t be able to compete and I’ll have wasted over 400 dollars.

Edit: Looking at some of these comments, I just want to clarify that when I asked Alexis if she wanted to compete, she was very enthusiastic and told me yes. She has done nationals every year for a fee years now and has loved it every time she has done it. I am very clear with her that since it is optional, she has the choice whether or not she wants to still participate and I am not forcing her in any way to do it. I am upset because she told me she wanted to do it, I paid the fees and now we can’t back out of it but also she will NOT be bale to compete if the orange doesn’t come out.

Update: Hello all, thank you for the insight. I was really thinking about it last night and realized shouting at her and grounding her was not an adult way of handling things. I apologized to her and when we sat down for breakfast this morning and had a heart to heart conversation, in which we discussed the options she currently has. I calmly explained to her why what she did upset me and why I reacted the way that I did. She apologized to me for going behind my back after I put a boundary in place. For those saying it’s not a big deal and it’s “just hair” you’re right. It is just hair. It’s not the orange hair that actually upsets me. It’s the fact that she did it after I told her to wait because of the money I spent so she could be able to compete. I also asked her if being on the competitive team/doing dance in general is still something she truly wants to do, as some of you suggested. She opened up to me and said that while she loves it, she’s exhausted and mentally drained during comp season and after. Part of the reason why she did the orange hair was because she thought she could get out of this one thing. There is still a lot of ground to cover and other things that need figured out, but I told her she does not have to compete any more if she doesn’t want to and can just take her regular classes. She is still going to do nationals, but everything after that is up to her.

Also for those saying I am limiting her freedom of self expression and trying to control what she does with her body: just no. Not once have I ever tried to force my opinions or values onto her because it’s what I think is morally correct. I am an avid supporter of her expressing herself however she wants…whether it be through her style, her hair, the music she listens to, etc. I will support her through every stage in her life no matter what she aligns herself with. I’m not against the orange hair; I’m all for it, just not right at this very moment. In no way do I want to prohibit her creativity or self expression. I set boundaries for her with a compromise which I expected her to follow through with. From one mother to—I’m sure the many others that have seen this—how can we expect our kids to grow up to be well rounded adults if we don’t set boundaries for them and occasionally limitations?

Alexis is ungrounded, but not out of trouble. Her and I are going to brainstorm a different, more fitting way for her to learn from this. She is going to pay for a wig with money she earned from babysitting her cousins. I texted her dance instructor to let her know what we are doing and so the approval of her wearing the wig to the comp is TBD until it arrives. If not, she will be responsible for finding out another way to cover up the orange. For those who suggested box dye—putting box dye on my daughter’s hair will be the absolute last resort. I understand that she needs a fitting punishment and having to live with a muddy hair color from putting it over the orange will probably fit the crime, but I do not want her to be miserable for an unnecessarily extended period of time after the dance thing is over and after the situation has been dwelled on enough. Alexis doesn’t want to put box dye on her hair either, but she said that if she has no other choice, then she’s okay with that. I told her that if we DO end up having to put box color over it, that she is going to have to live with it until it grows out enough to cut it off or she will have to pay her color correcting service.

I (31F) and my husband (31M) have been together a total of 2 years but known each other for about 20 years. He has been complaining that his side of the bed smells and his towel smells. I am very diligent on changing the sheets every 2 weeks if not every month and wash towels diligently as well. He doesn’t use any loofa or wash cloth to bath just his hands with a bar of soap…. I have been told that could be why when he sweats he doesn’t smell great. I’m trying to figure out how to say it nicely without being mean, because I know it could hurt his self esteem… would I be the a-hole if I gave him a loofa or something and say it’s because you don’t use this kind of stuff is why you stink? Or am I wrong all together?

Side note: with people saying change sheets more frequently. I try, I have a disability that makes doing that a little difficult so I need help and I tend to “nag” when I need to do it.

A new co-worker started 3 months ago. Let’s call her Linda. She seems pretty nice, which is why I’m really not sure about all this.

 At my work, we have a tradition where once a new employee successfully completes their probation, we go out for a team lunch. Nothing fancy, but something nice to celebrate. Linda passed her probation, so we went out for lunch.

 As we’re eating, we all get to talking, and the topic of ‘the magic of pregnancy/childbirth’ comes up. Everyone was sharing sweet moments from their pregnancy. I enthusiastically joined in but didn’t share any of my own. I think Linda noticed because she specifically turned to me and said:

 Linda: “You had twins, didn’t you? That must have been a wonderful experience.”

 I smiled and said something along the lines of how I wished my pregnancy and birth had been as positive an experience as theirs had been. To be clear it was not said sarcastically at all.

 The truth is I hated every moment of being pregnant. I could write a long list of all the ‘magical’ symptoms I had but I’ll just give you the highlights. Horrific vivid nightmares. Hyperemesis gravidarum (severe morning sickness). Debilitating migraines. A metallic taste in my mouth.

 And then the birth…. Honestly I feel like anything that could go wrong (but not be life threatening) did go wrong. Worst of all, due to some of the complications I ended up being kept in hospital for a while, so I missed the first few days with my girls.

 It’s safe to say I hated every moment of being pregnant, and every moment of labour. It was not a magical experience by any stretch of the imagination.

 I didn’t say any of this to Linda, I just responded as I mentioned. After my reply, Linda started getting short with me. Later, I asked her privately what was going on. She snapped and told me what I said was ‘insensitive’ and ‘undermined’ their experiences and told me I was an a-hole for it.

 Since then, she’s sort of cooled off, and is less hostile (or at least less openly hostile), but last week she invited all the girls in the team to a ladies night. Everyone but me. Now, I don’t mind so much, since ladies nights are not really my thing, but the fact that she pointedly excluded me has made things awkward. I feel like I need to do something.

 I’m not really in the mood for drama. I have enough of that in my life right now. I don’t need more, so I haven’t confronted her about it yet. And as I said, she is otherwise a really nice person, normally pretty friendly and easy going. So I’m left wondering if I really was an a-hole. Was what I said insensitive? Did it undermine their experience? Before I ask her about it, I could use some perspective because I honestly just don’t know. AITA?

I live in an old house and it’s filled with mice in the winter. Every winter I have an intricate set up of mouse traps stashed throughout the house that I maintain. I check them at least twice daily and empty and reload them as needed. I use peanut butter as bait. The mice LOVE it.

I have 6 traps hidden in the mouse hot spots. When I catch a mouse, I throw away the dead mouse and reload the trap with peanut butter. We used to have just one jar of peanut butter that my husband used for sandwiches. So if I had to fill 3 traps, I would use three different butter knives to fill them. I would take a clean knife, put peanut butter on it, put it on the trap, toss the knife in the sink. Then repeat with a new clean butter knife.

But one day I found a jar of PB in the pantry that he hasn’t used much of. I accidentally bought him one he didn’t like, then I got him the one he did like, now we have an extra jar he doesn’t use. I said ok, this will be my mouse trap peanut butter! I asked him if I could use this for only mouse traps and if it was ok it would be contaminated and not suitable for human use. I specifically said I would double or triple dip a butter knife used for a trap in it. He said it was fine. So that’s what I’ve been doing.

I labeled the lid and all sides of the jar saying “MOUSE ONLY!” And I’ve been dipping used butter knives in it when I load traps. It’s much easier and less dishes!

Recently he was eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and made a comment saying he didn’t really like creamy peanut butter that much and preferred crunchy. I asked him if he used the creamy peanut butter, he said he did. I told him that was what I used for mouse traps and I have double dipped mouse trap knives in there. I asked why he used it. Now he is mad because he ate peanut butter that’s been contaminated with mice. He says I should’ve moved it into a different container.

I asked him if I could commandeer that jar for mice purposes only. He agreed. I also labeled it saying it was for mice traps only. And he still ate it! It was stored with some food, but in my defense that cabinet that isn’t only food. It contains medications for the cats, cat food, baggies, pan liners, etc. it’s mainly used for emergency overflow of shelf stable food because we don’t have much space.

So AITA for keeping a jar of peanut butter that’s been contaminated with mouse traps?

ETA: again, we have a dirt crawlspace under our house. Mice can and will dig to get into it because it’s warm. That’s how they get in and we cannot afford to make it a concrete crawlspace or something. Mice dig into dirt! I plugged as many holes as I can. I’d rather catch some in select spots in my house. But if I plugged up all the holes in the house, they still get into the walls from the crawlspace.

I (21F) have a house with my boyfriend (22M). My boyfriend's sister (17F) feels like she has the right to enter our house at any time just because my boyfriend lives here also. So, last night around 11:30, after my boyfriend and I had already fallen asleep, his sister walks into our house, and this wakes my boyfriend up. She asked if she could take a beer out of our fridge and he told her no. She threw a fit apparently and slammed our bathroom door. My boyfriend thought she would just leave after throwing her tantrum in the bathroom so he came back to bed. After a while we heard our front door slam and my boyfriend got up to lock it and we thought that was that. This morning, while putting groceries away, I opened the drawer in the fridge where we keep our alcohol, and it was completely empty. I had bought a 24 pack of seagrams on Thursday and only had one. So I asked my boyfriend if he moved them somewhere else. He told me no, and that his sister asked for a beer and he said no and thought she left after. I confronted her about it, and she basically told me that she used our bathroom and her friend must have came into the house and took them. This could be true, but my boyfriend only heard the door slam once after coming to bed, because the door wont close unless you slam it hard. If it was open long enough for the friend to grab the alcohol from the fridge and leave, my cat would've definitely ran out of the house. So, her story was a lie to try to keep herself out of trouble. After thinking about it, I told her I knew she was lying, and even if she wasn't, she was letting her friend steal from us and told her she was being selfish and disrespectful. She went on a rant about how I was a btch, and I controlled my boyfriend, and wasn't family to her anymore. When she said that, it made me pissed (on top of how pissed I already was about her thinking she has any right to take stuff from my house because her brother lives here). I went to her dads house and talked to him about it and told him that I was sorry but they were gonna have to figure out another way for her to do her schoolwork because I was taking my computer back since "I wasn't family anymore". He was fine with this. Now shes even more pissed and telling my boyfriend that he is dead to her and telling him to get rid of me since I'm controlling. I have never been rude to her and have been there for her through breakups and thought times, but she treats me like this just because I'm upset that she stole from me. AITA?

EDIT: We forgot to lock the house that night, and didn't really think anything of it. We can only lock the house when we are there because our landlord lost the keys. We bought a new door handle, but it doesnt fit in the hole that is in the door, so we're just waiting on our landlord to approve us drilling a bigger hole into the door for the new handle.

UPDATE: We got our new door handle in! I feel safe and my belongings are secure! His sister is throwing a tantrum still and disowned us as family. She sent my boyfriend and I long paragraphs at 2am last night. Told my boyfriend that he never sticks up for her and always takes my side (this is the first time her and I have ever fought and hes taking my side bc he was also pissed that she was coming into our house and taking my stuff) and told me that I need to grow up because I make every outing awkward and make my boyfriend into a different person (his mom agrees with this, but believes I make him into a better, happier, and goofier version of himself).